Heaven's Starlight
by aprileagle
Summary: COMPLETE! Haruka leaves Michiru. She doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to leave. But she has to. Until Michiru finds out that her Ruka is an angel's child. Desperately she starts to fight for her love.
1. Prologue: Don't let other suffer

And the devil in a black dress watches over

My guardian angel walks away

Life is short and love is always over in the morning.

Black wind come carry me far away.

In the temple of love - shine like thunder

In the temple of love - cry like rain

In the temple of love - hear the calling

In the temple of love - hear my name

In the temple of love you hide together

Believing pain and fear outside

But someone near you rides the weather

And the tears she cried will rain on

Walls as wide as lover's eyes

And the temple of love - is falling down...

Sisters of Mercy with Ofra Haza, (Temple Of Love 1992)

**Author's note:**

Hai, I confess to love such music, too. Music full of anger and hate and despair. I know I am the only Sisters Of Mercy fan who likes the version with Ofra Haza more than the original one. I simply like her singing.

I know that song for a long time and one moth ago I "discovered" it again when I found that old tape. I listened to it and the story was simply in my mind. So I simply write it down -.

First warning:

I am NOT a doctor. I only took some years of school biology and I only know some facts from the TV and from my brother. I love Emergency Room and Chicago Hope but I have NO IDEA if such an illness really exists and how they would treat the ill person at hospital.

So, please, don't blame me. I am only the author and I am only writing a story, not a book about medical studies. So if anyone needs something for school, this is not the right text. But if anyone needs a good story to read, he or she's right here -.

Second warning:

This story is not meant for people under 16 years (if you're under 16 you are warned).

Third warning:

This is NOT a lemon (I don't write such stories).

Disclaimer:

Haruka and Michiru and the rest of the Sailor Team are created by Takeuchi Naoko. However the story is mine.

"Wasted Years" (All die ganzen Jahre) belongs to "Die Toten Hosen". They're one of the best punk rock groups I've ever heard. This song simply fits and if anyone out there will ever be able to listen to the German version, do it. The German version is a lot better and fits a lot better than the English one. If you need the lyrics of the German song, just email me.

The song Michiru listens to at the radio at home is "Digging in the dirt" by Peter Gabriel. It simply has the right mood for that scene.

If you liked the story or hated it or if you have some questions about it, feel free to write to aprileaglefreenet.de .

I'll answer every letter.

This story is for Adri-chan. Arigato for your crazy chats on Saturday night or Sunday morning (can't believe I stood up at 8 am -). Arigato for talking with me crazy girl about my story. It helped a lot. Especially it helped me to see how I actually wanted to create chapter four. And again arigato for helping me finding the right lyric to "Wasted Years". Guess it took you long, sleepless nights -.

It is for Laura-chan who has always a nice word when I am down. Arigato! Hope you like it.

And it is for Dani-chan who waited a long time for this story. Hope it was worth your patience -.

Last words before you can finally read the story:

Whatever happens, it's worth to fight!

Heaven's starlight 

**April Eagle**

Prologue: Don't let other suffer 

It was silent in the large room. As always. The windows were wide open and she could smell the salty air coming right from the ocean outside. Her mother loved the sea. She never told her that, but she simply knew it.

It was silent in the large room. All she could hear were the appeasing rushes of the sea and soft violin music. Her mother used to play it when she was younger. Her papa always told her about the great concerts her mother had given. With a proud sparkle in his blue eyes.

I love papa.

The little girl smiled and held the bunch of flowers tighter in her small hands.

And I love mama.

It was silent in the large room. It was so peaceful. She loved that room. The wallpaper was white with silver roses all over it. The carpet was white, too. Just like the blankets her father changed every day.

The little girl stepped nearer to the bed and climbed on the soft mattress. The young woman was beautiful. Her mama was beautiful. In the white dresses she always wore. Her long, blonde hairs covered the pillow and a smile laid on her face. Well, the doctors told her papa very often that her mama couldn't smile any longer, but the little girl saw the tender smile every time she came here in this peaceful room in the big house her parents lived in.

"Hello, mama. They're for you." She whispered and put the flowers in the lifeless hand. She felt how the smile grew wider although nothing happened on the pale face. Sometimes her papa tried to take some make up on the white skin, but the little girl thought that her mama was the most beautiful person on earth.

"I know you like them so much. We collected them today in the kindergarten." She started to talk and giggled in memories of her best friend who chased her the whole evening to get the single red rose she found. But she defended it, because it was her personal present for her mama.

The large room was silent. The little girl didn't hear all the noises of the expensive machines any longer. Nor did she see the hoses connected to her mother's mouth and neck. Nor did she see the drips connected to too skinny arms.

"I love you, mama." She whispered and stroke carefully through long blonde hairs. Just as blonde as her own ones. The eyes were closed, as always, but the little girl knew that she inherited her dark green ones. Her papa always told her that she looked like her. That she was as beautiful as her mama. But the little girl disagreed, although she liked her papa's compliments. No one was more beautiful than her mama.

No, because she's an angel.

Once she had asked her father why her mama didn't wake up. Why she slept the whole time and didn't play with her at the beach. Swim with her in the wide ocean. Her papa looked for a long time down at her and tears sparkled in his blue eyes. Then he took her into his strong arms and embraced her tightly. She had to gasp for breath, so tight did he embrace her. But she knew that he only did it, because he loved her so much.

Your mommy's an angel, Haru-chan. he declared her and when she asked him after her wings, he said with a strange, low voice he hadn't heard before, that they were still growing. And that she'll be able to fly one day. To fly through the air, play with the wind and the stars. And that she'll always love her little daughter.

To be an angel is something special, Haru-chan. he whispered and hold her even tighter. And you're something special, too. After that he started to cry although he didn't want to let her show it. She simply embraced him and hold him tight with her tiny arms.

"See your wings didn't grow today." The little girl laughed happily and climbed to the other side of the bed and laid down next to the young woman. She put the lifeless arm around her waist and cuddled closer to her mama. Then she started to tell her more about her day and what she learned in the kindergarten. That she was able to read the clock now and that papa was going to give her an own watch.

"It's now five years."

She raised her head as she heard her father's well known voice.

"Five years are enough, Gendo. Just let her go."

That was another voice. A voice she knew too well. The little girl rose from the embracement as she saw her father entering the room. Another young woman with short red hairs was by his side.

"I can't let her go, Yuri. I simply can't."

She didn't see the sad look in her father's tired face as she speeded across the room and jumped into the young woman's arms.

"Auntie Yuri!" she laughed and felt soft hands stroking through her blonde strands.

"Hey, Haru-chan, how was your day?" smiled her aunt, her father's older sister. She lived with them in the big house and took care of the kitchen. She wasn't very good in cooking, but the little girl loved the pizza they ordered often.

"Wonderful!" she smiled up to a shinning face and gave her auntie a quick kiss on the pale cheeks. Her aunt embraced her carefully and looked with a thoughtful expression on her face how the young man walked slowly over to the bed. His motions were those of an old man, of an tired man. Of a very sad man. Carefully he took the pale hand in his ones while he sat down. His eyes were watery as he watched in a sleeping face. Sleeping for eternity. Only the machines kept her alive. He knew that. But he couldn't stop them. He simply couldn't, because he loved her too much.

It breaks his heart.

Yuri took a deep breath and squeezed the little girl in her arms tighter.

For over five years now...

"Would you be so kind a bring me my bag? It's in the kitchen. I bought something nice for you, Haru-chan." She smiled and stroke again through blonde strands that felt like velvet.

"Really? Something nice?" Big green eyes looked surprised up at loving blue ones. Then she freed herself and run fast downstairs. As fast as she could. Almost as fast as the wind.

"She's a lovely child, Gendo." Yuri came over to the bed and placed her hands on shaking shoulders, heard the silent sobs of her beloved brother.

"Hai, she is..." he swallowed hard and lowered his head. "She's my little ray of light." He smiled sadly and closed his eyes as his sister stroke carefully over his shoulders to lose up his aching muscles.

"Let her go, Gendo." Repeated Yuri and sighed deeply. "She's getting weaker with every day and it's now five years that she's..."

"No, Yuri. I can't!" she sobbed even louder. "I can't let her go like this. I love her, don't you know? I love her..."

"But the doctors said..."

"I don't want to hear what those stupid docs say. They're all bloody liars!"

The doctors weren't and the both of them knew that.

"Think of Haru-chan, Gendo. She needs you."

"I only think of her, Yuri." The young man sobbed even louder and hold the lifeless hand tighter. He felt how his sister embraced him and he thanked her silently for being there. For him and his family. For his ill wife and his wild daughter. That she gave up her studies to be there for him. As she always had been. His whole life. To take care for her younger brother.

"And I don't know what I shall do." he shook his head and his red hairs fell into his tear wet face. "She's slowly dying. I can't hold her. And today told me the doctor that Haru-chan has the same illness." His sobbing increased and his sister hold him tighter. A shocked expression laid on her face, too.

"I don't know how I shall live without them."

None of them saw the little girl in the door who looked curiously into her auntie's bag and laughed happily as she saw the small teddy bear. Looking loving up to her with his dark button eyes.

Today the large room wasn't silent. There were many people there. Most of them wore white clothes and she smiled happily up to tired faces. She hold her teddy tight in her arms as she crossed the room. Today the window wasn't open. She couldn't hear the rushes of the near sea. Nor did she feel the soft wind playing with her short blonde hairs. Her pants were dirty and she smiled as she remembered how she won the races in the kindergarten. She was very good in sport and when they had to run she was the best. She even beat the older boys. And she was very proud of herself.

Mama will be proud of me, too.

Her smile grew wider as she passed unseen all the men who didn't see her at all. They talked silently to each other but she didn't understand what they said. It were so strange words.

"Mama, you don't believe what I've..." she jumped to the bed and frowned as she saw that it was empty. She turned her head and recognized that the machines were gone.

"Mama?" she asked confused and hold her teddy automatically tighter. "Mama?"

"She got her wings last night." Answered her father and took her into his strong arms. She climbed on his lap and looked with big green eyes up to him.

"She's an angel now?" she asked and turned around to look out to the window. To the endless sky above a wild ocean. So she didn't see the tears in her father's blue eyes. Running slowly down a pale face.

"Hai, Haru-chan, she's now an angel."

"Her wings are wide, aren't they?"

"Hai."

"She looked beautiful when she flew away."

"Hai."

"I know, my mama's the most beautiful woman on earth."

"Hai."

"And now she's out there in heaven and is one of those starlights out there."

"Hai..."

She didn't even notice how much her father trembled as he hold her tighter. He gave her a tender kiss on her strands and tried hard not to sob in front of his little, innocent daughter.

"Will I ever see her again?" She frowned again and looked directly up to the endless sky. She could see the first stars of a beginning night and smiled automatically, because she knew that one of those stars was the light of her mother flying through the sky. Her wings wide spreat. A loving smile on her face.

Her father didn't answer. He only hold her tighter and now he sobbed quietly.

She turned her head and looked at his wet face. Slowly she raised her free hand and wiped the tears away.

"Don't cry, papa." She whispered and gave him a loving kiss that tasted salty. "She's now an angel and it's good to be an angel, isn't it?"

"Hai, my little darling. It is." He whispered and took a deep breath. For a long time they simply sat there and looked out to the stars. Not even the doctors who discussed the sudden death of their patient didn't dare to disturb them.

"Haru-chan?"

"Hai, papa?"

She felt how her father rose from the bed, but he didn't let her go. He hold her tight in his strong arms while he walked over to the window to open it. Warm night wind played with her short hairs and she smiled happily.

"Promise me one thing. Even if you don't understand it now." Her father demanded in a low voice and raised his head to look again at the stars.

"Don't let other suffer, Haru-chan. Never let other suffer the much I let your mother suffer."

The little girl cuddled deeper into her father's embracement and nodded sleepy. It had been a long and exciting day at the kindergarten and she felt very tired with a sudden.

"What do you mean, papa? Suffer?"

Her father hugged her and turned around to bring her to bed.

"You'll understand it when you're older Haru-chan." He whispered and gave her another kiss.

"... and so they lived happy until the end of their lives."

The little girl clapped in her hands as her father ended the fairy tale. Then she yawned and hold her teddy bear even tighter. She felt how her father covered her small body with a soft blanket and gave her a tender kiss on the forehead.

His voice was shaky but she already slept as he finally left her room.

"Whatever will happen, Haru-chan, remember that we'll always love you."

"Papa?"

It was early in the morning. A quiet Saturday morning. She didn't have to go to the kindergarten today and she knew that her aunt was still sleeping. As she always did on the weekend's mornings.

"Papa?"

The huge bed was empty. Normally she woke her papa up and crept next to him under the warm blanket. To be embraced by him and to sleep some more hours in his strong arms until breakfast.

The door to her mother's room was open.

Did she return?

The little girl hold her teddy tighter and went barefoot over the soft carpets. They laid everywhere in the house.

But she's an angel now.

She grabbed her pyjama's pants. Still it was too long for her, but her auntie told her that she would grow into it. Then she opened the door. The room was filled with bright sunlight. Her mama had the best room of the whole house. Whenever the little girl was sad she came here in the morning and watched the wonderful sunrises. How the sky turned from black and a dark blue into a deep red and a bright gold. How the glowing ball of fire was reflected in the deep ocean that started to sparkle as if it was covered with diamonds.

The window was open again and warm wind played with her pyjama. The sleeves were too long, too, but she didn't dare about them. She hold her teddy tighter as she went over to the bed. There laid her papa. He had wrapped his arms around the pillow as if it was his famous toy.

"Papa?"

She climbed on the bed and wondered when they decided to change the blankets again. This one wasn't white. It was deep red.

Red is mama's favourite colour besides white.

The little girl embraced her father and tickled him a little bit. To wake him up. As she always did on a Saturday morning.

That's why she loves white and red roses so much.

Normally her father laughed out loud and embraced her, too. But this morning he didn't react. She tickled him again but he didn't even giggle. Nor did he smile. His face was insensible and he simply didn't open his eyes.

"Papa?"

She looked at his back, but there was no sign of wings.

No, only mama is an angel.

The little girl grabbed for one of the arms and tried to pull her papa around. To tickle his cheeks, too. With her teddy bear's soft arms. That made him always laugh. Always.

And I am an angel's daughter.

Her papa told her that just a few days ago and said that she'll have angel's wings one day, too. And that she'll be together with her mother again then.

Finally she was able to pull him around. His sleeves were redden, too and a thick fluid ran over his arms. His body was lifeless and there was only a slight smile on his pale face.

Just like mama's.

The little girl sat down next to him and tried to embrace him. She didn't see all the blood covering her light blue pyjama. Nor did she understand its meaning. She only hold her papa tight and wondered why she suddenly started to cry.

Just like mama...

Her crying increased and she simply didn't let go. Not as her auntie discovered her some hours later. Not when the doctors came and looked sadly at the young man who simply couldn't live without his young wife. Not even when they tried to take him away from her.

She only hold him tight and asked herself why she didn't get angel's wings, too. To be with them. To be free. To be one of all those heaven's starlights.

"Papa..."

The bed was too hard. The blanket too thin. She froze. But she didn't notice it at all. She had brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. With an insensible expression on her face she looked into the night's darkness. Cold wind played with her long hairs that covered her small back completely.

Why?

Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes and finally she lowered her head.

Why didn't they want me any longer?

"Hush, my princess." Whispered a voice and someone embraced her tenderly. To hold her tight. To show her that she was not alone. That she was not the only one suffering in this bloody hell called life.

"K..Kei..." she sobbed and tried to cuddle nearer to the warm body next to her.

"I didn't work, did it, Michi?" the boy was twelve, three years older than her. And he was already one head taller. His dark hairs hang into his dark eyes and carefully he rubbed her back. Carefully and calming.

"I tried my best. I was so nice to them and smiled and behaved like a good girl."

"But they decided for the baby instead."

"Hai..."

Again she sobbed and more tears ran down her cheeks. Pale cheeks. With scars covered cheeks. The boy hold her tighter and rocked her tenderly in his strong arms.

"No one wants to adopt a child who's older than three years. Because then they can remember what was before the adoption." She cried and lowered her head. "And I hoped so much to find the place where I belong."

The boy swallowed hard and buried his face in her sea green hairs. Tears sparkled in his eyes, too.

"You belong to me, Michi. Whatever will happen, remember, you'll always be my little princess."

She nodded and laughed a sad laughter.

"I know..." she whispered and raised her head again. For a long time they simply sat there and stared out at the dark, cold night. Steam formed before their mouths as they breathed. Some stars sparkled mysteriously next to a bright shinning full moon.

"Why are people so mean to each other?" asked the girl after another long time and closed her eyes. She felt safe in his embracement. He was her only friend. Her only family.

"I only wanted a home, but they wanted a perfect child. And I am not perfect."

Kei only hold her tighter and sighted slightly. He didn't know an answer. So many parents refused him in his life that he gave up a long time ago. But it hurt him to see that his Michi was as hopeless as he. Being helpless was even worse than being unloved.

"One day I'll have children, too, Kei." Whispered the girl sleepy and smiled as he corrected the blanket that covered her freezing body. But she knew she wouldn't be freeze the whole night. Because Kei would stay with her that night. It wasn't allowed for boys to sleep at the girl's rooms in the orphan house. But each time the girl was really, really sad Kei ignored those rules and tried to comfort her as good as he could. To protect her small soul from breaking. To heal all the wounds you could only see with your heart.

"And then I won't hurt them the much all those so called parents hurt me. And you..." whispered the girl and chewed on her lower lip. Kei raised his hand and stroke some sea green curls out of a pale face.

"You'll be a wonderful mother, Michi." He whispered and hoped that this wish wouldn't only stay the dream most children had here. "And you'll have a great family. A big one. A lively one."

The girl nodded and yawned slightly.

"I hope it." She said and hold his hands tighter in her own ones. "I pray every night for it."

To let my dream become true one day.

The moon shone through the open window. The wild rushes of the sea could be heard in the night's darkness. Wind played with the curtains and soft violin music filled the air.

There were two persons under soft blankets. The bed trembled slightly as they started to move in a slow, but steady rhythm. There was happy giggling and soft groans. Here and there was a word whispered and there was the tender noise of long, deep kisses.

"Michi..." The voice was low and out of breath. Hardly anyone had heard it breathless before.

"Ruka..." answered another voice. It was higher and full of love. It was breathless, too.

The blankets fell unseen on the soft carpets and suddenly the room was filled with a sea green light. It was covered by a golden shine at the rims. The two persons didn't notice it. Their eyes were closed and all they felt was their lover by their side.

The rushes of the waves increased and wild wind played with their trembling bodies. The light got brighter and there were two signs shinning on two sweaty foreheads.

"... love..." it was only a shaky whisper. The light reached its brightest point and now it was even brighter than the full moon outside the house. Now it was even brighter the day's sunlight.

It was gone when dark green and deep blue eyes opened again and looked for a long time directly at each other.

"I... I love you..." whispered Haruka and hold her lover tighter in her trembling arms. Michiru stroke over her skin and giggled loving as she looked into the fast car racer's redden face.

"I love you, too." She whispered back, then she grabbed for Haruka's strands to pull her head down. Passionately she kissed her and giggled even more as Haruka only rolled aside and stretched her arms. She gasped hard for breath and her whole body couldn't stop trembling.

"What have you done to me, my ... my little... little witch?" she smiled up to her sea goddess as Michiru took the blanket and covered the both of them. Then she took her lover in her arms and hold her tenderly tight.

I love her so much.

Haruka leaned her head against a warm shoulder and kissed tenderly a sweaty neck. She had to giggle as Michiru shivered automatically.

I want to spend all my life with her. Until eternity.

"I only loved you." Teased Michiru and stroke through blonde strands that felt like velvet.

I loved you with all my heart.

Michiru hold her Ruka tighter and gave her another passionate kiss.

And now let's wait and hope.


	2. Chapter 1: Shadows

**Chapter one: Shadows**

It was hot outside. Summer reached its climax and while the days got longer and longer and the nights short and shorter the sun burned hotter and hotter down to the now dry country. A light breeze came from the endless sea and the trees of the huge park rushed secretly. Here it was cooler. Just like in the small, but very exclusive shop at the edge of the park. Cars could be heard, but they were far away and not very loud.

Diamonds sparkled in all lights of the rainbow. Just like other jewels. Gold and silver shimmered brightly. The window was opened and some butterflies flew through the air.

"Mummermy!" babbled an excited voice and two tiny hands tried to catch the butterflies. But they only clapped with their wings and disappeared again.

"What do you think, little darling?" asked a low voice and another very expensive looking jewellery was hold into the air.

"Daddy." Shouted the little child in it's child's seat and laughed happily. It stretched its arms wide and big dark eyes looked excited up into loving dark green ones. "Daddy!"

"May I help you?" asked a young woman with long blue hairs and came over to them. Shortly she greeted another couple who came her every day to look at a special ring. It was too expensive for them, but the manager of the small jewellery shop knew that they saved a lot of their money to buy it one day. So she decided silently that she wouldn't sell it - only to the pretty couple.

"Nani?" The young man raised surprised his head. Blonde strands fell into a redden face and the young manager had to smile. Automatically the young man smiled back. And the baby laughed happily.

"Do you search something special?"

"Well..." The young man blushed even more and laid the ring he hold in his hands back on the glass. "I am not sure..."

Of course you are sure!

"A ring? Or ear rings? Or a necklace?" The young manager opened another drawer and more sparkling gold and silver, diamonds and rubies laid now on the glass. The baby laughed again and tried to grab for them. But the young man hold her back.

"They aren't for you, little darling." He whispered and cleared his throat.

He looks cute. A little bit nervous.

The manager's smile grew wider. Often she had such unsure customers. Mostly they were worried about their money and that they'd waste too much. But the young woman was used to that. She learned to be patient - and politely, whatever happened.

"I am indeed searching for a ring." The young man played with sunglasses in his hands and the first two buttons of his white shirt he wore over dark pants were opened. Surely it was too hot for him, too. The little baby, obviously a little girl, wore a white dress and tried to eat her right food. The young man laughed tenderly and gave her instead a little toy bunny she didn't seem to like. She simply threw it on the ground and he picked it automatically up. As if he had done that for a lot of times.

"It... I know that sounds crazy now, but..."

"It has to be something special." Answered the manager for him and laid some rings she liked personally the most right before him.

"Hai..."

"For someone special." She supposed and smiled again as he only nodded his head.

"Hai..."

For the most important person in my whole life.

"Is it a birthday present?" asked the young woman.

"No..."

Her birthday was two months ago.

"Maybe something that fits to the eyes of that person? Or simply a diamond? That fits to everything. To every clothes and to every hairstyle."

"Hm..." The young man looked very unsure.

Why am I so stupid now? I bought her a lot of jewellery before!

The young man sighed deeply and picked again the toy bunny up. The little girl laughed happily. Fluffy dark hairs covered the tiny head and she simply looked cute.

But you never bought such a special ring before... and you'll never buy it again...

"How's her name?" asked the manager suddenly, because she knew that it was better to talk to the customers when they felt uncomfortable. That was the best way to make them feel better - and to keep them in her shop and hopefully to sell them something.

"Huh?"

"Your daughter's name?"

For a moment green eyes looked at a still babbling baby with so much love that the manager sighed automatically. She wasn't married nor did she have any children. But suddenly she was sure - if she'd ever have children one day, she wanted such a daddy like he obviously was.

"Hotaru."

"That means little glow-worm, doesn't it?"

"Hai..."

Well, he doesn't like to speak a lot.

The little girl smiled happily as if she knew that they talked about her. Then she reached for a ring and before her daddy could react she grabbed it. Determinedly she hold it tight in her tiny hands and suddenly the young man was very busy to take it away.

"She takes everything in her mouth..." he explained and the baby looked suddenly very depressed and angry. Soon it started to scream and to cry.

"Mime!" It was only babbling, but her daddy knew what the little girl meant. That she wanted to keep it. That she liked it. That is was more interesting than her toy bunny.

"Hey, little darling, that's nothing for you!"

Finally the young man was able to get the ring and for some moments he stared at it. It was made out of white gold and hold a blue jewel there.

Just as blue as the sea.

The young man ignored his daughter's screams for some moments as he stared at the ring.

Just like her eyes...

"My daughter decided, we'll take this one." He finally said and handled the ring to the manager. The baby screamed even louder and her tiny fists were clenched. Tears streamed over a deep red face.

"Is it for you girlfriend?" she asked as she walked over to another counter to get the right package for it.

"Hai." suddenly the young man smiled proudly. Then he took his still crying daughter out of the child's seat and rocked her gently. "Hey, little darling, everything is fine. But the ring isn't for you. You're too young to wear it." He whispered and the manager had to giggle as she saw the confused expression on a still red face. The tears dried, then she smiled again. It looked like the sun was shinning after a long, heavy thunderstorm.

"It's for your mommy, Himme-chan."

At that point the baby laughed happily and grabbed for the white shirt to pull at it.

"Daddy!"

Only one single word but for the young man it meant everything.

"Do you want a signature in the ring?" asked the manager and looked up. And saw as the little girl stretched on the white shirt that the young man was a young woman.

dbdbdb

The door bell rang. For the fourth time. The girl cursed as she stumbled over her jacket on the ground. The hook was broken but she had been too busy this afternoon to fix it. First she was shopping with her best friends, then they learned for the important grammar test tomorrow and when the priestess wanted to invite them all for supper she suddenly remembered her promise.

"Hi, Haruka!" Makoto stumbled again, this time over her own feet and fell right into strong arms.

"Hey, Mako. Don't stress yourself." Laughed the blonde and helped her up. Shortly she stroke some strands of brown hairs out of a redden face. Then she turned around and took the child's seat in her arms. Hotaru smiled happily at her auntie and stretched her little arms towards her.

"Hello, Hotaru-chan." Whispered Makoto and leaned over the little girl to kiss her cheeks. The baby screamed in joy and tiny hands grabbed for a dirty apron. Dirtied with red sauce and some other food.

"Auntie!"

"Come in, Haruka." Makoto stepped aside and took her jacket and tossed it into her sleeping room. Quickly she closed the door again. The young car racer shouldn't seen the chaos. Although Makoto was very proud to live on her own at her age and although she knew how messed Haruka's own room would be without her Michiru she didn't want to admit so openly that it was sometimes all a little bit too much for her.

"Gomen, but it's not ready yet. We learned for grammar and then... I simply lost the feeling for the time and..." Makoto sighed deeply and went over to the kitchen. It was very hot inside. Not even the open window could bring a little bit cold into it. The oven was on and there stood some pots on the top. Steaming.

"Don't worry, Mako." Haruka smiled and put the child's seat on the table. Hotaru grabbed for a spoon with chocolate cream on and put it in her small mouth. "You saved my life." Haruka went over to the oven and tried to look into the pots. Her look was very curious.

"I saved Michiru's life. Wasn't that what you wanted to say?" answered Makoto and heard Haruka's giggle. The little girl chewed on the spoon and showed with an open grin her first tooth.

"Does she cry a lot at night?"

This smells so delicious.

Haruka looked around for a towel to protect her hands from the hot. But she didn't find one. Her stomach growled even more and she sighed slightly.

Michi-chan won't come home before eight in the evening.

"Haruka?"

It's not fair to behave this way. Once a year I have my formula one racing and she has her concerts.

"Haruka?"

I shouldn't complain so much. It'll soon be over.

"Haruka?"

Hopefully she won't be very late this day. Because today is special...

"Haruka?"

The blonde winced as she felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked into concerned brown eyes.

"Everything okay?" asked Makoto and frowned. It looked as if Haruka just returned from a very deep dream. But the senshi of thunder couldn't define if it had been a good dream or a terrible nightmare.

"Of course." Answered Haruka and turned again towards the pots. "And what are you making?"

"The dinner you wanted me to make." Makoto burst out into laughter as Haruka made a very confused face.

"When I said kangaroo it had been just a joke..."

The brown haired girl laughed even more and soon hold her stomach.

"Nice that I am such a clown." Sighed Haruka but she smiled, too.

"Good that you have your Michiru. She'll take your head when you forget it on the pillow, doesn't she?" still Makoto gasped for breath and wiped away some tears as the young car racer blushed slightly.

"Makoto! That's not..."

At that moment Hotaru decided that she got too less attention and started terribly to scream. Soon her face was red and tears ran over her cheeks. Her little fists were clenched.

"Hey, honey. What's up?" whispered Haruka and forgot her anger. With a quick, elegant motion she was with her daughter and took her carefully into her strong arms.

"Her teeth?" suggested Makoto and looked now a little bit helpless. Of course she was a good aunt and of course she already did baby sit small Hotaru, but every time the little girl started to scream she winced and didn't know what to do. Mostly Usagi helped her. She could too well remember how it had been when her younger had been a baby.

I have no sisters nor brothers.

Makoto swallowed hard as she saw how Haruka kissed softly those tears away. She rocked the little baby and hummed a melody. Surely she wasn't even aware of it.

I don't even have parents...

"No, her teeth are okay." Gently the blonde stroke through fluffy dark hairs. "May I use your bathroom?"

"Of course. You know where it is."

Haruka nodded and left the kitchen.

But I have good friends!

Makoto turned around and looked again into the pots and the oven before she followed the young car racer. She could hear the baby laughing and screaming out loud for her daddy.

The brown haired girl leaned against the door frame and watched Haruka how she changed nappies on top of the washing machine. An open back bag laid on the ground Makoto didn't notice first. Carefully Haruka powdered the small backside while she talked to the little girl. Hotaru laughed happily and tried to eat her right feet. Love was written all over her small face. The same love that laid in dark green eyes.

"Is it hard to be a daddy?" asked Makoto and again she looked into surprised eyes. As if Haruka returned from a far away land only she knew. She, her daughter and her girlfriend.

Sometimes I envy them.

Makoto remembered what they went through just one year ago. As senshi. As Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. When they found out that they owned the talismans. That they had to sacrifice themselves. That they had to kill an always ill Hotaru they already loved.

And no one knew what the future held up for them.

But only sometimes.

"Is it hard to be a daddy?" repeated Makoto her questions and cleaned her dirty hands on her apron. She saw how Haruka glanced into a happy shinning face of her daughter and smiled automatically back.

The senshi of thunder swallowed hard as she saw all the deep feelings in dark green eyes. Too well she remembered a time when they had been insensible. Cold. Untouchable. When Sailor Uranus used her spells to kill an always ill, always hard breathing girl with shoulder long dark hairs. When the senshi of wind shouted at a crying Sailor Moon who only wanted to help. When the blonde simply took the weapon into her hands and shot right into her own heart.

Without ever showing any regret.

Not when her partner, Sailor Neptune, fell into the waterfall. Not when Sailor Moon's heart crystal was stolen. Not even when Dr. Tomoe tried desperately to save his daughter from Mistress nine.

The senshi of the wild wind had always been ready to sacrifice the ones she loved, herself and even innocent people as long as she could full fill her mission. That knowledge to be the only one who could save the world from Sailor Saturn, the senshi of death and final destruction, made her hard and unreachable.

But today, playing with a happy laughing girl and stroking tenderly over redden cheeks, she didn't look untouchable any longer. There was a soft smile on her face. Certainly she was still the strongest of all senshi. The wildest one. The most independent one. But today she used her powers to protect the ones she loved: her friends and her family. She wasn't faced any longer with the destruction of the world and slowly, very slowly she changed. Not only that she stopped to shout at Sailor Moon and to argue with Rei every time she met her. No, slowly, very slowly she became a good friend. One night when Ami missed her bus from the library and she didn't dare to go home through half of Tokyo Haruka fetched her up. In the middle of the night. Surely Haruka looked very sleepy but she didn't complain. Or another time when Usagi needed help and the other weren't around Haruka or Michiru were simply there. They didn't need a thank you. They didn't even want a nice word from Rei's grandfather as they donated him enough money to repair the temple's roof after a bad thunderstorm. They were simply there.

Usagi saved their lives and gave Hotaru-chan a second chance.

Makoto smiled as Haruka took the tiny feed in her hands and held it softly tight. Hotaru tried to free herself and made a depressive face as she realized that it wasn't so easy to escape her daddy.

After that very day when the small baby was placed in Sailor Neptune's arms they realized that they truly belonged to the Moon family.

I am happy that we're friends now.

"Nope." Haruka giggled and finally changed the nappy. It looked very professional. As if she did that a lot of times during the last months.

Not as hard as I had feared.

Haruka made a face as she threw the used nappy away. Then she dressed Hotaru again in her dark blue baby suit and tickled her. The little girl squeaked with pleasure. Her dark eyes were sinning.

My little sunshine.

The first time Haruka had been indeed afraid of having Hotaru at home. And even more when Michiru told her after only three days that she wanted to adopt the future senshi of death. Another outer senshi. Who belonged to them. By destiny and by the planets.

It took Haruka about two months until she realized that the little girl also belonged to them by love. It had been the first evening when she had been all alone with the baby of just three months. Michiru had an important interview and so the young car racer offered to baby sit in the meantime.

Haruka smiled over herself as she took the little girl again in her arms and rocked her gently. Hotaru used the chance to grab for her blonde strands and made a depressive face as she recognized that they weren't as long as her mommy's one.

I had been so scared to be a bad daddy.

But little Hotaru seemed to be happy with her. That evening she ate her mash and slept like a little angel in her arms while Haruka listened to soft violin music. The most favourite CD of her girlfriend.

At that evening when she watched the little girl sleeping Haruka fell in love for her. So it had finally been her who went into the office and shouted at different people that they didn't want to wait for six months to adopt the child.

"Sometimes it can be stressful and now she's getting her first teeth and cries the whole night because of the pain. But she's worth it." Suddenly Haruka had to grin and Hotaru grinned back the same wicked way. "And we have so many nice aunts that we can handle every situation."

Makoto only swallowed hard. Silently she watched Haruka carrying Hotaru over to the kitchen and automatically followed.

Will I ever be such a good mother?

Without noticing she sighed deeply.

Will I ever have such a lovely child?

Automatically she went over to the oven and tried to get one of the pots from it. The towel escaped her hands and because she didn't want to waste the food she grabbed for the hot metal. She bit hard on her teeth and stumbled some steps back. Unable to let go. Unable to think. Even unable to scream.

"Ouch!" Only a quiet curse escaped her lips. Tears burned in her eyes but still she didn't go.

"Makoto!" The next moment Haruka was by her side. Quickly she took the hot pot in her hands and took it to the oven again. Then she took Makoto's burning hand and forced her over the washbasin. To wet the red skin.

"Everything okay?" Haruka cursed under her breath. It was all her fault. She asked for the food and now the senshi of thunder was injured. Because of her!

"Makoto?"

Still the tall girl with the brown plaid didn't respond. She only sobbed quietly.

Everything okay?

Makoto blinked and tried to calm herself down.

Surely. As long as I don't remember how lonely this damn apartment can be...

"Makoto?"

"Everything alright, Haruka." She smiled bravely, still feeling the cold wet running over her fingers. "What day is today by the way? Michiru's birthday?"

"Nope." Answered Haruka and returned again to the table to Hotaru in her child's seat who tried to eat again her feet and smiled happily. "Today's six years ago that we got to know each other."

The senshi of the wild wind blushed slightly as brown eyes grew wide in surprise.

dbdbdb

It was almost dusk as she finally sat down at the table. It was already set and the meal smelled delicious. Haruka put it again into the oven just as Makoto told her to keep it warm. She hoped that she did everything right and that the meal Makoto made with so much effort wouldn't burn.

"Hey, honey. Aren't you hungry?" Haruka smiled as she saw how her daughter opened automatically her mouth and grabbed for the spoon. It was high time for her to feet little Hotaru. The girl got hungry while Makoto still cooked and all Haruka had with her had been an half empty bottle of milk.

Lively Hotaru kicked with her feet around in the air and laughed happily as the spoon finally made its way into her tiny mouth. She munched loudly and smiled satisfied with her now brown mouth up to her daddy.

"That tastes, doesn't it?" whispered Haruka and watched how the little girl ate another spoon. Again remembering how scared she had been when she first fed her daughter. The first two months it had been Michiru's task to do that. To stand up in the middle of the night. To change nappies. Even to wash Hotaru.

It must have been a hard time for her.

Haruka stirred for a long time in the mash until her impatient daughter remembered her that she was still hungry and that this mash was hers.

I've been such a baka.

But she had simply been afraid of losing Hotaru again. After she became Mistress nine and finally Sailor Saturn during the last battle. Ready to destroy the world. Ready to sacrifice herself. Ready to die.

It took Haruka those two months to realize that the small girl wouldn't transform into a dangerous enemy again. And that it was possible to raise her to a good senshi. Even if she was the future senshi of death. That didn't mean that she would be dangerous again. For none of them. Not as long as she wouldn't be again as lonely as she had been when Dr. Tomoe, her real father, had no time for her. When she was a small, abandoned child no one needed. No one wanted. An ill burden for everyone. Until she got to know Chibiusa. And later Haruka and Michiru.

"Chocolate is indeed your most favourite mash, isn't it?" asked Haruka and giggled as Hotaru nodded and grabbed again for the spoon. The girl was now almost one year old. A little, lively, happy girl. Who loved her parents and felt that she was loved in return. The same strong, deep way.

"But you shouldn't eat that quickly. That's not good for you."

Almost one year now that we raise her.

It had been quite a shock when the telephone woke them up in the middle of the night. To tell them that Dr. Tomoe had a tragic accident. That he died even before they could get him into hospital. That he left a small daughter behind. And that they, Haruka, Michiru and Setsuna had been the only friends the doctor ever mentioned. The only people who stood in his last will.

Another spoon went into a wide opened child's mouth and half of the food landed on a soft towel Haruka had wrapped around Hotaru's neck. It showed a smiling bunny with flowers in its paws.

Haruka would never forget how they went over to Dr. Tomoe's house to look after Hotaru. A little girl who was an orphan then. And who was crying terribly. Again the blonde saw how her girlfriend took the baby in her arms and rocked her gently. How she looked over to the other outer senshi and declared with a very, very quiet voice that the little child belonged to them.

"This is the last spoon." Giggled Haruka as the little girl grabbed again for the metal and put it into her mouth. She didn't look hungry any longer. Suddenly she looked very tired. The tall blonde replaced the towel and let Hotaru did her burp. But somehow she couldn't bring her upstairs to her cradle. Somehow she wanted to hold her tight.

She looks like a little angel.

Haruka smiled loving into tired dark eyes.

Although she can be a real devil.

It took them a lot sleepless nights after they brought baby Hotaru home. She didn't sleep well and each morning when she finally fell asleep they had to go to the race track or to different rehearsals. Until Michiru declared that she would watch over Hotaru until Haruka finished her Grand Prix. The same way Haruka watched now over Hotaru while Michiru was away with her expensive violin to practice hard and to give great concerts.

Michi-chan...

Haruka looked up to the set table. The candles were already burning and it all looked very romantic. Just the way her girlfriend liked it. And how the tall blonde liked it, too. Although less people knew that she could be that romantic.

Michi-chan...

Again she saw the thin girl playing an old violin. In a separate room where she hoped that no one would hear her. Discover that she simply took the violin to play. In such a loving way Haruka couldn't turn away. Again she felt the emotions overwhelming her. Emotions she thought she lost with her parent's death. But that thin girl with the pale face and the sad expression in her deep blue eyes touched her icy heart and with every single note she played the ice melt around it.

It's now six years...

Haruka had been fourteen when she first met her Michi-chan. A thirteen year old girl who looked even younger than ten. Who was very shy. Who never raised her voice. Who was calm in the classes. Who was friendly but never talked much.

It's now six years that she simply conquered my heart.

Haruka rocked a now sleeping Hotaru and reached with her free hand in her pocket. Thoughtful she opened the small box and stared for a long time on the ring her daughter had chosen. It sparkled in the dimmed candlelight in all colours of the rainbow.

What will she say?

Haruka swallowed hard and felt how her stomach started to hurt. Not only of her hunger, but also of her nervousness. She feared not a lot in her life. She was a formula one car racer. She won the world's championship the last four times after another. She was Sailor Uranus, the strongest of all senshi. She fought hard against Mistress 9 and was even prepared to sacrifice herself. To shot at her heart to get the talisman out. To die for the rest of the world to live.

And if she'll say no?

The only thing she feared in the world was being left. Being rejected. Being all alone.

No one knew about that fear. Only her Michi-chan. A strong young woman who knew too well what Haruka was talking about.

Haruka blinked and put the box again in her pocket, not noticing how much her hands trembled.

She won't say no!

Again she remembered all the nice moments they shared the last years. Like she remembered the hell they went through. Together. Always being there for another.

We couldn't even hold our silly promise.

The tall blonde smiled a sad smile and stared for a long time in the shivering flame.

While they became aware who they are and what they had to do to save the world they promised each other not to care about the other one if anything happens to her during a fight. Only once Haruka hold that promise. Just once she regretted deeply. Nightmares were haunting her down and it was very hard for Michiru to calm her down. To convince her that she did the right thing. That it was more important to find the talismans than jumping after her into a waterfall.

Haruka shook her head and stroke carefully over fluffy dark hairs.

But it had been Michiru who broke the promise. When one youma tried to strangle Sailor Uranus she threw the heart crystal away and beat the youma to help her friend. They both would have died when Sailor Moon hadn't been around. But when they were finally at home Michiru simply embraced her Haruka and hold her tight. She cried as she told her that she wouldn't let her go. Not even for the world's sake.

Hotaru kissed her daughter's face and rose from the chair to take her daughter upstairs to her bed. To lay her down and to wait for her lover to come home.

It's the right decision to ask her.

Haruka smiled as she walked again into the kitchen and looked into the oven. It smelled even more delicious here and her stomach growled even louder. Haruka had never been sure in her decisions. She tried every sport when she was young. And of course she had been good in all sports she simply couldn't decide which one was the best sport for her. She tried to learn three languages at once because she couldn't decide until her aunt made the decision for her. And even as Sailor Uranus she hadn't been sure about the whole fights. If it was the right way to search the talismans with all consequences. To sacrifice innocent people. If it was truly necessary to kill Hotaru just to save the whole world. To kill Sailor Saturn so that she wouldn't be able to use her great powers to destroy the whole universe. But there had been no other way and so she followed this path as determined as she could.

Hai, she had never been sure about anything. Only one thing or better one person: Michiru. From the first moment she had seen her she had known that the thin girl with the sea green hair and the old violin in her small hands belonged to her. Forever. For all time. By destiny and by the desire of her heart.

It's right to ask her.

Haruka smiled and went over to the corridor. A tall clock was ringing and she sighed deeply.

Hope it won't be as late as it had been the last evenings.

She raised her head and as she looked at the dial she knew that her lover was already one hour too late.

dbdbdb

The moon shone on the waves below. With a steady sound they crashed on the beach. A light house stood near on a hill. There were some trees around and there was a swing on a big branch that looked old. It was moved by the nice wind. It was colder now at the night. Not as hot as it had been the whole day. Right in the middle of summer. Nature enjoyed the freshness and so some birds flew through the air to catch something to eat. They screamed. But their screams didn't disturb the calm atmosphere. They belonged here. To the sea.

A taxi stopped near the light house and a young woman stepped into the dimmed moonlight. There were no clouds on the wide sky. A slight breeze moved her long hairs and she shivered. But not of the cold wind. She had to yawn while she paid the driver.

"Arigato." She smiled as he bowed for her big tip. It was a long way from Tokyo city to here and she was grateful that she found someone who drove her home. She used to call her girlfriend up. But that had been before they became parents. Before a little girl would wake up by the ringing of the phone and scream terrifiedly around.

How late is it?

Michiru yawned again and put opened the front door. She simply dropped her keys on carpet, slipped out of her high heels and put her violin case carefully down. The violin was very, very old and very, very expensive. And the personal value was even higher.

How late is it?

Again she yawned and ran a hand through her sea green hairs. She only wore a white dress that didn't even reach her knees but the whole day she was hot in it. Just until they finished the rehearsal. Then she started to froze. Mostly because of her tiredness.

Past midnight...

She sighed slightly as she saw the dial of the big clock in the huge entrance hall. The moon was shinning through the giant windows and she smiled automatically as she saw her drawings hanging around at each free place on the walls.

Actually she wanted to go home earlier. But then they had trouble with the piano player who missed one note after another. And so they practised another hour. And another hour. Until it got dawn. And even later.

Wish Ruka could play with me. Just like the past years.

But she knew that this wasn't possible. The girls had to learn for school, Setsuna finally found a job at the library she didn't want to lose and Hotaru was still too young to come to the concerts, too. So they decided for another piano player who wasn't nearly as good as Haruka had been.

Michiru rubbed her tired eyes and froze as she smelled the food. Warm food. Delicious food. Food her girlfriend was surely not able to cook. Not alone.

Nani?

Michiru frowned as she entered the kitchen. She blinked twice while she bowed down and opened the oven.

"Lasagne?" she whispered. That was her most favourite meal. But Haruka had known that she had another rehearsal and that she mostly just looked into the fridge when she came home.

Why did she cook for me?

Michiru frowned even more as she took a pork and ate a mushroom. It tasted delicious.

Why did she let another one cook for me?

Because suddenly the senshi of the wide ocean was sure that someone helped her tomboy. Because the last time Haruka tired to cook something the poor chicken burned. At the end of the experiment it had been black and suddenly very tiny. And dry. And bitter. With an angry expression on her face Haruka had thrown it away and invited her girlfriend in one of the most expensive restaurants in whole Tokyo.

Michiru put the fork aside and walked over to the living room. Soft violin music and candlelight welcomed her. The senshi of the wide ocean forgot to yawn as she saw the set table. Their best dishes. Haruka even cared about the different spoons and the different glasses. There was a candle burning in the middle. It was almost burned down. And there was a big bunch of white roses.

"Nani...?" whispered Michiru and slowly stepped over to the table and touched the petals carefully.

Is today special?

Michiru bowed to smell at the white veils. At that moment realisations dropped through her tired mind and her blue eyes grew wide.

No! It can't be!

She rose with a quick motion and looked over to another clock. Shortly she looked at the date and knew that she really forgot their special day.

Six years now...

Michiru swallowed hard and looked again at the set table, smelled again the delicious meal. Heard again the romantic violin music she loved so much.

She tried to make it special. And I wasn't around...

Tears sparkled in her blue eyes as she turned away from the set table. She froze in motion as she saw the two shadows laying on the soft couch near the huge window. Haruka wore her white tuxedo she only wore when there was a really, really important event. Normally she hated such clothes and tried to bypass them as often as she could. Just the way she would never wear skirts or dresses. Hotaru laid in her strong arms. She wore her night pyjama and had her tiny hands grabbed around Haruka's right thumb. A peaceful expression laid on the child's face. Just like the smile that laid on Haruka's lips.

Oh no... she waited the whole evening...

Now the tears ran freely over her suddenly pale cheeks. She sobbed and lowered her head. To cover her face with her icy hands.

And I wasn't there...

"Michi?" The voice was full of sleep. She sobbed even harder and didn't dare to look up. She heard how her lover rose from the couch but still she tried to hide her face behind her hands.

"Michi?" Now the voice was full of concern. She felt how warm hands put hers away and then she looked into deep green eyes. They were full of understanding and love.

"Hey, what's up, darling?" asked Haruka and bowed to look directly into the wet face. "Were they mean to you? Do I have to punish your conductor in the name of Uranus?" The teasing voice was softly. There was no indictment in it. No anger. Not even the slightest tone of disappointment.

"Today was... was our day and..." sobbed Michiru and choked. She shook her head and sea green strands fell over her shoulders. "... and I simply forgot it!" Now she cried openly and let herself being taken into strong arms. Into a warm, loving embracement.

"Don't worry, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka and rocked her gently. It hurt her to see her lover crying. "We can eat the Lasagne tomorrow. Makoto told me that it's not the problem as long as you heat it up and not I." She giggled and sighed slightly as the crying even increased.

"But... but I ruined the whole... whole evening..."

Haruka hold her tighter and stroke calming over her back.

"No, you didn't darling. You had an important rehearsal and I didn't tell you that I planned something."

"But it had been OUR day, Ruka! And I... I forgot it!" Shortly Michiru looked up and her cheeks were wet from all the tears. Then she buried her burning face again at the warm shoulder.

"It's okay, Michi-chan." Haruka kissed her hairs and smiled sadly. "This year I forgot you nineteenth birthday as well. Can you remember?"

Of course they both could remember. Just two months ago had been the last important race for Haruka to win this year's Grand Prix of Japan and she had been so busy and a little bit nervous that she forgot everything. In the morning her house keys. At noon half of her lunch. And in the evening her girlfriend's birthday.

"I didn't even have a birthday present for you." She whispered and was relieved as Michiru giggled slightly.

"But I had a good birthday present." Now she raised her head again and embraced her lover in return. To hold her tight. Determinedly tight. "You."

Haruka blushed slightly and grinned.

"Yeah, great present. I fell asleep right after we..." her sentence was cut off by a tender kiss. Haruka hold her Michiru tighter and repeated the kiss with all her passion. With all her love.

"Don't blame yourself, Ruka. It had been a hard day and as long as you don't fall asleep before..." Michiru giggled and kissed her again. "And it's always nice to see you exhausted." She giggled again and Haruka was very relieved to hear the high, tender sound.

"Hey, that's unfair. I should feel sorry and not you!" whispered Michiru after another long kiss. Her tears dried as she realized that her lover wasn't angry with her.

"Let's bring our Himme-chan to bed." Declared Haruka and let her very, very slowly go. Then she blew out the still burning candle and took her daughter tenderly in her arms. The baby slept deep and tight.

"Was she calm?" asked Michiru and followed her upstairs. "Did she sleep the whole time?"

"Our little devil?" Haruka laughed a low laugh Michiru loved so much to hear. "She had again her tooth pain shortly after I brought her to bed. But I guess she's simply tired now." Carefully she laid the little girl down and gave her a kiss on the round cheeks. Michiru kneeled down next to her and covered the tiny body with a soft blanket and kissed her daughter, too.

The next moment she found herself again in Haruka's embracement.

I'll never let her go.

Haruka simply kissed her girlfriend and her hand stroke tenderly the skin under the summer dress. The kiss lasted for a long time.

"Himme-chan's in bed now." Giggled Michiru and opened Haruka's shirt. The tall girl gasped for breath as she felt those soft hand son her skin. "And now?"

A wicked grin appeared on the tall blonde's face as she lifted her Michiru and carried her over to their bedroom.

"Now you'll get your present." Whispered Haruka and her dark green eyes sparkled.

Michiru only kissed her as they fell down on the soft bed.

When the concerts are over.

Haruka sighed deeply as she opened the lowest drawer of her wardrobe. Carefully she placed the tiny box between the sockets and covered it with a handkerchief. So that Michiru wouldn't hopefully find it before Haruka was ready to show it to her.

Last night would have been perfect.

But she knew that Michiru wouldn't find any clear thought as long as there were the rehearsals and the important concerts as they were every summer. Just like every Christmas. The last time Michiru used to compose own songs and to be a good lover, mother and senshi. And a good fan whenever Haruka sat in her red Ferrari on the race track and beat them all.

There's no need to hurry up. I can ask her later. She won't run away.

Haruka smiled and closed the drawer. As she rose from her kneeling position she had to gasp hard for breath. Suddenly pain flashed through her belly and she hold it with both hands. She went again in her knees and groaned slightly. Sweat stood suddenly on her forehead and she bit on her lower lip not to cry out loud.

Then the pain was gone as fast as it came.

Nani?

Haruka took a deep breath to calm her excited body down and ran a trembling hand through her blonde strands.

Nani?

She frowned and groaned as she remembered that the next week was one of the weeks she hated each months. That remembered her why she wasn't so keen on being a woman.

Better I get up to clean the kitchen.

Haruka sighed deeply. She knew that it had no sense to complain about things she couldn't change. She just wished somehow that she wouldn't spend the next week by laying around, drinking hot tea and having hot towels around her aching belly. The tall blonde had always had problems with her period. The first time when she had it she almost fainted because of the pain. After she went to the doctor it got better. Especially with all the tips the doctor gave her. But somehow she had the feeling that it got worse with every year.

Michiru only giggled and told her that she was a coward.

Haruka smiled while she went downstairs, always taking two steps at once.

But the same time Michiru giggle over her she cared for her. Tenderly and understanding.

dbdbdb

"Kaioh-san? Just five more minutes!" shouted a young woman and hold her own instrument, a flute, high in the air. She smiled friendly and disappeared. Michiru could hear her shouting all over the corridor. Today it was her task to call all of the orchestra to come to the rehearsal. And they all knew that their conductor didn't like it to wait. Especially not for her. The first violin. The only one who would give a solo during the whole concert. A beneficial one for ill children.

"Just one moment..." answered Michiru and opened with suddenly trembling hands the letter. She found it in the mailbox when she left the light house by the sea early in the morning. She didn't know the handwriting. Not any longer. But she knew the sender too well.

Shortly she read the letter. Over and over again and again. Only a few lines. And a date.

"Kei..." whispered Michiru and swallowed hard. She put the letter down and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly tears shimmered in her deep blue eyes as she remembered old times. Far away times. Long forgotten times.

Forgotten? No, she never forgot him. The only light that was shinning in her dark childhood.

Until I got to know my Ruka...

But at that time he had already left her. Not voluntarily.

It had not been his mistake.

She sighed deeply and folded the letter very, very carefully. She shook her head and frowned while she put the small sheet of paper back into the envelope.

It had not been his fault. He had been young and not very careful.

Again she sighed deeply.

It could have happened to me, too. If I hadn't met Ruka. If she hadn't took so good care of me. If she hadn't noticed how much I suffered there.

Michiru took her violin in her trembling hands. She remembered the promise she once gave Kei and knew that she would hold it. She only hoped that Haruka would understand her. That she would share her opinion. That she would be as forgivable as Michiru was.

"Guess it's high time to tell her everything about your fantastic past, sweetheart." She whispered to herself. Her voice was sarcastic. Then she followed the others to take part at the rehearsal. Often she missed a note and more than once the conductor was angry with her.

But she simply couldn't concentrate. Suddenly she felt nervous and endless tired.

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"Daddy!" the little girl laughed happily and stretched her arms towards her daddy and then at the birds flying over the cloudless sky. Again it was a lovely summer day and again it was very hot. Haruka sweat a lot while she pushed the pram. Like her daughter she wore white colours. White cut pants that were slightly dirty and a white top that showed her female outlines. Sunglasses hold back her blonde strands from her sweaty forehead and she blinked into the sun's light.

Guess I have to go to the hairdresser the next time.

"Birds!" screamed Hotaru and laughed even louder. Her white dress was already covered with brown spots. Of her first chocolate ice cream she shared with her daddy. A cap covered her head to protect her from the sun and an umbrella was next to the pram to spend her nice cool shadow.

My little darling.

Haruka smiled proudly as some people walked by and pointed at the little girl in the pram. The tall blonde could hear words like "cute" and "proud mommy" and "small one". They made her even happier than she already was. Michiru only had a small, private rehearsal today and she should fetch her up from the opera in about an hour. So she decided to go for a walk in the near park and the nice weather and the bright sun cheered even up her already good mood.

"'usa!" now Hotaru tried to get out of her pram and Haruka was suddenly busy to hold her back. She looked up to see what got her daughter's attention as she saw the small girl running over to them.

"Taru-chan!" shouted Chibiusa and waved her hands. Her pink odangos danced over her shoulders and she hold her sun hat tight so that it wouldn't fly away. She laughed happily as the baby stretched her tiny arms. Love was all written over her tiny face.

"'usa!" screamed Hotaru again and made the happiest face Haruka could imagine.

"Hello, Haruka. May I hold her? Please! I'll be careful!" pleaded Chibiusa and her pink eyes looked so pleading and the dark ones of her daughter suddenly, too that Haruka couldn't resist. Carefully she pushed the pram towards a bank in the shadows of a huge tree and let Chibiusa sit down. Then she put her daughter out of the pram and laid her tenderly into soft arms.

"Hello, Chibiusa:" she greeted the small girl and had to grin as she saw that Chibiusa didn't even see her anymore. All she saw was the baby in her arms. Her best friend. Of course she didn't forget what she experienced in the last year. And somehow Haruka believed that Hotaru – alike how small she was – didn't forget her best friend, too.

"Taru-chan, you wouldn't believe what I've seen yesterday..." started Chibiusa to tell and Haruka knew that she was as openly as her mother. And that she could talk as much as Usagi.

"Are you thirsty?" asked Haruka as she saw the young man at the other side of the park who sold nice cokes. Suddenly she was very thirsty.

"A little bit." Answered Chibiusa who needed a little time to realize that Haruka was still around and that she wasn't all alone with the baby.

"Okay, watch carefully for Himme-chan. I'll get us something to drink."

"Of course I'll watch over her!" Chibiusa smiled and rocked the baby in her arms gently. Hotaru used the opportunity to pull on pink odangos. "Arigato, Haruka."

The tall blonde nodded and after one more minute she was sure that Chibiusa wouldn't hurt Hotaru. Indeed she had been the only one trying to protect the senshi of death. She even defended her the moment she almost died. It was deep friendship that evolved between the girls. And sometimes Haruka suggested that it had even been a little bit more.

Haruka searched in her pocket for some coins and counted them while walking quickly over the soft grass under her shoes. She only wore sandals and could feel the green plants tickling on her naked feet.

That should be enough...

The next moment she kneeled in the warm grass. Not knowing what happened. Darkness waited at the rim of her eyes and she felt suddenly very dizzy. At that moment her belly started again terribly to hurt. She lost her coins and they dropped between the grass. But she didn't care about them. She only hold her belly and counted till ten. Then she took a deep breath and groaned slightly.

I still have half a week!

She groaned again. Knowing that this month's period would be a little bit earlier than normal.

I don't deserve this!

Again she groaned and took another deep breath. The pain vanished slowly and she felt how her whole body trembled. Sweat covered her back under her white top that pasted even more to her female body now. Shortly she closed her eyes and counted again till ten. Then she searched her money and stood slowly up until she found it. To go even slower over to the guy and to buy two cokes.

It's simply too hot at the moment.

Deeply she sighed as she walked back to Chibiusa and her daughter. She didn't even want to think about the next week. When she had her women's problem and Michiru would be too busy to be around. To care for her.

She's right. Sometimes I am a coward.

Haruka grinned as she handled Chibiusa one of the cokes.

Guess that's why auntie Yuri always called me her little tomboy.

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A smile grew wide on her sleepy face as she felt how her girlfriend slipped under the thin blanket. It was in the middle of the night but still very hot.

"Gomen, darling. But it got again later than I thought." Whispered Michiru and giggled as she saw that her girlfriend didn't wear her pyjama. That she didn't wear anything at all.

"You don't have to apologise, Michi-chan." Answered Haruka and her voice was full with sleep. She turned around and gave her lover a tender kiss. "I am used to your summer concerts just like I am used to your Christmas concerts and you're used to my formula one races." She shrugged her shoulders and embraced her girlfriend. "They won't take forever."

"No..." answered Michiru and kissed her back. Embraced her in return. Hold her tight. She felt how Haruka leaned her head on her shoulder and yawned slightly. Slowly her body relaxed and Michiru knew that her lover already fell back into deep sleep.

Surely Himme-chan kept her awake the whole night.

Michiru stroke through blonde strands and hummed a sweet melody. It sounded like a lullaby.

"I love you, honey." She whispered and kissed carefully a warm cheek.

I'll tell her tomorrow.

"Whatever the future may bring, I love you. With all my heart." Michiru crept deeper in the pillows and followed her lover in a nice dream.

Hoping that Haruka would understand her. And accept Kei the way he was.

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Birds screamed loudly in the endless sky above. There were only a few white clouds. They looked like little sheep dancing with the wind. The sun shone down, heated up the sand. It was early in the morning but it was already very warm. And it promised to be another hot summer's day.

She jogged among the beach. A smile laid on her redden face, sweaty strands of her blonde hairs hang into her face. She hummed to the music in her ears. Headphones covered her ears.

This morning is wonderful.

Haruka changed the direction and now she ran through the flat water. She spreat her arms wide and laughed loudly. She loved such mornings. Sunday mornings. Peaceful mornings. Mornings Michiru could sleep at least once a week more than a couple of hours. In about two hours she would wake up and then there would Haruka already waiting for her. With breakfast: warm rolls, fresh coffee and delicious jam.

The music was happy in her ears and so was she. She loved summer. Then she could run the whole morning. It was earlier light outside and it wasn't cold and slippery. Then she could do her training outside and feel the wind playing with her body.

A bird dove from sky to the surface and caught a fish.

Haruka turned her head to watch it and suddenly gasped hard for breath. She opened her mouth but couldn't cry. Helplessly she searched for hold but all she did was to lose her headphones. The music sounded now strange as the headphones hit the wet sand.

Nani?

Haruka groaned slightly as the pain increased inside her belly. She hold it and went on her knees. Suddenly tears burned in her dark green eyes and she gasped again hard for breath.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four.

Five.

That mostly helped. To breathe regularly and not to let the pain take over her mind. Over her dizziness. Over her fear.

Six.

Seven.

Eight.

Haruka winced widely as another wave of pain flashed through her body. She didn't even care that she dirtied her white shirt as she hold her belly tighter with her dirty hands.

Nine.

Ten.

But this time it didn't help. The pain didn't disappear. Not as easily as it had the past times.

Nani?

She felt her whole body trembling again and cursed herself in silence. That wasn't her period and she knew it. She waited the whole week but nothing happened to her body. There was no blood in her pyjama pants in the mornings. This time her period was late instead of being too early.

What's now wrong?

Darkness came over her and she simply let go. She knew when there was no way to struggle against destiny. So she simply fell down to the ground, still holding her belly tight.

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The sun stood higher as she woke up again. The pain was gone, not the dizziness in her head. Not the weakness in her body.

How late is it?

She grabbed her walkman and sighed deeply. Surely it was already noon and Michiru was surely very concerned why she didn't come home.

What happened?

She didn't find an answer as she came again hard on her shaking feet. But she knew that she would visit the doctor as soon as possible.

Guess it had been too much stress the past weeks. With the Grand Prix and Michi-chan's concerts. And a crying Himme-chan getting her first teeth.

Haruka sighed deeply and hoped that her explanation was right.

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"Can you see it?"

The woman was thirty, maybe thirty five. She wore glasses and hold her brown hairs in a knot in her neck. She smiled friendly at her patient. But there was concern in those blue eyes, too.

"Hai." Haruka swallowed hard as she leaned over the table to follow her doctor's pencil over the x-ray. She hated hospitals and she felt uncomfortable. Today was Setsuna's day off and she begged her so long until the senshi of time agreed to baby sit small Hotaru. Michiru was at the opera and it would take the whole day until she'd come home. Enough time for Haruka to go to her doctor and to face destiny.

"This is a shadow." Explained the doctor in a pleasant, warm voice but suddenly Haruka had to shiver. The pencil danced again over the x-ray that showed her belly. "Can you see, it's only in this oviduct. The other one is still normal."

Haruka swallowed hard as she nodded.

"And that's the reason for the pain?" she asked quietly and folded her hands in her lap. They were suddenly ice cold.

"And that you left out your period this time. It hinders your period and because of the changes of your body it hurts now."

Haruka frowned, not knowing what those words meant. Really meant.

"And...?"

"We have to wait until we get the final results. If it's good-natured you'll only have your period once in two months and I guess it's going to be harder for you getting pregnant. But that's something we can handle, don't worry. I know a lot of women were only one oviduct works. And they're feeling fine and a lot of them have one or even more children." The woman smiled friendly but Haruka was still pale. She simply couldn't smile back.

"And if it's vicious?" she asked, her voice nothing more than a whisper.

The doctor raised her eyebrows and sighed deeply.

"Then we have to operate." She said in a very, very calming voice and patted friendly her patient's shoulder. "But don't worry. It's not such a bad operation. As long as it's only in your oviduct there's no danger for you."

Again she raised her eyebrows as she heard the sad, ironical laughter from the tall blonde.

"Did you read my file? All of it?" Haruka sighed deeply as the doctor nodded slowly. "Then you know that it's not that harmless at all."

For a while there was silence between them. Finally the doctor stood up to get some medicine from the cupboard.

"Don't worry. Surely it will be good-natured. We'll know it for sure in about two weeks." Again she patted Haruka's shoulder as if she wanted to tell her that it wasn't as bad as the young woman thought right now. "Here is some medicine to reduce the pain."

Haruka only nodded and watched the small bottles with an empty expression on her face.

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"This is what I call delicious." Michiru waved the fork full with spaghettis through the air and giggled as some spots of red sauce dirtied the white tablecloth. Then she put it into her mouth and drank another gulp of the champagne in the crystal glass. Haruka sat opposite her and only smiled at her. Watching her in silence. With her dark green eyes Michiru couldn't always read the expression. So she couldn't this time.

"I am terrible, neh?" but besides her confession Michiru smiled happily and giggled even more. Today weren't any rehearsals nor concerts. So they decided to celebrate their anniversary in one of the noblest restaurants Tokyo had. Setsuna and Makoto were so nice and offered them to baby sit little Hotaru so that they had the whole evening on their own without worrying too much if their daughter was fine.

"No, you're wonderful." Haruka's smile grew wider. Then she stood up with an elegant motion and bowed before her lover. "Madam, may I invite you to the next dance?" she asked and had to giggle as Michiru took her hand and nodded. She tried to keep seriously but she failed when her sea goddess stood up and gave her a loving kiss. She blushed slightly, still holding the hand. Guiding her towards the dance floor.

"You can always kidnap me for a good dance." Smiled Michiru and felt how Haruka guided her over the dance floor. Soon they lost in the dance. The orchestra was really good. They played one romantic song after another and they didn't miss one. After two or three dances Haruka simply took her Michiru in her arms and they rocked gently over the dance floor – ignoring the rules of the waltz. Only holding each other. Looking deep into one's others eyes. They didn't see the surprised faces of the other guests nor the knowing smiles from the waiter. They only saw each other. Time by time they shared a loving kiss, never ending the dance.

I could ask her right now.

Haruka looked into shinning blue eyes she loved so much.

I could ask her...

She pulled her Michi-chan closer and kissed her again. Heard Michiru's giggle. Felt her own smile in her redden face.

I'll ask her. As soon as I have the result.

"Love you." Whispered Haruka as another song started.

"Love you, too." Giggled Michiru and stroke through blonde strands to mess them up. Haruka only laughed with a low laughter.

Hopefully it's good-natured. I don't know what I shall do if it isn't.

Another kiss from her girlfriend let her forget her concerns for a small time. For this evening they continued to dance. Until the restaurant closed late in the night.

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"Honey? Everything alright?" Haruka's voice was concerned as she kneeled behind her girlfriend and hold her tight the other morning. Michiru just finished to throw up her dinner and swore slightly.

"Hai..." the senshi of the wide ocean took a deep breath and smiled tiredly. "Guess too much alcohol." She giggled and felt how her lover cleaned her face softly with a wet towel.

"Better I'll take you into bed." Haruka whispered and took the smaller woman in her arms. "Get some rest before you'll have your last concerts."

Michiru smiled tiredly and cuddled nearer to her lover's warm body.

"Just three more weeks, then it's over and then I'll have more time. I promise." She yawned and felt how Haruka brought her back into bed and covered her body with a soft blanket.

"I know." Haruka kissed her and Michiru was too tired to hear the sadness in her girlfriend's otherwise teasing voice. "I know."

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"Nani? What do you mean you have no time?" Startled blue eyes grew wide while Michiru grabbed her violin case. She was too late for her rehearsal and already heard the conductor's angry voice in her head.

"I told you two days ago that I have something else to do than baby sitting." Haruka's face was pale for some moments. Then it turned into a dark shade of red. She clenched her fists and stood like an angel of revenge in the door frame. Not willingly to let Michiru out.

"But the reh..."

"Your silly conductor called you up this morning for that bloody rehearsal! Why didn't you just say that you don't have the time!" Haruka now shouted at her and Michiru was even more startled. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen her girlfriend that angry. Well, not that angry at her.

"But it's important and..."

"Your daughter is also important!" shouted Haruka back and hold her back as Michiru simply wanted to open the door. "Not in that way, Michiru! You won't go now!"

Michiru swallowed hard. Haruka hardly called her by her real name. Normally she used nicknames. Only if she was really excited or really angry she called her Michiru.

"But I am already late and... maybe Setsuna or..."

"Setsuna has to work until eight in the evening and the others write an important French test tomorrow." Haruka took a deep breath, still holding the arm of her girlfriend.

"And what do you have so important to do?" now Michiru was angry, too. Why didn't Haruka tell her what she wanted to do? She thought that she wanted to visit the race team and there she could take Hotaru with her. As she had always done in the quiet meetings. Not at the race track.

To go to the doctor and face my destiny.

Haruka swallowed hard.

"That's not your business!" she growled angrily.

"Now I understand. You want to ride your silly motorbike." Michiru clenched her fingers around her violin case and shook her head. "I thought these times are over. You're a daddy now, Haruka, don't forget that. You're responsible now."

Hai, I am responsible. That's why I did all those bloody tests...

"And you're a mommy, Michiru. Don't forget that!" she whispered and now it was Michiru who was very pale and searched for words.

"But my music... you promised that... first your races and then... my concerts and..."

But I can't take Himme-chan to the hospital!

Haruka sighed deeply and raised her hand to stroke through sea green strands.

I don't want her to see me raging if it's vicious...

She leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend. The violin case dropped and Haruka felt how Michiru embraced her. Hold her determinedly tight. Repeated the kiss with all her deep feelings.

"I'll hurry up this time, honey. I promise." She whispered and ran her finger over now wet lips. Seeing and feeling the sad smile on her lover's face. "The next time I'll cancel, I promise."

Haruka sighed deeply. Knowing that she couldn't convince her girlfriend. Just like her girlfriend couldn't convince her to cancel a training day at the race track.

"Okay." She mumbled and kissed Michiru again. This time quickly. "Then hurry up, before you're the last one and your conductor is mad with you." She turned around and walked upstairs. To fetch her daughter. To get her ready for the visit in the hospital.

"Arigato, Ruka." She could hear her girlfriend whisper. Then the door closed and left her alone in total silence. Alone with her fears. Alone with her thoughts.

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Safe and secure she sat on her daddy's lap and laughed happily at the nice woman smiling friendly at her. She got a new toy, a little kitten, and she liked it a lot. That's why she threw it on the ground and giggled whenever her daddy bowed to pick it up.

"Your daughter?" asked the doctor and corrected her glasses. She looked very seriously. Too seriously for Haruka's stressed nerves.

"Hai." She responded and took a deep breath. Her belly hurt again although she knew that this wasn't the common pain she had felt a couple of times during the past two weeks.

"How old is she?"

"Almost one year."

"And how's her name?"

"Hotaru."

"Little glow worm. That's cute."

"Hai."

For a while they talked about the weather and how the traffic had been in the inner city. Until they both realized that they couldn't keep away from the truth. From the results. That it was time to look at them and to face destiny.

"Here're the lab's results." Said the doctor and her voice sounded strange even in her ears.

"And?"

The doctor rose her head. Her patient was very pale with a sudden and in dark green eyes the older woman knew that the tall blonde already knew the answer.

"It's vicious."

Vicious.

Haruka swallowed hard and hold her daughter automatically tighter in her arms.

"We have to operate quickly so that it won't attack the other organs. That we'll get it out before it can make more damage."

More damage?

Haruka swallowed hard and lowered her face to look into shinning dark eyes. Hotaru was too small, she didn't know what was happening around her.

"But..."

"Your illness? You'll get the best surgeon. He is the best on this domain. I've already informed him and he'll fly to Tokyo as soon as possible." The doctor stood up and Haruka felt again the soft hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Tenô-san. He knows what he's doing."

Vicious...

Haruka swallowed hard, looking directly at her small daughter playing with her toy kitten.

Vicious...

Again she saw her sea goddess laughing at her. Teasing her around. Holding her tight. Kissing her. Loving her.

Vicious...

"That's what they promised my father, too. During my birth..." she took a deep breath and shook her head.

Vicious...

That's my death sentence...

Haruka hold Hotaru automatically tighter. Knowing that she wouldn't be able to hold the little girl forever. That she had to let her go. Sooner than she had feared.

"Twenty years passed since that day, Tenô-san. The medicine is better today. So are the doctors. Just trust us." She tried to calm her down but Haruka was too shocked to calm herself down. Anger glowed in her eyes as she finally raised her head again and looked directly into a smiling doctor's face. A doctor who didn't know what could happen with her bloody illness. A doctor who didn't see what she had seen her whole childhood. A doctor who didn't experienced how her father broke more with every day that passed with her mother being in coma. A doctor who didn't found him the other day after her final death – with cut pulse veins.

"How are the chances for normal people in that operation?" she asked and was surprised to hear her own voice. It wasn't shaking. Nor was it quiet. It was just extremely insensible.

"Ninety five percent."

Haruka nodded and played thoughtfully with her daughter's free hand. It was so wonderful warm. So wonderful lively.

"And with my illness?"

She could hear how the doctor took a deep breath.

"Twenty percent."

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Once there had been a time when she had been too afraid of washing a small child. Of changing nappies. Of taking care for it.

With the weeks and months she got used to it. No, she learned that it was part of being a daddy, too. And while Hotaru became more and more lively and played with her ducky and splashed her with water, tried to eat her feet and covered her head with a towel just to laugh in great pleasure when her daddy found her after long searching, Haruka started to love it.

"Here's your ducky."

But today was different. Because today was the last opportunity to be together with the small girl. A little child she had been afraid of ever hurting. Of ever disappointing. Of ever not taking the right care of.

Haruka swallowed hard as she closed the nappy and dressed a laughing Hotaru in her blue baby pyjama. The girl grabbed for her shirt and hold it determinedly tight. As if she would never wanted to let her go again.

Oh, Himme-chan...

Again the tall blonde swallowed hard and was near tears. Her eyes burned and her whole head ached. Just like her whole body trembled.

But there's no other decision to make.

Haruka took her daughter carefully in her arms. The girl was already full and would fall asleep the next minutes. The young woman hummed a sweet melody, because she knew she wouldn't be able to sing this evening.

I won't let you suffer. Never.

She sighed deeply and hold her daughter in her trembling arms. Little Hotaru yawned and settled into sleep. Still holding her daddy's shirt determinedly tight.

Haruka went over the corridor and opened a door she didn't open for a long time. For some moments she stood there in total silence and watched the empty room. With the big windows. The full moon was shinning through them and the soft carpet seemed to be an ocean of light.

Again she remembered her mother laying in the huge bed. Waiting for her wings. Again she heard her father telling her that she was an angel's child. Again she felt as excited as she had been then. That she couldn't wait any longer to get her own wings.

Papa looked sad at that day.

Haruka swallowed hard and rocked her sleeping daughter while watching the stars sparkling around the moon. Her father once told her that those were angels flying around. Watching the living. Guarding them. For all times.

Papa looked sad that day she flew away.

The tall blonde sobbed quietly and kissed her daughter's round cheeks.

But I don't want to fly away.

Hai, she had been excited to get angel's wings when she was a small child of five years. When they discovered that she had the same illness that killed her mother. Slowly, very slowly. But steady. In five endless, suffering years.

But now she didn't want them any longer.

"I don't want to be an angel." Whispered Haruka and her voice broke slightly. "I want to be a daddy and a wife. Can't you see that, mama and papa?" But she knew they couldn't. They couldn't help her, because they couldn't even help themselves.

Haruka sighed deeply and left the room. She went over to her daughter's room and laid the sleeping girl into the small bed. Hotaru didn't want to let go of her shirt and some tears ran down Haruka's cheeks as she loosened very, very carefully the tiny hand from the cloth. For a long time she watched the tiny face, saw the light smile. Felt again the love in her heart. The deep love for her family. Her daughter and her girlfriend. Felt it breaking under the knowledge that there was no other way out.

It's the only possible decision.

She sighed deeply, hearing again her father's words in her mind. The promise she gave him one day before he died. The promise she understood some years later – but not then.

A promise she knew she would keep for all circumstances, because neither Michiru nor Hotaru did deserve what her family went through.

They deserve better than that bloody hell.

"I love you, Himme-chan." Whispered Haruka and wiped away more tears running down her cheeks. "Whatever will happen, Himme-chan, I will always love you." The tall blonde leaned again over the baby and kissed her tenderly on the cheek. Kissed her good night. Kissed her good bye.

"I'll always watch over you, little honey."

It seemed to take all her powers to get up. To take her already packed bag. To go downstairs. To sit down on the staircase. To watch the still closed door.

And to wait.

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It was late after midnight as she heard how the key turned in the lock.

Hell, I am too late!

Michiru cursed herself silently while she tried to get all the things she carried in an order. Than she opened the door.

It's again after midnight. That conductor has no heart.

Haruka sighed deeply and rose in the darkness. Holding her back bag tight in her suddenly icy hands.

I can't do that!

Don't let other suffer, Haru-chan. Never let other suffer the much I let your mother suffer. Again she heard her father's low voice in her head and knew that she had to do that.

I can't let my Michi-chan suffer. That wouldn't be fair. Neither would it be fair for Himme-chan.

The lights were switched on and Haruka's shoulder fell down as she saw the big bunch of flowers her lover was carrying in her arms. Red roses. Haruka's favourite roses.

Michi-chan...

Haruka ran a trembling hand through her blonde strands.

Don't make it even harder than it is...

Michiru turned around after slipping her shoes and stumbled shocked back. She hadn't expected her lover standing on the staircase. In the dark.

Did she wait for me?

Suddenly the senshi of the wide ocean felt very guilty.

Did she wait the whole night? Again...?

"Gomen, darling. But the conductor wanted me to play an extra song and so it got later." Michiru smiled apologizing and hold the flowers up. "To make it up to you. And tomorrow we'll go to the cinema, okay? To the action movie you like so much to see. I already talked to Setsuna to baby sit Himme-chan, so that we can go out for supper afterwards." Michiru smiled innocently. A smile that normally made Haruka forget every anger. Every argument. Every indifference between them.

No! I am not allowed to let her suffer!

By the time Michiru wanted to embrace and to kiss her, Haruka slipped away in a quick motion and hold her bag tighter.

"I am going." She declared in a low voice and opened the door.

Michiru frowned as she saw the bag. And the normal clothes her girlfriend was wearing. Normally she took leather clothes to ride her motorbike.

I thought those times are over now.

"Where to?" Michiru frowned even more as her girlfriend didn't even turn around to smile at her with that wicked grin and to explain her that this was only a thing between her motorbike and herself.

"I don't know." Answered Haruka as always but the same time it was different. A lot different. Her voice was suddenly so insensible. Michiru felt how she felt suddenly very, very sick. The bunch of flowers shivered in her suddenly trembling hands and she felt cold.

Don't ask her!

But she knew she had to ask.

"When will you return?"

Then I can make breakfast and care for Himme-chan.

But somehow she couldn't say it aloud.

The bunch of roses fell on the soft carpet as Michiru heard her lover's next word. Determinedly spoken by a low, cold voice.

"Never."

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	3. Chapter 2: Broken dreams 1

Chapter two: Broken dreams 

"Nani?"

Michiru's voice was nothing more than a whisper. Haruka sighed deeply and wanted to leave the light house by the sea as an icy hand suddenly grabbed her right sleeve.

"Nani?" Now Michiru's voice was a little bit louder. Her deep blue eyes sparkled and she was pale. "Is that a bad joke, Ruka?" she asked and Haruka could see her struggling with her own feelings. Disbelieve and knowledge. Fear and anger. Love and hate. "If that's a bad joke to punish me you did it well. I was scared to death and I will never leave you alone with Himme-chan. But what is enough is enough. Leave that bloody bag down. Right now! And let's get to bed. It's pretty late and I am sure you're tired."

Don't let other suffer!

Haruka shook slowly her head and could see blue eyes that remembered her always of the wild see, growing wide in incredulity.

Don't let HER suffer!

"Hai, I am tired. Tired of your selfishness. Of your ignorance. Of you never being around!" Haruka shook her head again and hold the back bag tighter. "You left me alone with the baby. Not only today and I am fed up with that always screaming, always stinking, always crying brad." To emphasise her words she pushed the violin case out of Michiru's hands. The smaller woman was too shocked to react. So the violin simply fell on the ground. Unseen.

Michiru blinked, then she grabbed harder for Haruka's arm she was still holding.

"STINKING BRAT?" she asked dangerously quiet. "Do you know what you're talking about, Ruka? It's our sweet Himme-chan you're talking about so nastily. Are you drunk?" But the same time the young violinist knew that her girlfriend seldom drank alcohol.

"I am sober. The most sober I've ever been in my whole life. And I was talking about YOUR Himme-chan." Haruka tried to free herself but Michiru hold her back with a power Haruka had never expected.

"Nani?"

Why can't you just let me leave in peace? That would make things easier.

"Hell, Michiru! Can't you see what you've done to me? I always wanted to be free. A car racer. To travel around the world! Now I am a bloody senshi, I have to struggle with silly youmas and a really stupid Sailor Moon. Now I am bound to you and suddenly I have to take care for a child I am not even responsible to! Dr. Tomoe..."

Michiru shook her head in total disbelieve.

"Bound..." she whispered. Then her eyes became a shade darker and sparkled with anger. "You wanted to become her daddy! And YOU was the one taking ME into your nice home. I can remember that you've been the one coming first into my bed and loving me. I can remember that you was the one begging me for never leaving you again!" now Michiru screamed and tears run over her redden cheeks. "Bound! How can you dare! I never wanted to bound you. I always wanted to love you. With all my heart. Hell, Ruka, can't you see that!"

Of course. Every day I spent with you.

Haruka swallowed hard.

Don't let other suffer.

"No. All I can see is a woman I don't love any longer." Haruka hoped that her face wouldn't show her deep feelings. That her voice wouldn't shake within the next moments. That she wouldn't break down sobbing within the next moment.

Don't let other suffer.

But she didn't. She learned in her childhood too well to keep her feelings under control. After her parents sudden death she was taught not to cry openly in all the cameras. Not to answer their silly questions. Not to look back. Just forward.

Looking forward...

Haruka swallowed as she saw how Michiru opened her mouth and shut it again. Several times. Not believing what she just had heard.

What shall I look forward when there's no future left over for me?

Somehow she had hoped that this day would never arrive. That she would grow old with her Michi-chan. That she would be able to raise Himme-chan together with her. But that didn't seem to be her destiny.

You're an angel's child, Haru-chan. 

Haruka tried again to pull herself free but still Michiru wouldn't let her go. So easily. Suddenly the sea goddess looked hurt. Fragile. All alone... Haruka had the deep desire to take her shaking Michi-chan into her arms. To rock her. To comfort her. To tell her the truth. Why she reacted so cruelly. Why they had no future together. Why it was easier for her to leave her than to let her live the hell her father lived. Until he committed suicide. Leaving a confused, crying little daughter behind.

Don't let other suffer.

Haruka swallowed hard.

"Let me go!" she demanded quietly. But Michiru hold her determinedly tight.

"Not as long as I get a damn good explanation of all this bullshit!" she sobbed. Not even aware how bad she just swore. Michiru never used bad words but now her head was suddenly full of them.

"I don't love you any longer, Michiru. I am fed up with you. Nor do I want this life any longer. I am leaving, can you hear me? I am leaving for good. To start a new life."

There was a sad giggle from Michiru and again she shook her head. Still staring at the arm she was holding so desperately tight.

"Don't lie, baka.You aren't such a good actress that you simply changed during the day." Michiru bit on her lower lip, tasted salty tears on her lips. "The last night..."

"The last night was one of the last mistakes I did in my life!" snapped Haruka suddenly very sharply back. That all was going to get out of control. She wanted to say calmly good bye. Simply to go and leave her alone. But not to argue like that.

Did you really think that she'd let you go the easy way?

Haruka stepped again towards the door, pulling a still sobbing Michiru with her who simply didn't want to let go.

She loves you too much.

The tall blonde hold her back bag tighter and opened the door a bit.

And I love her too much to let her suffer...

"Mistakes?" Michiru still stared at her arm. As if it was easier to talk to her jacket than right in her face. "What for bloody mistakes?" She was raising her voice. Cursing again. Like Haruka had never heard her before.

"Of becoming Sailor Uranus. Of..."

"I never pushed you into that! You took the henshin voluntarily. Hell! Did you really think it was FUN for me to fight all those dammed battles? To sacrifice myself? To see Himme-chan dying!"

"Of becoming a father. Of..."

"You loved her, you liar! You was the one going into the office and yelling at the people there that you didn't want to wait for another six months to adopt her! And don't you tell me that it was annoying for you to watch over her the last weeks."

"Of being alone the whole day. Of..."

"I thought that was clear! You have your races and I my music. Is it too hard to have a family between these two things? I thought we could arrange it somehow."

"Of being your girlfriend."

"..."

Michiru shut her mouth and kept silent for another long moment that seemed to last for eternity. A cruel eternity for the both of them.

"This isn't a joke, is it?" Michiru's voice was almost unheard and made Haruka's heart break.

Don't let other suffer!

"Today isn't April fool's day, isn't it?" Michiru swallowed hard and more tears ran over her pale cheeks. "This is..."

"No, it isn't." Haruka took her back bag harder in her shaking hands. "I've found someone else."

The last sentence was like a bomb exploding. The silence that followed was even worse than every storm. Than every raging outburst. Than even the silence they experienced under Mistress 9.

"I have a new girlfriend."

You liar!

Haruka didn't want to hear her inner voice. Yelling desperately to her. That it wasn't too late yet. That she still could go back. To tell her lover that it was only a bad joke. That she would never do such a silly thing again. That...

Again the young car racer saw the x-ray. The shadow there. Its meaning.

Don't let HER suffer...

"I fell in love with someone else, Michiru. I am sorry."

Michiru.

The smaller girl swallowed hard and sobbed desperately.

She never called me Michiru. Only when she's angry or very excited...

Slowly she raised her head but all she saw in green eyes was a distance she couldn't bear. Once they had been full of love. Now they were insensible. A shade darker than normal.

She's looking into another place...

Michiru gasped hard for breath.

She doesn't see me any more...

"You're sorry?" There was no regret in the face Michiru loved so much. Hell, she still loved! Right now. Even after all those stupid words that were spoken between them.

"You're sorry..." Her mind started to spin around. "And why are you leaving then?" she cut Haruka before she could reply anything. "This is YOUR house, Ruka. And it's your home. And... and the violin... even the violin is yours..." her eyes grew wide as she looked around. "You bought the easels I made my drawings on..." She shook her head again and looked more and more confused with every moment. Her face was as white as the wall behind her and a terribly horrified expression appeared in her dark blue eyes. "Hell, even Himme-chan's baby clothes... and all the books. My notes and all the CDs... The CD player..." Michiru stopped to look around and looked again to Haruka. "It's all yours... shouldn't you throw me out instead?"

She started to giggle and that noise made Haruka shiver.

"You're the rich princess, I am only the beggar. The poor orphan. Shouldn't it be easier to kick me out than running away?"

Beggar? You've never been a beggar.

Haruka swallowed hard.

You've always been the light in my darkness. My personal guardian angel...

She clenched her fists and opened them. For several times.

Don't let other suffer!

"Let me go, Michiru. I don't want this stuff any more. I only want my freedom and my peace." Still Michiru was giggling and Haruka felt more and more uncomfortable. "Let me go, Michiru!" she repeated, now a little bit louder.

"To where? To whom? To her?"

The giggling stopped as Haruka only nodded. At that moment Michiru let her go.

"I won't accept that, you liar!" she whispered and stepped slowly back. She stepped over her own roses, stumbled over the violin case without noticing it. "I don't believe you!"

Michi-chan...

Haruka wanted to go to her. To let this nightmare end.

Don't let HER suffer.

"Think whatever you want to think. I won't return. Never again. See it, Michiru. It's over. Finally over." With those words she left the house and slammed the door right behind her. She tried to ignore the sobbing. The baby's screaming, being woken up by the sudden bang. Her own heart beating wildly against her chest.

She only sat down in her silver Ferrari and automatically sped up. To get away. To run away as she always had done.

So that no one could see her tears.

dbdbdb

She sat there on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Dawn came.

Automatically she stood up and cared for her child. Fed the little girl, bathed her, changed the nappies.

Then she sat down again on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Noon came.

Automatically she stood up and made dinner. She put it on the table and simply let it there.

Then she sat down again on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Dusk came.

Automatically she stood up and sang a little song for her daughter. It sounded strange in her own ears. While she fed the girl again. Changed again nappies. And brought her finally to bed.

Then she sat down again on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Midnight came.

Automatically she stood up and rocked her crying daughter. Tried tenderly to calm her down. Because getting first teeth could be painful for small children. So was it for her little princess. She sang some lullaby for hours until her throat was soar and the baby finally fell asleep again.

Then she sat down again on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Dawn.

Noon.

Dusk.

Midnight.

Always the same game. Always the same show. Nothing changed. No one came home. No one cared. No one regretted. No one simply asked for forgiveness. No one she could take into her arms.

She simply sat down on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. Waiting.

Feeling sick.

Throwing up her meals.

Feeling even sicker.

Simply wanting to creep into a cave and die there.

But there was her daughter who still needed her.

Throwing it all up again.

Feeling like dying.

Just dying - nothing more. To have peace. At last peace...

Dawn.

Noon.

Dusk.

Midnight.

Still she sat there on the staircase. Staring with empty eyes at the closed door. A door that would never be opened again. Not for her. Not any longer...

Dawn.

Noon.

Dusk.

Midnight.

Nothing to do than to care for her child.

To throw up her meals.

To feel like dying.

To care again for her child.

Dawn.

Noon.

Dusk.

Midnight.

And to wait.

Dawn.

Noon.

Dusk.

Midnight.

In vain...

dbdbdb

"Are you sure they will come with us?"

The little car parked in front of the huge house by the sea. It was red and small, but its owners pride.

"Of course. Usagi's mother promised us to baby sit over Hotaru." Makoto giggled as she saw Setsuna's tortured expression.

"Why, for heaven's sake, do we have to celebrate Minako's 16th birthday there?" Setsuna rolled her eyes and Makoto giggled even more.

"Because it has been her decision." She answered and closed carefully the car's door. She knew how the senshi of the time could react if anyone hurt her car. She could scream around just like Haruka if anyone touched her silver Ferrari.

"Hope they're at home. I can't see their car. And no one answered the phone." Setsuna searched for the key to open the front door.

"Maybe they're still in bed." Makoto giggled as Setsuna blushed deeply.

"Makoto!" But she had to smile, too.

Surely they're still sleeping. With Hotaru-chan getting her first teeth. Surely it's hard with her screaming the whole night.

"Haruka? Michiru?" Setsuna shouted as she opened the door and looked down to slip out of her shoes. She frowned as she didn't see the other ones.

Maybe they're for a walk on the breach?

She looked up again as she heard how Makoto gasped hard for breath.

"Nani..." her voice faded and in disbelieve she stared at the shadow sitting on the staircase. Only a shadow, not a person. Not a human being. Not any more.

"Michiru?"

It was Makoto who reacted first. Slowly she closed the door and went over to the sea goddess. Although she didn't look like a goddess anymore. The blue evening dress she wore was grumbled and dirtied all over. With food, with baby mash. With powder. With soap. Her sea green hairs were a mess. In strands they hang over the trembling shoulders.

"Michiru?"

Now there was really concern in Makoto's voice. She noticed the dirtied red roses on the ground. Being simply thrown away. Just like the case of the expensive violin. Makoto shivered as she saw the remains of food on the carpet. It looked as if the young violinist didn't make it to the bathroom.

"Michiru?"

Now Setsuna was by the other side and stroke some strands out of a pale face. Blue eyes, now red from the lack of sleep and maybe from crying, stared blank at the now closed door. They were wide and seemed to look into another world.

"Hell, beauty! What happened?" cursed Setsuna shocked and shook trembling shoulders. "Sea beauty, wake up! What's up?" The senshi of time was so concerned that she used the nickname she once had chosen for the sea senshi. Just to tease her around. Mostly it worked. But not today.

"Did something happen to Hotaru-chan?" asked Makoto alarmed, because the house was strangely silent. Now the senshi of thunder remembered that she didn't hear anything of the outer senshi for a couple of days. She didn't care about that much, because it was normal that they were busy in the weekend.

Hotaru-chan...

That name brought her back into reality. Into here and now. Into the cruel world.

"I fed her and changed her nappies..." whispered Michiru and pressed her hands against her belly as if it would ache. "And took her to bed. And she took a bath and..."

Setsuna and Makoto shortly exchanged glances while Michiru stammered more words that didn't make any sense at all.

"And where's Haruka?" asked Makoto finally, feeling suddenly very sick. What if anything happened to the strong outer senshi? What if she had an accident and Michiru simply didn't find the courage to call them up? To accept it for herself?

"Gone..." whispered Michiru and trembled even more.

"Hey, sea beauty. What do you mean with gone?" asked Setsuna, the same alarmed. Again Makoto and the senshi of time exchanged horrified glances.

"Simply gone through that door on Saturday. And didn't return..." whispered Michiru and made a choking noise. Both senshi, the inner and the outer one, hold her while she threw up the last things she ate. It weren't a lot.

Saturday. Today is Thursday...

Both senshi swallowed hard.

"I'll get you a nice warm shower, beauty." Whispered Setsuna and tried to help the smaller woman up. She trembled even more and would have fallen down if Setsuna wouldn't have hold her tight.

"And I'll tidy up that mess and make you a fine, nice coffee." Answered Makoto and tried to smile. To cheer Michiru up. Of course she failed.

The sea senshi only nodded. Not really understanding what was happening. But grateful for the warm arm guiding her.

Even if it was the wrong one being around.

dbdbdb

Loud music filled the small apartment. She laid on the couch, the blanket laying over her naked feet. The TV was working, but it was mute. All that could be heard was the loud music. It made it easier to overhear the stubborn ringing of the door bell. The shouting of the neighbours. The yelling inside her head.

But it didn't help her to let her thoughts disappear.

Don't let her suffer!

Haruka groaned slightly as the pain increased again inside her belly. As it had the past days. She grabbed hard for the remote control and the music even increased. Until the CD player reached its limits. Just like the music boxes.

Don't let other suffer!

It took her several tries to get back into sit. Her hands trembled as she reached for the medicine that covered now the tiny table next to the couch. She didn't look at the packages any more. She studied them a lot during the past days. She had plenty of time to learn them by heart.

Haruka only made a face as she took the bitter pill. That would take away the pain for some more hours. Until even they wouldn't help any longer. Then they would have to operate. At the last moment.

Just two weeks...

Haruka took a deep breath and reached for the coke to get all the pills down. Finally down. Then she rubbed her eyes and yawned. She didn't find much sleep the past nights. She only stared at her ceiling and listened to the music. Over and over again. Music she didn't hear for years. Not since that very day she got to know Michiru.

Michi-chan...

She tried not to sob and pulled the blanket over her head. But she couldn't exclude her thoughts. Haunting her down. The whole time.

Don't let other suffer!

Don't let HER suffer!

She pushed the blanket away after she was sure that the medicine did its job, took her light jacket and left quickly the apartment. She knew that she would go insane in that small room. She simply needed to go somewhere. Where she wasn't so lonely any longer.

dbdbdb

Grey light danced through the twilight of the large rooms. It was noisy in here. People were talking. Laughing. Singing. Being happy. So different from her. The music was loud and she didn't like that kind of music. It had no clear lyrics, no meaning. Mostly not even a melody. Smoke filled the air and she blinked while she took her sunglasses and put them into her jacket's pocket.

No wonder Michi-chan never wanted to come to this place.

She sighed deeply and scolded herself for calling the sea goddess by the old nickname. They weren't together any longer. She should started to think of her as an old friend, nothing more.

We aren't even friends any longer.

Haruka sighed deeply as she walked over to the bar and sat down. Shortly she looked around, seeing the couples dancing on the dance floor. Suddenly she remembered how she celebrated their sixth anniversary with her love.

Is it just days ago?

The tall blonde turned around and smiled at the waiter as she ordered a whiskey. The young man, probably a student who tried to get some extra money in his spare time, nodded and disappeared again. It was Thursday evening, a busy time. You got two drinks for the same price and most of the Tokyo's youth used the chance. Tomorrow was Friday, a traditional short day. At work and at school.

Haruka thanked some seconds later and took the glass in her hands. It was heavy. Heavier than she had expected. The drink was clear. Like water. But it wasn't water. And it smelled terrible.

Water won't make me forget all this shit.

Haruka shrugged and emptied the glass in a quick motion. She shivered and made a face. It tasted bitter and for some seconds she couldn't breath.

Why are all people so keen of alcohol?

Haruka watched the empty glass for some seconds before she ordered a new one. She had enough money to afford it.

It doesn't even taste.

Nevertheless she emptied the second glass and felt how warmth crept into her belly. A warmth she hadn't felt the past days. She missed so much.

Hopefully it works.

She didn't want to go home this evening and still remembering all the mean things she said to Michiru. All the lies she told her. She didn't want to lay down again on the small couch and remember again the sad expression on Michiru's face. How she let her go when she told her that she had a new girlfriend. That she didn't love her any longer.

But I still love her so much.

Haruka emptied the third glass and grinned sadly to the waiter to order the next one. She felt alone in that bloody apartment. The whole night she laid awake and when her tired body overtook her, she woke up just some minutes later. In raging fear. Because there was no baby screaming. There was no lover whispering that it was too early to get up. Because there were no rushes of the sea. There was no noise at all. Only the ticking of the clock. A steady, quick ticking that remembered her that time was floating. With every second. With every minute. With every hour that passed by. And that it was only a manner of two weeks until it all would stop for her. Forever.

I miss you so much...

Haruka emptied the forth glass and suddenly the music didn't annoy her any longer. Suddenly the hard beat fitted to her feelings and she was relieved about the twilight. So that no one could see the tears sparkling in her now blurred eyes.

When she had been young she believed to get along without any one. Without her aunt. Without her dead parents. Without any friends at all. She became hard and arrogant. Ignorant. She was good at school, she was the best in the athletic team. She was a talent on the race track. Whatever she wanted her aunt helped her. She gave her the money she needed and the support. Trying desperately to reach her niece she lost the day her brother decided to follow his late wife. Haruka really thought that it was better this way. To creep into her own world where no one could hurt her any more. To trust no one - only herself. She established high walls around her heart and her whole being. Thick walls. Unbreakable walls.

Until she met Michiru. Only one second of watching the thin girl playing the old violin that wasn't even her own one was enough of letting all these walls crashing down. To give her her heart and her soul. Voluntarily.

I miss you...

Soon they became close friends and suddenly it was Haruka taking care for someone else. First she supported her with money. But slowly she realized that Michiru needed more than just a new violin or new clothes. That the always pale girl needed a new home. And friends. And a real family.

Still today Haruka wondered what came over her. That very day when she got to know where Michiru really lived, who she really was, she talked to her aunt and just one week later the pale sea goddess lived with her in the light house by the sea. In one of the best rooms. With the biggest windows. With the best light. For her drawings. For her music. For her fantasy. And Michiru had a lot of imaginations. More than once she surprised her best friend with a new painting or a new piece of music she drew or wrote in just one night.

I miss you...

When her aunt finally decided that it was better for Michiru to visit a special school for talented young pupils and Haruka another one where she could live the half of the day on a race track, Haruka felt the first time in her life real fear. That they would be separated. That Michiru would forget her in that school. That she would lost her one and only friend. The night before Michiru would finally go to the new school Haruka came to her and simply hold her tight. Hold her desperately tight and begged her never to leave her. To stay with her. For the rest of their lives. For eternity.

I miss you...

Michiru promised. And when she left the next morning Haruka knew that she would return. Although everything changed just one year later when a shinning woman with long blonde hairs handled them a henshin and declared that they were Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune.

I miss you so much...

Haruka emptied another glass. She wasn't sure if it was the fifth or the sixth one, but her thoughts were getting slower and slower and she was thankful as her whole mind got dizzier and dizzier. She could remember a little girl calling her daddy and a sea nymph smiling loving at her. But after another glass the memory blurred and all that remained was a strange feeling of emptiness. She tried desperately to fill with another whiskey.

"Hello."

First she didn't hear the voice next to her. Still she stared into the half full glass and listened to the music. She asked herself if she was really drunk now, because suddenly she liked that music. And she had the strange desire to dance. Although her whole mind was dizzy and she wasn't sure if she would still make it to the dance floor. In one piece. Her mind seemed to be somewhere under the table while her feet already walked around. Her right arm was still there, holding the glass. That was good. That was all what counted. Again she emptied the glass and ordered another one. Not willing to realize how strange her own voice sounded in her ears. That she couldn't say the words properly any longer. That she couldn't control her tongue any longer.

"Hello."

Again that voice. Slowly, very slowly she turned her head and stared at a smiling young woman next to her. She seemed to be a little bit older than her. Maybe twenty four or twenty five. Her red hairs fell over her shoulders and she used more make up than seemed to be necessary. She wore a narrow black dress with such a wide clipping that Haruka could see most of her breasts. The skin was brown, surely from the sun. The young woman smiled all over her face.

"Hello, I am Tara. I am your neighbour." She introduced herself and before Haruka could reply anything she already shook her hand.

"Hello." Managed the senshi of the wind to say and grinned automatically. "I am Haruka." Suddenly her family name didn't seem to be important. It showed nothing. Only that she was the daughter of the late Tenô Gendo. The best piano player the world had ever seen. Before his wife got so ill. Before she finally died after long years of suffering. Before he committed suicide to follow her. Haruka didn't want to remember that. Nor did she want to be remembered that she used to be the best formula one racer in Japan, maybe even in the whole world. That she would never ever sit in her race car again.

It didn't matter.

And Tara didn't seem to be interested in such things.

"You moved just this week, didn't you?" Tara smiled even friendlier and ordered herself a drink. It was beer. Haruka raised one eyebrow but didn't say anything. Somehow it didn't seem right that such a beautiful woman drank beer. But it seemed to taste her.

"Hai." replied Haruka and her grin grew wide. "I didn't know that I have such a beautiful neighbour." She teased and leaned a little bit nearer to the young woman.

"I was in a hurry the past days. I wanted to say hello, but, well, it's busy to study." She shrugged and drank another gulp. "I am glad that finally someone moved into the empty flat. It's annoying to have no neighbours." She licked her lips and leaned herself closer to Haruka.

"You are a nice young man." She said and suddenly Haruka felt a warm hand on her knee.

"Oh, I have to disappoint you. I am a woman." Grinned Haruka and giggled. She didn't even know why, but suddenly the whole scene seemed to be funny. Terribly funny. And all she could do was giggling. There had been times when she flirted with every girl she saw. Especially when Michiru was around. To make her jealous. To show her that she was interested in girl. To show her in her own special way Michiru didn't notice the first months that all she wanted was the sea goddess. She never went further than a grin, a short touch, a wicked word, but the girls seemed to like that. Especially when they thought that Haruka was a boy. Until the race when she won the regional championship and was finally allowed to take part in the Grand Prix of Japan. That was when Michiru simply took her face into her tender hands and kissed her. Simply kissed her with so much love that Haruka still smiled whenever she thought of their first kiss. It took some minutes before they finally separated and Michiru only whispered that all the flirting wasn't necessary any longer.

And now I am sitting here and flirting again.

Haruka giggled again. Now it sounded sadder. She knew that it was senseless today. Today no Michiru would come and kiss her. To take her home. To care for her. To let her forget all this silly nightmare.

"A woman?" Tara shortly observed the crumbled clothes and her smile grew even wider. "That's even better." The red haired woman came closer to Haruka and the tall blonde could feel the other ones warm breath on her cheeks. "Why don't you come with me? My bed is big enough for the both of us."

Nani?

Haruka wanted to reply anything, but before she could react she already felt warm lips being pressed on her own.

I can't...

The senshi of the wind sighed slightly. Then she closed her eyes and wrapped her arms automatically around the slime waist of her neighbour. If she really was her neighbour. She didn't care.

Why can't I? Michiru isn't my girlfriend any longer.

Haruka deepened the kiss.

And it's so damn hard to be all alone. The whole time. All the night...

Ruka, you're sometimes such a baka! 

Don't you tell me that you cooked, Ruka. 

Uranus... 

Uranus! 

Don't you think that our daughter looks cute, darling? 

Again she heard the soft voice in her mind. Scolding her, laughing over and with her. Yelling desperately her name when the search for the talismans was finally over. And they were the owners. Ready to sacrifice themselves. But not the other one. A proud voice whispering tenderly not to wake up a small child. Sleeping happily in her cradle. Knowing that she was loved. That she belonged there. To her family.

I love you, Ruka. 

Haruka opened her eyes and looked startled at the young woman next to her. Red hairs. Dark eyes. Not like her Michiru. Not at all...

The very next moment Haruka pushed her away and turned again towards her whiskey. Her hands trembled as she took the glass. Her mind was still dizzy. But not dizzy enough to let down the rest of pride.

"Gomen, Tara." She said very quietly so that the young woman leaned again closer to understand her. "I can't."

Tara seemed to be confused.

"Why?" was all she asked. She sounded disappointed.

"'cause I don't love you."

Haruka looked up as she heard the amused laughter next to her. Dark eyes sparkled and Tara shook her head in disbelieve.

"Is that important?" she asked and wanted to kiss her again. But this time Haruka was faster. She simply left her chair and went to another one. Emptying her glass again and ordering a new one. Still she wasn't drunk enough and she wondered how long it would take her to forget all this shit around her.

"For me it is..." she whispered.

Tara looked at her for some moments in silence and frowned. Then she left her chair as well and stepped behind her. Shortly she stroke through messed blonde hairs.

"Trouble with the heart?" she asked and smiled sadly. "It'll be over soon, believe me." She took her handbag again and paid her beer. It wasn't even emptied yet. "If you need anyone, you know where you can find me." With those words she turned around and disappeared into the twilight.

If you need anyone... 

Haruka swallowed hard. She needed someone. Badly. But she couldn't call for her. Never again. Not after she had seen the doctor's results just some days ago.

The tall blonde sighed deeply. Then she raised her head and ordered another whiskey.

dbdbdb

The music was terrible. But loud. She liked it that way. Loud music. Too loud to let her talk to anyone. Too loud to let her hear a word. Too loud to think.

At least the damn silence was gone that surrounded her for the last days. A silence she couldn't bare any longer. A silence that drove her mad. A silence that was even worse than the one she faced during the final battle with Mistress 9.

Just one year ago...

Michiru sat there. Around a huge table. Between smiling and laughing girls. Opposite to a Minako who celebrated it to be sixteen. At last. To be able to drink alcohol. And she used her first change. Now she giggled while she unwrapped all the gifts.

Michiru blinked as she saw the small gift Setsuna handled her in the name of all outer senshi.

I didn't even give her any money.

The senshi of time who saw her confused look only smiled and shook her head. She earned enough money with her job and it was okay that she cared for the gift. Minako screamed out loud as she saw the beautiful make up set she always wanted to have. That scream was even louder than the music. The next moment she hugged Setsuna and before Michiru could react she felt soft arms being wrapped around her shaking body.

"Arigato, Michiru." Shouted Minako and hold her for some seconds tight. It seemed as if she wanted to comfort her. But Michiru wasn't sure as the senshi of love let her go the next moment and turned around to the rest of the gifts that covered the whole table. Michiru didn't even know if they were all informed why Haruka wasn't here today. Maybe Setsuna and Makoto told them. Maybe they didn't. Maybe they still hoped that it was all a bad joke. That Haruka would come home. Maybe she waited even at home and wondered where all were. But somehow Michiru knew that the light house by the sea was still empty. Ikkuko was so nice to take care for Hotaru and so they had the whole evening for celebrating.

I don't want to celebrate.

Michiru looked at the water standing in front of her. She only drank some gulps. Still she couldn't touch any food. She threw it all up. No matter what she ate, some hours later she threw it all up again. Setsuna was very concerned when she hold her again shortly before they left. She already wanted to call a doctor, but Michiru told her that she was okay. That she wanted to come with them. To Minako's birthday. To see something else than the empty house. To do something else than waiting. Again she heard Makoto's whisper that it was surely the shock and that the senshi of the sea would be fine again in some days.

But Michiru knew that she would never be fine again.

I can't forget six years!

She took a deep breath and drank some more gulps. The nausea increased again inside her belly and her head started to hurt. She felt weak and tired. But she didn't want to leave her friends. Real friends. Setsuna and Makoto didn't ask a lot. They only cleaned the house, cared for Hotaru and kept an eye on Michiru while she was taking a bath. Finally Setsuna helped her with her clothes and her hairs while Makoto informed the others that they would come a little bit later.

They didn't ask about the bad argument. Nor why Haruka suddenly decided to leave. They only cared for her. To show her that she was not alone. That there was still someone there for her.

But her looks were very concerned although they tried to hide it.

"I still can't believe that I am really here." Sighed Ami and rolled her eyes as Rei put determinedly her books aside.

"Because you can't resist my pleading eyes." Laughed Minako and embraced her, too. Ami blushed and looked helpless around. But Makoto only laughed while Rei and Usagi started a new argument. Now it was about a silly boy group Rei loved and Usagi simply couldn't hear.

"Where's Mamoru?" Setsuna looked around and ordered something to drink for her, too. Michiru didn't understand what it was, but she was sure that it was a juice or something like that. Setsuna was the oldest of them. She drove the car. She needed to have a clear head to collect them all again around midnight to get them home. In one piece.

"He has an important test to write tomorrow. So he learns." Said Usagi and forgot for some moments her argument. "The gift is from me and from him. He's very sorry, but..."

"Hey, it's okay." Minako smiled as she unwrapped the gift. "Then we'll give another party when he has time. Maybe a picnic? The summer weather is so nice."

"Oh, please! That would be better than this disco." Sighed Ami but smiled as Minako tried to tickle her. It took the senshi of love some attempts but finally the water senshi burst out into laughter and asked laughing for forgiveness.

Once there had been times when I tickled my Ruka the same way.

Michiru swallowed hard as she heard again the low laughter in her mind. A laughter she could listen to for hours. Now she would probably never hear it again.

The nausea increased inside her belly and she asked what she should throw up this time. She didn't eat a lot. Only an apple. And that was several hours ago.

"'cuse me." She whispered and rose from her chair. For a moment there was dead silence at the table and all stared at her. Or at least tried not to stare at her so openly.

"Can I help you?" offered Setsuna and rose, too.

"No, I just need to go to the bathroom. Arigato." Without looking again into surprised and partly sad eyes she went away. Trying to make her way through all the people. Of course the bathroom was on the other side of the disco. She had to go around the dance floor and to the bar. She had ever been here but Usagi had to go just some minutes after they arrived and of course she had to tell them all about her dangerous journey.

Hell, I am so tired.

Michiru blinked and took a deep breath. The smoke was thick here at the dance floor. She didn't like cigarettes and her eyes started to burn. The nausea became worse and she forced herself to carry on. Just to cross the dance floor. Next to dancing couples. The music was still so crazy and Michiru wondered herself how any one could dance to that strange rhythm. But the couples obviously could.

Michiru swallowed hard and didn't want to remember the dance she had shared with her Ruka just some days ago. How her lover had hold her tight. Rocked her so gently. To romantic classical music. In one of the best restaurants of Tokyo. Till they closed.

She told me that she loves me.

The sea goddess shook her head and finally left the dance floor.

Or was that also a mistake? Was that just another lie? Was that...

Her mind stopped to think. Her heart stopped to beat. Her body stopped to move. Frozen she stood there and stared at the shadow near the bar. A shadow she knew too well. She would recognize out of one million people.

Ruka?

She blinked and frowned. What was her girlfriend doing here? She never came to such places, because she didn't like the music, too. And she hated alcohol. And cigarettes.

Or was that just another lie?

Michiru saw the half emptied whiskey glass standing at the bar. And she saw the red haired young woman sitting next to her Ruka. Very close. Too close.

She has nice hairs.

Michiru swallowed hard.

And big breasts.

Automatically she clenched her fists. Still not able to move. Although she wanted to scream. To shout. To beat around her.

Is she her new girlfriend?

She knew the answer when the young woman suddenly leaned forward and kissed the tall blonde. The senshi of the wind didn't push her away. Instead she embraced her and hold her tight.

Just like she held me tight...

Tears shimmered in deep blue eyes as Michiru simply turned around and stumbled over to the bathroom door. It was empty and she was grateful. She went into the first cabin and locked herself. Then she sat down on the toilet and stared with blank eyes at the closed door.

I am tired... of you never being around. 

Again she heard the raging voice in her head. Again she saw those insensible dark green eyes staring coldly at her.

I had much to do with my concerts.

Michiru lowered her head and covered her burning face with her trembling hands. Still there were no tears running down her pale face. And she asked herself if she really went insane. If she turned into ice inside. That she couldn't even cry about the great loss in her now so senseless life.

But is that a reason for taking the first silly girl into her bed?

Again she saw the kiss before her eyes. A deep kiss. A passionate kiss. Surely they would soon go. To their new flat somewhere. Into a big bed. Making...

"No!" whimpered the sea goddess and put her hands on her ears. But the voice didn't die away in her dizzy mind.

See it, Michiru!

She's more beautiful than you!

Look at her big breasts!

You have nothing to bid.

With your small, thin body!

Surely she has more money than you beggar.

And there's no child crying the whole night!

She's perfect.

She can give your Ruka so much more.

Freedom.

Independence.

More spare time.

She doesn't press her into the role of being Sailor Uranus.

She doesn't force her to save the world. Every time a youma appears.

"What about love?" whispered Michiru.

Have you seen that body?

Surely she's much older than you.

And much more experienced.

Surely she's a great lover.

"What about the love of the heart?"

What's better?

A good lover in the bed?

Or a lover by heart who's never around?

Who leaves her alone with a crying child?

Who forces her to be a housewife?

Who only cares for her violin during the end of summer and Christmas?

Who's only a beggar!

"No!" Michiru's body trembled and she clenched her fists over her ears.

"No..." She knew that it was over. Really over. Her Ruka would never return home. She would never take her into her arms. Would never say that she loved her. Would never again care for her. For her and Himme-chan. For the persons she once called her family.

"NO!"

The scream was full of despair. It didn't sound like a human's scream any more. It sounded like an animal's scream. An animal being trapped in a cage and facing its death.

"NO!"

There was no one around who could hear it. Michiru was alone. All alone.

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"An apple juice with lemon lemonade." Makoto sighed deeply as she sat down on a chair at the bar. She thanked the waiter as she took her glass and turned around to watch the dance floor. She danced the past two hours and now she felt very exhausted.

Rei and Usagi waved over to her and automatically she waved back. They both had grabbed each other's hands and swirled over the whole dance floor. Laughing like maniacs. They both had some glasses of champagne and it seemed to be a little bit too much. Of course they crashed into some other people, but they only laughed and some even joined them. Soon they danced around the whole disco as if it was carnival. They all laughed and the DJ reacted and a funny song was played.

They are so crazy.

Makoto grinned and waved again back while she drank some gulps of her cool apple juice. It was a great happy birthday party Minako wouldn't forget so easily.

The senshi of thunder searched the dance floor and found the persons she searched the last ten minutes. Minako and Ami danced, too. But they ignored the fast rhythm. A waltz seemed to play in their minds as they rocked slowly over the dance floor. Rocked, well, they stumbled and reeled while they moved slowly. Ami only drank half of a glass of red vine, because Minako finally convinced her that it was delicious. But those gulps were enough to make her drunk. She simply couldn't bare alcohol. Minako didn't drink that much. Only the drinks she drank when the unwrapped her gifts. To show them around with pride.

Surely she only wanted to have the courage to ask her.

Makoto's smile got tenderly as she remembered how Minako blushed as she asked Ami if she would dance with her. Of course a giggling Ami agreed and as soon as they were on the dance floor Minako took her senshi of water tight into her arms. That had been now a long time ago. And Ami didn't seem to be disturbed. She had closed her eyes and leaned her head against Minako's shoulder. The senshi of love smiled the whole time and seemed to be very content with herself.

They should be more open about their feelings.

But Makoto knew how hard it was for Ami to show any feelings. She spent her whole childhood alone and still now her mother never had time for her. Her luck was that she awoke one day as Sailor Mercury and simply belonged to them. To a big, lively family. To funny friends. And somehow to an always crazy Minako who had the strangest ideas the whole time.

Everyone has a partner.

Makoto sighed deeply and looked over to Usagi and Rei. Usagi loved her Mamoru and since Chibiusa came into their life they knew that they would marry some day. And Rei had the poor young man at the temple who was still to shy to show his feelings. But Rei was patient in that way. The first time that she showed any patience. And Makoto was somehow relieved that she didn't push him.

So it's only me left.

Makoto shivered as she thought of her empty flat. Of the chaos she simply couldn't get tidy before Setsuna fetched her up in the afternoon.

And Setsuna.

But Makoto didn't worry about the senshi of time any longer. Not after she had seen the cute young man who came to the library and rent a book about far away galaxies every Wednesday. How his light green eyes started to sparkle whenever she smiled and handled him a new book. Often he stroke nervously at his long silver hairs and looked fascinated over to her. And Setsuna looked back - with the same expression on her face. It was only a matter of time until Setsuna found her luck, too.

No one should be all alone.

Makoto swallowed hard and tried to calm herself. She wasn't alone, she scolded herself. She had great friends. And for the first time after her parent's death a real family. She could lean on them and whenever she fell she knew that they would be there to catch her.

"Makoto?"

She drank another gulp of her apple juice and turned away from the dance floor. Looking surprised into worried dark eyes.

"What's up, Sets?" she asked alarmed and felt suddenly very sick. Because there was someone missing on the dance floor. Someone she didn't see during the past hours. Without noticing it.

"Michiru is in the bathroom. She locked herself and doesn't want to come out." Declared the senshi of time and her shoulders fell down. "I talked to her for the last hour but she simply refuses to open the door."

Of course I didn't pay attention. Because she had always been together with her Haruka...

"Can you break somehow the lock?" Setsuna looked now really desperate.

"If you pay the bill." Makoto put the glass back to the bar and showed the waiter that she would be back in some minutes. "Then let's go." She declared and followed Setsuna.

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"I'll take her home." Whispered Setsuna and Makoto nodded.

"Shall I come with you?" The senshi of thunder looked into a pale face. A tired face. A face that didn't seem to realize what was going around.

"No. Just take care for our crazy girls. I'll be back as soon as possible."

Makoto remembered how they found Michiru in the afternoon and swallowed.

"But..."

"She'll stay this night with Ikkuko. Usagi can sleep this night in Chibiusa's bed." Setsuna made such a determined face that Makoto knew that the future queen wouldn't argue tonight. Especially not after the alcohol she drunk.

"Okay."

Makoto stroke carefully through sea green strands. But Michiru didn't look up. She didn't seem to see her anymore. Her eyes were again so wide and so empty. So expressionless. Makoto shivered slightly. She had felt real panic when Michiru didn't answer in the bathroom. When she knocked on the door and no one opened. No one reacted. No one shouted back.

Again she felt the deep relieved when she kicked the door open and Michiru only sat there on the closed lit. That she didn't do crazy things as she just had feared.

"Everything will be fine, Michiru." She whispered but Michiru didn't answer. She only stared at the floor and let Setsuna taking her right arm to guide her.

"She just needs some days." The senshi of time shrugged helpless her shoulders. She feared that just some days were too less. Maybe that wound wouldn't heal within some weeks or months. Or even years. "Come, sea beauty."

She kissed her.

Michiru swallowed and simply followed her friend to the exit.

Surely she's now in her apartment...

Makoto watched them for some moments and turned around. Again she sat down on the chair and hold her now warm apple juice in her hands. Suddenly she felt sick. Haruka didn't call them up. No one of them. Not even Setsuna she trusted the most -right after Michiru. It seemed as if she disappeared into nothing. Just like Michiru told them this afternoon.

Is it true?

Makoto emptied her glass and sighed deeply.

Aren't they a couple any longer? Isn't Haruka Himme-chan's daddy any longer? Did we lost a good friend?

Again she saw Haruka teasing so loving with the little girl. Looking so proudly. Being so tenderly with little Hotaru. Makoto shook her head and left her chair to join the others. To tell them what just happened. To remind them that it was almost midnight. That it was better to get their things and to get ready for leaving.

The senshi of thunder thanked the waiter as he took her empty glass and froze in motion as she heard the low voice asking for another whiskey. Her brown eyes grew wide as she saw the tall blonde sitting at the chair next to her. Being obviously drunk. Deadly drunk.

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It was a clear night. The moon shone down on the earth. On the ocean, being steady in motion. Of the bending road. Of the silver Ferrari speeding up. More and more. Until it started to slip. It crashed loudly as the right mudguard touched the crash-barrier. Metal screamed and the right headlight exploded in a small ball of fire. The lights went out and now the brakes screamed, too. The whole car shivered and tried to break out. It swirled around itself for several times until it stopped near the cliff.

"Nani?"

The door was slowly opened and the loud music soon filled the calm night. The radio was still working, but the front seemed to be damaged. The whole bonnet looked crumbled and the mirror disappeared into nothing. Only some wires remembered of it.

"Nani?"

She looked at the broken light for some seconds before she started desperately to giggle. She hold her suddenly aching belly and giggled even louder. Until she had to laugh. To laugh loudly until tears ran over her pale cheeks. She simply couldn't stop laughing. Until her legs trembled too much. Until she lost her strength. Until she went on her knees before the glass and the metal that covered the street now.

Still laughing.

"You look like bullshit..." she laughed and pointed at the car. "You look like me..." Again she laughed. Harder. Louder. Lower. More desperate.

"You're only a bloody car, don't ya know?" she took a deep breath and simply let herself fall back. On the cold, hard underground of the street. Now looking up to the endless sky. A dark sky. A cloudless sky.

"How could you ever be more important to me than my family?" she whispered, still giggling. She was dead drunk and somehow she knew it. "How could I ever thought that you're important to me?" More giggling. It sounded now desperate and sad. And very alone.

Some stars were sparkling next to the moon. Automatically she stretched her arms. In the hope to touch them. As she had done when she was a little child.

"Mama..." she giggled and shook her head. "Papa..."

Don't let other suffer.

She turned her head and looked again at the crumbled bonnet. Again she heard the voice yelling in her mind. That it was her Ferrari. That it was her house. That it were her furniture.

"Guess I should do something..." she giggled, not caring that she talked to her car. That it had to look very silly how she laid next to her car. Talking to it as if it was her best friend. Her only friend...

Two weeks.

She swallowed hard and closed her burning eyes.

Only two weeks. How shall I survive them?

But she knew she had to. There were many things to do. And two weeks were even too less to get it all done.

I should stop moaning and start thinking.

She giggled again and clenched her fists.

As long as I am sober again.

Again she giggled and more tears ran over her pale cheeks.

"Do you know what, sweet car?" she laughed as she came again hard to her feet. To get home. Somehow. To a home that didn't exist any longer. "Guess it's time to make my last will."

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	4. Chapter 2: Broken dreams 2

It was cold in the huge hall. She was cold. And tired.

"nana..." Hotaru babbled in her dreams and hold her toy bunny tighter in her arms. She looked cute in her summer dress. And otherwise her mother she didn't freeze at all. A thin blanket covered her legs and she smiled in her innocent child's dreams.

I love you, honey.

Michiru smiled and sighed deeply. It had taken her some hours to convince the others that she was fine. That she could return into the light house. That she was able to live alone again. That she would never do crazy things as long as she still had her daughter.

Setsuna looked really concerned and Makoto simply didn't want to let her go. But finally they had to see that she was nineteen and old enough to decide alone. Of course they all reminded her that she should call them whenever she needed any help.

Help...

Michiru pushed her summer hat deeper into her sea green curls and folded her hands nervously in her lap. She wore a summer dress, too. It was dark blue and touched her feet when she walked. She liked it. It fitted to her mood. And it was the only dress she bought without Haruka being around.

Ruka...

Michiru swallowed hard and scolded herself for the umpteenth time that she should stop to moan. That life had to go on. And even if it wasn't for herself, she should try to go on for her daughter.

And for Kei...

She raised her head as some people passed by. A police man smiled encouraged at her and a police woman even stopped and talked a little bit to her. About the sweet baby. About the reason she was here and waiting. About the future and that she shouldn't give up her hope. Surely the police woman wished her good luck for another reason, but Michiru thanked her silently for her sympathy and her friendly smile.

Will he be a different Kei?

She bit on her lower lip. It was now eight years that she had seen him the last time. Eight long years. Since that day he escaped the orphan's house and simply disappeared. Until she got the letter three years ago that told her that she would probably never see him again. Again she remembered the letter she got some weeks ago that told her that he still needed her.

Michiru looked at the sleeping Hotaru and on her pale reflection in the glass window opposite.

The same I need him.

He's now twenty two...

She raised her head again as the heavy door was pushed open. A police man talked friendly to a young man and they both smiled as they shook hands.

"Behave yourself, boy. I don't want to see you here again."

"I won't return, chief. I learned my lesson."

Michiru opened her mouth but couldn't say a word as she heard the well known voice. She simply rose from the bank and stepped next to the pram. Hotaru was still sleeping and munched happily.

Kei?

She looked at the young man. His dark hairs touched his shoulders and he was taller than she remembered. Much taller. He really grew up a real man. A beautiful man.

What am I doing here? Maybe he doesn't recognize me at all. Maybe he doesn't want me any more.

As he turned around she looked into his face. He shaved this morning but she could see the dark hairs on his neck where he forgot to shave. His dark eyes were still the same.

Kei...

She wanted to shout at him. To yell at him. To run over to him. But she couldn't move. She simply stood there. Seizing suddenly very hard on the pram. Trembling as if she was a leaf in the cold autumn's storms.

Slowly but determined he walked over to her. Looked deep into her blue eyes. Saw the tears shimmering there. Saw the pale skin. Saw the lack of sleep and the shivering body. A body that was too thin for her seize.

"Princess?" he asked and looked from her to the pram and back. Saw now tears running over pale cheeks. "So you've actually come. I didn't expect that." He whispered and frowned as Michiru didn't reply anything.

"You look hurt, my princess." Kei raised his hands and wiped away those tears. Suddenly the young woman started to sob and more tears ran over her cheeks. "Did anyone hurt you, my princess?" he asked and swallowed hard as an expression appeared on her face he had only seen once in his life. Swearing that no one would ever hurt her again in the way her mother had done.

"I..." sobbed Michiru and lowered her head. "It's all my fault..." for the first time since Haruka closed the door behind herself the sea senshi couldn't hold back her tears any longer. They simply streamed over her face and her heart hurt too much. She sobbed and trembled even more.

"Hush, my princess." Again she felt those soft arms around her body. As she had felt for so many times in her childhood. In her damn, dark childhood she tried so desperately to escape. Kei simply ran away, she got to know her Ruka. Suddenly she didn't know whom of them did the bigger mistake.

Blind she grabbed for his shirt and hold it desperately tight. She didn't want to let him go again. Never again.

"I am here, princess." Whispered Kei and stroke carefully over a small back. Wondering what happened while he had been away. Wondering how his Michiru could be that desperate. Wondering who the little girl was. Wondering why Michiru claimed that her sadness was all her fault. "I am here, princess. As I promised."

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"Ouch..." She gasped hard for breath as she reached over to the bottle and emptied it over the table. A lot of pills fell on the glass and she picked some with her trembling hands and swallowed them quickly. She made a face and grabbed her orange juice to get rid of the bitter aftertaste.

"Ouch..." Slowly she leaned back on the couch and held her belly. She brought her legs nearer to her body and simply took the remote control in her hand. The music increased. Filled her mind. Her whole world.

The pills now covered some sheet of papers. The telephone worked but she had to interrupt the phone call as the pain flashed again through her belly.

I forgot the time.

She had to take those bitter pills regularly and every time she simply forgot it. Until the pain remembered her. Mostly too late. When she finally took her medicine she could nothing do than to lay down and wait. For the next hour. Until the pain was bearable. Until it was gone again. For the next three or four hours.

Better I'll buy an alarm clock to remember me.

She closed her eyes and tried to breath regularly. As the doctor had told her when she asked for new medicine. She needed too much pills. She simply took too much. But she didn't care about that. It didn't make a difference. It only helped her to survive the time that was left for her. In a better way. With a clear mind. To get the things done.

"Ouch..." Again another flash and she winced wildly. She curled up in a ball and covered herself with the thin blanket. It was another hot summer day and she only wore her black shirt. But still it was too hot. She sweat but didn't dare to use the tube. She feared that her pain would return that very moment and that she would drown before that very day. The last important day in her life.

She turned her head and looked with feverish sparkling eyes into the TV. She didn't turn it out. Not even in the night when she tried at least to get some sleep. Her dark eyes were empty as she watched the persons dancing over the screen. Laughing happily into the camera. Being a small family.

Haruka sighed deeply and was grateful as the pain decreased slowly. Normally she had an appointment with the doctor today. For some other tests. For the operation. But she wasn't sure if she should go to the hospital. Somehow all seemed to be so damn senseless. Her whole life. Everything.

The door bell rang again. For the tenth time this afternoon. But she didn't care. She only laid there and stared at the screen.

Surely it's Tara.

The red haired girl used every chance to talk to her. The one time she said that she had no more sugar and wanted to borrow some from her. The next time she forgot to buy some eggs. And then she needed some coffee. Always she stood on the corridor of the house. Only wearing a white shirt. That showed her female outlines. That showed her breasts. That wasn't even closed properly.

More bell ringing.

Haruka sighed deeply and took the remote control to reach again the CD player's limits. Soon the bell ringing gave up and the tall blonde risked it to sit up. Still holding her aching belly with her left hand she took the sheet of paper in her right hand and read the few lines she'd written. Deeply she sighed. Then she switched off the CD player and dialled a number.

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"First I'll make you a nice hot milk." Kei watched how Michiru sat down on the huge couch and put the child's seat with the little girl next to her. She nodded, but didn't look up.

"The kitchen is over there." The voice was silent, nothing more than a whisper. Kei nodded and turned around. His eyes grew wider with every room he saw. The house was huge and surely it had been expensive. The kitchen contained more electrical machines he had ever seen before and the fridge almost exploded because of a lot of food. There was a lot of children's mash, too.

How can she afford such a big house?

A taxi brought them out to this house standing all alone on a hill. Overlooking the beach. Near to the sea.

She's a famous musician now, Kei.

The young man sighed deeply as he opened the milk bottle.

She isn't such a looser like you.

The microwave oven heated the milk quickly and after some seconds he decided to prepare a baby mash. The little girl had looked hungry and cried a little bit while they get home.

She didn't follow the family's tradition ...

"Arigato." Michiru smiled sadly as she took the mash. She already hold the baby in her arms and the little girl grabbed hungry for the spoon and munched happily. She awoke shortly after the young woman started so desperately to cry. She was maybe one year old. And she said only one word. A word that shocked Kei who didn't know about that. She called the young violinist mommy.

"She's your daughter?" he asked while he sat down opposite on a soft armchair. It looked very expensive, too.

"Hai." Pride sparkled in tired blue eyes. "She's Himme-chan." Another spoon went into a wide opened child's mouth. "I adopted her some months ago." Michiru swallowed hard. "Actually we..." Again she sobbed but took a deep breath to fed the child again.

Kei frowned and tried to remember what he read in the newspapers. Once he asked a nice police man and every time they wrote something about Kaioh Michiru he cut it out and showed it to him.

"The formula one racer?" He frowned even deeper. "Tenô Haruka?"

Michiru nodded and some tears ran over her cheeks. Tears she thought she had all cried when she fetched up Kei.

"So you're really a couple? Just like the newspapers asserted?"

"We were." Whispered Michiru and gave her daughter another spoon full mash. The little girl ate it and yawned tired. "She left me last weekend."

Kei frowned even more.

"She?" his voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"Hai, Ruka is a woman. And I loved her..." Michiru sighed deeply. "Guess I still love her." She raised her head and looked directly into dark eyes. "So you see, my life hasn't been any better than yours, Kei. I don't blame you for what you've done. I did the same bullshit!"

Kei swallowed hard. Suddenly he remembered being once to the cinema with his Michiru. The only time they could go. It was about a woman who simply didn't fit into society. Who had her own head. Who couldn't deal with people. Michiru had been fascinated by that actress. She called her beautiful and dreamed of her for the next weeks. Kei had suspected the reason but he hadn't been sure. Michiru had been just ten years old when they watched that film.

"I am a lesbian, Kei. My lover left me. I have a small child, no home and no hope any more." Sobbed Michiru and shook her head. "I only wanted to have a family. At last a proper family. But with my wish I pushed Ruka aside. She wasn't prepared to be a daddy now and I simply didn't see it. Until it was too late..."

Kei stood up and kneeled before her. He stroke over round cheeks and the little girl laughed happily at him. Still munching. Grabbing for the spoon. Smiling loving at her mommy.

"I earned enough money with my music to raise her and to have a nice life, Kei. I don't complain about that part. But..." Michiru shook her head again. "But that's not what I always wanted to have. That's not my dream of a family. That's not the wish I had when those adopt families pushed me away. Again and again."

Kei raised his hands and touched her pale cheeks. To wipe again away those tears. As he had done just some hours ago. As he had done all of their childhood.

"I simply wanted to have a family. A place where I belong. And I thought... thought that I found this place in Ruka. And Himme-chan..." Michiru lowered her head and more tears ran over her cheeks. "I am a terrible lover, a terrible musician and a terrible mother..." she sobbed helpless.

"No, you are not." Replied Kei, still stroking burning cheeks. "I've heard some of your CDs, they are great. And this child seems to love you with all her tiny heart. You're a good mother. I always knew that you will be a good mother. And you're the friendliest person I ever met. You grew up, princess. You're now a real woman. A real adult. And as I can see a real mommy." He smiled sadly into watery blue eyes. "I did so much mistakes in my life and you simply come after a small letter and fetch me up. To give me a second chance. To trust me again." He felt how she trembled and carefully took the baby in his strong arms. To finish to feed her. Michiru automatically wrapped her arms around her body and looked suddenly very fragile. The way he never wanted to see her again.

"That Haruka must be a real asshole if she didn't see that you're something special, princess. If she's so dump to leave you like that she's nothing worth."

Michiru sobbed even harder and he sighed deeply. He knew that it would take a long time to come over the pain. He once fell in love with a girl, too. But she didn't want him. Not after she got to know who he really was. Still the pain was in his heart but it decreased and he was now able to live with it.

"I know that... that..." Michiru choked and leaned back against the couch. "I know that you surely have a lot of plans now that you're free. And..." She shook her head again and sea green curls feel into her pale face. "But I have some important concerts and I simply... I simply don't want to be alone any longer and..." she sighed deeply. "Can you please stay for the next weeks. To take care for Himme-chan and ... and for me, too?" She raised her head and looked directly into his tenderly smiling face.

"Of course, my princess." He whispered and fed Hotaru with another spoon full of mash. "I promised you to be there for you. Whenever you need me, princess. I'll hold my promise."

That's what Ruka once promised me, too...

Michiru nodded, more tears streaming over her cheeks.

"And now tell me what happened during the past years. Just tell your old Kei. I'll listen and don't worry, I won't be shocked." Said Kei encouraged. "I've done so many bad things in my life, you won't shock me."

"Not even by being a lesbian?"

"Not even by being the most loving woman I've ever seen."

Michiru nodded and started to talk in a quiet, but calm voice. Kei listened her the whole time. In silence. In understanding. In love.

dbdbdb

The bell rang. In the middle of the night.

"Princess? It's someone called Makoto." Said Kei as he entered her sleeping room and tried to wake her up.

"Nani?" Michiru sat up and rubbed her tired eyes.

"She said something about a fire and she sounded very sad."

The next moment Michiru was out of the bed and downstairs. And at the telephone. To listen to a crying voice.

The next ten minutes a taxi drove away from the light house by the sea.

dbdbdb

"Can't believe that's all what's left over." Makoto looked at her schoolbag. She still wore her pyjama and hold a small toy doggy tight in her arms. Her hairs were opened and looked messed. A photo album laid on the school bag. And there was a cook book. With a signature of a famous cook.

"As long as you're in security." Michiru shivered and looked back at the still burning house. Different firemen fought still against the fire. But it looked senseless. Soon the whole house would break down and than it would be destroyed for all times. They had luck. Very big luck. It broke out in the middle of the night and only because one of the inhabitants came back from night shift they didn't burn in the flames. He saw the fire shortly after midnight and woke them all up after he called the fire brigade. They all grabbed some things and ran out of the street. To see how the flames grew higher and stronger. Until they destroyed the whole building.

"But... all my things..." whispered Makoto still shocked.

"We'll buy you new clothes and new pots and whatever you need." Michiru went over to the school bag and opened the photo album. It showed a small child laughing happily in her parent's embrace. "It looks as if you saved the important things. The rest is replaceable."

Makoto turned around, looked at the photos, the only thing that was left over from her parents, and nodded slightly. Then she hold her old toy tighter in her hands. She felt how Michiru stripped her jacket and pulled it around her shaking shoulders.

"Don't worry, Makoto. We'll find a way." Michiru took her phone and dialled a number. "First you can live with me. I have plenty room. As long as Himme-chan's crying doesn't annoy you. Tomorrow we'll call the others and then we'll find a solution. Okay?"

"Okay." Whispered Makoto back. Still too shocked to get a clear thought in her dizzy mind.

Five minutes later a taxi came and they drove to the light house by the sea. Makoto felt like in a movie where she wasn't the actress but the watcher as she stumbled over to the entrance door. Michiru carried her school bag and Makoto giggled sadly as she wondered why the hell she took her school books. She wasn't Ami. But somehow it had been a reflex. She knew she couldn't take her books, her clothes or her pots with her. So she took the only things she ever wrote or ever made by herself.

"I..." her voice died away as a young man opened the door. He wore jeans and a green shirt and smiled at the both of them. His dark hairs were shoulder long and concern laid in his dark eyes. Makoto froze in motion and it was Michiru who pushed her into the house.

"Who's that?" she managed to ask and started even more to freeze.

"Kei, that's Makoto. She's one of my best friends." Introduced Michiru and Makoto felt how a nice warm hand took her cold one and shook it tenderly. Automatically she bowed, too.

"Makoto, that's Kei. He's my brother."

dbdbdb

"She never mentioned an older brother." Makoto danced around in the kitchen. The nightmares disappeared with dawn and she felt suddenly happy. This kitchen was even better than her own one. A kitchen that had never owned her. But her landlord. The insurance would pay him and all she had to do was to search for another flat. Although she wasn't sure if she'd ever find such a cheap one again. Michiru told her that she could stay as long as she wanted and that they would go shopping as soon as she had time. There were some more rehearsals and in the meantime Makoto could use her clothes.

Of course all the inner senshi were there, too. They called them early in the morning and they all called Mamoru to drive them to the light house. Makoto was hugged very tight by everyone and more than one pair of eyes was full of tears. And deep concern. That they almost lost her. Because of a bloody fire.

Now they were all sitting in the living room and waiting for a late breakfast. Of course they wanted to help Makoto but she wanted to cook on her own. Just like she always did. What calmed her down. What comforted her. What was fun for her.

"Well, I am not the brother everyone shows around with pride." Answered Kei and looked for the plates. Usagi broke one and now they all were busy to comfort her. And to find another one. Because Chibiusa didn't want to eat from her hands. "The last three years I spent in jail."

Kei took a deep breath and opened another compartment. But there were only cups. Now it was out. He learned early in his life that it was better to tell the future just before other people started to like him for what he seemed to not for what he really was.

"What have you done?" Makoto concentrated on her eggs in the frying pane and reached for the salt. Then she checked the coffee and the milk. Chibiusa was too young to drink the dark, bitter drink. "Did you kill someone? Or rape? Or blackmail?" Her voice was calm but Kei knew that most of the people behaved nicely until they were fed up with him. Until they lost patience.

"Hey, you have a real cruel imagination." He giggled but turned serious again. "No, I've stolen some things to get by and... well, guess I was a little bit too greedy and too young. The police got me." He balanced the plate he finally found in his hands.

Makoto turned around and watched him for some seconds in silence. Then she smiled at him.

"Everyone makes mistakes time by time. Don't worry." The senshi of thunder remembered how many time Sailor Moon was able to forgive an enemy. An enemy who helped her afterwards. Who got friendlier and happier. Who used the second chance he or she got.

"Would you please bring the breakfast to the table? I am changing my clothes and waking Michiru up. She's still sleeping, isn't she?" Shortly they exchanged sad glances. Then Makoto left the kitchen. She got another room upstairs. It took her just some minutes to find the training suit Ikkuko had sent her to change. She brushed her hairs and held them together in a plaid. Then she knocked at Michiru's sleeping room door and opened it after no one replied. The bed was empty. The blanket was messed as if someone slept restless the whole night.

Poor Michiru.

Makoto crossed the room. She tried very hard to find Haruka. In Tokyo. Somewhere. But no one seemed to see her. Not even her racing team knew where she was. They searched her, too. It was as if she simply disappeared into nothing. Closed the door behind her and flew away. Makoto wasn't even sure if it had been Haruka she'd seen in the disco. Right at the moment she wanted to go over to the dead drunk woman Usagi and Rei attacked her with her dancing and wanted her to join them. As she was finally able to go back to the bar the seat was empty. The woman whoever she had been was gone.

"Michiru?"

She heard the choking noise behind a closed door. Slowly she opened it and saw Michiru kneeling over the toilet. Throwing up the few things she ate for dinner.

"Michiru?" Makoto was by her side the next moment and hold her tight. To prevent that she would hurt herself. As Michiru finally leaned back the senshi of thunder looked into tired blue eyes.

Haruka, what have you done?

Makoto swallowed hard and reached for a flannel to clean the pale face.

Michiru, why can't you simply let go?

But she knew that it wasn't that easy. It never had been.

"What's up with you?" Makoto sighed slightly. "Did you have a nightmare?"

The sea senshi freed herself out of the nice embracement and stroke her sea green curls on her small back.

"Guess now I am getting a flu." She whispered and closed her eyes. "Don't worry, Makoto. I'll bee okay, soon." Michiru smiled sadly. "I just need my time."

"I know." Makoto took the flannel away and stood up. Unsure what to do.

"I am fine, Makoto. Just go to the others. I'll join you as soon as I am dressed."

"Okay." Makoto opened the door again. "But tell me if you need anything. Remember, we're your friends. We're always there for you."

Michiru only nodded and winced slightly as the door was carefully closed again.

Just a flu?

The sea senshi sat down on the soft carpet and leaned herself against the cold tiles.

Just a nightmare?

Michiru placed two hands on her belly and looked thoughtfully at them. Her last period was now almost three months ago. That was normal for her. Haruka had always have the problem that her period was very regular and very strong. Michiru had the opposite problem. Her time of the months needed its time. Long time. Sometimes she would bleed just once in two months, sometimes only twice in a year. Her doctor once told her that it was normal. That she was still young. That her body still grew. That it would be better after she'd given birth to her first child.

Child...

Carefully she stroke over her belly and remembered the conversation she had with Haruka. Just half a year ago. When the young car racer was determined to adopt Himme-chan. Michiru had asked her if she wanted ever to have own children. Haruka simply took her into her arms and whispered that she'd love to have a child with her. One day. But that they both were women and that this was only a wish. That not even Sailor Moon was powerful enough to full fill it. That she was happy to have Himme-chan.

Michiru swallowed hard and remembered too well her nineteenth birthday. She had been so happy as Haruka won the Grand Prix and danced with her over the whole stage. Splashing her with champagne. Showing the whole world that she belonged to her. She didn't even care that her girlfriend forgot her birthday. She simply took her into her arms and loved her. And wished. Wished deeply. With all her soul. With all her heart. With all her supernatural powers.

Again she remembered how exhausted Haruka had been afterwards. As exhausted as she had never been after they made love. As exhausted as she simply couldn't have been in her trained state of body.

She looked as if something was taken from her. Given it away took all her strength...

Michiru swallowed hard and came hard to her feet. To went over in her sleeping room. To dress up. To get ready for another long day.

To find finally an answer. At least one answer in her now so confusing life.

dbdbdb

Congratulation. 

Silently the door closed behind her.

Congratulation. 

Silently she stood there on the staircase. Leaning against the cold handrail. Feeling the hot sun burning in her pale face. Automatically she lifted her hand and corrected the summer hat.

Congratulation. 

She stood there. Simply stood there. She didn't know how much time passed. She only stood there. Watching the children screaming on the near playground. Laughing happily when their older brother or sister or even their parents haunted them. To embrace them. To hold them tight. To tickle them.

To love them with a love only a parent knew.

Congratulation. 

Some birds flew through the cloudless sky. A soft breeze played with her long hairs, her long summer dress. Some cars passed by. Slowly. Some people walked by. Not noticing her. Not caring for her. Not seeing her at all.

Congratulation. 

Again she heard the soft voice in her head. Again she saw into a proud face. Again she felt how she stared back. Unbelieving. Not sure if she should start to laugh or to cry.

Is this a dream?

She sighed deeply and looked down at her suddenly trembling body. Although it was another hot day. Of an endless summer. In an endless pain... Carefully, very, very carefully she placed her icy hands over her slim body. Still slim body. Still feeling the cold fluid on her white skin. Still seeing the strange picture on the screen. Still hearing the fast heart beat. That wasn't hers.

Is this a dream?

Once it had been her greatest dream. Her greatest desire. Her greatest wish. Unreachable for her. Only a child's promise. To have a big family one day. To be a good mother one day. To make it better than her own mother once had done.

And now?

Slowly her dream changed into reality. And she didn't knew if she didn't awake in a horrible nightmare. A nightmare she would never be able to escape again.

Congratulation. 

It was all her fault. She prayed for it. With all her heart. With all her love. With all her supernatural powers. Now she had to live with the consequences.

All alone...

She turned her head and looked for a long time on the violin case standing next to her on the staircase. It was only one hour that her rehearsal would start. An important rehearsal of an important concert. Suddenly it didn't seem to be any important at all to her.

... of you never being at home! 

Again she heard the raging voice in her head. Wondered if those words had been true. If she really had never been at home. If she never really cared about her daughter. If she only hide herself behind her music. In her own world as Ruka once whispered. Before they found the talismans. Before they had the final fight against Mistress 9.

And leaving her behind...

Michiru swallowed hard and took the violin case in her hands. Slowly she walked along the street. Not caring of the cars passing by. Not caring about time floating away. Not caring that her conductor would be very angry if she wouldn't come to this rehearsal. To a bloody rehearsal. To just another rehearsal...

The last one had been one too much.

She sighed deeply and simply turned to the left. To walk up the hill. Over twenty stairs. She had counted them before. But that seemed to be a long time ago. When she visited this place for the first time. Together with her Ruka.

Ruka...

Michiru gasped hard for breath as she finally reached the top. Went through the huge portal. The last time she often felt tired and exhausted. And now she knew why. It would be normal for the next time. As normal as it became throwing up her meals. First she thought that it had been the stress. Then the alcohol after they went dancing.

That had been so romantic...

And then the shock after Haruka simply went away.

Or had it been another bloody lie?

But somehow she couldn't imagine that Haruka lied to her. Not the whole time. Not her whole love. She had never been such a good actress. Not since Michiru got to know her closer. Closer than anyone else.

To I really think so?

Michiru stopped and took another deep breath and closed her eyes. She could hear the rushes of the leaves. Green leaves. Strong leaves. So lively leaves.

Until the autumn wind will blow them away.

A light breeze played with her dress and she started to shiver. Automatically she wrapped her arms around her slim waist and smiled a sad smile as the sun shone directly into her pale face. She felt a warmth she missed during the past days. So much. Not even a hot bath could warm up her icy body. As if she was trapped in an ice block. For all times. With no chance of escape.

She put her violin case down and slipped out of her shoes. Then she entered the old temple and walked silently over the thick, old carpet. Some candles were burning in a pleasant twilight. She could smell the smoke and the old wood. She had loved that place. Whenever she was sad she came here. After each tragedy that happened in her life. After every time they beat her. After every refusal.

Until I got to know my Ruka...

Michiru went on her knees and folded her hands before her chest. She bowed and said a silent prayer she used to say. Even during the time they searched for the Talismans. That she would never have to hold her crazy promise. That she would never have to sacrifice her Ruka. That she would never have to see her dying.

Dying...

After she recognized that Haruka suffered the same she did she brought her to this temple, too. Haruka liked this place. It was so peaceful. But at the same time full of life.

Full of life...

A bird flew through the sky outside and screamed loudly.

She should be happy. She should celebrate this day. She should dance around and laugh happily. She should thank God for that great gift he offered her. She should tell it to all people she met. She should go to the mall and do shopping. The craziest shopping she had ever done. The craziest shopping she thought she would never do. She should phone, no, visit all her friends. She should take her girlfriend in her arms and kiss her. And tell her at a romantic candlelight dinner that their greatest wish was granted.

Normally.

Normally she should do that. But today wasn't normal. No day would ever be normal again. It wasn't its fault. It wasn't Hotaru's fault . It was alike how much the little child screamed. How much she dirtied. How much she needed their attention and love. It wasn't Sailor Moon's fault. Nor was it destiny's fault.

It's all my fault.

Michiru bowed again and tears shimmered in her tired eyes. She cried a lot the past days and she was fed up with crying. With walking around like a ghost. But somehow she couldn't get rid of the emptiness that controlled her body. That filled her mined. That seemed to replace her heart.

It's all my fault.

She had been the one who only cared for their mission. For searching for the talismans. She had been the one letting them make that crazy promise. She had been the one being so crazy about her music. Playing on so many concerts. Having so many rehearsals. Never being really satisfied with herself. She had been the one being so crazy about Hotaru. The one who wanted to so badly to adopt the little child. Although she had seen her girlfriend's struggle during the first two months. Until she simply went to one of her concerts and left Ruka all alone with the little baby.

It's all my fault.

She had been the one pressing Haruka in a role that didn't suit her. That didn't fit her. That was still too big for her.

It's all my fault.

Michiru had pushed her further and further. Further than Haruka could bare at her young age. She hadn't been prepared of being a daddy. Of being a wife. Of being saviour of this world. All she ever wanted to do was racing her car. Being free. Independent.

It's all my fault.

The sea senshi hadn't seen the signs. Until it was too late. Until there was no way back. Until there was no chance of reunion. Of forgiveness. Of any hope...

It's...

She sobbed quietly and touched again her slim belly. Stroking tenderly over the thin cloth. Knowing that this had been another decision she had made without asking her girlfriend.

At least she doesn't know how silly I have been.

"But it had been my greatest wish..." whispered Michiru and bowed. Sea green curls fell over her shoulders, the summer hat landed somewhere on the carpet.

But it hadn't been Haruka's dream.

She sighed deeply and burned a candle. To put it in front of the altar. To the other ones. Saying another prayer.

I have to stop crying.

Michiru swallowed hard.

I have to stop moaning.

Slowly she came to her feet.

I have to start living again.

Carefully she took her violin case again.

I have to find my own way again.

She turned around and slowly left the temple. The sanctuary of her childhood. The place she hide whenever she felt weak. To believe that she wasn't alone there. That there was always someone watching over her. That there was always someone needing her. Loving her.

Now she recognized how wrong she had been.

I have to laugh again.

But somehow she didn't know how she should do that.

Time heals all wounds...

"Bloody phrase!" growled Michiru and stepped again out to the lovely, bright summer day. Placing her summer hat again in her curls. Donating some coins. Looking at the ravens in a huge tree.

Congratulation. 

Again she touched her slim belly. Tears sparkled in her eyes while a thin smile appeared on her shaking lips.

"Welcome to this world, little one."

It was nothing more than a silent whisper. Just like another prayer.

Hope I'll be a good mother.

dbdbdb

She sat in the tube. There was hardly any water in there. Cold water. Running over her freezing body. But she didn't notice it. Her eyes stared at the white walls around her. Blank. Wide.

Loud music filled the air. Excluded all other noises. Cast her out from the world. The living world.

I love you, Ruka. 

Wet hairs pasted in her forehead and in her neck. Some drops ran over her small breasts and over her belly. It grew during the past week. Not much, but she noticed it. Her pants were becoming more and more narrow. But she didn't see any reason why she should buy new ones.

What for?

They would fit her for the next two weeks.

No, one and a half.

She swallowed hard and slowly reached over to the shower gel. To wash the sweat away from her body. To try to get rid of the dirt she still felt on her hands.

She knew she would have been shocked to see herself like that. Slowly putting on weight. Although she stopped eating one week ago. Just a short meal before she took her medicine. That the bitter pills could work. But all the other food she only threw up. In the middle of the night. When there was no one around. When she believed to die in the darkness. Surrounded by loud, raging music. But no one had mercy with her. Slowly but determined another dawn came and she had to face another terrible day.

The doctor told her that it was normal. That the medicine did that to her body. That the illness did that do her body. That the shadow did that to her body.

To my belly.

She lowered her gaze and saw her long legs she once had been so proud of. Now they were very thin. Just like her once so powerful arms.

It would be over after the operation. A good cure and a good therapy and she would be able to run again. Then she would regain her strength. Then the lump would disappear again from her belly.

It's all bullshit!

She started to wash her hairs. The CD player automatically repeated the song. Somewhere there was the light from the TV set. Still shinning in the darkness. Mute as always. But lively. Her only society.

They're all telling me lies!

Somewhere an alarm clock was ringing. But it died away as the music increased. As the song got more raging. Wilder. As wild as she had been. A real tomboy.

Now I am just a ghost.

She sighed deeply and stood slowly up. She reached for her towel to dry that body that didn't seem to belong to her any longer.

No. Now I am just an angel's child.

Carefully she dried herself but didn't look into the mirror. She knew she didn't want to see her reflection. Her tired eyes. Her pale face. The empty expression that made her shiver. Or was it the bitter cold she felt deep in her belly each time she remembered all the nasty words she had yelled at her lover? The most important person in her whole life...

No, it's better this way.

She turned around to walk again over to the couch. To creep under the blanket and to watch TV. The whole night. Until dawn came. Until she finally fell asleep. For some hours. Before she had to go again to the doctor and to get things done. Finally done.

It's better this way.

Haruka groaned as the pain increased again inside her body. She used the double dose the last time but somehow it didn't work any more. Not as long as it had done just some days ago. She cursed and knew that she had to change the alarm clock's time again. As she did at least once a day.

It's better this way.

She went on her knees on the carpet and hold her belly. Gasping hard for breath.

I am only an angel's child.

Everything went black and suddenly she was relieved as the impenetrable darkness surrounded her.

Waiting for my wings...

With a slight sigh she fainted.

dbdbdb

The room was white. Bright light shone through an opened window. She could feel the soft breeze playing with her sea green hairs. Slightly she frowned and looked around. There were nice pictures on the wall. Pictures she didn't drew, she didn't even knew. About an old garden. With a bridge over a small lake. It looked like a typical traditional Japanese garden. The ones she admired so much. But she never had have the time to create such a garden near her house. There were flowers on the table. Nice flowers. Six red roses and four white ones. She loved those flowers. Her favourite flowers. And Haruka's favourite flowers.

Michiru smiled and touched thoughtless the petals. They felt soft. Incredible soft. Until she recognized that they were artificial.

She was sitting in an old chair. At an old table. And she wasn't alone there. Somehow she felt that she wasn't alone in the small room. But she couldn't see anyone.

How did I come to this place?

She didn't know. The same she didn't know why she took the heavy vase and put it aside.

Where am I?

Michiru didn't know that either. But it didn't matter the next moment. The next moment she stared into dark green eyes. Wide open.

Ruka?

The sea goddess swallowed hard.

"Ruka?"

But the taller woman didn't react. She only stared at her. And right through her.

"Ruka?" Michiru rose from her chair and saw how those green eyes followed her. But the senshi of the wind still didn't react. Not even when she stepped over to her. Pushing her shoulder. Calling her name. Over and over again.

"Ruka! So say a word!"

Again those green eyes stared at her, before she turned her head away and watched the flowers. As she seemed to have done before Michiru moved.

"Haruka!" Michiru pleaded and felt tears running over her cheeks. "So say a word! Do you hear me? Can you see me? Do you recognize me?"

But the tall blonde didn't seem to. She only sat there. Staring into nothing. Into her own world.

"Ruka?"

The door was opened and some people came in. They all wear white clothes. Just like the senshi of the wind. They talked to the tall woman. But Michiru didn't understand them. She simply couldn't. She tried hard. She screamed at them, too, but they simply didn't react.

"Damn! I am real! I am here! Don't behave like that!" she screamed out loud. But they ignored her and stroke tenderly through blonde strands. As if Haruka was a small child again.

"You can't..." Michiru's voice died away as she saw the strange smile on her lover's face. The confused expression on the pale face.

"What happened?" now Michiru sobbed. Knowing that she wouldn't get any answer.

She is much improved. 

She heard the low voice in her head and swirled around. But there was no one standing behind her.

"Improved?" she whispered, not knowing what that all meant. "Improved?" Again she looked at her still staring Haruka. "You call that improved? She's a bloody zombie!" Suddenly she was very, very angry. Although she didn't know why. And she felt hurt. Misunderstood. Simply out of place.

Is that a nightmare?

Again she felt the breeze in her curls. Again she heard the birds singing outside the opened window. Again she smelled the sweets flower's scent.

No, it's all real.

She sobbed hard as she went on her knees before her still staring Haruka. Smiling at the picture.

"Ruka..." she started to talk. To remind her what they all had seen. What they all went through. Together. What they both had dreamed of. Once.

"I love you." She whispered and took that icy hand into her own one. Kissed the cold flesh. Wondering if there was still life in that slack body.

"I love you..."

There was no reply.

No matter how often she said those words. Words that once meant everything to her.

"I love you... for all time..."

She sobbed hard and sat down again on her chair. To look into a pale face. To pray to the Gods. To wait for a miracle. That would not happen.

"I love..."

At that moment Haruka rose from the chair. The long white night dress covered her feet and her hands. It seemed to be too tall. Or was Haruka suddenly too small? Her dark green eyes focused for some seconds on the smaller senshi and she smiled an honestly, a happy smile. A tenderly smile.

Love you, too. 

Michiru blinked away some tears. She wasn't sure if Haruka had said those words aloud. But somehow she had heard them in her mind. Deep in her heart. Knowing that they were still real.

"Ruka?"

She tried to get to her feet again, but suddenly she was too weak to. Too tired. Too exhausted.

"Ruka..."

The smile died away and the tall blonde laid her head in her neck. She closed her eyes and spreat her arms. The night dress looked now like a blanket. It fell from her body as the wind grew stronger. Unseen it landed on the ground. A white carpet.

"Ruka..." It was nothing more than a whisper. Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw her lover. Naked. Still the same senshi. But at the same time different. Another one.

I love you, Michi-chan. Forever. 

Again that tender voice. A voice she got to know during the past six years. She learned to love.

"Ruka..."

Michiru shook her head and gasped hard for breath as suddenly something was spreat behind Haruka's body. Behind her arms. Behind her suddenly fragile being.

"Ruka..."

White wings suddenly filled the room. From one wall to the other one. Haruka lowered her head and smiled at her lover. Without opening her eyes.

I am now your guard, Michi-chan. 

"NO!"

Finally Michiru was able to free herself from her numbness.

"NO!"

But she couldn't hold her lover back. Tightly. For all times. As she reached the other side of the table Haruka was long gone. Flown away. All that remained were the pictures on the wall. The flowers on the table. The cold wind. And something else.

Michiru bowed and stared for a long time at the feather in her trembling hands.

The feather of a white wing.

"NO!"

Of an angel's wing...

dbdbdb

"NO!"

She struggled against her blanket. Knocked over her alarm clock. Smashed the glass of water standing next to her bed. Until she finally found the button. To push it very hard. And looking with wide eyes on the small lamp light. That could hardly bright up her sleeping room.

"No..." she sobbed and her whole body trembled. Michiru swallowed hard and lowered her head. Leaned against the cold wand. Trying desperately to forget.

What a terrible nightmare!

The last nights a lot of nightmares were haunting her down. Mostly how Haruka left her. How she simply closed the door and went away. And never came back. Or how she tried to kidnap Hotaru. Or how she simply sat there at the bar and kissed a red haired bitch.

But never she had such a strange, such a frightening one.

It looked all so real...

Michiru took a deep breath and groaned as the nausea increased inside her belly. A well known nausea.

How late...

She raised her head and could see the first light of a new born day. Shinning still shyly over the still dark waves. Michiru stood up and stumbled over to the balcony door to open it wide. The fresh breeze let her shiver. Michiru stroke some sweaty curls out of her sweaty forehead and had to smile. The cold didn't matter. It all was better than those nightmares. Than her life. The worst nightmare of all.

"Shit..." she swore silently and hold her belly. Then she turned around and reeled as quickly as she could over to her bathroom. There she went again into her knees - as she had done so often during the past time - and threw up again her dinner. Makoto did such an excellent job with the chicken and Michiru regretted a bit to waste all this nice food.

It's normal. The doctor told you.

The light was switched on while she choked and the next moment she felt two arms holding her.

"Princess?" she heard a low voice.

"Michiru?" she heard a high voice.

Both voices were sleepy. And very concerned. And so endless friendly...

Surely I woke them up with my scream.

"I am fine..." whispered Michiru and leaned herself back in her brother's arms. Feeling the nice wet flannel on her wet face. Seeing how Makoto was suddenly busy. The next moment a towel laid around her shoulders and the senshi of thunder hold a nice soft bathrobe in her arms.

"No, you aren't, princess."

"You should visit the doctor tomorrow."

"You should hear of your friends."

"I call Ami's mother as soon as she's at work."

Michiru smiled tiredly at them and was suddenly very relieved to have such friends. They were there for her. No one called her cowards. No one blamed her for what happened. No one shouted at her that she should become normal again. That it wasn't all that bad. That it was normal that a love broke apart after a certain time. And they all did never show their sympathy. Maybe they were pity for her, they never showed it. They simply helped. Without a word being spoken. They simply saw it in her eyes and were there. Simply there.

How can I ever make it up for them again?

"I've been to the doctor yesterday." Whispered Michiru and felt how Kei took her into his strong arms to carry her over to the bed. Carefully he let her down while Makoto searched in the huge wardrobes for a suitable summer dress. The water was already working and surely the senshi of thunder would help her to take a nice warm bath. Again.

"And what did he say?" There was real concern in dark eyes. And fear. Warm hands stroke tenderly through sea green curls while Makoto discovered a nice light green summer dress. The same green like her hairs. Just a little bit lighter.

"That it'll be normal for the next weeks." Answered the sea goddess.

Her brother frowned. The light green dress fell on the carpet. Two pairs of eyes watched her in disbelieve.

"Nani?"

It was Makoto who talked first.

"Are you...?" Michiru could see how the thoughts spun around in the inner senshi's mind. How she looked at her slim belly and shook her head. And swallowed hard.

"Hai." The sea goddess smiled. It was a sad smile. "In about six or seven months Hotaru will have a small sister or brother."

Makoto's chin dropped and she sat down on the carpet with a quick motion. Still staring at a slim belly. Being suddenly very pale.

"But..." she stammered. Knowing that Michiru had really loved Haruka. And that she would have never done such a silly things as cheating the young car racer. And that they both were women.

"But..." Knowing that Sailor Moon wasn't that powerful. That Setsuna would never misuse her powers to change space and time. Knowing that this was a miracle. A real miracle.

"But HOW?"

Michiru shrugged her shoulders.

"Sometimes we do crazy things when we're in love, Mako-chan."

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She opened her eyes and stared on the ceiling. It was already dawn. But in her mind it was still night. Somewhere her alarm clock rang and she rolled over to get some pills. She swallowed them but felt too tired to stand up and to find something to drink. Blonde strands hang in her dark green eyes as she turned towards the TV screen. Staring at the moving pictures with an empty expression on her sweaty face.

What a fucking nightmare!

She sighed deeply as she put the remote control. Soon the song filled the small flat again. While she simply laid there. Staring at the screen. Hoping that the medicine started again to work.

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The sky was cloudy. But still it was very hot. And oppressive. The air was thick. It was hard for her to breath. But nevertheless she walked along the pavement.

"Do you like it?" Michiru smiled down at her daughter who ate her ice cream with passion. Most of it landed on her blue skirt, but the sea senshi didn't care. She had a washing machine. And Hotaru seemed to have a lot of fun. That was all what counted.

"It's nice cold." A lemon ice was in her right hand while her left one pushed the sport's pram. In about an hour she would meet Usagi and Chibiusa in the near park. To discuss with them the picnic they wanted to do in the weekend. To celebrate Minako's birthday again. This time in a calmer, in a sober way. Of course the senshi of love agreed. She liked parties and Makoto already bought all the food she wanted to transform into delicious meals for Saturday.

Poor Kei.

Michiru giggled slightly as she remembered how Makoto had begged her brother to come with her. To help her with the heavy bags. And so Kei accompanied her after Michiru declared him that she was fine. That she only wanted to read a book and that she was feeling good enough to take care for Hotaru.

They came back three hours later. Kei was carrying about five huge bags while Makoto talked the whole time. About the different receipts.

But somehow he had looked happy.

Michiru smiled while she finished her ice cream. Her brother had been really relieved that the Sailor team liked him. That they simply behaved as if he belonged to the big, lively family, too. That they weren't disturbed when they heard where he actually spent the last three years.

Everyone does mistakes time by time.

The same sentence Sailor Moon had once said to different enemies and finally to Haruka and Michiru after the final battle against Mistress 9. Usagi told him that sentence during the lively breakfast.

What shall I do without them?

"Mama." Laughed Hotaru happily and threw the rest of her ice cream away. Her toy bunny followed. Michiru was busy to collect it and to give it back to her. The little girl cried the whole last nights and now there was a second tooth out of the gum. Whenever she grinned there were now two little teeth blinking at the observer.

"My little darling." She whispered back and stroke loving over round cheeks. "My sweet little darling." She knew that it would get hard with two little children at home. Hotaru would hardly be two when her child would be born. A lot of stress laid before her. But suddenly she was sure that she would make it. Together with her brother and her friends she would raise them. Somehow.

I have enough money.

But she knew that this wasn't what little children needed.

They need time and love.

Michiru swallowed hard and rose again from her kneeling position. To take the handlebars again in her hands.

And they need their parents. Their mommy and their daddy. Both...

She raised her head and froze in motion as she looked into startled dark green eyes.

Ruka...

Michi-chan...

Haruka swallowed hard and started suddenly to shiver in her jacket. Hard she grabbed the small medicine bottle in her pocket. She just had been to the doctor and decided to go for a walk in the near park. As long as it was still possible for her. To think it over what she had already written down. To make a list what all was still to be done. What she wanted to tell on the telephone, too.

She looks tired.

She is so pale.

Michiru took a deep breath. Haruka stood right in front of her. In front of the sport pram. Staring at her with her mysterious shinning eyes. There was no expression on her face. No regret. No sorrow. Not even the slightest sign of a memory. A memory of what they had shared the past years.

Don't recognize me, do you?

Haruka grabbed her medicine bottle even harder until it hurt. Only inches separated them. All she had to do was to go over to her sea goddess. To say that she regretted what she had said. That she felt sorry for what she had done. To ask for forgiveness.

Don't let other suffer. Never!

Some people passed by but they didn't see them. They only saw each other.

I love you, Ruka.

I love you, Michi-chan.

A pleasant cold breeze played with both of their clothes. With a light green summer dress. With dark trousers, a wide dark shirt and a think dark jacket. They looked like light and darkness. Light good and evil. Like hope and despair.

I miss you so much.

I only think of you.

The sun broke through the light clouds and bathed them in a nice shine.

"Daddy!" Hotaru screamed happily and stretched her tiny arms towards the tall blonde. Both women blinked and returned back from their world. A world only they seemed to have shared. A long time ago. Until they lost it. Somehow.

"Daddy."

The desire to take the little girl, her daughter, in her arms was almost irresistible. Haruka clenched her fists and slowly put the headphones again on her head. To listen to the loud music again.

Don't let other suffer.

"Daddy!" now Hotaru got depressed and started to scream.

Without saying a single word Haruka put on the walkman and simply walked away. Slightly their arms touched but she didn't stop. She only walked away. Staring determinedly at the ground. Not turning her head back to look again at them. Through her tears.

Don't let HER suffer.

Michiru swallowed hard and wanted to reach for that arm. To hold it back. To hold it tight. But somehow she couldn't react. She simply couldn't move. She only stood there and let her go.

Please, don't leave me.

Michiru shivered and took her crying daughter in her arms to rock her. Knowing that it was over. Finally over. Haruka didn't want her any longer. Haruka didn't love her any longer. Haruka didn't need her any longer.

"Hush, my honey." She whispered and hummed a sweet melody for her Himme-chan. It sounded strange in her ears. Wrong. Insensible.

It's all over.

Deeply she sighed. Still seeing the emotionless pale face in front of her.

All those year's are gone now.

A stranger's face.

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	5. Chapter 3: Wish you well 1

**Chapter three: Wish you well**

One month ago I had been strong. Full of life. With a shinning future. With a loving family.

She clenched her fists, felt how her whole body trembled. She bit hard on her lower lip, because she couldn't control it any longer. As she couldn't control so many other things in her life any longer.

I used to be as fast as the wind.

Now she gasped hard for breath when she only walked five steps. She almost fainted whenever she finally reached the top of the staircase that leaded to her apartment's floor. She knew she could use the elevator but still she didn't want to give in her weakness. But she had to realize that real sport was impossible for her now. Just like running. Running very fast. As fast as the wild nature's element. Her body refused any other motion than walking slowly. Very slowly. Too slow for her thoughts. She could remember times when she run away. From her problems. From her loneliness in her life. From her nightmares of the end of the world. From the knowledge that her parents were dead. That no one would stay forever. Hai, she had been fast. Sometimes she was even able to escape this bloody life she was trapped in. Rich but never wanted. Her aunt showed her all her love, but she was only her aunt and Haruka knew that. Now all she could do was to hide under her blanket and hope that the nightmares would go away. Somehow. Sometime. Hopefully.

I used to be the best car racer in Japan.

Now her Ferrari was a wreck. She caused more than one accident. The first one was her fault. Because she had been dead drunk. And it seemed to be funny to kneel in front of the broken car and to laugh until tears ran over her pale cheeks. But the second and the third one... She simply didn't see the bend. She simply didn't watch out for the traffic light. That it had been red. She was grateful that no one was injured because of her sudden dizziness. Of her tiredness. Of the pain in her body. She cared for the other broken cars and decided sadly to stop driving. She didn't want to harm other people because of her terrible state of body. So she simply parked the Ferrari and used the bus or the subway instead. Although she didn't quite understand how to use those vehicles properly. And the way how to get a ticket. But there were many friendly persons around who helped her.

Yeah, like an old woman...

She sighed but didn't open her eyes as she heard the silent foot steps toward the hard bed she was laying in.

I used to have so many friends.

Now she was alone. Okay, it was her own fault. She didn't tell them where she lived. No one knew it. Not even the race team.

It's not that important. Not any longer.

She knew it was better for the sailor team. She knew Usagi too well. She would have never accepted her decision.

Just like Michi-chan...

She felt the soft hand carefully taking her right arm.

I used to be a daddy.

Now she was nothing for the small child anymore. Not even an aunt. Not even a friend. Just a total stranger. To a child she simply ignored in the sport pram. Screaming for her. To get her attention. To get her love.

Was it just yesterday?

She winced as she heard again the high voice in her ears. Screaming "daddy" and meaning her. Again she remembered how she hold the little girl tight. For so many times. How she changed nappies. How she stood up in the middle of the night to calm the sweet darling down. How she fed the greedy girl. How she simply sat on the couch and listened to soft violin music. Watching her daughter the whole evening. Only watching her. And holding her tight. And promising her silently that she would love her forever. That she would be forever there. That she would protect her against all dangers of this world. A promise she couldn't keep.

I used to be a lover.

Now she was alone. Not even a friend any longer. Not after all what she had said. Screamed. That she didn't want her girlfriend any longer. That she was fed up with her obsession of making music. That she wasn't prepared to lead a happy family life. That she had been forced to become that Sailor Uranus to save the world. A world she hated. That she needed her freedom and her independence more than she needed the young woman with that tender smile on her face.

I must have hurt her terribly with my rough words.

Haruka took a deep breath.

Michi-chan was so pale. So terrified. So...

Again she felt the desire to stand up. To take the next taxi and to go home. To tell Michiru the truth and to ask for forgiveness. But she knew she wasn't allowed to. She wasn't a lover any longer. She was all alone now. Doomed to wake up at night and feeling that there was no one around. No smiling sea beauty who would take her into her warm embrace after each terrible nightmare. No laughing water goddess who would help her making breakfast. No wonderful Michiru who would simply be there to make her life worthwhile.

Is it the right decision?

Panic grew inside her mind just like the pain grew inside her body.

Don't let other suffer!

Something cold touched her arm but she didn't care about it.

Don't let HER suffer!

"That will hurt a little bit." The voice was low and understanding. Haruka winced as a short pain flashed through her right arm. But it was tiny compared to the pain she had felt the last evening. When she recognized that she had lost her medicine on the way to her apartment. And it was nothing compared to the pain in her heart.

Slowly the blonde opened her eyes and stared at the drip which was now connected to her right arm. A skinny arm. An ugly arm.

"Dr. Taka-san?" It was the first time that Haruka called out her doctor's name. But she didn't notice it. All she noticed was that her voice was silent and shaky.

So damn weak!

"Are you feeling better, Tenô-san?" asked the older woman and smiled friendly at her. But that smile wasn't sad nor did Haruka see any trace of sympathy in brown eyes. All she saw was understanding and slight concern.

"What happened?" The wind senshi blinked and slowly she realized that she laid in a strange bed. In a strange room. But in a hospital she got to know too well during the past weeks.

"That's what I should ask you, Tenô-san."

Haruka frowned and remembered slightly that she searched for half an hour for her medicine after the alarm clock started to work. Her belly hurt more and more while the music seemed to increase. She couldn't hold balance and dizziness filled her mind. She smashed a cup while she seized on the table and only got to grab the table cloth. She stumbled more than once over her still packed bag she refused to put into the huge wardrobe. An empty wardrobe. An wardrobe too big for a single person. Everything turned around her while she searched helplessly for her medicine. Already knowing that she wouldn't find it. Then there was that penetrating ringing of the door again. Again she saw Tara standing outside on the corridor. Only wearing a thin shirt. Holding up an empty sugar box. Looking very shocked.

And then?

She frowned even more. But all she remembered was darkness. An impenetrable darkness that surrounded her. That never would let go again. A nice darkness that took away the incredible pain. A calming darkness that let her forget her nightmares. Her destiny. The cruel world outside the apartment.

"Your neighbour called the ambulance." The doctor controlled the dip and an injection appeared in her calm hands. They didn't shake. They didn't hesitate. They didn't hurt her. Not really.

"Tara?" Her voice was nothing but a whisper.

"Hai. She's still waiting outside. Do you want to see her?"

"No!"

There was only one person Haruka wanted to see. Badly to see. But she knew she wasn't allowed to.

Don't let other suffer!

"I have to take some blood for the tests." The older woman sighed as the blonde only turned her head away. To stare out of the window. To ignore her presence. To ignore where she was. To forget what it really meant.

"Don't give up, Tenô-san. Twenty percent are a chance."

Sure. A chance to die slowly over five years. Just like my mama did.

Don't let HER suffer!

"Don't you want to stay here for the week? Until the operation? Here you could get the right medicine at the right time."

Again the blonde didn't react and Dr. Taka shook her head. She knew that her patient wouldn't stay. They discussed that topic at their last meeting and the tall woman maid her point clear. That she didn't want to hang around in hospital and to wait for that special day. She told her that she had too many things to get done than to lay around and to stare at the ceiling.

She never brought her daughter again with her.

Carefully the doctor took the blood and looked thoughtfully at the young woman. A beautiful woman. A surely strong woman. And a very proud woman.

She never brought anyone with her. Not her boyfriend or husband. Not her relatives. Not her friends. No one...

"I'll be soon back, Tenô-san." The tall blonde kept silent as the doctor finally rose from the chair. "And then we'll talk."

I don't wanna talk!

Haruka bit on her lower lip as the door closed silently. She tried to clench her fists, but they simply refused. So she only laid there and stared helplessly into another summer night in central Tokyo. Some trees moved in front of the window and broke partly the light of the skyscrapers around. Some stars sparkled in an cloudless sky.

Summer.

Although it was still very warm Haruka started to shiver.

My last one...

Again she closed her eyes. To outcast the world. The shadows which surrounded her soul. Which waited in every corner. To haunt her down. To steal her sleep. To turn her life into hell.

One month ago I had been strong. Full of life. With a shinning future. With a loving family.

She couldn't hold back a sob. She felt tears burning behind her lashes. But still she was unwilling to let them fall. To give in her fears. To cry out loud for help. Help she wouldn't get.

Now I am weak. Bound to bloody medicine.

The window was suddenly opened by a hard blast.

Now I am full of death. Trapped in a dying body.

The wind played powerful with her hairs, dried the sweat on her face. Let her even more shiver.

Now there's no future left.

The blast seemed to howl. To scream. To pull at her. To carry her far away. From that damn place. From a doomed destiny. From the hell she was living in.

Now I left my family. I am all alone...

As she finally opened her eyes again she could have sworn that this was no normal wind any longer.

It's calling for me...

It was black.

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She could hear the birds screaming high above. She could see the waves crashing on the beach. Near. She could feel the wind playing with the narrow leather clothes she was wearing. Knowing that it was the last time that she would be able to wear them.

What a feeling!

With a loud roar the motorbike speeded up. Taking the bends tightly. Reaching its limit and crossing it easily. The Suzuki was now over five years old, but it was well cared for. The steal sparkled in the sun's bright light. The sky was cloudless and surely it was very hot. But she didn't feel it. All she felt was the wind. Getting wilder the faster she drove the expensive motorbike.

Is that why she loved it?

It was more than just the feeling of being fast. Wild. Independent. It was the freedom she felt. The incredible knowing of being unbound. Of being only responsible for herself. That no one could reach her. That no one could hurt her there.

She wanted to spreat her arms. To lay her head in her neck and to stare at the endless blue above her. But instead she speeded even more up and laid all her heart in the race. All her sorrows. All her despair. The beach flew by and quickly she reached the suburban area of Tokyo. Not noticing the car that followed her. In the same dangerously, the same deadly speed.

It's an incredible feeling.

She sighed deeply and crossed the crossroad although the traffic light was red. There was the screaming of different brakes and the yelling of terrified drivers. But she didn't hear them.

You have to sense what it's doing. You have to be with it. You have to be the wind. 

Again she heard the laughing voice in her mind. Knowing that she would never hear it again. Not that way. Maybe not at all...

It's a great feeling.

But it's not as great as I remembered.

Because today she was alone on the motorbike. There was no one around to tease her. To laugh with her. To pray that nothing happened to the rest of the innocent world they seemed to haunt. And of course not to the motorbike.

Did I really haunt? Or did I try to escape? From my past? My life?

She knew that she couldn't escape today. Not any longer. Even if she wanted to.

More screaming brakes. More yelling people. Even a barking dog. Still she ignored them. As she didn't see the car that followed her obstinately. As if it wouldn't let her escape.

Now the streets crowded slowly with other cars. But it was late morning. The feared traffic jam was still some hours away. She simply slipped through the free space between them. It got harder for the car to follow.

I can't accept all this nonsense! I simply can't let her go like that! I am not such a coward not to face reality, but that's bullshit. And she knows it!

Tears sparkled in her eyes while she speeded up even more. She knew that it would have been very expensive if any police man would have caught her. But she didn't care about it. Money wasn't all that counted. She knew how it was to live in poverty, but she knew that it could be more terrible to live in solitude. To be rejected by all persons she loved. To be an outcast no one wanted.

But...

She sighed deeply, tried desperately to forget the low voice in her head. Yelling at her. Telling her that it was over. That she wasn't needed any longer. That she wasn't loved any longer.

Congratulation. 

I want to tell her what happened.

But the same time she knew that it was impossible. She wanted her girlfriend back. But not because of anyone else than herself. Her girlfriend should come back because she loved her. Not because she felt responsible for what that wasn't even her fault.

I should have asked her.

She raised her head and something caught her sight. She turned the motorbike around and the wheels screamed as she drove over the pavement and stopped shortly before a shop's window.

Now it's too late for moaning. As it is for anything else...

The car stopped with the same screaming brakes and some men jumped out of it. They wore working clothes and looked as they'd taken a bath in oil. Motor oil.

"Is that she?"

"Of course she is. No one else has that style."

"Hai, I know her style."

"It's her!"

"Thank goddess."

"Hai, I am fed up with searching her."

She didn't hear their voices behind her. Didn't hear their foot steps coming quickly towards. She only saw the shop window and the things they sold there. Carefully she left the motorbike and made sure that it wouldn't fell down. Then she walked over to the window and put a hand against the cold glass.

I should stop crying and facing my future.

She took the helmet off and sea green hairs fell over small shoulders. Deep blue eyes looked for a long time at the cradle standing in the middle of the shop's window.

Now there're more important things to do than moaning. Over something I can't change.

She smiled a sad smile while her free hand touched carefully her slim belly. Tears sparkled in her eyes but this time she didn't let them fall. She only stood there. Staring at the cradle. Knowing that she had responsibilities she couldn't run away from so simply. She couldn't escape. And somehow she didn't want to.

I have a family to take care for.

"That's not Tenô-san!"

She didn't notice the disappointed voices from the mechanics.

"No, that's Kaioh-san."

"But how..."

Michiru sighed deeply as she entered the shop. To buy the first clothes for her unborn child. And the cradle. And a huge teddy bear. She would take into the big empty bed next. To embrace it. To be comforted by it. To be able to sleep again. At last.

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How can she sleep with that noise?

Kei frowned and leaned over the small bed. But his niece only chewed on her thumb and smiled happily. A smile he didn't see while she was awake.

Does she know that her daddy left her?

The young man kneeled down and picked up the toy bunny that laid on the carpet before the bed.

"This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you,

This time you've gone too far

This time you've gone too far

I told you, I told you, I told you, I told you."

Kei rolled his eyes as he heard his sister's voice singing next to the low man's one. She played one of her favourite CDs very loudly and sang with all her heart.

Her heart? She sings with all her hate.

The young man stroke gently over Hotaru's round cheeks. Then he left the children's room and closed the door silently behind himself. His sister was just three doors ahead. Where she spent the whole afternoon. Singing out loud to different songs. But all of them had one in common: Deep sorrow, rage and hate. Kei and even Makoto tried to talk to her, but she didn't want to talk. She simply put the box she bought in the city down and started to empty one of the guest rooms. Kei helped her but when she started to paint the walls she simply told him to get out. That she wanted to be on her own. That she needed to think. That she wanted to do something. Anything that would keep her from becoming totally insane.

"Don't talk back

Just drive the car

Shut your mouth

I know what you are

Don't say nothing

Keep your hands on the wheel

Don't turn around, this is for real."

Kei sighed as he saw the girl sitting next to the opened door. On the ground. On the soft carpet. Listening to the aggressive voice. Learning French vocabulary from a thick folder.

Shortly Makoto looked up and he could see that her eyes were red. That she was tired. But she wouldn't go away. Not as long as Michiru balanced on a ladder. Not as long as she got dizzy from one second to the next one. Not as long as her friend would need her.

Kei sat down opposite to her so that he was able to look into the room. Half of the walls were now painted. In different shades of blue. He wasn't a genius and he didn't understand a lot of art, but he knew that it showed the sea. The ground up to the surface. How it slowly merged with the sky. A bright sky.

This is for my sea child. had Michiru declared him after he asked stupid what she was about to do. Just like what she had done to Hotaru's room. But her walls didn't show the deep sea, but the endless sky. From dusk over midnight till dawn. With stars and little glow worms sparkling in the darkness. To lead the little girl from one light to the other one.

She loves Himme-chan.

Kei smiled over to Makoto who smiled back. It was a sad smile. Then she turned again towards her folder and tried hard to learn those words. Stupid vocabulary that didn't seem to be so important any longer. Not after her flat burned. Not after she almost lost her life. Not after she feared that Michiru would really became insane. Because of the loneliness in her life. They all had thought that Haruka and Michiru were a couple. By destiny. Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune. They always fought together. Lived together. Even died together. But now... Now it all seemed to be over.

And Makoto was afraid if Michiru could handle the child. A child from her girlfriend. She wanted so badly to have together with Haruka. She would now have to carry out and to raise all on her own.

No, not on her own. She has incredible good friends. With them everything is possible.

It was just two days ago that Kei asked his sister if she was really sure. If she really wanted to keep that child. Michiru only nodded and whispered that it wasn't its fault. And that she wouldn't give up her greatest dream. Even if it would mean to sacrifice other dreams. Then she lowered her head and started desperately to sob. Kei hold her tight for the rest of the evening and he didn't move away until she fell asleep.

I wish I could help her.

"Digging in the dirt

Stay with me I need support

I'm digging in the dirt

To find the places I got hurt

Open up the places I got hurt."

He saw how Michiru swirled around in the room and swung some brushes around. Blue and white colours dirtied her white dress but she didn't seem to care about it. Her cheeks were redden while she sang with all her heart. Some strands escaped her plaid and they touched her shoulders. Small shoulders. Too often shaking shoulders. Shaking because of desperate crying. But there was an expression on his sister's face that told Kei that she wouldn't give up. That she wouldn't creep into her own world and die. She never had. She always fought. In the orphan's house. At school. Where no one saw how talented she was. How smart. How wonderful. Where she was only the slim, pale girl who didn't want to talk too much about herself. Because she had known that the other pupils would have laughed about her. About her poverty. About the place she lived. About the people there around.

But my princess never gave up.

Whatever happened, she didn't ran away. Not the silly way he had done. She had seen that she was too young to live on her own. So she decided to wait until she was eighteen.

But before her eighteenth birthday she got to know that Tenô Haruka...

Michiru turned again towards the wall and the brush danced again over the still white walls. A determined expression laid on her face and her deep blue eyes sparkled.

It's hate.

Kei swallowed hard. He knew too well that it was right what they said. That love could turn very quickly into hate. Into raging hate.

Is it the right way?

"Digging in the dirt

To find the places we got hurt

Digging in the dirt

To find the places we got hurt

Digging in the dirt

To find the places we got hurt

Digging in the dirt

To find the places we got hurt."

But the young man knew that it was the only way for his sister to survive this dark part of her life.

Slowly he came to his feet and without hesitation he took Makoto's arms. The folder fell unseen on the carpet and brown eyes watched him asking. Together they stepped into the room and the senshi of thunder had to admit that Michiru was real artist. The sea looked so real, she could almost hear the rushes of the wild waves.

This child is welcomed.

She swallowed hard as the song ended and she heard how Michiru took a deep breath.

"What's up, Kei?" Michiru concentrated on a tiny wave in the middle of a big one and quickly she changed the brush and took the white colour. "Is it already supper time? I bought..."

"Oh, don't worry, we won't starve with Mako-chan around."

Mako-chan?

The senshi of thunder blushed deeply from the compliment and started to giggle. Michiru only smiled. But it was an honest smile. Although it still looked sad.

She simply needs time.

Makoto and Kei exchanged glances. They both knew that Michiru would need more than just some days or weeks to get over the lost. Maybe it would take months or even years. Maybe it would take eternity. Maybe this wound would never heal. But Michiru would be able to live with the pain in her heart. One day.

But until that day comes we have to help her. To be there for her. And for her children.

Makoto sighed slightly.

But until that day comes I'll protect her. As I had promised. She's all I got. My family.

Kei clenched his fists shortly but opened them again the same quickly.

"I thought we could help you and install the cradle you bought." Kei saw how Makoto's eyes started to shine and how the tender smile grew wider on Michiru's face.

"Hai, I can't wait to see it. Hotaru's cradle was fantastic. Sad that it broke."

"Hai..."

Michiru turned around, put the brush away and cleaned her hands on her dress. She would throw it away afterwards. Haruka had once bought it for her. As a Valentine's present. Now she didn't need it any longer. She simply didn't want it any longer.

"Then let's try to find out how to install it. I am always too clumsy with those things." She smiled and two relieved faces nodded.

"You can't be as clumsy as Usagi."

"Is she really so clumsy as Rei asserts?"

Makoto laughed as she saw Kei's surprised face.

"Even worse. Even worse."

They left the room and soon Michiru could hear them laughing while they opened the package. Makoto tried to help Kei and read the pages that described how to install the cradle properly. It was in Chinese.

What should I do without them?

Again she didn't find an answer. But she was grateful that they were there. Simply there. To help her. To support her. To accept her decision to keep that child. To care for it. As she already did for Hotaru.

Arigato, you two.

Find the places we got hurt. 

Determinedly she turned the radio off and followed them.

dbdbdb

Soft wind played with her sweaty hairs. A nice cold breeze in a very hot summer day. There were only some thin clouds on the blue sky. The air seemed to stand and even in the shadows it was very hard. Almost unable to breath. To move. To do anything else than going to the swimming pool and drinking ice tea.

But she didn't want to go to the swimming pool. She didn't want to shock them with her ugly body. So she decided to take a cold bath each evening before she went to bed. To spend the whole night watching TV. Asking herself why she didn't stop this bloody nightmare right now. But deep in her heart she knew why. There was something that needed to be done before she left. Something that was too important for her.

Then I can get my wings.

But she knew that she wouldn't be ready to fly away then. That she would never be ready to become an angel herself. Just as her father had told her fifteen years ago.

I miss you.

Haruka simply went on her knees on the soft grass and was grateful that the huge fir gave her some shadow. She sweat like hell in her jeans and her long shirt, but she didn't dare to wear other clothes. Short clothes. Narrow clothes. That could betray what was wrong with her.

I miss you so much.

Carefully she laid the flowers down on the dry earth. Three roses. White roses. One for each person she lost in her young life. Each person she loved. Each family member.

Tenô.

The name was written in capital letters on the black stone. A grave stone. Only a stone that remembered that they had ever existed. Lived. A long time ago. But still they were present. In the hearts of the people who had loved them. Still loved them. Who would never forget them.

Some other flowers laid on the ground, too. They were fresh.

Was auntie Yuri here? Or did she sent them?

She didn't know. She didn't dare to ask.

Tenô.

She leaned forward and touched the now from the sun heated up stone.

Gendo.

Angela.

Deeply she sighed.

Papa.

Mama.

Her mother's parents came from Germany during the second world war and so she got a strange name. Not a Japanese one. But the most beautiful one Haruka could ever imagine.

Mama and I inherited those blonde hairs.

Her finger tips ran over the engraved names and she closed her eyes.

Gendo.

Angela.

And Shinji.

There was only one picture of the whole family. It showed her mother shortly before the birth. How her father hold her tight and embraced carefully the huge belly.

They smiled so happy on that picture.

Reality destroyed it two weeks later. When Haruka was finally born. Too early. By caesarean. In a dangerous operation. Only she survived. Really survived. Up till now...

I love you.

Tears burned behind her lashes as she leaned against the gravestone. Not caring what people would think if they would pass by. Not caring that her mind got dizzy again. Not caring about the watch that started to beep. To remember her that it was time to take her medicine. Again.

I miss you so much.

She swallowed hard and shook her head.

But I don't want to see you yet. Maybe in fifty years. But not now.

Haruka opened her eyes again and took one of the roses to look thoughtfully at it.

You died just to make me live. I can't throw away your pain, papa. I can't throw away your gift, mama. I can't throw away your sacrifice, Shinji.

She stung herself on the thorns. Silently she watched how the blood ran down her fingers and her arm. Again she started to tremble and cursed herself for her weakness.

I don't want to become an angel, mama. I want to be together with my Michi-chan and my Himme-chan.

Carefully she laid the rose back to the others and two tears escaped her burning eyes.

Nevertheless I'll be with you soon.

She wanted so badly to stay with her own little family, but she knew that she didn't have the power to chance her destiny. The future that stopped only some weeks ago.

Haruka turned her head and looked into the blue sky.

Then there'll be one more angel watching over this world.

dbdbdb

"Where's my little darling?"

The little girl laughed in pleasure as she heard her mommy's teasing voice.

"Hey, where's my little honey?"

Finally she grabbed on the soft cloth and pulled it away from her head. And blinked in the sun shinning from a blue sky above. She could see her mommy's smiling face and laughed even more. The cloth fell unseen in the warm grass around and black hairs swirled around as she shook her head.

"Ah, there's my little darling." Michiru opened her eyes and had to laugh too, as Hotaru crawled over the soft grass over to her. Her white dress was already dirtied but the sea goddess didn't care about it.

"Mommy!" screamed the little girl and deep love laid in her dark eyes. In dark eyes that seemed to be empty just one year ago. In another time. In another life. But now they were shinning. The cheeks were redden and nothing remembered that this little girl had been weak and ill. Very ill. Before Sailor Moon could rescue her.

I am so glad that she's still alive. That she got another chance. That she's now part of my family.

Family...

"Luv ya!" laughed the little girl and spreat her arms wide as her mother took her into her arms and swirled around with her over the meadow. Danced in the summer's sun. A breeze moved through her light blue dress that almost touched her naked feet. "Wanna fly!" Hotaru took her head into her neck and watched the birds flying above. White birds. Doves. "Bids!" she stretched her tiny hands towards the sky and a fascinated expression appeared in her child's face. "Look, mommy. Bids!"

"I know, honey." Michiru squeezed her daughter and followed her look. "Love you, too." The little girl wasn't a year old yet and she only knew a little words. She couldn't walk yet, only with the help of her mommy or her aunts and uncles. But it was every time a wonder when the little girl crawled over the carpet to catch her. To be with her mommy. To be in security. For all times.

I will never ever let anything happen to you, honey.

She swore it the very night Dr. Tomoe died and they decided to take little Hotaru with them. To give her a new home. To raise her. As their child. Michiru knew that she would never break that promise. Whatever happened. Even if it meant to raise the little girl all alone.

"Hide." Giggled Hotaru and pulled some sea green strands over her face. Automatically she cuddled deeper in her mother's embrace. And automatically Michiru hold her daughter tighter.

"Oh, I lost my honey again. Where is my little darling?" teased the sea senshi again and heard Hotaru's happy laughter that filled the air. Just like other laughter.

"You made that cake? No wonder I am feeling so sick now."

"Rei! You're are such a fool!"

"Baka!"

"Jerk!"

"Blonde!"

"Ah!"

Michiru couldn't help but giggled as two girls haunted each other on the meadow. Of course Rei was faster. But Usagi was too clumsy. She felt down and Rei stumbled over her and fell down, too. But Usagi was on her feet again before the young priestess could grab her.

"Michiru, help me! Please. Rei's going mad!" Usagi laughed excited and tried to hide behind Michiru's back. She hold the taller woman's shoulders and turned her around so that Rei stood in front of the sea senshi.

"That's not fair, Usagi. Be a man and step out!"

"I am not a man."

"Oh, I didn't mean..." Rei's expression turned from really angry into suddenly very soft as Hotaru decided that those black hairs were longer and more interesting than her mommy's hairs. She leaned forward and grabbed some black strands.

"Hey, Hotaru-chan." Whispered the young priestess and stroke loving over red cheeks. Hotaru laughed and moved her legs wildly. She stretched her arms and grabbed even more strands.

"May I hold her?" Suddenly the always serious priestess looked like a small child again. She blushed and smiled widely as Michiru nodded and carefully handled her daughter over into another loving embracement.

"She's soooo cute." Declared Usagi and finally left Michiru's back and stepped next to Rei. Two dark eyes looked sparkling at each other.

"I am glad, that you could save her, Odango."

"Hai." Usagi blushed as she heard the seldom compliment and leaned a little bit closer and soon a happy smiling Hotaru hold black and blonde strands in her little fists.

"Do you want anything to eat, too, Michiru? I made enough for all of us." Makoto waved her arm and Michiru had to giggle as she saw the disappointed expression on her brother's face. Kei just wanted to take the sandwich Makoto was now holding up into the air.

"Just go, Michiru. We can handle our little niece, can't we, Hotaru-chan?" whispered Rei and Usagi nodded.

"Okay." Michiru turned around and took a deep breath. It wasn't as hot as yesterday, but it was another nice summer day. A Saturday. And as they had decided, they were now in the big Juban park at the edge of Tokyo. To celebrate Minako's birthday again. In another area. In a quieter one.

The sea senshi sat down on the huge blanket they brought with them. Makoto cared for her food while Kei helped her. Mamoru and Chibiusa were on the blanket, too. They played cards. And on the happy face of the little princess Michiru guessed that Chibiusa was winning.

"Arigato, Mako." Michiru shortly observed her sandwich and decided that she had to eat something. Again she threw up her breakfast in the morning and simply didn't want anything else. But now her stomach told her that she was hungry. And after all, what could she lose?

"It's good."

"Hai, you should eat her chocolate cake." Declared Chibiusa and as she raised her head Michiru could see the brown mouth. "It's delicious." The little princess glanced over to her future mother and the next moment she ran over the grass to join them. To plead that she wanted to hold Hotaru, too. To tease the little girl around. And to search her. The last time Hotaru liked it to pull a thin blanket over her head and to let the other search for her.

She cried the whole last night.

Michiru sighed slightly. Hotaru got another tooth but somehow the sea beauty wasn't sure if that was the only reason for Hotaru crying all night. Suddenly the little girl seemed to be afraid of the dark and Michiru had no idea why.

"Where's your boyfriend?" giggled the sea senshi as Setsuna blushed deeply. The young woman laid next to her on the blanket and enjoyed the sun. The sunglasses laid in her dark green hairs and her brown skin seemed to be darker. She wore a short green jeans and a very narrow dark top and looked cheeky. As cheeky as Michiru had never seen her before.

"Nani?"

"She means your Yaten." Giggled Makoto and had real fun to tease the senshi of time around. "Didn't he want to come, too? I thought you invited him."

"Hai. He'll come around three. He's got something to do." Setsuna opened her eyes a bit and looked at her watch. It was noon. Three more hours. But she was sure that he would come.

"And he's not my boyfriend."

Not yet.

But hopefully soon.

She smiled satisfied with herself and the world and closed her eyes again.

"By the way, when you're asking poor innocent people like me..." Setsuna smiled as she heard Michiru's giggle.

It's good that she's able to forget all this bullshit for some hours. Even if it's only for today. Even if she's sad again this evening. But now she's happy. Guess we have to do such picnics more often.

"... where's our sweetest couple?"

"Ami and Minako are over there at the lake. They wanted to take a bath." Answered Makoto and tried to get the sandwich Kei just stole her. He only put it into his mouth and grinned at her. Mamoru burst out into laughter as he saw Makoto's stunned look. Then he took out his camera and decided that it was time to make some pictures. To fill his photo album. And the ones of his friends.

"Minako's swimming in a lake?" Again Setsuna opened her eyes. "She always says that it's too dirty for her."

"But when Ami is in this water, too..."

Michiru turned her head and looked over to the near water. It sparkled in the sun's light and she believed to see the persons in the flat water. In the shadows of the trees which surrounded the lake.

Haruka never wanted to go into the so called cold water, too.

Michiru's smile broke slightly.

Until I was in the water. Then she simply had no other chance than to follow me. To punish me because of the cheeky things I said to her.

Michiru swallowed hard and suddenly tears burned in her blue eyes.

Mostly she punished me with a loving kiss...

"Beauty?"

She turned around as she heard the concerned voice next to her. Setsuna sat now and her hands hold the sun glasses. Playing with them. Nervously.

"Everything all right." Whispered Michiru and smiled a sad smile as Mamoru simply took a photo.

"Hotaru!" Chibiusa's voice was loud. The next moment a shadow flew into Michiru's wide opened arms and the little girl laughed happily.

"Hell, she's fast! And she only crawls." Chibiusa was breathless as she knelt down on the blanket. "Don't wanna know how fast she'll be when she's able to walk."

"Just as wild as you." Laughed Mamoru and took another picture.

When she walks she'll soon have a little brother or sister.

Michiru swallowed hard and hold her daughter a little bit tighter. Hotaru yawned tired and closed her eyes. Knowing that she was safe in her mother's embracement. Knowing that there was nothing to fear. No nightmares. No pain. No shadows standing around her little bed. Each night.

"Mommy..." It was just a little whisper before the little girl fell asleep.

"Where are Usagi and Rei..." Setsuna's sentence was cut off by a desperate scream. No one could scream like Minako. And no one could transform with so much show as the senshi of love. The coloured light seemed to fill the whole park. Just like another light. A dark one. A black one. A youma's one.

"Shit!" swore Makoto and rose from her sitting position. Setsuna was by her side. Mamoru automatically took Chibiusa and even Rei and Usagi stopped their haunting.

"Take care for Himme-chan." Said Michiru and put the sleeping girl carefully in her brother's arms. "I'll explain it later. Just stay here. Don't move, okay?"

The next moment she was gone and Kei looked really confused and unsure. But he hold his niece tighter. Determined to defend her against all dangers of this world.

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"You tried to drown MY AMI-CHAN!"

Sailor Venus was raging. Her blue eyes sparkled with hate as she threw her heart chain against the youma. It was huge and ugly. It looked like a broken bike. And a little bit like a cactus. There was another shadow. It looked like a mouse. A mouse in a man's seize. But it disappeared as it saw all the other senshi. Michiru blinked but some seconds later she wasn't sure if there had really been a red telephone cabin in the middle of the lake.

It's too hot and I am too tired.

Michiru raised her henshin and whispered her words. She closed her eyes as she transformed. Again she heard the rushes of the sea, felt how her clothes changed. But somehow it was different today.

Because today Sailor Uranus is missing...

The senshi of the sea forced herself to open her eyes again and with two steps she was at Ami's side. The girl didn't manage to transform yet. She hold her henshin tight, but all she could do was to gasp for breath. Her hairs were wet and pasted in her face. A deep red one. One hand laid at her neck and Michiru could see the bruises there. Blue bruises.

"Everything okay?" she whispered and signalled the others that she would take care of Ami. That she didn't want to fight today. Sailor Jupiter understood silently and she haunted together with the other the youma who tried to escape.

"Is Mina-chan okay?" breathed Ami hard and trembled too much to stand up. Her whole world spun around her and again she felt how something grabbed her right leg. Pulled her under the surface. Tried to strangulate her. To kill her. Without letting her a chance.

"Your senshi of love's very angry now, but she's okay I guess." Michiru smiled friendly and saw how Ami blushed even more. But this time because of another reason.

"You know..."

"Hai." Michiru smiled encouraged and helped Ami to stand up. The senshi of water reeled and it took Michiru all her powers to help her over to the beach. To let her sit down on the nice cold ground. The trees around rushed and slight wind played with wet clothes. "I am happy for you."

Just never make the mistakes I did.

"Really?" Ami's blue eyes were full of tears and she wanted to say something more. But she couldn't. Because of the youma who stood suddenly right before them in the flat water. The stings of the cactus were aimed at them and Michiru knew that they both were too weak to defeat him. Automatically Sailor Neptune stepped protectively before the still hard gasping water senshi and spreat her arms.

Get away. Think of your child!

But she didn't move.

Just one sting and all this shit will be over.

Tightly she hold the henshin in her hands. Prepared to shout her magic spell. Even if it would tore her apart.

You're too weak! You threw up your food again! You didn't sleep the whole last night!

Neptune's blue eyes sparkled as the youma raised what seemed to be its arms.

You're pregnant! Hell, think of your child! Think of yourself!

At that moment the stings flew towards her.

"Deep..."

But before she could shout out her spell a planet hit the stings. The youma stumbled back some steps and howled in anger.

Nani?

Another planet followed. It was tiny, but it still had enough powers to hold the youma back. Until the others would come. Until Sailor Moon would be there to free the youma with her special henshin.

A golden planet?

Neptune frowned. She had seen a similar planet. For many times in her life. But it had been bigger. More powerful. Faster. Slowly she turned her head and stared in disbelieve at the shadow standing next to a huge tree. Holding a golden henshin tight in her hands. A leather jacket covered the sailor fuku and all the sea goddess could see where the rims of the skirt. A skirt the shadow never accepted. Because it had been too short.

Haruka?

Michiru frowned again as the shadow stepped nearer to them. Blonde strands fell in a pale face and the green eyes seemed to a shade darker than normal.

Didn't she sleep?

"Are you okay?" asked Sailor Uranus in her typical low voice. But it sounded strange in Neptune's ears. Too silent. Too shaky.

What the hell...

"Hai..." whispered Ami still gasping for breath. She looked the same shocked as Neptune.

Go!

Uranus sighed slightly.

Go, it's better this way.

But she simply couldn't turn around. All she could do was to watch the sea goddess. Her Michi-chan. How she stood in the flat water. Protectively before the water senshi. To help her friends. Deep blue eyes Haruka loved so much sparkled. But she looked smaller than normal. Suddenly the sea green haired girl looked fragile. Maybe she didn't notice it, but her whole body trembled. And she was as pale as Haruka.

"There's the youma!" screamed Sailor Mars and almost crushed into Sailor Uranus who would have fell down if Sailor Jupiter wouldn't have hold her.

"Let's kill him!" screamed Sailor Venus, but her future queen only waved her special henshin and shouted out her special spell. To free the poor creature, not to kill her.

I am too weak for this damn game.

Uranus sighed and put her henshin away. Not knowing why she kept it. Not knowing why she reacted when she heard the well known amazon scream of Minako. Not knowing why she actually transformed and threw her planet when she saw her lover in danger.

She used to me my lover. Now she's...

Haruka gulped as she felt how her clothes changed again. Now she was wearing her dark pants again and her white shirt. Under her leather jacket that should hide her ugly body.

Better I'll go.

The youma was defeated and there was nothing left. She felt how Sailor Jupiter tried to hold her back and shortly she looked into concerned brown eyes. But she freed herself and slowly walked over to the meadow. To cross it. To ignore the little girl sleeping tight in a stranger's embracement.

Who's that guy?

But she didn't dare to ask.

Is that Yaten, Setsuna's new boyfriend?

Because she didn't belong to that team any longer.

"Don't you dare to walk away like that!" The voice was quiet. Dangerously quiet. But at the same time very loudly in the strange silence that evolved suddenly. No one dared to talk nor to move. The whole sailor team stood at the small lake and watched the senshi of wind with big eyes. Only Mamoru stepped over to his girlfriend and hold her tight. To show her that this wasn't her business. That she couldn't help with her supernatural powers. That this was only Haruka's and Michiru's business.

"I thought you're fed up with that Sailor thing! So why are you here now!" Neptune grabbed Haruka's sleeve hard and swirled her around. Her blue eyes were full of hate and Haruka swallowed hard.

Don't let other suffer!

"What did you loose here? I thought you made your silly point clear, you bitch!" Tears burned in Neptune's eyes and again she saw how Haruka kissed the red haired girl. With passion. With lust. Maybe not with love, but did that matter?

She kissed me all those years, too. Without love. Without any regrets...

Don't let HER suffer!

Haruka clenched her fists but she knew that she wasn't allowed to embrace her Michi-chan. To ask for forgiveness. To explain her everything.

What do you want to explain? That you're slowly dying? That everything will be over in a week?

Haruka slightly shook her head.

No, when she gets to know about it, it won't be over in a week. Then it'll be over in six months. Or one year. Or even three years? Or five years? Just like my mother?

The blonde looked at Michiru's pale face, saw the tears running over burning cheeks.

Do you really want her to suffer all this time? To let her stay at your bed all those years? Seeing you slowly dying? Bit by bit with every day that will pass by? Do you really want her to see you all this time being connected to different machines? Machines that keep you alive? Alive in an already dead body?

Haruka took two steps back and wanted to turn around. To go away. Simply go away.

Hotaru needs a real daddy. Just like Michi-chan needs a real lover. A human living. Not just a ghost. An angel who's almost in heaven...

"Say a word! Or did you loose your voice?" Michiru's voice was loud and raging. Haruka could see how the young man rose from the blanket. With Hotaru in his arms. The girl slept deep and tight. There was a smile on her tiny face.

Himme-chan.

"Leave me in peace..." whispered the fast senshi and put her hands into her pockets. The next moment she stumbled back some steps. Her right cheek burned. Where Michiru had just slapped her. With all her desperate powers. More and more tears ran down her cheeks and a desperate sob escaped her throat.

She's not interested in me any longer. Nor in Himme-chan. Nor would she be interested in the little child...

"Hope you're happy with your whore!" she screamed. Then she simply turned around and ran. Not caring which direction she ran. She only wanted to escape. Only wanted to get away from this place. From a life that wasn't hers any longer. From a nightmare she would never ever awake again.

"Michiru!" she heard the shock in her brother's voice.

"Michiru!" she heard the concern in Makoto's voice.

"WATCH OUT!" Usagi cried, but she knew that she wasn't fast enough.

I hate her! I hate her! I hate her!

But the same time Michiru knew that she still loved Haruka. That she would always love her. Alike how much this love would cost her.

Her henshin fell on the ground and she felt the summer dress again around her shaking body. Knowing that it would be too tight in one or two months. When there would be the first signs of the child she carried. All alone...

No...

She felt the asphalt under her naked feet. It burned, but she didn't care. She didn't care the other one's shouting. She simply didn't see anything else than the red haired bitch kissing her Ruka.

A horn honked wildly. It annoyed her.

She stopped her race and as she looked up she saw the truck coming towards her. Very fast.

"EARTH SHAKING!"

The planet was huge. Haruka felt how it took away all her powers and she voluntarily gave it away. She didn't even care that she wasn't transformed. That she didn't hold her henshin. That she threw the planet with her bare hands.

It flew towards the truck and it lingered. But still it was too fast. Still it couldn't stop before the young woman in a lovely summer dress. A young woman who stared at it with big eyes. A young woman who didn't seem to be able to move any longer.

"Earth shaking!"

Haruka gasped hard for breath and the pain flashing through her body seemed to torn her apart. But she bit hard on her lower lip and the smaller planet hit her Michi-chan. Carried her away. Over to the other pavement. Some seconds later the truck drove over the asphalt and came with screaming brakes to a halt.

"Shit!" swore Haruka and ignored the pain in her body. She only ran over the soft grass, over the hot asphalt. Jumped over the stones and the packages the truck lost. The planet destroyed his trailer. With it a stop would have been impossible.

"Shit!" She went on her knees and took an unconscious Michiru in her trembling arms. Her pale face was dirty and blood ran down her temples.

"Michi-chan..." whispered Haruka and swallowed hard. "Please, open your eyes!" But the young woman didn't move at all. She laid in her arms. Motionless. Lifeless.

"No..."

It's all my fault!

"Haruka?" Makoto stood next to her and looked with big brown eyes at the unconscious senshi. At tears burning in dark green eyes.

"Hell, what are you standing there? Call an ambulance!" screamed Haruka and automatically hold her Michi-chan a little bit tighter. "Are you deaf!"

Makoto blinked, then she ran away.

"And hurry up!"

Haruka lowered her head again and rocked her unconscious Michi-chan softly. Not caring that the rest of the sailor team looked very shocked. Not caring that Mamoru argued loudly with the truck driver. Not caring that a strange guy tried in vain to calm down a screaming baby.

It's all my fault.

I didn't want to let her suffer!

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It's all my fault!

She sat there. Next to a small bed. In a small room. There were noises around her. But she didn't notice them. Nor did she notice the doctor coming through the wide opened door. Some nurses followed him.

All she saw was the fragile young woman in the bed. Her face was pale, the sea green curls mat.

I love you.

Haruka swallowed hard and some tears ran over her cheeks.

I don't want to let you suffer, Michi-chan.

She took a deep breath and automatically hold the cold, lifeless hand tighter in her own ones.

I never wanted to hurt you, don't ya know?

"And you're the sister?" said the doctor and stepped next to the bed. Haruka didn't look up. Didn't react. Didn't answer his question. So that he suspected that she was it. Didn't she yell at the doctors in the ambulance that she was family? That she wanted to come with them?

"Don't worry, I am sure that she'll be okay." He smiled at her, then he started to control his new patient.

It's all my fault!

Haruka sighed deeply. Then she raised her head as she heard a well known screaming. Of a little child. A little girl. Slowly she rose from her chair to go over to the door.

"How is she feeling, doctor?" A shadow ran to the bed and almost crashed into her. But neither he nor she did notice it.

Himme-chan?

Haruka stepped out to the corridor and saw the little girl sitting in her sport pram. Her summer dress was dirtied and her face dark red. Tears burned in her eyes and her little fists were clenched. Dark eyes looked angrily. That no one was around. That no one cared for her. That her parents weren't there.

Go! Go now!

But Haruka knew she couldn't.

Don't let her suffer!

Hai, I won't let you suffer, little one.

"Hey, darling, What's up?" she whispered and went in her knees before the pram. Hotaru blinked. And blinked again. And stopped to scream. To cry. Then she stretched her tiny arms towards the blonde and laughed through her tears.

"Daddy!" she babbled and tiny hands grabbed the white shirt. To never let it go again.

"Are you lonesome?" whispered Haruka and her voice broke. With trembling hands she put the little girl out of the pram and held her tight. Rocked her gently. Felt again her little devil in her shaking arms.

"Daddy..."

Hotaru leaned her head against her shoulder and laughed happily.

I love you, honey. I love you so much.

Haruka closed her eyes and hold her daughter tighter.

I don't want to let you go, don't ya know?

One look in dark eyes told her that the little girl knew. That she knew her love. For all times.

"Hush, honey. Everything's fine." Sobbed the blonde and raised again. To walk a little bit over the corridor and back. Hoping that she would have some more moments with her daughter. Before she would be forced again to leave her. To go away. Into her empty apartment. To face her bloody life again. All alone. Knowing that there was no chance for her to be a daddy.

She needs someone to play with her. Football or whatever she will like. She needs someone who tells her how to drive a bike. She needs someone who will hold her tight and comfort her whenever she's sad.

Haruka wanted so badly to be that person. But she knew she would never.

She needs a real daddy. Not me. Not someone who lays helpless in a bed. In coma. She mustn't experience the same bloody hell I went through when my mother finally died and my father followed her.

Haruka rocked Hotaru. Not knowing who comforted whom.

She deserves better.

The tall blonde turned around and slowly walked back to the sport pram. Hotaru in her arms yawned. Haruka swallowed hard as she saw two new teeth. Sparkling. Then the little girl closed her eyes and was fast asleep. In a loving embracement she knew too well.

It's the only acceptable decision I could make.

"And, how is she feeling, doctor?" asked the young man and took the cold hand Haruka had just hold some minutes ago. "How's my princess feeling?" There was real concern in his low voice.

My princess?

Haruka stopped next to the door and frowned.

"And who are you, young man?"

"I am Kei." Answered the guy simply and he didn't look very impatient with the doctor. But the old man only smiled and looked very understanding. He was used to concerned relatives.

"And you are her boyfriend, aren't you?" he asked, because he couldn't see any similes in the pale face. The young man didn't answer. Instead he asked more and more questions.

Her boyfriend?

Haruka frowned and saw again how the young man had held Hotaru tight. So carefully tight. How he sat on the same blanket. Together with the sailor team. How he had seen them transform, but didn't seem to be surprised.

Sets would never tell her boyfriend that she's the senshi of time.

But Michiru would...

Her boyfriend?

Haruka swallowed hard as she saw the love in dark eyes. How the young man asked more and more questions while the doctor looked into Michiru's eyes, controlled her pulse and her heart beat.

Her boyfriend?

"She's okay. A truck almost crashed into her you said? Then she's lucky. Very lucky." Declared the doctor and smiled friendly. He was always happy when he had good news.

"And the baby?"

Baby?

Haruka looked at sleeping Hotaru and automatically hold her tighter.

Baby?

"She's pregnant?" the doctor sounded surprised, then he nodded. "Then I'll better call my colleague. She's..."

Pregnant?

The whole world spun around Haruka and she stumbled some steps back.

"Hai, she's now in the tenth or eleventh week." Kei's voice was full of pride.

"Then you're surely a happy daddy." The doctor laughed, then he walked out the door to call his colleague. But he was sure that the baby was okay. The young woman looked a little bit thin for her seize but nevertheless she was healthy. And strong.

Maybe she threw up her breakfast a way too much.

The doctor smiled. Still remembering how his wife was pregnant with his first son. So he didn't see the pale young woman leaning against the corridor's wall. Staring at the opened door with dark green eyes. Wide opened. With a terrified expression in them.

Michi-chan's pregnant?

Again she looked at Hotaru and swallowed hard.

From that guy? From that Kei?

"Daddy..." babbled Hotaru in her sleep and grabbed tighter on the white shirt. To hold her tight.

No, I am not your daddy.

Haruka walked over to the sport pram and her whole body trembled. There was a gulp in her throat and she only wanted to run away. To escape this hell. As fast as the wind.

Kei's now your daddy, little one.

Carefully she put the sleeping girl in her sport pram and covered her little body with a soft blanket. Without thinking she leaned forward and gave her a soft kiss on both cheeks.

But I'll always love you. No matter what will happen, Himme-chan. I'll always watch over you.

Then she turned around to go. Somehow she would make it to the subway. To get into her small apartment. To make a short phone call. Then to take her medicine and to lay down on her small couch. And to pray that someone would saviour her. And let her finally die.

She winced slightly as she stood suddenly before Kei. His dark eyes sparkled with the same hate she had seen just an hour ago in deep blue eyes. His fists were clenched.

"So you're Haruka? You're the one who broke my princess's heart?" He whispered with a dangerously quiet voice. "Step away from Himme-chan!"

His princess?

Himme-chan?

Haruka smiled and suddenly had the desire to laugh. She felt dizzy and asked herself if she'd drunken a whiskey. It all seemed to be so funny with a sudden. So desperately funny.

Maybe it's better this way.

"Why?"

She didn't hear his silent question. Nor did she see the pain in his eyes.

He could give Michi-chan what I never could.

Haruka simply turned around and left the corridor. Left her Michi-chan. And her Himme-chan. Left them all behind while she stepped outside in the bright sunlight.

Hope you'll be able to make her happy.

Tears burned in her eyes, but she wasn't willing to let them fall. Not now. Not later. Maybe never.

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"May I join you?"

Haruka looked up from her shoes and stared into brown eyes.

Nani?

Makoto smiled friendly and sat down next to her in the subway. She was holding a huge basket and Haruka looked around. But there were no other senshi around. Makoto seemed to be alone.

"And how is Michiru feeling?" Makoto was still smiling and Haruka wondered why she didn't shout at her. Why she didn't slap her. Why she didn't simply turn away from her.

I was the one leaving Michi-chan. Makoto should be angry about me.

But somehow the girl didn't seem to.

"The doctor said fine." Answered Haruka and looked at her watch. Still half an hour time before she had to take her medicine.

Does Mako know that Michi-chan's pregnant?

But somehow she didn't dare to ask.

"Join me? In what?" The tall blonde remembered the questions. But still she couldn't look at the thunder senshi. All she could do was to stare at the window opposite. Seeing the tunnel behind it. Black and threatening.

"In going home."

"This direction?"

"My old flat burned and so I live now somewhere else."

Makoto smiled and hold the basket a little bit tighter.

"I still have some sandwiches. Do you want one? Usagi was very hungry, but Ami and Minako didn't want a lot and so there's a lot left."

Sandwiches?

Haruka felt how her body started again to ache and she only shook her head. Blonde strands fell into her burning eyes and suddenly she felt very exhausted. So she closed them.

"Your flat burned?" she asked with a very silent voice.

"Hai, but don't worry. The others already help me to buy the things I couldn't save." The brown haired girl giggled. "You should see Usagi in a boutique! With Rei around haunting her. It's worth all those bloody dressing and searching for the right seize." Makoto shrugged her shoulders. "And Ami's happy that I could save my school books. Imagine, Haruka, I had only one minute to take anything to save it. And all I fetched was my photo album and my school bag. Guess I am really crazy."

Haruka sighed slightly and felt how her tiredness tried to control her mind.

Better than thinking.

Pregnant...

"Why don't you shout at me, Mako?" it was nothing but a whisper and Makoto almost missed it. The subway stopped and some people get out and in. It was suddenly very loud but the people calmed down as the subway started again to move. To speed up. To lead them through Tokyo. Underground.

"Why should I, Haruka? You're still my friend. You're both my friends. You and Michiru." Answered Makoto simply and could see the small smile on a too pale face. "That doesn't mean that I accept what you've done to Michiru, but that's not my business. That's only something between you two."

Makoto sighed and leaned back. For a long time silence evolved between them while the thunder senshi watched at the basket. Wondering what she should do with all the sandwiches in them.

"You can't be mean, Haruka. You saved Ami today. And Michiru..."

Still no respond.

Makoto frowned and turned her head. And realized that Haruka fell asleep.

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Cheeseburger.

She unwrapped her lunch and looked sceptically in the hot roll.

That's typically. Only one cucumber piece!

There was loud music playing in the small restaurant and some children ran through the corridor. To haunt each other with plastic guns they got in their children's menu.

Normally she didn't like fast food. But it was, well, it was fast. She didn't have to get angry with her cooker. And it wasn't burned. Very, very slowly she bit into her cheeseburger and chewed carefully. She wasn't hungry but she knew that she had to eat something before she took her medicine. Before she would get up and to go to the appointment she arranged the day before. The last appointment. To sign some important papers.

It's the least I can do for her.

The tall blonde sighed deeply and ketchup covered her finger tips. She frowned a little bit angrily and licked it away.

Why can't they make a meal you can eat without dirtying your clothes?

Michiru had hated that fast food, too. And so they went to the expensive restaurants each time they went out. But today Haruka liked this restaurant. It was small. No one knew her. No one would recognize her. There were no reporter around.

Amazing that they didn't find out that we aren't a couple any longer.

But there had been no race and no concert recently. How should they have found out?

Couple...

She raised her head and stared outside the huge window besides her. Stared through the advertisement pasting on the glass. Seeing people hurrying by. It was Monday. A busy day. For people at work. Some girl in school uniform passed by. They laughed happily. And pointed over to cute boys who pretended not to see them. Although the girls knew they did.

There was a couple walking along the pavement. Wind played with sea green curls and a light red summer dress. A balloon floated high over a sport pram and a little girl laughed happily while she moved her arm and the balloon started to dance.

Nani?

Haruka blinked but the vision didn't go. More ketchup flew over her hands but she didn't realize it as she slowly put the cheeseburger down on the plastic table.

Nani?

Michiru stopped and pointed at something in a huge window. Haruka swallowed hard as she saw that the shop showed baby furniture and baby clothes.

She can't use all of Himme-chan's clothes for the other child. Some of them are simply old and used.

The tall blonde shook her head and had helpless to watch how the black haired guy stepped over to her Michi-chan and stroke through her curls. The young violinist raised her head and smiled at him. Haruka didn't see that the smile was desperate and sad. That tears shimmered in blue eyes.

Michi-chan...

Nausea increased inside Haruka's belly. Just like the pain. She heard her watch beep, but she didn't care about it. The cheeseburger landed somewhere on the table and she knocked over her coke as she rose from the chair. She almost crashed into a small boy who hold up his gun to kill is older brother as she ran out of the restaurant. Her face was white and her thoughts spun around in her mind.

Why are you jealous? That's what you wanted! That she's happy. That she's able to live without you!

Haruka gasped hard for breath and simply ignored how her body refused the fast motions. She stumbled more than once but each time she forced herself to stand up whenever she fell down. She didn't care about the people staring curiously at her. The freak. The dead ill senshi. The nothing.

Why are you jealous? She'll be happy with him. With him and Himme-chan. And her OWN child.

Tears burned in her dark green eyes and she stumbled for a last time. Crashed against a shop window. Knowing that her body gave all she had. That she couldn't escape her life any longer the way she used to do it. Six years ago. Before she got to know her Michi-chan. When nightmares were haunting her down. From the end of the world.

Why are you jealous?

She raised her head and stared at the doll standing in the huge shop window. Slowly she went on her knees on the pavement and gasped hard for breath. Some tears streamed over her pale cheeks, but she didn't see them. All she saw was the white dress. A bride's dress.

I am jealous because I want to be this Kei. I want to be with my Michi-chan the rest of her life. The rest of my life. I want to be Himme-chan's daddy. I want to watch over her. To protect her. To raise her. And I want to be the daddy of Michi-chan's unborn child. I want so badly...

But she knew that her wishes would never be full filled. That her dreams would never become real.

I want so badly to live...

The world turned black and she simply let go.

Some people stopped as she blacked out. But no one hold her when she fell down on the hard underground. No one was there to take care for her.

Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived.

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	6. Chapter 3: Wish you well 2

I am so glad that nothing happened to her during the accident.

Makoto put away her sun glasses as she entered the hospital. Michiru left it the next day. When the doctors had been sure that she had no concussion. That she was really alright. She and the little child she carried. Kei took her home but they had been very busy and so they forgot one of Michiru's bags.

Kei doesn't know Usagi yet. Otherwise he would have known that a help cry from her isn't that important. Not as important than a help cry from Sailor Moon.

Makoto grinned as she remembered how shocked Usagi had been after they arrived at her home. To rescue her from an enemy. A pink haired enemy who had stolen her cake.

Right now Kei and Michiru were shopping. Some new clothes for Michiru. Maternity clothes. They invited Makoto, but she didn't want to come with them. She had a meeting with the girls to learn for history and so she decided to go to the hospital to fetch up the missing bag.

We're all a little bit crazy, I guess.

"Hello, I am here for Kaioh Michiru. She left hospital yesterday and forgot her bag." She smiled at the nice nurse who looked into her computer and nodded.

"That's nice that you fetch it up for you. You must be Makoto, aren't you?" The thunder senshi nodded. "Dr. Mizuno told me about you. You're one of her daughter's friends, aren't you?"

Dr. Mizuno. That was Ami's mother. She worked in the hospital, too. As a child's doctor. They all knew her. Not only from Ami, but also from Hotaru. She was the little girl's doctor and whenever the future senshi of death felt ill she had to visited the older woman. A nice woman. An always smiling woman.

Hope she'll understand Ami's love.

But somehow Makoto was sure. Dr. Mizuno looked always so understanding and she did everything to be a good mother. Her husband left her when Ami was a little child and she was seldom at home. But nevertheless she was a good mother. And Ami wanted to become a doctor, too. One day.

A doctor and a show star.

Makoto grinned even more and filled out a form. To sign that she took the bag.

"Just wait a minute. I'll take it." The nurse smiled friendly at her and was gone within the next second. Makoto nodded and looked at a huge painting that hung here. At the emergency room. Most of the patient here didn't see it. But maybe it hang there to cheer up the doctors here. To bright up their sometimes so dark day.

"May I go home now?" Makoto froze as she heard the silent voice behind her. A shaky voice. A low voice. A voice she got to know too well during the past two years. During the battle against Mistress nine.

Slowly she turned around and her chin dropped as she saw the young woman standing there. About twenty steps away. In the middle of the emergency room. Supporting her trembling body hard on a drip. It was connected to her right arm. To a skinny arm.

Haruka?

"I don't think so." The nurse shortly looked up from her computer and shook her head. "This was your third breakdown this week. Dr. Taka won't let you go home again."

"But..." The tall blonde let her shoulders hang and stared at her feet. Her face was paler than Makoto could remember and the senshi of thunder felt suddenly very ill.

Third breakdown?

This week?

Makoto wanted to go over to Haruka, but she simply couldn't move.

What is she doing here?

She looks so fragile.

"But I need to go home."

Again the nurse looked up and sighed deeply.

"Is there anyone at home who would take care of you until next Monday?" she asked and Makoto could see how Haruka bit on her lower lip. How she clenched her fists harder around the cold metal of the drip.

Next Monday?

Fragile? Strong and independent Haruka fragile?

Makoto took a deep breath and felt how her hands turned ice cold. A stone formed in her belly and suddenly she felt a feeling she didn't feel for a long time. Not since they defeated Mistress nine. It was fear. Death fear.

"I only wanna go home." Whispered Haruka again and blonde strands covered her pale face with shadows. So Makoto couldn't see the expression in dark green eyes.

Haruka?

She took two steps until she was hold back.

"Here's your bag, Makoto. I shall say hello from Dr. Mizuno and that Ami shouldn't learn too much for the history test. She also loves her daughter with a B."

Makoto frowned and nodded. Too confused to answer. Too confused to think properly. Too confused to feel any other feeling than blank fear and panic.

The nurse smiled friendly and returned back to her work. There was a lot to do today and she didn't want to waist a minute.

Haruka?

Makoto took a deep breath and turned around. And froze again. And stared in disbelieve at the empty drip. Some hoses hang down to the ground and some clear fluid founded a small lake.

Nani?

The thunder senshi blinked, but she couldn't see Haruka anywhere. At that moment the other nurse raised her head and cursed loudly.

"Shit! She did it again!" she swore and went over to the drip and looked around. With the same confused look. But the tall blonde wasn't around.

Haruka was gone.

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Carefully she put the violin down and stared for a long time on the lines she just wrote down. On the notes she just played for the first time. Although the melody filled her mind the last days. It was in the middle of the night and the whole house was silent. Surely her brother and Makoto already slept. Even Hotaru fell asleep and didn't cry as she had done the last nights.

Maybe her teeth are finally out so far.

But Michiru knew that there were still some missing and that the little girl would have some more sleepless nights.

Silently she closed the violin case and looked over to the empty bed. A huge bed. Too big for a single person.

We bought it together.

Michiru didn't want to remember all the nights and the days she spent in this bed. Together with her Ruka. Teasing her around. Tickling her. Loving her...

The sea goddess turned determinedly around and stepped out on the balcony. Felt the fresh air from the ocean. Heard the appeasing rushes of the waves. Saw the stars sparkling above in an endless sky.

Again she saw her Ruka. How she ran along the sand. Waving up to her. In the early morning. Dancing through the flat water and inviting her to join her. To swim with her. Through the wild water. And to hold each other tight afterwards. In the warm sand. Just to be near to each other. To feel each other's love. To know that the other one would always be there.

Sure. Always...

Michiru's face was hard as she saw again the red haired girl leaning over to Haruka and kissing her. Kissing her with all her lust.

Hope she's happy with that whore.

But Michiru wasn't.

See it, jerk, she doesn't want you any longer. She doesn't need you any longer.

Again Michiru remembered how she woke up in hospital and only Kei sat there at here side. There was no Haruka around. A tall blonde who let her run into the truck. Without helping her.

Didn't she throw her Uranus planet?

She didn't know. But she still heard Kei's sad voice as she asked and he had to tell her that Haruka simply walked away. Not asking how the young violinist felt. Not asking if everything was alright. Not caring for her any longer.

Michiru spreat her arms and felt the warm wind playing with her sea green hairs. Hairs Haruka seemed to love so much. To stroke. To wash. To kiss.

Or was it just another lie?

The sea goddess bit on her lower lip and felt the anger deep in her heart. Felt the hate deep in her soul. Knew that she would never be the same again. Knew that moaning wouldn't bring back the past. Kew that her whole life changed when Haruka closed the door behind herself and never came back.

Michiru opened her eyes and clenched her fists while she watched the wild sea for a long time.

It's time for a change.

It was dawn when she left the balcony.

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Silently she stared at the small package in her arms. It was heavy but for her it seemed to be too light. A dog barked somewhere but she didn't notice it.

Only this small package.

She sighed deeply and put it into the letterbox.

It's all I leave behind.

Suddenly she started to freeze. She pulled her leather jacket tighter around her trembling body. Then she walked away. Not looking back again.

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It was nice dark in the concert hall. Some people whispered but most of the audience listened to the musicians on the stage. It was a beneficial concert and all well known musicians of Japan played or sung one of their works. The concert was sold out. Until the last seat. But nevertheless she had got a card.

"Who's the next?" asked a curious voice next to her and a maybe ten year old girl looked to her mother. A young woman who liked music a lot. She knew all the other artists and silently hummed the sweet melodies.

"Kaioh Michiru, dear." She answered and smiled loving at her daughter.

"She plays the violin, doesn't she?"

"Hai."

Michi-chan.

Haruka clenched her fists in her lap and stared again at her boots. Wondering why she sat there. In the last array where hopefully no one would recognize her.

I had to come.

The tall blonde swallowed hard. Today was a special day and she knew it.

I need to say good bye.

The boy group finished the song and the three boys winked at screaming fans. They were part of the music in Japan, too. Just like Country music. And some people only came to the concert to hear their songs. Only two songs. About someone who searched for his true love. For his princess. A young woman he searched every where on the world. Maybe in the whole universe.

I only want to see her again. Only this one time. This last time...

Haruka sighed slightly and listened to the conductor's words. That Kaioh Michiru would now play a song. The people cheered up and clapped. Then there was suddenly death silence and only some people dared to whisper.

Nani?

Haruka raised her head and stared in disbelieve at the young woman on the stage. She wore a long, very narrow pink dress. It showed all her female outlines and even a little bit more. The tall blonde swallowed hard as she looked at the belly. An always thin belly. Now it seemed to be a little bit bigger.

Blue eyes looked empty at the audience and Haruka gasped for breath as she saw the hairs of her Michi-chan. They were cut. Cut short. Almost as short as her own hairs. And they were coloured. In a screaming pink. Some strands hang into a pale face and Haruka shivered as she saw the hate there.

What has she done?

The senshi of wind shook her head and felt the shock of the audience. No one reacted. No one said a word. No one seemed to breathe.

She looks like a plucked chicken...

She looks full of hate.

And sad.

Haruka leaned back in her seat and clenched her fists even harder. Until it hurt. But pain was good. It told her that she was still alive. Still.

Michiru stepped forwards. She hold her violin in her left hand. With the right one she put the micro and looked directly into the audience. Haruka automatically crept deeper into her seat and hoped that it was dark enough and that she sat too far away to be recognized.

"Nice that you all could come." Michiru heard her own voice, but it sounded strange in her ears. She felt sick and for the first time she could remember she was excited. She had never been excited at a concert. But this concert was a not just a concert. It was special.

It's the right decision!

It's time for a change!

"Today is a special day for me." Still there was death silence but she didn't care about it. So she had not to speak so loudly when all people were whispering. So surely everyone would listen to what she had to say. "Because today is my daughter's first birthday." She smiled a smile she had often smiled in front of the audience. In front of the cameras. Some lights flashed through the hall, but she didn't see it neither.

"She's now at home and surely sleeping. Or crying and driving my baby sitter mad. She's now getting her first teeth." Michiru sighed a little bit and hold the micro tighter.

It's the right decision!

It's the only one...

"Someone told me that I was never at home. That I was always busy with my music and that there's nothing more in my life. Someone told me that I was never with my family. That I didn't take enough responsibilities. That I was selfish and ignorant." Michiru shrugged her shoulders and took a deep breath. It was harder than she had expected. But she wouldn't give up. Not now. "Guess she had been right."

No...

Haruka shook her head. Not knowing what to do. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to think.

No, you wasn't wrong, Michi-chan. Not you...

"My daughter's now one year old and I am here. Guess I should be at home and celebrating her first birthday with a big party and with my friends." Michiru swallowed hard. "Guess I should take more time for my family. I always thought that my music is the most important thing in my life. But someone showed me that my family is more important for me. And that I should use the time that's given to me to be with it." Her voice was shaky and more cameras aimed on her. "Because someone showed me that it all can be over the next day."

Michi-chan...

Haruka wanted to stand up. To go over to the stage. To embrace her. But she couldn't. She simply couldn't move.

Don't let other suffer.

The tall blonde shook her head again as she saw how tears sparkled in blue eyes.

"This is the last performance I am giving." Now there was a gasp that went through the audience.

No, Michi-chan. Don't give up your dream! Not because of me!

But Haruka knew that there was no way to stop this concert. Michiru's last one. Helplessly she saw how the boy group returned to the stage. The youngest one sat down behind the drums, the others took their electrical guitars in their hands. Ready to play.

"This is my last song. It's for the person who meant the most for me. Still means." Michiru sobbed quietly and closed her eyes for some seconds. "I am sorry, that I wasted all our years."

With those words she stepped back and brought the violin to her shoulder. She counted silently until three and the music began. It was a loud music. A raging one. A melody that explained all her desperate feelings.

" Don't recognize me, do ya

We're sitting face to face

Your mind is in another time and in another place

I saw that when your eyes met mine and still you've seen them move

You don't recall this face at all, the one you'd said you'd loved."

Michiru closed her eyes and saw again how Haruka closed the door behind herself. How she simply walked away and never came back. How she simply passed away in the city. When little Hotaru tried desperately to be taken in those strong arms again. How Sailor Uranus helped her, but didn't answer her questions. How she simply walked away from the hospital. Without caring about her health any longer.

"The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own

The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years.

Your friends don't come around here

The way they used to do.

Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years."

She had wasted all those years. With her music. With her rehearsals. With her concerts. With their mission as Sailor senshi. With their search after the talismans.

Ruka had been right, I never had been at home.

But now it was too late to change it. She couldn't turn back time and she knew it. Now she had to live with the splinters of a broken life. Somehow.

What shall I say to my unborn child if it'll ever ask after its daddy?

Some tears ran down her cheeks and more flashlights crossed the hall. But she didn't see them. Didn't notice them at all. All she heard was her own voice. The music in the background. Her thoughts she couldn't stop spinning around in her mind.

What shall I say to Himme-chan where her daddy is?

Michiru bit hard on her lower lip.

What shall I say to myself each night I wake up after a terrible nightmare?

"This fallaced smile upon your face, you seemed to be confused

By all these kindly stranger who come to visit you

The flowers on the table, the pictures on the wall

I thought it could be different, but now I am not so sure.

The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own

The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years.

Your friends don't come around here

The way they used to do.

Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years."

Haruka lowered her head and looked at her shaking hands. Knowing that Michiru sang this song only for her. That she wrote it for her. Over her. That those lines were meant for her.

I behaved not to recognize her on the street.

She took a deep breath and wished that this concert would be over soon. That she could escape this hell. A hell she created on her own.

I only wanted to see her happy.

But the young woman with the cut hairs and the pink dress wasn't the happy senshi she had loved. The smiling sea goddess she wanted to protect.

Don't let other suffer.

She sobbed quietly while the raging music and the low, empty voice filled her mind.

Don't let HER suffer!

But the same time she knew she did. She hurt her Michi-chan by simply walking away. By lying to her. By screaming at her. By ignoring her.

I hurt her deeply.

The pain increased again inside her body and she knew that she couldn't change her destiny. Nor Michi-chan's. She knew that it was better to leave her now than in five years.

Better breaking her heart now than breaking slowly her soul over the years.

Haruka buried her face in her ice cold hands and shook again her head.

She has her Kei. And Himme-chan. And the baby. She'll come over this pain. Surely.

But deep in her heart Haruka knew she wouldn't.

"They tell me that you're much improved but they can't tell me why

I've talked and talked for hours and still there's no reply.

The bats are in the belfry and now you're on your own

The lights are shinning brightly, but there's nobody home.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years.

Your friends don't come around here

The way they used to do.

Well, once there were so many and now there are so few.

But time has gone so quickly now and nothing can replaced.

All these wasted years."

Slowly the music died away and Michiru opened her eyes again. She blinked into the bright light on the stage and looked into the still very silent audience in the semi darkness around.

"Maybe it were wasted years for you..." again she took the micro in her hands and some tears ran over her cheeks. "... but for me it had been the best in my life. Arigato, honey."

Without another word she laid her violin on the ground, turned around and simply went away. Forever.

Haruka watched her in silence.

My guardian angel walks away.

It was like dying. Even worse.

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"Do you really want to give up your music?"

"Kaioh-san, was it really your last concert?"

"And who was this secret person you played for?"

"Why do you give up your music?"

"And where was Tenô Haruka? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

"Kaioh-san, please answer!"

"Where..."

"Why..."

"Who..."

"Kaioh-san..."

She fought herself through the reporters. Her body guards tried to hold them back but there were too many.

Leave me in peace! I only wanna go home!

She felt sick and exhausted. She didn't want to answer those silly questions. She only wanted to get away. From this silly place. From her life. From their silly questions.

Some flashlights danced through the corridor while she fought towards the door.

The next time I'll take the backdoor.

Michiru grinned wickedly and pushed away a microphone.

What next time? Remember, that was your LAST time!

She raised her head to search again for the door and stopped in motion. Some reporters crashed against her and their voices were suddenly even louder. More and more photos were taken and more and more questions hang in the air. But she didn't notice them. All she saw was the person leaning against the wall next to the door. Staring at her boots. Taking the sun glasses on and hiding messed blonde hairs under a dark cap.

Ruka?

She frowned and shook her head in disbelieve.

What she's doing here? Did she hear my song? Did she understand its meaning?

Her blue eyes grew wide as she saw how two tears ran down pale cheeks. How shaky hands put headphones over ears. How the tall blonde whispered words Michiru couldn't understand.

What does it all mean?

The whole world started to spin around. But nevertheless she fought herself through the reporters. Yelling at them that she wouldn't answer any stupid question. That they should leave her in peace. That all this was her business. Only her!

She was out of breath as she reached the door. But there was no trace of the tall blonde any more. Haruka was gone.

Where to?

Michiru opened the door and ran out on the huge place before. But between all the people she couldn't see her Ruka. She seemed to be disappeared. To nowhere. To a place Michiru couldn't find her.

I have to find her. I have to find her. I have to find her!

She didn't know where that thought came from, but she felt how panic grew inside her belly. Panic and deep fear. Tears burned in her blue eyes while she stumbled over the stones.

"Michiru?"

She spun around and looked into big brown eyes. Shocked eyes.

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"Do you really want to give up your music?"

"Kaioh-san, was it really your last concert?"

"And who was this secret person you played for?"

"Why do you give up your music?"

"And where was Tenô Haruka? He's your boyfriend, isn't he?"

"Kaioh-san, please answer!"

"Where..."

"Why..."

"Who..."

"Kaioh-san..."

Stupid reporters.

Haruka sighed slightly and stared at her feet. Still leaning against the wall. Waiting that her medicine did its job. That she soon would be able again to walk away. To walk home. To a home that didn't exist any longer.

Michi-chan had always hated those reporters.

She took her sunglasses on and swallowed hard. Two tears she couldn't hold back any longer ran over her cheeks but she didn't wipe them away. She was in the mass. Thousands of people were around. No one would see her. No one would recognize her. She pulled the cap over her messed blonde hairs and sighed deeply. She wanted to look up. To look again at her Michi-chan. Being surrounded by crazy reporters. But she didn't dare to. She only took her headphones and sighed deeply.

"Wish you well, Michi. Goodbye..."

It was nothing more than a shaky whisper.

dbdbdb

The sailor fuku was too narrow. Too narrow for her grown belly. And too wide for her skinny arms. But she didn't care about it. It was the last time that she would wear it. And she knew it.

The room was empty. The moon shone through the closed windows, transformed the soft carpet into a sea of silver. Tiny waves were moving while she walked through the dry water.

She wished there had been another way.

Silently she laid the roses into the corner. White roses. Three white roses.

But there had been no other way.

The house was quiet. All people were sleeping. Kei fell asleep on the couch in the living room and the TV set showed some talk shows the young man surely wouldn't have watched if he had been awake.

Nani?

Haruka opened the door and swallowed hard as she saw the deep ocean she stepped into. As she saw the wild and calm water running down the walls. Touching the ceiling. Reaching sky.

Just like Himme-chan's room.

But the tall blonde knew that it wasn't made for the future senshi of death. Still the room was empty. Only one furniture stood on the soft carpet. A cradle. A new cradle. It had sea birds on a light blue curtain and it stood right in the middle.

Himme-chan broke her own one.

Haruka ran a trembling hand through her strands and stepped hesitating over to the cradle. She knew what it meant. And she knew that it would have never belonged to her. Even if she wouldn't have been an angel's child.

"Wish you all the best, little one." She whispered with a sob in her voice and laid the tiny pyjama carefully down. "Make your mommy happy. Always." With a desperate gesture she turned around and stood the next moment in her daughter's room. Little Hotaru was sleeping deep and tight in her little bed. A smile laid on her face and the toy bunny laid on the carpet. As always.

Happy birthday, Himme-chan.

She wanted to say it aloud. But suddenly she couldn't speak a word. There was a big lump in her throat and her voice didn't obey her any longer.

I wish you all the best.

Haruka went on her knees before the bed and laid an old teddy bear next to the little girl. It was fifteen years old and the tall blonde knew that Hotaru needed it more than she did. The future senshi of death munched and took the old toy in her tiny arms and hold it tight. As tight as she had never hold her bunny. But her daddy...

Don't worry, Himme-chan, whatever will happen, I will always watch over you. I promise.

With those words she turned around and disappeared silently into the darkness of the night.

One minute later Hotaru opened her eyes and started desperately to cry.

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"I don't have any salt, Tara." Screamed Haruka angry and stared annoyed at the slim woman who stood before her door. Holding a salt box in her hands. "Why don't you buy yourself a little bit food, Tara? The supermarket in the railway station is still opened!"

Without letting the other woman speak she slammed the door and took a deep breath. She only wore a dark pullover and dark socks. But still she couldn't decide whether she was freezing or sweating. She took the remote control and the music increased inside her apartment. Inside her mind. Inside her soul. Her watch beeped again but she ignored it.

I don't need it any longer.

She sighed deeply and went over to the small bathroom. The water already flew into the tub. Warm water. Hot water. Steaming water. To fill it. To be her last rest.

Haruka swallowed hard and sat down before the tub on the warm carpet that covered the cold tiles. For a long while she stared at the whisky bottle next to her. And at the razor blade.

Don't let other suffer.

Again she heard her father's sad voice in her mind. Again she remembered how she promised him never to let other suffer. Without knowing what suffering meant. Until she grew up and realized what her father had broken. What had been wrong all this time with her mother. That she not only inherited her mother's blonde hairs and her dark green eyes. But also her illness. For a long time she hoped that it wouldn't make any difference. That she would stay healthy. That it would never break out. That there would never be any operation.

She swore herself never to have an accident at the race track. And if she'd have one, that she wouldn't survive it. When she became Sailor Uranus she swore to herself to let herself being killed by the youmas than being dangerously injured. She really hoped that there would be a life possible she always dreamed of as a small child. With a loving family.

With my Michi-chan.

But now she knew that it was impossible.

Don't let HER suffer.

She knew that she had to do it. It was better to die now than in five years. After five years in coma. She wouldn't notice it. She would already been dead. A spirit that was trapped in a dead body. A dead body kept alive by machines. Silly machines. Expensive machines. Helpless machines. But her Michi-chan would see her slowly dying. She would have to make the same damn decision her father had to make. Each morning. Each noon. Each evening. Each midnight. If he should stop the machines or not. Finally after five years of endless hoping and praying and wishing he decided to stop them. And her mother died. And took her father with her.

Himme-chan needs her mommy. Just like the little baby.

Tears burned in her dark green eyes as she took the razor blade in her shaking hands. Watching for another long time the silver surface. Blinking in the lamplight.

I can't let Michi-chan suffer the same way my father suffered. Better to die now than to load all this weights upon her shoulders. She deserves better in her life.

She has Kei to come over my death.

Haruka swallowed hard as she put away the sleeve and watched her naked, left arm. Too skinny. Shaking, too.

Just two cuts and it's over.

She blinked and touched the water in the tub. It was nice warm. The last warmth she would experience in her life.

I wish Michiru would embrace me when I am dying...

But she knew that Michiru wouldn't. She would die on her own. All alone.

Better than to pull her into death, too.

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

She lowered her head again and put the razor blade to her wrist. A desperate expression appeared on her pale face as she closed her eyes. Her fingers tightened around the razor blade and blood run over them. She pushed it tighter to her skin. Tighter and tighter. She had expected pain. But there was nothing. No pain, no sorrow. Only fear. Fear she had never felt in her whole life before. Not even when she shot at herself to pull the talisman out of her pure heart.

Slowly she opened her eyes again and saw the cut in her skin. It wasn't very deep. Not yet. It bleed. Of course it bleed, but it wasn't deadly. Not yet. And it didn't hurt.

Strange. And I thought I was afraid of the pain.

But she wasn't afraid of the pain. She was afraid of leaving a life she wanted so badly to live. With her family. With her Michi-chan. With her Himme-chan. With the little one. No matter who the father was.

You are such a coward!

She sobbed and some tears ran down her pale face.

You dealt with so many youmas. Even with the end of the world. Why can't you just do those two stitches? And everything will be over. You baka!

Again she hold the razor blade to her skin. But she simply couldn't push it any longer. Tears blurred her view and everything was suddenly red. From the few blood that covered now the carpet.

How could father do that?

She asked herself quietly and shook her head.

How could he do such a cruel thing?

But it was the only way. To crash with her car, she could harm innocent people. To take pills, they could find her. To jump from a bridge, surely a police man would hold her back.

I can't do that.

More tears streamed over her cheeks and the razor blade escaped her trembling fingers.

But you have!

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

Haruka blinked and took the whiskey bottle in her shaking hands.

Surely I am not drunk enough. It will be easier when I am dead drunk.

She drank some gulps and made a face as she tasted the bitter fluid on her lips. She choked and the whole world spun around her.

More alcohol and it will surely be possible.

But deep in her heart she knew that it wouldn't.

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

Again she wanted to take the razor blade as she heard the ringing of the door bell. Again and again and again. Determinedly. Obstinately. Without hesitation. Somehow Haruka knew that it wouldn't stop this time.

"Shit!" she swore and grabbed a towel to wipe away the blood. She wrapped it around her arm and pulled the dark sleeve again over it. Then she grabbed the whiskey bottle again and left reeling the small bath room. Knowing that she would yell again at Tara. That she would make her point clear that she doesn't want a love affair. And that she didn't have any salt.

"Get your fucking ass out..." she shouted as she opened the door.

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"I don't have any salt, Tara." She heard the angry voice shouting at the slim woman who stood before her door. Holding a salt box in her hands. "Why don't you buy yourself a little bit food, Tara? The supermarket in the railway station is still opened!"

The door was closed with a loud noise and the red haired woman only shrugged her shoulders. She only wore a white shirt and Michiru could see the breasts under the thin cloth. The face was covered with make up and it looked like a request.

"Baka!" growled Tara and went back into her own apartment. Still holding the salt box tight in her hands. Knowing that it had been senseless to empty it.

Nani?

Michiru frowned. Of course she had recognized the red haired bitch. The whore who had kissed her Ruka in the disco. But the tall blonde didn't seem to be interested in her.

Any longer?

Michiru hold the bag in her arms tighter and stared for a long time at the closed door.

Is it the right decision?

Makoto showed her where Haruka lived now. The sea senshi didn't ask why the girl knew it. She only thanked her and decided to talk to her. Now. Because somehow she had the strange feeling that it could be too late the next day.

What if she yells again at me?

Michiru took a deep breath and balanced the bag. With her now free hand she touched the bell. Without pushing the button.

What if she tells me again that she doesn't want me?

The sea goddess leaned her head against the door and closed her eyes for some moments.

Then I'll hopefully have some answers I might be able to live with.

Her deep blue eyes sparkled as she opened them again. Determinedly she pushed the button. For one, two, three, four and even more times. For several seconds each time. She wouldn't walk away. Not this evening. She wouldn't simply turn around and flew. She wasn't a coward. And she wasn't weak.

I'll never be weak again.

Like all the people thought at her at school. In the orphan's house. Even at the beginning of her violin career.

She heard how someone cursed behind the door. There were steps. Steps she knew too well. Her heart started to beat wildly inside her chest and suddenly she felt really sick. But she wouldn't give up. She wouldn't throw up her dinner. She wouldn't run away.

I want some answers. Just some answers.

But she knew that she wanted much more. Not only answers. But also a solution. And maybe a little bit hope. And maybe, only maybe, a little bit love.

"Get your fucking ass out..." The voice was angry but it died away the moment sparkling blue and startled green eyes met.

Michiru hold her bag tighter as she saw her Ruka. Only dressed in a black pullover. In an old pullover that seemed to be too big for her. Only wearing black sockets. Her hairs were messed and her face was very pale. And she was holding a half emptied whiskey bottle in her hands.

What have you done to yourself?

But Michiru knew that she wouldn't ask. Not yet. Maybe later.

"Don't worry, I brought my own salt with me." Quickly she stepped into the apartment. Quickly she walked past Haruka and over in the living room. Not letting Haruka the chance to close the door before her nose or even pulling her out to the corridor.

"What the hell are you doing here?" The voice was low and a little bit shaky.

Shaky? Ruka? Never!

Michiru frowned as she heard the raging music. It was a long time that she had heard it. About six years.

I thought she threw the CD away.

"What do you want, Michiru?"

Again Michiru. Not Michi-chan.

Haruka took the remote control and the music died away. Silently she watched how Michiru went over to the small kitchen and put the paper bag she carried with her on the round table.

"Just something to eat and the truth." Answered Michiru and opened the fridge. As she had expected it was empty. There was only a bottle of milk. And another one of whiskey.

"Strange mixture. Guess your new girlfriend isn't very keen on cooking." She said and searched for a pan. Haruka didn't reply anything. She only leaned against the fridge and watched Michiru for a long time.

She's so slime. She looks so fragile. So alone.

Again she fought against the desire in her to take her into her arms. To rock her. To comfort her. To tell her the truth and to say goodbye. To die in that soft embracement she missed during the past weeks.

"You coloured your hair?" asked Haruka because she didn't know anything else to do.

"Hai. I simply didn't like the way it looked any longer."

But I liked it.

Haruka bit on her lower lip and her eyes grew wide as Michiru put a huge knife in her hands.

"You cut the sausage. Guess that's something even you can do without burning it." Ordered Michiru and opened the paper bag. It contained butter, eggs, sausage, ketchup, sugar, salt and some other food.

"What..."

"I am making an omelette. I am hungry after the concert." Michiru turned again towards the pan and soon the scent of melted butter filled the air. Haruka's stomach started to growl and for the first time after days, no, even weeks she had real hunger and appetite.

"You can get anything, too, if you'll help me."

Haruka only nodded and started slowly to cut the sausage into tiny pieces.

Again silence evolved between them and Haruka wondered why Michiru didn't yell at her. Why she didn't ask her thousands of questions she simply couldn't answer.

"Today's Himme-chan's first birthday, isn't it?"

Himme-chan?

Michiru frowned but kept taking care for the butter.

"Hai. It's amazing that you remember the birthday of that stinking brat."

Oh, Michi-chan. I never meant it. I...

Haruka cut another sausage and felt the old pain returning inside her belly. But she didn't dare to stand up taking her medicine.

"Shouldn't you be at home with her?"

She wants me to go.

Michiru searched for a spoon and cut the eggs in a bowl. To mix them up with a pork.

But I won't go that easily. Forget that, Tenô-san. This time you won't escape so simply!

"Don't worry, Kei's watching over her."

"Kei? Do you really trust a guy you hardly know?" Haruka cut the sausage now harder and it looked like a fight. Between her and the meat. A personal fight she feared to lose.

"Hardly know? I grew up with him." Michiru turned around to get the cheese and looked shortly into startled green eyes.

But...

"You never mentioned him." Growled Haruka and cut again the sausage. Not caring that all she produced was mash. Mash, not little quarters.

Is she jealous?

Michiru frowned.

She can't be jealous, can she?

"I know. And I am sorry for that." Michiru shrugged her shoulders while she rubbed the cheese. "But... I was afraid of what you might think. He... he's not as perfect as you nor our friends." The sea goddess took the pan from the fire and put the cheese away. There was still something missing. She searched in the paper back and found the mushrooms. "He did a lot of mistakes. Maybe it was wrong not to tell you. He went the way I would have walked when I hadn't met you." She opened the tin and cut the mushrooms. "He had the wrong friends and stole something. I don't know what it was. Maybe a TV set, maybe a CD player. He went into jail for over three years."

Jail?

"Jail? A prisoner is watching over our Himme-chan?" Haruka's face was suddenly red and her eyes sparkled with anger. "And you're really so blind to trust him?"

Our Himme-chan?

What a game are you playing, Ruka?

"Of course I trust him. He would never do me any harm, nor our family. Kei may have done some mistakes, but he's an honest person."

Our family.

Haruka sighed slightly and condemned another sausage to a sudden, cruel fight.

He's already part of the family.

"In the orphan's house he promised me to be always there for me." Michiru shook her head and pink strands hang into her eyes.

I'll never get used to that hair style.

She stroke it out of her forehead and put the mushrooms to the cheese. Then she controlled the butter.

Now only the sausages are missing.

"Maybe he's not the perfect protector, but for me he's the most perfect brother I could ever imagined. He was the one who saved me when our mother became insane and tried to kill us..." Tears burned in her blue eyes as she turned around to ask for the sausage.

Brother?

Before Haruka could react the knife went into her left forefinger instead of the poor sausage.

Brother!

In horror she stared at the blood pouring over her left hand.

That Kei is Michiru's brother?

"Ruka! Watch out! Your finger!" Michiru sighed deeply and handled her an handkerchief and took the sausage away. "Can't you even cut a sausage properly?"

At that moment Haruka raised her head and the terrified expression in dark green eyes made her shiver.

"I knew you'd react like that. That your girlfriend has a brother who was once jailed. I knew it!" she sighed deeply and turned around to put the sausage into the pan. Soon the air smelled even more delicious. But Haruka felt suddenly very, very sick. Nausea increased inside her hurting belly and she took a deep breath.

Kei's her brother.

She couldn't help but to stare at the still slim belly. Being a little bit bigger under the extreme narrow pink evening dress.

And who's the child's father?

"The doctor in hospital said..." it was a very silent whisper and shortly Michiru turned around. She frowned as she saw how the tall blonde stared in disbelieve at her belly.

She knows it?

Michiru hold the pan tighter in her suddenly shaking hands.

She knows it and doesn't say a word about it? So it is alike to her what happens to me. So she really doesn't like small children. So she's really fed up with the family life I wanted her to lead with me.

"Hai, I am pregnant. In the twelfth week now." She couldn't hold back the pride in her voice. She put the pan again over the fire and stroke over her slim belly. "But you don't have to congratulate me." Michiru took the eggs and swirled them into the pan. Swirled them energetically. Telling herself not to cry. Not to sob. Not to give up.

"Don't worry, I don't want anything from you. I earned enough money with my music to raise Himme-chan and that child. You don't owe me anything. Just an answer."

I should owe her something for the child?

Haruka leaned back and felt suddenly very, very exhausted.

"Who's the father?" she asked although she feared to know the answer.

Shortly Michiru watched her and endless disappointment laid in her blue eyes. Then she concentrated again on the meal. She put the cheese and the mushrooms to it and swirled it all around. When it was ready she put it away from the fire and leaned against the oven. Silently she watched the tall blonde and sighed deeply.

"Sometimes we do crazy things when we're in love." She whispered and ran her icy hands over her burning eyes. "It's not important."

Of course it's important.

Haruka stared again at the slim body. Suddenly knowing that it was her child Michiru carried. Somehow.

Maybe Sailor Moon...?

The senshi of the wind clenched her fists around the handkerchief and asked herself how she should go into the small bathroom again. Taking the razor blade again in her hands. Trying again to save her family from endless suffering pain.

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer.

But she knew that she had to do it. Somehow.

"I only want an answer, Ruka. Only an acceptable answer. Why? And don't tell me that you fell in love with someone else. Maybe it was a short affair, but no girlfriend would leave you in such an apartment. Without any food. In such a chaos. Letting you drink whiskey and milk in combination!"

Haruka only shook her head and stared still at the belly under the pink dress.

"Go." Was all she managed to whisper. "Just go..."

"No, this time I won't do you that favour. I won't just keep silent and let you leave me again. Not before I got an answer!"

The door bell started again to ring and Michiru rolled her eyes.

"You stay here. I'll take care for that bitch! And don't you dare to move!" Michiru's voice allowed no contradiction. The next moment she was gone.

To move?

Haruka wrapped her arms around her aching belly and lowered her head.

Where should I go?

The bell rang again and again. Driving Michiru crazy. Just like Haruka's behaviour drove her crazy.

Lies! She only told me lies!

There was no girlfriend around. There was no one around. Haruka seemed to be all alone. And somehow she didn't look happy with her new life.

She drinks!

Again she saw the shocked expression in dark green eyes.

Why had she been at the concert? Why did she cry afterwards? Why...

She opened the door and looked raging at the red haired bitch outside. Her deep blue eyes sparkled.

"Hai, we have salt, sugar or whatever you want. But we need it for our own meal. So turn your sweet little ass around and leave!" snapped the sea goddess and stroke some pink strands out of her forehead.

"Nani?" Tara frowned and her shoulders fell down. "You're Haruka's girlfriend?" she sighed deeply and looked sad at the sugar box in her hands. "No wonder I never had a chance." Suddenly she grinned. "But my sugar is really out and I want to bake..."

Michiru slammed the door and stepped backwards. Still staring at the closed door. Still hearing the defeated voice in her ears.

She didn't have an affair with that bitch?

Her mind swirled around and she stumbled over something. She turned around and saw the blanket laying in the middle of the living room. Automatically she bowed and picked it up. Walked over to the couch to lay it down there. The TV set was moving and without really wanting she looked at it. But there was no advertisement as she had expected. No anime. No adventure movie. The camera who had taken the pictures did shake.

Because we forget our tripod.

Michiru swallowed hard as she saw herself. How she hold a baby Hotaru in her arms and showed her the great wall of china. How the little girl laughed and was more interested in the yellow butterfly than in one of the most important works ever created by mankind.

We went to China shortly after we adopted Himme-chan.

It had been the greatest vacations of their life. They travelled around in China and visited all the famous places. The forbidden city, the great wall and so many more places Michiru had ever dreamed of.

Why is she watching our vacation film?

Michiru didn't notice that it was missing. She didn't look at the old photos again. It hurt too much.

Why...

The sea goddess swallowed hard as she saw some pictures laying on the glass table. It showed a very proud grinning Haruka who fed Hotaru for the first time.

I had to bath them afterwards. Both of them.

There was another picture. A very old one. Of a wonderful young woman. With long blonde hairs. She was well advanced in pregnancy. A young man with fire red hairs hold her tight, stroke loving over the huge belly.

He looks a little bit like auntie Yuri...

What the hell is she doing? What does it all mean?

Michiru turned around as she heard how something crashed in the kitchen.

"Ruka?" she asked and walked slowly over to the kitchen. Not caring that she used the nickname again.

"Ruka?"

The pan was laying on the ground. The omelette covered the tiles. A chair fell over and laid in the chaos, too.

"Ruka?"

The young woman kneeled in the corner. She had wrapped her arms around her waist and gasped hard for breath.

Why is she exhausted?

Michiru swallowed hard.

What for a bloody hide and seek is she playing with me?

"Ruka?"

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

"Go away..." sobbed Haruka and tried to creep deeper into the corner. Her whole body trembled and the pain was driving her crazy. A pain she would never escape again if the sea goddess wouldn't go right now.

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

"Just go away and leave me in peace. Is that so hard?" It was a scream. A scream of a trapped animal. Without the slightest chance of escape.

"Hai, it is." Whispered Michiru and stepped over the mess of her supper. Slowly she went on her knees besides the girl who meant the most in her life. Very, very carefully she stroke blonde strands out of a sweaty forehead. Saw the tears running down pale cheeks. "Don't you see that I simply can't leave you like that? Seeing you hurt and in pain?" Michiru didn't know what was going on, but as Haruka raised her head, she knew that something was really, really wrong. There was an expression in dark green eyes that made her shiver. Haruka looked at her as if the world was going to end. Then she groaned again and hold her belly tighter.

Michiru gasped as she saw that it became bigger under the dark pullover. She tried to touch it. To reach for it. But Haruka raised protectively her left arm and all Michiru got to grab was the dark sleeve. Pulling it away. Seeing the blood under it. The cut. Not deep but obviously.

"What the hell..." Michiru's blue eyes grew wide and suddenly tears shimmered in all colours of the rainbow. "Ruka, why..."

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

"Go!" was all Haruka cried before she lowered her head again. "Go. It's better this way."

For some seconds that seemed to be eternity Michiru watched her girlfriend in silence. Seeing the pure tears running down pale cheeks. Haruka did not make any sound. No sobbing, no choking. Only kneeling there. Embracing her belly and crying. Simply letting it happen.

As if the world would end...

Michiru swallowed hard. Then she leaned forward and simply embraced her girlfriend. Hold her determinedly tight as Haruka tried to escape.

"No, it isn't Ruka." She whispered and pulled the trembling body nearer to herself.

Don't let other suffer.

Don't let HER suffer!

Haruka felt the warm body next to her. Felt the embracement she missed so much during the past weeks. Felt the love. After all she'd done Michiru still loved her. Hold her tight. Comforted her.

Don't...

She let go of her belly and embraced Michiru in return. Clinched on her as if she was her only life line. Buried her burning face in a warm shoulder and let her hurt heart taken control over her mind. Over her thoughts. Over her body.

Don't...

Don't let yourself suffer.

"I don't want you to go, Michi-chan." She cried and hold her tight with all her desperate powers. Knowing that she became weak during the past weeks. Very weak. Maybe too weak to hold her lover tight. The way she wanted to hold her.

"Why?" Was all Michiru asked. Haruka could feel a soft hand stroking through her blonde strands. Rubbing her back. Calming. Telling her that someone was there. That she wasn't alone. That she wouldn't die in total loneliness.

I don't want to die!

Haruka raised her head again and Michiru swallowed hard. Her girlfriend looked more like a ghost now. A zombie than a living human. Her cheeks were hollow. Her whole face whiter than the wall behind her. Dark rings laid around empty looking eyes.

"I am dead ill, Michi-chan." Whispered the senshi of the wind. "On Monday will be the operation. But there's only a twenty percent chance that I'll survive it."

Nani?

Michiru hold her lover tighter. Not wanting to hear those words. Not wanting to understand them. Not wanting to realize that they were true.

No, it can't be! Please, god, tell me that this is not real!

But one look in dark green eyes told her that it was true. That it was reality.

"My mother had the same illness. She laid over five years in coma." Haruka sobbed quietly and groaned as the pain grew inside her body. "I don't want you to suffer the same way my father suffered..." She groaned even louder and let go of Michiru. Again holding her belly. Cursing silently. Closing her eyes as the pain flashed through her belly.

"Ruka?" Michiru's voice was full of fear.

"The medicine is in the bathroom..." groaned Haruka and tried hard to get on her feet. But it was impossible. So she kept kneeling. Kept breathing. Kept being alive.

"One second..." Michiru was on her feet and stumbled over the chair and the supper. Just for a moment she looked shocked at the bloody razor blade laying on the carpet. Automatically she turned off the hot water. Tears shimmered in her eyes as she recognized what her girlfriend had been about to do.

You baka! Why didn't tell you me the truth? Don't you think that we would handle it together? Somehow? Twenty percent are a chance.

But even Michiru knew that it was a very, very tiny chance.

She took the medicine and stumbled again over to the small kitchen. Somehow Haruka managed to get on her feet again. Her face showed all the pain she felt. In her body. And in her heart.

My poor little darling.

"I am so sorry, honey." Whispered the tall blonde and sighed deeply. She knew that it was too late to take her medicine. She had many breakdowns the last weeks. But none of them had been as bad as this one. "If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way." She groaned again and reeled. Michiru was by her side and hold her as she fell.

"Don't say such a nonsense, Ruka. Everything will be fine."

But Haruka didn't seem to hear her. Again she hold her body and choked for some times. But there was no food she could have thrown up. There was only emptiness inside her. A bloody emptiness that would be replaced by an even bigger one.

"Don't let other suffer, Michi-chan..." Haruka choked again and searched for a warm hand. "Love ya..." The moment she felt the warm hand, she sighed and let go.

"Love ya, too." Whispered Michiru and sobbed quietly. Holding her unconscious lover tight. Still not believing what she had heard. Not wanting to believe it.

With shaking hands she reached over to the paper back and pulled her telephone out.

Ten minutes later the ambulance arrived.

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The bell door rang. Again and again. Wildly.

"Hey, it's okay. I am here." Yawned Kei as he stumbled downstairs. A very pale Makoto followed him. She awaited a crying Michiru. A Michiru who couldn't come together with her Haruka again. But instead of the sea goddess another woman stood outside.

"Auntie Yuri?" whispered Makoto surprised and squinted as Kei switched on the lights.

"Where is Haru-chan?" asked the woman and looked very, very desperate. "Where is my niece?"

"I don't know." answered Makoto and exchanged warning glances with Kei who was about to tell the red haired woman how much he hated the car racer. "Why do you...?"

"She's in live danger!" Yuri ran a trembling hand through her red hairs and sighed deeply. Then she handled a surprised looking Makoto a small post card she got only five hours ago. Right after she read it she took the next plane to get to Tokyo. "Read this, Mako-chan!" she requested and crossed the entrance hall for the tenth time.

"Hello auntie Yuri..." read Makoto and felt how Kei stepped behind her and looked over her shoulder. "... hope you're feeling fine. Soon you'll have one more guardian angel watching over you..."

Makoto raised her head as Yuri couldn't hold back a sob and turned around to cross the entrance hall again.

"What does it mean?" asked Kei and turned the postcard around. It showed the endless sea. The beach near Tokyo. Where they lived.

"It was the story I told Haru-chan when her parents died. She was too small to understand that her parents were gone forever and so..." Yuri sobbed again. "And so I told her that her parents became angels. Guardian angels. To watch over her."

Makoto opened her mouth for several times but there was no tone coming out. Then she shook her head and brown hairs fell over her shoulders.

"Do you want to say..." Kei was the first who spoke. The woman only nodded.

At that moment the telephone rang. They all winced hard and it was finally Makoto who was able to move. To pick up the phone. To listen to the exited voice inside.

"We're coming." She whispered and put the telephone down. Two concerned pairs of eyes watched her and Makoto sighed deeply as Hotaru started again to cry. As she did the whole night. Nothing could calm her down. She only laid there. Crying desperately. Holding an old teddy bear Makoto couldn't remember giving her tight in her tiny arms. The tiny fists clenched.

"It was Michiru. She's now in hospital." Makoto felt how her legs couldn't hold her any more. Again she saw the dead drunk Haruka in the disco. Again she saw the sleeping senshi of wind next to her in the subway. Again she saw the pale woman being connected to a drip. Standing in the emergency room and asking if she could go home.

The senshi of thunder went on her knees and couldn't control the tremble of her body any longer.

"Haruka had a breakdown. They had to operate her."

Yuri only shook her head and covered her burning face with her icy hands.

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"It must be over there." Kei leaded the woman. She was maybe forty, maybe forty five years old. But suddenly she looked like an old woman. Like a granny. Like eighty or ninety years old.

"Hai..." Yuri didn't ask who the young man was beside her. It wasn't important. Nothing was important to her anymore than her niece. Her niece she never wanted to bury like her brother and her sister in law. Her niece she raised and she loved with all her heart. A niece she had ever prayed of would never become an angel's child as Gendo has once told her. Shortly before he switched off the machines and let Angela die.

Please, god, let her be alive. Really alive.

She swallowed hard as they entered the room. It was huge and there was only one person sitting in it. No one else waited here in the middle of the night. The operation had been an emergency and so the sea beauty was all alone. Sitting on a plastic chair. Staring at the aquarium in the middle. Without really seeing it.

"Michiru?" Yuri didn't notice the strange hairstyle nor the strange evening dress. All she saw was the empty expression in deep blue eyes.

"Princess?" Kei swallowed hard and suddenly knew that Michiru would never let go. That she loved that crazy car racer with all her heart. And that she would fight for her. For her and for their children.

"Auntie Yuri, Kei..." Slowly Michiru raised her head and wondered why there were no tears in her eyes. Why she felt so empty. So insensible. Why she didn't break down sobbing. Why she didn't shout around at people. Why she only sat there on the plastic chair and staring at them.

This can't be real.

But she knew it was.

"Michiru." Yuri embraced her shortly and looked directly into her face. Michiru could see the deep concern and the terrible fear in blue eyes and had to look away. Again to the fishes. They always calmed her down. But somehow this time it didn't work. All she wanted to do was to go over to the aquarium and smash it. With her talisman. With a bloody mirror that didn't mean anything to her any longer.

How could this stupid mission ever be more important to me than my family? How could the music? How could any bloody race?

"It was almost too late. Dr. Taka and the surgeon started to operate shortly after we arrived in hospital." Again Michiru saw all the excited people running around. Again she saw how they brought Haruka away from her. Again she heard herself screaming that she wanted to be with her Ruka. That she was family. That she belonged to her. That Ruka needed her. Again she felt the soft hand on her arm and saw Dr. Taka looking so understanding at her. Telling her that they would try everything to save her girlfriend.

Yeah, try...

Michiru watched a goldfish swimming through the aquarium. Staring at her with his little unknown eyes.

"Everything went fine. They could remove the ill tissue and I guess they did a pretty good job. Maybe she won't ever be able to give birth to her own children, but everything looked fine after the operation."

Thoughtfully Michiru touched her belly and sighed deeply.

"Everything went fine. Until they tried to wake her up."

She saw how auntie Yuri went pale and shook her head.

"There were complications and Ruka stopped to breathe of her own. They had to reanimate her. To get some expensive machines to help her breathing."

To help her living.

If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way. 

Again she heard the low voice in her head. Knowing that it was another promise she couldn't hold. Another favour she simply couldn't do.

Michiru sighed deeply and bowed her head.

"She's in coma, now, auntie Yuri." Her voice was nothing more but a whisper and still she wondered where the tears were. Why she didn't sob. Why she didn't went insane.

Or am I already insane? Is that what insanity means? To be so insensible? So empty? So calm?

"Dr. Tara nor the surgeon know when she'll awake again."

The sea goddess stroke again over her belly, watching again the goldfish. Hearing the far away siren of another ambulance.

"If she'll ever awake again."

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	7. Chapter 4: Beyond the invisible 1

Chapter four: Beyond the invisible 

Rushing waves filled the air. Appeasing rushing waves. Softly rushing. She laid there. Simply there. Her arms were wide spreat and she could feel the warm sand under them. And a little bit of pain. But it vanished as she opened her eyes and stared at the sun above. It was shinning from a cloudless sky. An endless sky. She took a deep breath and the next moment she jumped on her legs. Yet strong legs again. Wind played with the white shirt she was wearing over cut blue jeans and she felt suddenly free. Dark green eyes sparkled as she walked towards the water. Slowly she stepped into it. It was nice warm. It felt fantastic on her skin.

I am so happy.

Her lips formed a tender smile and she threw some drops high into the air. They sparkled like rainbows. Coming down to earth. Giving her her personal pot of gold. Her personal luck.

I am so happy.

She frowned slightly. Why shouldn't she be happy? She had always been happy. Here, at this beach. On this place she loved so much. Hadn't she?

Automatically her hands touched her belly under the soft clothes and she took another, a relieved breath. It wasn't big any longer. It didn't hurt any longer. She was normal again. Strong. Independent. Free.

Wild!

She laughed loudly and waved her hands as if she wanted to greet the sun above. Birds screamed high above. Their wings were white and she liked them. They were free, just the way she was. Unbound to the earth. Unreachable for all times. Only responsible for themselves.

Then she turned around and started to run. As she had always run in her life. She had always been the fasted, the quickest person of her family. Of her friends.

Family? Friends?

She couldn't remember them right now. But she was sure that she was simply too happy to remember them right now. It didn't confuse her. Nor did it disturb her. It was simply alike to her.

Surely there're somewhere around here.

She speeded up and the feeling of freedom even increased. She closed her eyes and felt her strong body. Carrying her away. Just like the wind that blew over the beach.

I am so happy. I want to stay forever here. At this wonderful place.

"Do you wanna play with me?"

She stopped as she heard the high voice next to her. Again she opened her eyes and looked at the little boy standing before her in the nice warm sand. He was about five years old and there was a grin on his face she thought to know.

Who is he?

He hide his blonde hairs under his cap and his dark green eyes sparkled as he threw the red ball at her. Automatically she caught it and kicked it around on her knee.

"You're good." He was astonished and came nearer. "Can you show me how to do that?"

She caught the ball again and hold it tightly in her hands. For a long time that seemed to last eternity she looked down at him. She knew his face. She knew those eyes. She knew the curious expression on his face.

I love him.

A tender smile appeared in her face and she nodded.

"Of course, little one." She said and threw the ball carefully at him.

I love him.

He laughed out loud and soon she haunted him to get the ball back. Over the whole beach. Through the warm sand. Feeling happy. Feeling like a small child again. Loved from her family. Suddenly she knew that she would never be alone again.

Had I ever been alone?

The small boy burst out into laughter as she caught him and started to tickle him.

I don't even know him.

But deep in her heart she knew she did, although she didn't know his name.

Is that important?

Again she tickled him and suddenly they laid in the warm sand. She hold him tight and he only smiled. Then he embraced her and hold her tight with all the powers of a small boy.

"I missed you."

She heard his silent whisper and embraced him in return.

Is anything important?

Suddenly she knew it wasn't. She didn't care any longer about his name. Nor did she care any longer about her own name.

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Rushing waves filled the air. They died away suddenly as the rough wind closed the window. With a bang. No one seemed to notice it. No one seemed to miss the endless sea. The warm beach. The bright sun shinning from a cloudless sky. The screaming of the birds above.

No one seemed to hear the loud noise that filled now the small room. A dark room. A silent room. Silent but the steady machines doing their job. The best they could. In vain...

There was only one bed in here. Next to diverse machines. Making high sounds. Showing strange pictures. Diverse lines. Jumping around. In a steady rhythm. Forming little hills.

One main line was green. A life line. Never standing still. Not yet.

Someone laid under the blanket. The body was haggard. Different hoses were connected to two arms. Once so wonderful arms. So powerful arms. So loving arms. Now they were skinny. Too skinny. And weak. They didn't move any longer.

The eyes were shut. Maybe they would never open again. Some sweaty strands of blonde hairs fell into the forehead. They were a little bit longer than normal. They almost touched the shoulders. No one seemed to have cut them for a long time. Once they had shimmered in the bright sun light. Now they were mat. There was no smile on the bloodless lips. No laughter escaped them. Not even the slightest sound. The face was pale. Incredibly pale. The cheeks were sunken and just as white as the wall behind. Once they had been redden from life. But now the person looked more like a porcelain doll than a living human. More like a shadow.

Mechanically the chest moved. In a steady rhythm.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Again and again and again. The body wasn't strong enough to support the weak heart any longer. The weak lungs. The weak life system. But the machines were. Fresh air was pushed into a slit in the neck. Fresh blood was pushed through injections right into the veins.

This was not a living human any longer. It looked like a doll. Being on strings. Only doing what the machines told the weak muscles. Almost dead muscles. Still the body obeyed. Still it did what it was told. But whenever the machines would silence one day, it would simply stop living. Simply leaving this world and going into another one. If there was another one. If there was really heaven after this hell. For a shadow. For a ghost. For an angel's child.

The right hand was connected to a drip. Lifeless it laid on the white blanket. Since it was placed there it didn't move. Its skin was as pale as the rest of the body. Only around the injection it was a little bit red. From few blood. The only warm it seemed to feel.

"Don't give up..."

The voice was very silent. Tender. Sad. A warm, a wonderful lively hand carefully took the cold, the dying one and hold it tight. Determinedly tight.

As if it would never let it go again.

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"What is it worth...?"

Tears ran over a redden face. Sparkling tears. From light blue eyes. Big eyes. Tiredly looking eyes.

"What is it worth...?"

Again she sobbed those desperate words and stared again down at the pale face of her friend.

As if she's sleeping...

But she knew the other one wasn't. The strongest of them. The wildest. The liveliest. And now? Now there was nothing left at all.

Her eyes grew wider as she watched the machines. As she saw the hoarse. The injections. The blood and all the other medicine.

Again she saw how the young woman once sacrificed herself. To let the world go on. How she once took the gun and shot at herself. To pull her pure heart crystal out. How she died. Just to save them. And how she was reborn again.

I could save her that time.

But the girl knew that she couldn't this time. That she was helpless right now. That not even her supernatural powers could bring back one of her best friends.

I can't leave her like that!

Again she saw how the tall woman took the little girl in her strong arms. How she comforted little Hotaru who got her first teeth. Again she saw how Haruka teased her Michiru around and kissed her. First she had to admit that she had been shocked. That those two women, those two senshi, loved each other. Just like she loved her boyfriend. Her future husband. Her future king. But as time passed she understood them. She saw their deep love. Saw that they weren't any different from them. Maybe a little bit more absent. Maybe a little bit more distant. But they were older. And they had to search for the talismans for themselves. But they cared for their friends. They helped them. And they could be as crazy as they were.

Last summer when we celebrated that crazy festival in the park and asked them to sing karaoke and to...

More tears ran over her cheeks by the memory. It hurt deep in her heart. It seemed to tear her apart. Suddenly she felt as if the world was going to end. Really to end. Not like it was being destroyed by Sailor Saturn. Or by a big catastrophe. This was different. It was as if time would froze. Only for her. All other people hurried on. Passed by. Left her alone. Alone with her pain. Pain she knew she would never get over.

I can't give her up like that!

But she heard what the doctors said. Again and again in her ears. That the chance for the strongest senshi to ever wake up again got tinier and tinier with every day that passed.

Too many days passed now...

More tears streamed over her face and she lowered her head. She felt how her hairs fell over her shoulder, but she didn't care about them. Again she remembered all the fights they went through. Against all the youmas. Against Mistress nine. Against that pharaoh.

And now? It can't be over like that! She's a senshi. She can't die!

But she knew too well that she could. Like they all already did. Millions of years ago. Even if she would be reborn again, no one knew where and when. Maybe in ten years. Maybe in twenty years. Maybe never...

"What is it worth...?" she asked again and choked. She leaned forward and stroke tenderly through messed blonde hairs.

"What is it worth to be Sailor Moon and to be doomed to sit here and wait?" she yelled suddenly and rose from her chair. She ripped of the brooch from her chest and it landed somewhere in the corner of the small room. "What is it worth that I am able to save the whole world when I am not able to save her? To protect my friends? To rescue the ones I love!"

Hai, she loved her. Not the way she loved her boyfriend. Not the way she loved her future daughter. But in another, in a special way she would never quite understand she loved that wild senshi. A now pale senshi. Being kept alive by diverse machines. If anyone would switch them off Haruka would be gone. Usagi knew that. But she didn't believe it. She didn't want to. She simply couldn't.

"What is it worth to be the future princess of crystal Tokyo when I can't help her!" More tears blurred her view and she went on her knees as her trembling legs didn't support her any longer. "What is it worth...?" she cried out loud and wrapped her arms around her waist. To hope that it all was just a silly nightmare she would wake up within the next minutes.

But deep in her heart she knew she wouldn't.

"Hush, darling." She felt her boyfriend's strong arms being wrapped around her shaking body. She felt how he helped her to stand up. She felt how he wiped away her tears tenderly with a soft handkerchief. "Odango..." It was nothing but a whisper and she could see the sad expression on Mamoru's face, too. For a long time they looked at each other in silence. Then she started again to cry. She knew she should be strong. For Haruka. And especially for Michiru. But she couldn't.

"Let's go home, darling." Whispered Mamoru and gave her a quick kiss on her cheeks. Then he went over to the little table near the window. It was covered with flowers. A young woman sat near it on a chair. Wind that blew through the opened window played with her short, sea green hairs. The deep blue eyes were dry, but he could see the rings around them on the white skin.

"They're for... her." He managed to say and handled her some wrapped flowers. Michiru took them and put automatically away the paper. A thin smile appeared on her face as she watched the roses.

"Red roses. Her favourite flowers." Michiru stood up to put them into a vase. "Arigato, Mamoru." The future king only took her free hand and hold it tight. Directly he looked into her tired eyes and he opened his mouth for about four times, but no words were coming out. He simply didn't know how to express his feelings into words. Michiru watched him for some seconds, then she squeezed his icy hand. As if she wanted to comfort him. She who felt the greatest pain of them all. The biggest lost in her life.

"Arigato, Mamoru." She said again. Then she put the roses in a vase and observed them. They looked cute. Beautiful.

I am sure Ruka would love them.

She didn't dare to move. To turn around. To look again at the machines that seemed to cover her lover's body. That seemed to become her lover. Slowly, very slowly, but definitely.

Usagi still cried as she said goodbye to Michiru. The future queen looked at her and suddenly she embraced the sea goddess tightly and burst out into tears. Michiru only rocked her and tried to comforted her while she watched how Mamoru picked up the brooch. Both exchanged glances and Michiru knew what the tall young man wanted to tell her. That Sailor Moon wouldn't give up. That she would fight. Especially with the new enemies that appeared weekly. That she would rescue the world and care for the humans on earth. That she wouldn't simply throw all her powers away. Not yet.

Michiru gulped and stared for another long time at the moving body.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Hearing the noises of the machines in her ear. Seeing the lines in the monitors.

She won't throw away her powers. Not Sailor Moon. Not yet.

But no one knew how she would react when even those powerful machines would be too weak to support the pale body any longer. One day.

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"It can't be!"

A giggle accompanied her words. An insane sounding giggle.

"It' can't be."

Her blue eyes were wide opened. Her whole body started to tremble as she walked over to the bed. Staring in disbelieve in the pale face. At all the machines and the drips. The injections. The blue bruises on the pale skin whenever they had to give her another medicine she couldn't take any longer by herself. Whenever they had to give her blood or other things that were now necessary for her to survive.

"It can't be..."

The eyes were closed. She could remember too well how cheeky they always had sparkled. So mysteriously. So untouchable. But at the same time so loving. So friendly.

Hai, she's my friend. One of my best...

Again she saw a laughing face before her eyes. Again she heard the low laughter in her ears. Again she remembered how much fun they all had at the tall blonde's twentieth birthday.

We all went up to Disneyland. We had so much fun there.

Still she looked at the photos whenever she felt sad or alone. When her love had to learn or was still at a club she joined to be more intelligent than she already was. Minako knew all those pictures by heart. A laughing Michiru embracing an stunned Haruka right after Usagi stole her ice cream. A grinning Haruka sitting in the roundabout and yelling for more speed while Rei right next to her had suddenly a very green colour in her face. A tender smiling wind senshi going on her knees before the pram and talking to little Hotaru who was started terrified to scream when she saw a huge Mickey Mouse walking around.

Minako swallowed hard.

A picture of Haruka embracing her girlfriend. Michiru who hold the baby tight in her arms.

They looked like a happy family...

"It can't be..."

It was nothing but a silent sob. That twentieth birthday party had been great. With the great dinner at the restaurant that looked like a sea gave. Underground. Very romantic. Michiru loved it. And the rest, too. Just Usagi had been scared.

Is it really just six months ago? Just half a year? Just such a short time?

Minako swallowed hard and looked again into the pale face. Wishing that the tall blonde would open her eyes again. But she knew she wouldn't yet. Probably never again.

"Love..."

She felt how Ami embraced her and hold her tight. The senshi of water shivered the same way she did. Her eyes were red. She cried a lot the past time. And she hardly slept. The whole night nightmares were keeping her awake. First she tried to learn, but suddenly it all seemed to be senseless. Until one night when it got worse, she simply took her jacket and ran all the way to Minako's house. In the middle of the night. To ask her for comfort and understanding. Just to see that Minako suffered the same way she did. Like all the others did.

No, not right the same way.

The others didn't know the real results of Haruka's operation. They didn't see the facts, the numbers written down on a single sheet of paper. They didn't watch the x-ray for a long time in silence while her mother discussed with Dr. Taka. While they talked about the operation and the bad illness Haruka suffered.

They don't know how tiny her chance really is of ever waking up again.

Ami raised her head and met deep blue eyes. Michiru only smiled friendly and closed the window. It was getting colder outside. Especially at dusk. Then the sea goddess took care again of the flowers. Some red roses faded and she threw them into the dusk bin. With a strange carefully motion.

They don't know it.

But I know.

And my mother.

And Dr. Tara.

Ami swallowed hard as Michiru simply sat down again and took the lifeless hand of her beloved senshi to hold it tight.

And she knows it...

The girl swallowed hard again and automatically squeezed Minako tighter. She leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss on the burning cheeks. Still hearing the shocked stammer. That this all couldn't be true. That it simply couldn't be.

I've never seen her that shocked. That serious.

Normally Minako was a show person. A star. Where she was there was action. Life. And colours. She always looked on the bright side of life. Always she laughed and told everyone silly jokes. She was a real party lion and whatever she did it was full of energy.

But today the senshi of love looked simply shocked. Not grinning any longer. Not making any joked any longer. Only staring at the unconscious blonde under the blanket in disbelieve.

It hurts me to see her like that.

Ami hugged her, then she let go and walked around the bed. Trying hard to ignore the steady noises of the machines. Trying hard to ignore the regular rhythm of Haruka's chest. Trying desperately hard to ignore the whole meaning of all this.

It hurts me to see all of us like that.

She stepped next to Michiru, saw tears sparkling, saw the sunken cheeks. Saw the hope that still glowed in that tender look. But that glow got tinier from day to day. From week to week. Until it would die away one day...

Just like Haruka will.

Ami swallowed hard.

"I can't believe it!" stammered Minako again and clenched her fists around the bed rack. Now her face was full of anger. Anger about the helplessness of modern medicine. About their own helplessness.

I can't believe it, too, Mina, love.

Ami took a deep breath and reached into her back bag.

We're all senshi but we can't change it with our powers. Even if we wanted to.

"That's for you." Whispered Ami and carefully placed the book in Michiru's trembling hands. "Hope it'll help you a little bit in this time."

Michiru blinked and looked at the thick book in her hands. It had a black cover. Nothing more. No words, no signs. Nothing. Slowly she opened it with her free hand and read over the first lines. A tender smile appeared on her face. As she raised her head again, new hope stood in her blue eyes.

"Arigato, Ami." She said and closed the book again. And bought it to her chest. "I will think of those words." She promised. At that moment Ami broke down sobbing. She simply couldn't hold it back any longer. Michiru was by her side the next moment and took her into her arms. Somewhere above Minako still stammered that she couldn't believe it and that she would punish them all in the name of Venus.

"I wanted to be nice, Michiru. To be brave. And not to cry." Sobbed Ami and wondered herself why the sea goddess was so strong herself. How she could be so powerful to comfort her when her lover was laying there like that. When Haruka was slowly, very slowly dying? Where did she take that hope from? The hope that Haruka would open her eyes one day. Surely. Certainly.

"It's good to cry, Ami. Better than to keep your pain inside." Michiru stroke over blue hairs and rocked her tenderly. "As long as you don't give up, Ami-chan."

The senshi of water raised her head and looked into shinning blue eyes. Slowly she nodded and smiled a thin, an unsure smile.

"I won't, Michiru. We all won't. Never."

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There was no demon around. No youma. She knew it. She could feel it. But there was another enemy. An enemy she couldn't sense. She couldn't seize. She even couldn't see.

Eternal powers of the earth...

Rei didn't dare to look at the fragile body any longer as she went on her knees right before the bed. She lowered her head and black hairs fell into her face. Her dark eyes sparkled but she would have never allowed herself to cry. To frighten Michiru even more than the way she seemed to be already.

Eternal powers of the water...

She clapped her hands before her chest and started silently to pray. For Haruka. For Michiru. And for Hotaru. For all of them.

Eternal powers of the sky...

Sky... wind... Again she saw how Sailor Uranus haunted a youma. How fast she had been. Unbreakable. Unreachable. No one was as fast as she. As strong as she. And as determined as she.

Eternal powers...

She remembered too well how her grandfather had been so desperate after a bad storm destroyed the temple's roof. And how surprised he had been as Haruka suddenly stood at the door frame and gave him a cheque. A cheque that contained enough money to repair the temple and to plant the trees he always wanted to plant. Special trees. That would always remind him of his late wife. Cherry trees.

Haruka didn't want any money back. She said that it was a donation.

Rei bowed for three times before the bed and prayed with all her heart. To the mighty gods above. To all powers of this earth. And beneath and above. Simply everywhere. If there was any power to help Haruka, Rei would pray to it. Would plead to it. No matter how this god would be called. No matter which religion he would belong to. No matter if he was a god or a goddess.

Why didn't I see the signs?

Normally she felt new enemies and dangers before the others could see them. As she had felt Mistress nine in Hotaru even before the outer senshi found out that the little girl was the reincarnation of Sailor Saturn. As she felt these days new enemies. Not only the new youmas which attacked them almost weekly now. But there was a bigger power behind. A more evil power.

Why didn't I see her suffering?

Normally she simply saw it. When people were in pain. It was not hard to see if Usagi became ill, but Rei remembered too well a day about three years ago now when she woke up in the middle of the night and simply knew that something happened to Makoto. She tried to call her up the half of the night. In vain. Until she convinced her granddad to go with her to the other area of Tokyo. Just to find the friend right in time. To take her to the hospital. Before her appendicitis could have done real damage to her body.

Why didn't I feel her pain?

Rei bowed even deeper and sighed slightly.

Eternal powers...

She knew that Haruka had been too strong, maybe even too stubborn to show any feelings she didn't want others to see. Only Michiru was able to see behind those invisible walls. Mostly.

She didn't see it, too.

Eternal powers...

Rei raised her head and watched how the sea goddess changed the water. The flowers needed fresh water. They bought a little bit colour in the small room. Maybe even the only colour. A huge painting hang on the wall. It showed an endless sea. Wild wind was playing with the stormy waves. The priestess could almost hear them rushing.

Michiru made it.

Rei swallowed hard and automatically said another prayer.

"Don't worry, Michiru. She's a fighter." Smiled Rei and saw how the sea goddess fought hard with her tears.

"I know, Rei." Was all she replied while she wrapped her cardigan tighter around her trembling body. "I know."

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Why didn't I see it?

She clenched her fists hard in her lap and bit on her lower lip.

Why the hell didn't I see it?

There were no signs. Not in the stars, not in her dreams. Not even when she transformed and wore the sceptre. Never she felt the slightest trace that one of their lights was going to be extinguished. That one senshi would disappear. That Uranus would loose its guardian angel.

Why the hell am I the senshi of time when I don't see it!

Tears sparkled in her dark eyes and she put the dark green plaid on her back as she leaned closer to the fragile body before her. It almost made her heart brake. Again she remembered how she got to know Haruka. Shortly after she got to know from the talismans, too. Haruka had been on her motorbike and almost crashed into Setsuna who walked over the street without looking to the right nor to the left.

I had been very upset that day.

Her parents told her that they would get divorced. That she was old enough to rent a flat and to live on her own. That she just finished school and that it would be easily for her to get a job with that good marks. But they didn't see that all Setsuna wanted was a family. Loving parents. Not a good job. Not an own flat. Not even the peace that seemed to follow after those never ending arguments.

She didn't hear the screaming of the brakes. And when she looked up she saw a tall woman with sparkling green eyes. Throwing her helmet away and yelling at her why she didn't pay attention. That she should have killed her. That she should say a word and not only stand around and staring at her.

Now those eyes are closed...

Setsuna took a deep breath and clenched her fists even harder.

Again she saw how Michiru rose from the motorbike, too. She only placed one hand on Haruka's shoulder and one look was enough to calm the wild senshi down. Then Michiru went over to the time senshi and shook her head. Asked her after her name and smiled so friendly.

They invited me for dinner afterwards.

Setsuna lowered her head again and now tears ran over her pale cheeks. She promised herself not to cry. Just another promise she couldn't hold in her life.

She opened her right fist and rose it. To touch Haruka's hand. To hold it tight. Just like Michiru silently did opposite. They didn't say a word during the past hours. But somehow it didn't seem to be necessary. It never was. Not between them. The outer senshi. Setsuna's one and only family.

I want to touch her. To feel that she's indeed still alive. That those bloody machines only support her. That she's still strong. That she'll fight for her life. That she'll never give up.

But Setsuna couldn't touch the pale skin. Too many injections were connected to the arms. Even to the neck. The chest moved automatically and the time senshi felt sick whenever she watched the blood slowly running into Haruka's white body. The blood and all the other medicine. Mostly clear medicine.

I want to show you that you're not alone. I want...

Setsuna's hand started to shake and so she simply laid it down on the blanket. Right next to the lifeless hand. Not touching it. But nevertheless feeling it.

Why didn't I see it? What is it worth to be the senshi of time when I can't use my powers to see the future? Why couldn't I help her!

She knew that she couldn't go back into the past. She would destroyed the world. But a look into the future, that was possible. Time by time. It took her a lot of powers, but it was possible. To feel what could happen. To see some dizzy pictures. To watch some shadows passing by. To hear some words spoken.

Why didn't I see it?

Why!

The door was slowly opened and a young man stepped silently into the small room. Long silver hairs fell over his jacket and his light green eyes looked for some seconds shocked at the lifeless body. He gulped once, twice and finally took a deep breath. A sad expression laid on his face as she walked over to his girlfriend. She told him a lot about the car racer laying in coma in the bed, but he didn't expect that it was that bad.

You should have known that reality is always worse!

He gulped again and simply embraced his shaking girlfriend and hold her tight. Not caring what others might think. That she was older than him. And taller. And not that popular.

"Sets..." he whispered and heard again her quiet sobbing. As he had heard it the last days. The last nights. Simply too often. "Hush, honey. Everything will be fine." But he knew that it wouldn't be. That even the greatest hope could fail sometime.

That must be Yaten.

Michiru shivered and stroke carefully over cold skin. Then she pulled the sleeves of the black pullover over her freezing fingers and swallowed hard. Watched the couple for a long time. Watched how Yaten tried to calm down a shocked Setsuna. A crying Setsuna who blamed herself for what had happened. Because she didn't see it coming. Didn't feel it. Couldn't do anything against it. As the guardian of time...

I am sorry for you. It's not your fault.

Michiru wrapped her arms around her shivering body, feeling her growing belly under the warm cloth that didn't seem to keep her warm at all.

And I am happy for you. That you finally found someone who loves you.

The sea goddess saw how Yaten comforted the older woman. How he simply rocked her and said calming words to her. How he simply kissed away salty tears.

The same I am jealous about you. Because you have someone.

Michiru lowered her gaze and stared for a long time at her lover. Until her view blurred.

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Again she saw the machines. Machines she knew so well. She got to know too well during long, endless years. Five years. Just like a little eternity. And even longer. Of course she talked to the doctor. A woman, some years older than herself. With dark eyes. Tired eyes. Sad eyes. Eyes who simply couldn't believe what happened. But she could. Oh yes, she should. She had seen all this before in her life. The hope. The suffering. And then, one day, the final end. The suicide. The escape from reality and life. And from family. From a little girl crying the whole day. The whole week. Maybe her whole life. Secretly inside herself.

And now this little girl lays here...

Yuri took a deep breath and turned away from the green line she hypnotised the last hour. Seeing the steady hills, hearing the regular beeps. Knowing that her niece's chest moved.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Without really moving at all. Not moving by itself.

I wish that would have never happened to you, my Haru-chan.

Her expression got soft as she stroke over sunken cheeks. She didn't care about all the injections being connected to the skinny body. She knew how to handle a person in coma. She handled her sister in law for over five years and she got used to all the medicine around.

Got used? I never got used.

But somehow she could hide the pain deep inside her heart. Just at night, when everything was silent, when nothing disturbed her thoughts. When she had to remember how much she and her brother suffered, she had to cry. And to pray. Something she stopped doing when she found her Gendo that morning fifteen years ago.

Once all these machines had been in the light house by the sea.

Yuri swallowed hard and stroke through blonde hairs she loved so much. Angela had the same hairs and sometimes Yuri spend the whole day brushing them. Talking silently to her sister in law. How much her brother loved her. How much her daughter needed her. How much she would make them happy to awake again. But Angela didn't open her eyes. Never again. Not after that moment when they carried her into the operation room to rescue at least the little girl she was carrying.

Will those machines stand in that house again? In that room? Is it destiny that the past returns again? Is it fate? Can't we change it?

Yuri smiled tenderly at her unconscious Haru-chan and bowed down to kiss the closed eyelids.

She only knew one chance to let all this senseless suffering end. The only way that had been left for Gendo after five years of endless waiting. Of waiting for his wife to be awake again. Waiting in vain and breaking meanwhile. Deep inside.

Not even Haru-chan could save him. Could repair his broken heart. Could hold him in this world.

Yuri raised her head and looked over to her niece's girlfriend. Michiru stood near the window and took care of the flowers that crowded the table. She wore a long, dark pullover Yuri knew too well. She once gave it to her Haru-chan at one Christmas.

Gendo often wore her pullovers, too. Just to feel her nearer. To smell her scent in the old clothes. To closes his eyes and to imagine that she was embracing him.

There was only one way to let this suffering end. But Yuri knew that Michiru wouldn't chose this way. Just like Gendo didn't chose it for his Angela.

It would be better for all of us to switch those machines off. To let her die in peace.

Yuri fought hard with her tears and took another deep breath. She knew that she was Haruka's last relative. She knew that she had the power to tell the doctors to switch them off. To let this painful life simply go. She was the only one to give the order. But she knew she wouldn't. That was not her decision. That was Michiru's choice. She was Haruka's partner and the other mother of Hotaru. She had to decide. Sooner or later. For or against. For suffering or against. For endless pain and hopeless waiting or against.

She loves her too much.

Yuri sighed deeply. She didn't talk with Michiru about that topic. She knew, she didn't need to. Michiru was too much like Gendo. She would chose the hard way. To suffer five long years. To be broken at the end when Haruka's body simply refused living any longer. Living a life that was over a long time ago. Michiru was too much like Gendo. She would wait until Haruka would really die. Finally. After what seemed to be eternity.

She's too much like my brother. She'll take care for Haru-chan until the end. Until she decided to follow her...

Yuri blinked away some tears. Determined that this wouldn't happen this time. This time she would take more care. This time no one would have the chance to commit suicide.

Suicide...

Yuri stroke again through blonde strands, still seeing the scar in Haruka's left wrist. Michiru didn't tell her that either. But the red haired woman knew what happened. Almost happened.

Michiru was the best Haruka could ever happen.

Yuri sighed again. Too well she remembered how the shy girl came to them for the first time. Late in the afternoon. Right after school. To do homework and to make music with Haruka. For the first time after so many years Yuri had heard the soft piano playing again. Just like her brother did so well before Angela became so ill. A high violin accompanied her and there laid such a happy smile on the pale face that Yuri knew that Michiru was a nice girl. That she would never hurt her Haru-chan who had seen enough pain in her young life. Again she remembered how surprised the thin girl had been when she invited her to stay for supper. It had been a Friday and Haruka wanted to watch a movie with her new friend. Yuri offered Michiru to call her parents and to say that she'll come home later. Again Yuri saw the shocked expression in deep blue eyes and again she saw how the thin girl thanked for the meal and hurried up to get home. To a home that had never existed for her.

No wonder she had been so shocked.

Yuri swallowed hard and remembered again how excited her niece had been when she found out where her best friend actually lived. In an orphan's house. All alone there. Without any friends. Without any hope. Again Yuri heard her Haru-chan's determined voice in her ear.

She'll live here, auntie Yuri. I'll take care for her. All of my life. 

It wasn't only a sentence from a teenager. Simply spoken like that. It had been a promise. A promise Haruka had kept until the end.

Now Michiru's the one taking care for her.

Yuri stroke again through blonde strands and simply couldn't turn away from her niece.

Somehow she had always felt that her niece was different. She didn't like dresses, but liked motorbikes and fast cars. She didn't use make up and always her clothes had been dirtied. With motor oil. She couldn't cook but could ran fast. She was the fasted girl at school. She even beat the boys. Even the older boys. But Yuri didn't care about it a lot. She loved her niece the way she was. The wild way she remembered Yuri a little bit of her late brother. She was the way Gendo once had been. The sweet, dangerous little brother Yuri had loved all her life. With all her heart. And even longer. Up to know.

But she didn't see that Haruka and Michiru were getting closer. Not until that evening when there were holidays. Easter holidays. Michiru returned for one week from her school for talented people where she learned to play the violin even better, if that was possible. And Haruka returned for that week from the race track. From the school where she didn't have to learn how to cook but how to repair a motor. How to check the wheels. How to make an old car running again.

So Yuri didn't think much as she opened the door to her niece's room to call them for an early supper. So that they could go to cinema as they had planned. To watch a funny movie about someone waking up every morning into the same day. Yuri liked the actor and Haruka laughed when she had seen the advertisement on TV. Michiru only declared that she'd come with them while she had to smile, too.

Again she stroke through blonde stands.

They had been messed that afternoon. And hang into a redden face. Her niece only wore a white shirt that was half opened and showed that she didn't wear anything under it. She laid there on the bed. It was a mess, too. The blankets laid overall. Even on the carpet. Michiru laid in that bed, too. Right under Haruka. Her clothes were crumbled in one corner and Yuri could remember that they kissed each other with passion as she entered the room. For a moment there had been dead silence. They only looked at each other in surprise and fear. And anger.

Yuri smiled sadly.

Too well she could remember how her niece only buried her face in her lover's shoulder and asked with her typical low voice if she really didn't lock the door. If she really had been that busy to forget that. If she really had been that baka.

Michiru only embraced her and Yuri would never forget the expression that laid in deep blue eyes. There was a little bit fear of that she would be thrown out now. And there was a silent request. Not to be angry with the tall blonde. But there was another feeling that made change Yuri's mind. It was eternal love. Never ending trust. As Michiru forced a dark blushed Haruka to look up again and smiled tenderly at her. Just to promise her that everything would be fine. Yuri would never forget how her niece smiled back.

She really loves you, Haru-chan.

Again she stroke through blonde strands.

It was all she asked them that evening when they ate supper. If they'd really love each other. Michiru only nodded while Haruka took the smaller girl in her arms and said it with a determined voice that didn't shake. That didn't hesitate. That simply told her aunt what her heart already knew.

Afterwards they went into the cinema and had fun.

Michiru was the best my Haru-chan could ever happen. And she won't be able to let her go...

"You have to eat something!"

Yuri looked over and saw how Makoto tried to push a small bowel into Michiru's hands. The sea goddess only shook her head and said that she wasn't hungry. But Makoto didn't look as if she would give up that easily.

"But you're too thin! Michiru!" pleaded Makoto and opened the bowel. "I made your favourite food: Lasagne. Please, Michiru!"

The young woman looked at the steaming food and felt suddenly very sick.

Lasagne...

She swallowed hard and felt tears burning in her tired eyes.

Lasagne. The same meal Haruka wanted to eat with me on our sixth anniversary.

Michiru lowered her head and pushed the bowel with one gesture away.

Why didn't I cancel the rehearsal and simply went home? To celebrate it with her? And with Himme-chan? At that great candle light dinner? Why...

"Michiru, please!" Makoto still hold the meal up. It took her half of the night to cook it. After she tried to calm down crying Hotaru. The little girl simply started terrified to scream and simply didn't want to stop. Until she was too tired and simply feel asleep. The rest of the night Makoto spent in the kitchen. To cook something. Anything. It was better than laying in her bed. Awake. Staring at the blank ceiling. Asking herself why she didn't do something, anything, when she had seen the signs. When she had seen Haruka drunk in the disco. When she had seen her so concerned about Michiru shortly after the accident. When she had accompanied her in the subway. When she had seen her in the hospital. After the umpteenth breakdown.

"Michiru..."

She saw how the younger woman trembled and swallowed hard.

"Michiru, you need to eat something. Do not only think of yourself, but of..." ... of your child, she wanted to say. But one look into the terrified face let her voice die away.

"Please!" Now tears stood in Makoto's eyes and suddenly the warm bowl escaped her trembling hands. It crashed on the floor and it was suddenly covered with steaming Lasagne.

"No..." whimpered the thunder senshi and tried to bow. To pick it up. But Michiru hold her back. Simply took her hands and hold her back. Silently she shook her head and tried to smile encouraged as she saw the deep sorrow and the pain in brown eyes. Without saying a word she took Makoto in her arms and simply hold her tight as the tall girl couldn't hold back her tears any longer.

Yuri sat down on the soft mattress and stroke again over blonde hairs.

Michiru's indeed strong. She comforts the others.

But Yuri knew that it was only a matter of time until the young woman would break down, too. When she finally had to face reality. When she finally had to see that every hope was in vain. When she finally got to know the truth.

Yuri stroke over and over through blonde strands.

She looks like Angela. Just like Angela...

Tears burned in her eyes and she knew that she was the as crazy as Michiru was. That, although she had seen her brother and her sister in law dying, she wanted to believe, too. In a miracle. Alike how tiny their chance was.

"Her hair needs to be cut." She whispered and swallowed hard. She knew that she wasn't prepared to say all the words she wanted to so badly to tell Michiru. Not yet.

Michiru embraced a sobbing Makoto tighter and nodded silently.

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Bright lights flashed through the air. Different voices asked different questions. Stupid questions.

"How is Tenô Haruka feeling today?"

"Will he ever take part at the formula one again?"

"And Kaioh Michiru? What is she saying to all this?"

"She's his girlfriend, isn't she?"

"And she..."

"Is there any hope..."

"Are you..."

"What..."

"How..."

He took a deep breath and with a quick motion he grabbed the collar of a reporter. The micro escaped helpless hands and the man gulped as he saw the hateful look in dark eyes.

"Why the hell can't you leave her in peace?" demanded Kei and pushed the reporter away. Then he walked over to the entrance and closed the door energetically behind himself. Shortly he closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

Those bloody reporters!

They seemed to be overall. Near the light house by the sea. Near the opera. At school All around the hospital. They didn't have any shame. They didn't even hesitate to enter the hospital after they got the news. That the famous formula one racer, Tenô Haruka, laid in coma. And that the girlfriend, Kaioh Michiru, the famous violinist watched over the car racer. The whole time.

First they didn't notice it. They didn't read the newspapers the days after Haruka's operations. They simply had been to busy. Until Minako saw them on the newspaper's cover. A picture. A picture that showed how Haruka laid there in bed. Connected to all those machines. A lifeless figure. Michiru sat next to her on a chair. Looked down at her. Just like a shadow. Never disappearing from her side. But the same helpless.

Michiru didn't notice how someone simply opened the door and took the picture. How someone ignored her feelings. Her need to be alone. The knowledge that it all was very personal. Very private. That this was family business. Not that of the newspapers. Not that of the world.

Michiru didn't care about the news much. She didn't listen to them. The last weeks she didn't see anything else than her pale girlfriend under the blanket. But the others read the papers. And Yuri.

The red haired woman went to court and achieved that it was finally permitted for all reporters to enter the hospital and especially that very room. She achieved that all existing photos would be destroyed. And that the reporter who took the special photo had to pay a high sum. A sum that didn't seem to make them realize how bad the things were they were doing. How wrong. Still they hang around in front of the hospital and waited for Michiru or anyone else to come out. To take some more photos. To ask silly questions. To hurt them even more with their stupidity.

Kei greeted some nurses and they smiled back. As they did every day. When he came to visit his sister. And to convince her again, that it was time to go. To leave the hospital for another night. To get out. To see something else than the weak body. To hear something else than the beeping of the machines. To feel something else than a cold hand laying lifelessly in her own hands.

The door was wide opened. As it always was. For the nurses to hear any changes in the machines. For the doctors to look after their famous patient whenever they passed by. There was little light in there. As always. Only the light the lamp made right over the bed. A shadow sat in the corner and looked into an opened book. Without seeing the words any longer. Words that were suddenly meaningless. Why should she learn for Japanese culture when her best friend was dying? What was it all worth?

Makoto sighed and turned the page. Shortly she looked up and she shook silently her head as she saw Kei leaning against the door frame.

There were many flowers on the table. Just like still warm bowels. Untouched bowels. They contained food Makoto cooked the whole night. It didn't seem as if anyone ate anything.

Kei clenched his fists inside his jacket pocket as he watched his sister in silence for a long time. She sat there. Right beside her girlfriend. On the soft mattress. Slightly leaning over the tall blonde. Kei frowned and it took him some moments to realize that Michiru didn't stroke Haruka's hairs, but cut them. Carefully. With a lot of patience. One strand after another. But nevertheless it looked more like a tender touch than something that simply needed to be done.

She looks so tired.

Kei took a deep breath and walked over to his sister. Silently he put his hands on her shaking shoulders and squeezed them softly.

"You should go home, princess." He whispered and swallowed hard as she only raised her head. Her deep blue eyes stared for some seconds at him. There laid again that expression in them he never wanted to see again on that beautiful face. A now so pale face. With shrunken cheeks.

It looks as if she lost her family. Again...

"Home?"

Her voice was high and strange insensible. She turned her head away and continued to cut the blonde strands. So that they looked like always. Short. Cheeky. Wild.

I have no home any longer. Haruka was my home. And now...

Michiru blinked away her tears and felt how her brother squeezed again her shoulders.

"You're tired, princess. You're exhausted. You should go home to get some rest. The nurses and doctors will watch over Haruka while you're away."

But I don't wanna go away. I don't wanna leave her. I don't wanna lose her!

Shortly Makoto and Kei exchanged glances and the thunder senshi rose to pick up Michiru's jacket. It was like every evening. Kei would need a long time to convince Michiru and Makoto would need the whole evening to tell her that she did the right decision.

"I don't wanna..."

"But you need to, princess." Kei couldn't resist his feelings any longer and simply embraced his sister. Hold her tight. As he had done for so many times in their childhood. Hoping that their future would be better. One day. But somehow Kei feared that this day would never come.

"Think of your little Hotaru-chan, she needs you." Kei smiled encouraged and simply rocked her. "And think of your small child. It needs its sleep, too. And something warm to eat. You're responsible not only for yourself."

Responsible...

Michiru looked down at Haruka. Wondering if she wasn't only sleeping. If she only had to shake her. To wake her up. To kiss her tenderly. Just like the sleeping beauty in the fairy tale.

But 100 years aren't over yet...

"And if she wakes up and I am not here?" whispered the sea goddess and felt how Kei kissed her hairs. She closed her eyes and wished that it was Haruka holding her so tenderly. Comforting her so loving. But she knew she wasn't.

"Then the nurses will call us up and we'll be here in less than ten minutes."

"Ten minutes? Are you a car racer, Kei-chan?" giggled Michiru, but it was a sad giggle. A giggle that made him break his heart.

Silently he hold her tight for a long while.

"Hai, then we'll be here in less than ten minutes."

But both of them knew that this wouldn't happen. Not tonight. Not tomorrow. Maybe never.

"Okay, Kei." Said Michiru after a long while and placed her hands on her slightly grown belly under the black pullover. "I'll come with you." She rose and bowed over her lover as Kei let her go. Tenderly she kissed pale cheeks.

"Don't worry, Ruka. I'll be back tomorrow." She whispered and tears sparkled in her eyes. Then she turned around and let Makoto taken her hand. To lead her outside the room. To fetch their jackets and to look for a safe way to leave the hospital. Without the reporters noticing their escape.

She looks more like a doll. Not like a human any longer.

Kei took away the chair and stood for another long time motionless next to the bed. Seeing the chest moving.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Is she still living? Or does we only try to believe that this body is still alive? Aren't those machines doing the job? Is it right to let her suffer like that?

Kei wiped away some tears and shook her head.

Is it right to let US suffer like that?

"When is it enough?" he asked quietly and looked into a pale face. Into an expressionless face. "When is it enough? When will people stop hurting my princess?" No answer. Not even the slightest hint of a respond from the blonde. Only the steady noises of the machines.

Again Kei saw all the photos in the thick albums laying all around in Michiru's sleeping room. There his sister had laughed happily. Funny as Kei had never seen her before. Simply content with the world and her life. With her family.

She loves you, baka.

And I love her.

Kei swallowed hard and heard far away the screaming of the reporters when heavy entrance doors were opened again.

"Wake up, you baka. Wake up soon. And make her happy again!" It was a threat but somehow it sounded like a request. "Just make her laugh again, you baka!"

The screaming increased and Kei simply turned around and left the room. A unconscious young woman. Laying silently there. Not moving.

But dreaming.

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"That's delicious!" she bit in her sandwich and laughed as ketchup dirtied her hands. The little boy only grinned and took himself another one.

"Hai, my mother made it." He declared and his dark green eyes sparkled with pride. They sat again on the warm sand. The ball laid next to them while they enjoyed their supper. The sun was slowly setting and she felt tired. And a little bit exhausted. But as happy as she had never felt before.

No, I've been that happy before in my life...

But it was a long time ago and she couldn't remember it. Somehow it didn't seem to be important and so she ate the next sandwich. A cheese sandwich. Being happy that her stomach supported it. That she didn't throw it all up again afterwards.

Why should I throw it up?

"My parents are great. Believe me, you'll love them." Suddenly the boy was on his feet and grabbed her arm. To pull her on her knees. To pull her into the mountain's direction. To show her what was so important for him.

"They live over there. Don't you wanna get to know them?" he asked and wind played with his blonde hairs. A cheeky expression laid on his face and automatically she had to smile.

Slowly she stood up and looked again to the wide ocean. Hearing again the appeasing rushes.

"I missed the sea, do ya know, little one." She whispered and closed her eyes as she felt that soft breeze, too. Just like hands stroking loving over her face. "Let me stay here for another while. To enjoy it. Then I'll come with you and get to know your parents."

The little boy grinned agreeing and simply took her free hand to hold it tight.

"Promise?"

She smiled and squeezed that warm hand.

"Promise."

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Wind played with coloured leaves. Letting them dance. Around and around and around. Above their heads. Like little butterflies. Coloured butterflies. Red and yellow ones. Brown ones. Still green ones. Dark green. Light green.

Autumn came. They didn't even realize that the summer's heat disappeared and was replaced by nice rains. While everything stayed how it had been, nature slowly changed. The days got shorter, the nights longer. The temperature fell and the first birds made their ways to the south. To the warm south.

"Leeeves!" The little girl laughed happily and her unsure steps guided her through the colours. One months ago she did her first steps and her uncles and aunts had been very proud of her. As her mother who only took her into her arms and squeezed her hard. While she tried desperately to hold back her sobbing.

"Hai, leaves, little darling:" smiled Michiru who pushed the pram next to her daughter. She didn't let the little girl out of her eyes and she would be there whenever Hotaru would get tired or would stumble over a little stone. She would simply hold her or took her into the sort pram again.

"Mommy!" Hotaru grabbed a hand full of leaves and let them fall down again. She did that for several times and laughed even more.

Michiru kept smiling and started to freeze. Wind played with her sea green hairs that already covered her ears. It took her a whole day and about thirty showers but finally she got out the ugly pink colour. Now she simply let them crow again. She didn't know if they'd ever be as long as they had been before her last concert, but she knew that she didn't want to see her strange look in the mirror any longer.

Why did I react so ill-considered?

She should have known that Haruka didn't leave her. That she didn't have a new girlfriend. That there was more behind her lover's words. So much more...

Michiru sighed deeply and simply followed her daughter. The little girl already knew the direction. She came here for a lot of times. First with Makoto and Kei. Then with Yuri. And now all alone.

Why did I react so ill-considered?

But this time she didn't find an answer. As she didn't find all those times before.

I was so damn jealous and didn't see how much she suffered. How ill she had been. How abandoned she had been...

Tears sparkled in her deep blue eyes. She stopped as her daughter took some other leaves and threw them again into the air. Her dark eyes sparkled and her cheeks were redden. She didn't know what happened to her daddy. Nor did she know how much her family suffered from that great lost.

Just like Ruka didn't know the truth about her mother.

Michiru left the pram and stepped over to the small place hidden between huge trees. Now coloured trees. Preparing to die in winter. And to be reborn in spring.

Will I have to tell Himme-chan all those lies, too? Just like Yuri had to do when Ruka's parents died?

Michiru looked into her daughter's laughing face and swallowed hard.

Will I have to let her grown up with a fairy tale? With a promise I'll never be able to hold? That she'll see her daddy some day again? With white wings?

Michiru shivered as she went on her knees before the dark stone. Her hands trembled as she laid the flowers down. Blue roses. There laid already other flowers. Fresh flowers. From Yuri. And maybe even from the Sailor Team. From Usagi to pray for a miracle. From Rei simply to show sympathy. From Ami to get out of the small flat and to see something else than her shocked Minako.

Gendo.

Michiru stroke carefully over the cold stone. Over the letters in there.

Yuri told her a lot about the young man. A happy young man who was very good in playing the piano. The best musician in Japan. Maybe even in the whole world. Who played everywhere in the whole world and took his sister often with him when she had school or university holidays. A nice young man who feel in love when he first saw the beautiful blonde. A choir girl who had a fabulous voice and simply accompanied him when he asked her. Soon they fell in love and just six months later they married.

Angela.

She had been a loving young woman. Who would have done everything to see her husband happy. Yuri talked about her with tears in her eyes. She didn't deny that she had loved the young woman, too. The blonde goddess with a big heart and a friendly soul. She had loved her. Just like an older sister. And she had been glad to see her brother that happy. Their luck had been perfect when Angela declared them that she was pregnant. That they would become parents. And that Yuri would become an auntie. Three months later the doctors told them that they carried twins. A little boy and a little girl. Seven months later the pains started. Two months too early. They tried to stop them. They tried it in vain. Not knowing that everything they did was in vain. Because they didn't know that Angela had been that ill. That there had been no chance for her and her unborn children. Nevertheless she agreed into the operation and that very evening a little girl was born.

Her brother didn't survive.

Shinji.

Michiru swallowed hard and automatically stroke over her own belly. Not knowing what she should do if she'd lost that child. If she'd had to chose between two children - knowing that she would never see the surviving one growing up.

The little boy died. And Angela felt into coma. And never woke up again. When she finally died she took Gendo with her and left a shocked Yuri and a crying little girl behind.

The sea goddess lowered her head and sobbed quietly.

Ruka...

The tall blonde never told her that story. Michiru had known that Ruka's parents died when she was little, but Michiru didn't know the whole truth. Didn't know about the dangerous illness that killed Angela. Didn't know that the wind senshi inherited it from her mother.

Ruka...

"Luv ya!" laughed Hotaru and reeled over to her mother. And embraced her with her dirty hands. Michiru only took her little darling into her arms and hold her tight. Desperately tight.

Praying that Himme-chan would ever be able to forgive her.

dbdbdb

"Daddy!"

The little girl stretched her arms and laughed happily as she touched the pale skin. Of a skinny arm. A arm connected to different drips. That gave the mechanically moving body red and clear fluids.

But little Hotaru didn't see the hoses. Nor did she hear the high noises. All she noticed was that it was her daddy laying there. That she was finally able to see her beloved daddy. Even if she was sleeping.

"Daddy!"

Michiru took a deep breath and tried to free her daughter from her blanket. So that the little girl would be able to get out of the pram and to walk with unsure steps over to the bed.

She's too little to understand it.

The sea goddess was thankful for that innocence. For her daughter's ignorance. For her little age.

I don't know what to do if she'd understand the whole meaning.

Michiru took away Hotaru's cap and shortly kissed her cheeks. Before she let her go. Again she saw the sad expression on the nurses faces. Again she heard the tired voice of Dr. Taka. That nothing changed. Through the whole two months that passed since they had to operate Haruka. To save her life. And to destroy it at the same moment...

I love you.

Michiru clenched her icy fists as she saw how Hotaru leaned against the bed and hold the lifeless hand tight. Her dark eyes shone with luck and she smiled happily. Holding an old teddy bear in her other arm determinedly tight. She wouldn't let it go. Not as she had thrown away all those other toys they bought her. Just like the bunny. Or the elephant. This toy seemed to be special. More important for the little girl than all the other things she already owned in her young life.

It's Ruka's teddy.

Michiru swallowed hard. Again she remembered how shocked she had been when she came home two days after the operation. After she broke down in the small room and the doctor declared her that she should go home and get some rest. Before she'd return. Mamoru brought her home and Michiru only wanted to see her Himme-chan, while Makoto took care for a nice warm bath. Of course Michiru had seen the old teddy bear in Hotaru's small arms. A teddy bear Michiru knew too well. From a young girl with blonde strands and always serious looking eyes. She remembered too well how she had laughed when she discovered the old toy in Haruka's bed one evening when they argued about what to watch for a movie. Now it was Hotaru's and the little girl screamed whenever someone tried to take it away from her.

Tears sparkled in blue eyes. Again Michiru saw the tiny baby pyjama in the cradle she just bought some days ago. Knowing that Haruka put it there. That she had known about the small child. That she had thought that it was someone else's child. But nevertheless it had been her personal way to congratulate her sea goddess to her own child. Of becoming a mother. Of getting a small child the wild tomboy would never be able to see.

I love you so much, Ruka.

Michiru went over to the bed and sat her daughter on the mattress as little Hotaru stretched out her little arms. It was the first time that she brought her daughter with her in the hospital and she hoped that it had been the right decision.

At last we were able to escape the reporters.

She didn't care what the newspapers wrote about her. But she didn't want that anyone touched her daughter. Then she could become a beast. And she knew that she needed her powers for other things than attacking silly reporters.

I love you so much, Ruka. Why won't you open your eyes?

She wanted to scream it out loud. To shout at the lifeless lover. But she knew that it was senseless. That Haruka wouldn't hear her. That she would only terrify her daughter.

I love you so much...

She wanted to sat down to say a silent prayer Rei taught her as she heard the strange noise. The long, high noise. Never ending noise. She looked up and her heart stopped to beat as she saw how the hills disappeared from the monitor. How they were replaced by a long line.

No...

Michiru turned her head and saw how the chest stopped to move. No more up and downs. The machine simply stopped to do its job. As she was told whenever there was a flat line.

No...

Suddenly blood ran over the skinny arms and the drip didn't seem to work properly.

Beep...

A steady noise.

Beep...

A never ending noise.

Beep...

A noise that drove her crazy.

Hotaru only laughed and showed her daddy her toy bunny. Not knowing what was happening.

Beep...

If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way. 

Again Michiru heard the low voice in her mind. A voice she loved so much to listen to. To hear in the middle of the night when she woke up. In the morning when she had to get up. In the evening to greet her. To welcome her. A voice that could yell around in anger, in hate. In pain. In happiness. In endless luck. In relieve. Simply in pleasure.

If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way. 

Beep.

I can't, Ruka.

Michiru sobbed and tears streamed over her face.

I can't let you go. Gomen nasai. I simply can't.

"Doctor!" she turned around and crashed against another drip. She pushed it aside and ran outside the corridor. "Nurses! Dr. Taka-san!" More tears streamed over her face and panic grew inside her body. Inside her belly. Inside her heart. Tightened her chest and let her harder breathe.

"HELP!"  
Hotaru hold the teddy bear higher and laughed as she saw how the pale body simply refused to move any longer.

Beep.

dbdbdb


	8. Chapter 4: Beyond the invisible 2

The birds screamed higher above. Louder. Shriller.

"Haru-chan!" She heard the tender voice behind her, felt the soft arms being wrapped around her waist. Arms she knew all her life. She had felt all her life. But not that way.

"My little Haru-chan."

She turned around and faced a young woman with long blonde hairs. They almost touched the ground. The young woman wore a long, white dress and looked simply beautiful. The bright sunlight was reflected in her shimmering green eyes and a tender smile laid on her lips. Lips she wanted so desperately to kiss.

Mama?

She wasn't sure. She couldn't remember. But as she felt how those soft hands stroke through her own blonde strands she simply knew the that this young woman was her mother.

"Mama..." she felt the tears streaming over her face. Knowing that it were tears of joy. Not of sorrow. But of endless happiness.

"Mama!" she screamed and fell into soft arms that embraced her tenderly. To hold her loving tight. "I missed you so much, Mama!" she cried and clinched herself on the young woman. She wasn't even ashamed that she behaved like a small child.

"I told you you'd love her." Said the little boy and grinned a wicked grin. He screamed and started to laugh loudly as a young man raised him into the air and swirled around with him. Blue eyes sparkled loving while the young man danced around the beach with his son. Wind played with his red hairs and a free smile laid on his lips, too.

"Mama? Papa?" she stepped a little bit back and watched them. Her family. "Shinji?" It was nothing but a quiet whisper and more tears ran down over her cheeks.

"Hai, we're here, Haru-chan." Smiled her mother and walked over to her husband. To give him a quick, but loving kiss.

"We said that we would wait for you, didn't we?"

"And now let's go!" screamed Shinji and escaped his father's arms. But he didn't fell down into the warm sand. Something hold him back. Something white on his back. She blinked once, twice but the vision didn't escape. Fascinated she saw how the wings moved on her brother's back.

"Come with us, Haru-chan."

"Hai, it's time to go."

"To be happy with us."

"Up in the mountains."

"Haru-chan..."

She turned around and saw how huge wings spreat behind her parents. Now they looked indeed like angels. Guardian angels. As they once had told her.

And I am an angel's child.

She smiled and wiped away her tears with a quick motion. Then she stripped her leather jacket and saw that she wore the same strange white clothes her family wore. She turned her head and her chin dropped as she saw the huge wings. Right on her back. Touching the warm sand. They felt soft. Incredibly soft. Wind went through the feathers and she started to shiver. A wide smile appeared on her redden face as she turned again to her parents. Saw them smiling at her. Knowing. Loving. Being there. Forever.

"Come with us."

"And everything will be fine."

"We love you."

"Haru-chan."

"Sis."

"Darling."

"Follow us."

"Just believe in us."

She nodded and simply spreat her own wings.

dbdbdb

Beep.

The little girl didn't care about the strange noises around. All she saw was her daddy. One of the persons she loved most in her life. A shadow stepped nearer to the bed and the small child laughed happily. She let go off the teddy and simply laid down next to the lifeless body. Ignoring the hoses and all the injection. The blood flowing over a pale skin. Over skinny arms.

"Luv ya!." She whispered and hold the white shirt tight. As tight as she could. With all the powers a small child of her age had. With all the love her heart felt. With all the desire the little soul could bare.

"Luv ya!"

She closed her eyes, again seeing those sparkling green eyes. Again hearing the teasing words in her mind. Not understanding the meaning, but understanding the deep feelings that stood behind.

"Luv ya, daddy..."

She yawned and slowly settled into sleep. Finally being there where she wanted so badly to be. In her daddy's arms. In so soft, so warm arms. In an embracement she missed so much during all those weeks. An eternity she couldn't define. But she could indeed feel.

The shadow stepped nearer. Soft hands stroke through black hairs. Dark eyes shone with love on the two persons. A scythe was leaned against the bed as the shadow leaned closer. To kiss the burning cheeks of a little girl who dreamed in her sleep. A tender smile laid on the tiny face and she looked really happy. Here. Where she belonged. At her daddy's arms. Knowing that her mommy was only some corridors away. Not far away. Not as far as she had feared the past weeks. Not that far at all...

I love you.

The shadow leaned over the pale young woman and kissed softly on those bloodless lips. Slightly breezing at them. Carefully blowing a little bit of fresh air at them. Healthy air. Healing air.

Hotaru yawned again and a bright sign appeared on her forehead. Just as it did on the shadow's forehead. It glowed in all shades of purple and suddenly the whole room was filled with that light. Wind blew through the hospital and moved blonde and black hairs.

Beep...

From one second to another the shrunken cheeks were slightly redden and the eyes moved behind the closed lashes. Still closed.

A soft hand was placed upon the motionless chest and a silver light seemed to cover the whole body of a weak woman. A once so powerful, a once so strong woman. It shook and suddenly the chest moved again. First slightly and not noticeable. But it moved on and the stronger the breathing got, the higher the hill became.

Beep...

I love you. For all time. Just as you promised me.

The shadow turned around and waved into the darkness. A smile laid on her face and she nodded. Then she took her scythe and stroke again through dark hairs. Knowing that her own guardian was safe her. For all times. Until she would wake up again. And even after that day.

I love you.

Within the next moment the shadow was gone as if it had never existed.

I love you, daddy.

Beep...

Beep. Beep. Beep.

dbdbdb

Her wings tickled. She giggled and moved them slightly.

"Come with us, Haru-chan."

"There's nothing left to fear."

"There you're safe."

"With us."

She smiled and wanted to walk over to them. To embrace them. To fly away with them. Although she didn't know how to fly at all. But it didn't matter. Her family would show it to her.

Luv ya! 

She froze in motion as she heard the high child's voice in her head. Laughing happily. A hand she couldn't see seemed to grab her shirt and she felt a warm body next to her own one.

Nani?

Luv ya! 

She frowned and turned around to look again to the sea. To the bright sun shinning from above. To the waves crashing to the warm sand. To the birds flying through an endless sky.

Luv ya, daddy. 

Himme-chan?

She didn't know where that thought came from. Nor did she know why she felt suddenly so sad. So alone. Why she wanted to cry although she had her family around.

Who's Himme-chan?

Again she felt the warm body, felt soft lips on her own. Not knowing where they came from. Not seeing anyone standing before her. There was nothing than the sea. An endless sea she loved so much. A deep blue sea that reminded her on something. Or someone? She couldn't tell. She simply couldn't remember.

I love you.

She squinted and her green eyes grew wide as she saw the shadow standing there. On the waves. As if there was no water she could sink in. As if she was weightless. As if she could fly, too.

I love you. For all time. Just as you promised me.

She had promised something? She couldn't remember? But somehow she knew that that soft voice didn't lie to her. That it would never do. That it would never could.

Warmth filled her belly and she gasped hard for breath, as she saw those tender hands reaching out for her. Black hairs were moved by wild wind and tears shimmered in dark eyes.

I love you.

Automatically she wrapped her wings around her freezing body and stretched her arms out. Knowing that there was no chance of ever touching the far away shadow. No matter how hard she tried to.

What shall I do?

She asked silently, not waiting for an answer. Tears blurred her view and she simply went on her knees in the warm sand that seemed to be hard with a sudden. Stony. Pain flashed through her body but it was gone the next moment.

Shall I stay here and wait? Until you tell me to go?

Relive filled her heart as the shadow waved her hands and a tender smile appeared on a shinning face. Then the shadow nodded and turned around. And vanished within the next second.

I love you, daddy.

Daddy? Am I a daddy?

She didn't know. But somehow it felt right to be called that way. As if she was very often called daddy in her life before. Before...

"Haru-chan?"

She raised her head and looked directly into her mother's concerned face.

"I can't go." She whispered and more tears streamed over her suddenly pale cheeks. "I can't go with you. Not now."

Angela sighed slightly and simply embraced her daughter to hold her tight.

"I know, Haru-chan." Angela answered and rocked her gently. "I know. But some day you will be able." Her mother kissed her and comforted her the best she could.

"But one day you will."

dbdbdb

She felt the breeze running through her short blue hairs and her dark pullover. Wildly she winced and turned around. To stare with wide eyes at the blank wand. Twice she blinked and the shadow she had just seen disappeared. Together with her dizzy mind.

"Doctor!" again she screamed and watched all the people running around. Suddenly very busy. Very hectic. This was an emergency and they all knew it.

Beep...

Different machines were pushed into the room and different voices shouted around. Until Dr. Taka stepped into the room. With one word they all silenced and Michiru could see the disbelieved expression on the older woman's face.

Now everything is over.

Michiru swallowed hard and tears ran over her cheeks. Tears she thought she already cried. During the past weeks. Her hands automatically stroke her belly while she saw her Ruka again before her eyes. An always laughing Ruka. A sometimes sad and even desperate Ruka. A tall blonde who hold her tight. Who loved her. With all her heart. Even after she found out about their destiny. As sailor senshi. To be doomed to safe the world by harming and even hurting innocent people. By even sacrificing each other.

... my little witch... 

Again she heard the teasing voice in her mind. Silently she sobbed.

I love you, Michi-chan. 

She froze like hell in her think clothes. In the pullover that once had been Ruka's. Still she could smell the tomboy's scent. As if she would stand right behind her. Holding her tight. Telling her again and again how much she loved her. That she wanted to spend all her life with her. With her and Himme-chan.

Promise me never to leave me, Michi-chan. Please, promise! again she heard the shaky voice. As she had heard it that evening before they had to go to new schools. Was it only five years ago? Really only five years that passed to quickly?

Of course I promised.

She hold her belly tighter, feeling that it grew. That it already showed the first, slight, mysterious signs of the child she carried. Their child.

And you promised, too, Ruka.

Michiru stepped into the crowded room and leaned against the wall. That was as white as her skin. That was as wide as her blue eyes.

So, keep that promise, Ruka! Don't leave me! Please!

Please...

Beep...

Beep. Beep. Beep.

She didn't know if she should scream as she noticed the regular lines on the monitors. The regular hills. The regular breathes the fragile body did. On its own.

"She's trying to breathe!" shouted Dr. Taka and suddenly kneeled on the soft mattress. To remove all the hoses and the small mask from the now blue face. "We have to get all this shit out before she's suffocating!" She shouted some more instructions and Michiru saw how more injections were pushed into a skinny arm. The sea goddess wanted to turn away. Simply to turn away and to run. She didn't want to see all this pain any longer. The endless suffering.

If I'll ever be connected to silly machines, please, switch them off. Let me go and forget me, okay? It's better this way. 

Gomen, Ruka. I can't do that!

Michiru clenched her fists and slowly went on her knees. Still seeing how Dr. Taka removed all the hoses. Still seeing all the blood that suddenly covered Haruka's neck and her mouth. Still seeing how the chest moved in a steady rhythm.

Up and down.

Up and down.

Up and down.

All by itself. Without the help of those machines. Of those life supporting machines. Now they only controlled. If anything would went wrong. But they didn't push anymore the fresh air into the lungs. Now the lungs breathed for themselves to get it.

Goddess...

Michiru trembled even more and lowered her head.

"That's incredible. She breathes on her own..." whispered Dr. Taka and controlled quickly the pulse. Looked into still blurred green eyes. The woman was still unconscious. The chance of ever waking up again was still a tiny one. But the body seemed to want to live That was a good sign. It was almost a miracle.

Dr. Taka turned around as she heard the silent sigh. One nurse reacted quickly and caught the famous violinist as she simply let go and fainted. Tears still streaming over pale cheeks.

But only almost a miracle.

Dr. Taka stroke through blonde strands and gave her assistants another order.

No one seemed to notice the little girl sleeping deep and tight next to a wonderful warm body. No one seemed to notice the happy smile on a tiny face as a small hand grabbed for a white shirt to hold it tight. Determinedly tight. For all times. And to let never go again.

And no one seemed to notice that a skinny arm was protectively wrapped around the small child. An always lifeless, an always cold arm. That didn't move during the past weeks by itself.

Now it simply hold the little girl tight. To shelter her from all pains of this world. To take care for her.

To never let her suffer.

dbdbdb

That had been tight.

Still she felt dizzy. And weak. And tired. But her thoughts spun around in her mind and simply let her no peace. No sleep. No recovery at all.

Ruka almost died.

Michiru stirred her tea and stared for another long time on her spoon. It shook. Just like her hand, her whole body shook.

I almost lost her. Forever...

"Is the tea okay this way? I mean, I pushed over the sugar box and used too much hot water for the tea, but..."

Shortly Michiru looked up and watched how Makoto danced around the kitchen. To make supper. To get a meal done surely no one would eat. Not that they didn't like Makoto's meals. They were fantastic. Simply delicious. But somehow they all weren't hungry. Especially not after what happened yesterday.

"It's fine, Mako. Arigato."

"If you say so..." Again Makoto opened the fridge. For the umpteenth time. And again she didn't know what she actually wanted. So she grabbed the butter. Just to put it back after some seconds.

We're all nervous after what happened yesterday.

Michiru sighed deeply and the spoon went into the hot tea. But she didn't drink. She wasn't thirsty. Nor was she hungry. Nor was she anything at all. Anything but tired. But she didn't dare to sleep. Because too many nightmares haunted her down.

"Kei and I decided to go to the hospital again." Yuri crossed the kitchen, already holding her jacket in her arms. It got colder from day to day. And now it was really freezing at night. After dusk. In total darkness that seemed to cover the earth now. Their souls.

My future...

"Do you want to come with us?" Yuri stole some tomato pieces and chewed thoughtfully. She looked at the young woman who stared obstinately into her tea.

She thinks that I should have let her die. That I simply should have let my Ruka go. That it would have been the best for all of us. Simply to let this endless suffer ending. Simply...

"No..." managed Michiru to say and stirred again in her tea. Warm blankets laid around her shaking body to warm her. But deep inside her heart seemed to be frozen.

Makoto is really a good nurse. Not only for me.

The thunder senshi really seemed to like Kei. The young man who was always shy. Always a little bit distant. Always unsure if he was doing the right thing. If anyone would blame him for being in jail for some years. For something he'd done. For something he'd regretted. For something that hadn't been that bad at all. He had only stolen some things, broken into an empty flat. He never hurt innocent people, never beat anyone. He simply got the wrong lawyer after he had the wrong friends. But now he had the right ones. And slowly, very slowly he recognized it.

I am happy for him.

I wish I could be the same happy myself.

"No..." Michiru drank some gulps of her tea. It was indeed too sweet. But that didn't matter. It was warm and made with love. That mattered.

No, I don't want to come to the hospital. Not today. Not yet. And not with you.

To see again how Yuri stared at her niece. Seeing her late sister in law again laying there. Seeing again her dead brother there. Looking with her blue eyes sadly at Michiru. Almost punishing. That she didn't stop this endless suffering.

Not now. Not when there's a slight chance. Not when Ruka tries to survive. When her body wants to keep going. When there's still hope. Even if it's tiny...

She winced surprised as she felt soft arms being wrapped around her body. Holding her tight with so strong powers Michiru didn't have herself anymore.

"It's okay, child." Said Yuri quietly in her ear and squeezed her tenderly. Let her again feel that she really belonged to the Tenô family. Not only because Haruka begged her aunt that Michiru should live in one of their guest rooms. But also because the thin girl conquered Yuri's heart with her love and her shyness. And her trust. "I know how you feel. It's okay."

Then Yuri let go and took her jacket again.

"Guess we'll be back in about two hours, Mako." She shouted and left the kitchen.

"Okay. I'll take the food into the fridge." Smiled the thunder senshi and suddenly had to grin. In her heart she felt sad but the others wanted to come over around eight to watch a movie. A movie they wanted to get from Rei's big archive. Makoto could already see them arguing about the topic. About the actors. About the animals in there. About the popcorn Usagi already ate without letting Rei a chance to get something, too.

"Hope it's okay for you that we simply rent your living-room." Makoto took her own tea and sat down next to Michiru. For a long while they sat there in silence. Each one thinking her own personal thoughts. Remembering their own personal memories.

"No, it's good to have you all around." Smiled Michiru after a long while and stirred again around in her tea. "You're so fantastic lively. So loudly."

Makoto grinned a regretful grin and searched for the sugar.

"I know that we're too loud. But this time we won't wake Hotaru-chan up. I promise."

"Don't worry, Mako. Himme-chan's waiting for a chance to watch TV with you. It's alike how quiet you are. She finds out and cries so long until you'll take her out."

"Do you wanna join us?"

"No, arigato. There's something else I want to do this evening."

dbdbdb

The small package stood on her desk. Near a big window. As it stood now for over two months. Untouched. Just like the post delivered it. Only two days after Haruka's operation. It was from the wind senshi. Michiru knew that writing to well. And it was addressed to the sea goddess.

I am a coward.

"Rei, I don't wanna watch that terrible movie!"

"Baka!"

"Jerk!"

"HEY, that's MY popcorn!"

"Ah!..."

Michiru smiled sadly and closed the door silently behind herself. The voices fated away. But they would be there. The whole Sailor team. If anything was wrong. If she didn't want to be alone any longer. If she simply needed to talk.

The sea senshi swallowed hard and stepped slowly nearer. She hesitated and finally stretched her hands to touch the small package. They trembled.

I am such a coward!

But the same time she knew why she couldn't open the package. It was Haruka's last one. Maybe there was her last letter in it. The letter telling her goodbye. The letter telling her Michiru all the strange things she tried to tell her shortly before she fainted. In that small apartment. In her arms.

Sooner or later I have to open it.

She took it and went over to the bed. To sit down on the soft mattress. To stare at the grey package for another long time.

Sooner than later.

Again she remembered what had happened yesterday. Only 24 hours ago. How tight it had been.

Maybe it's better to know what's in there before it's all too late.

Michiru took a deep breath and took the knife in her hands. With a quick motion she simply ripped the hard material open and stared for a longer time at all the paper that dropped out. Formal paper. Written by computer. Signed not only by Haruka. But also by a lawyer.

Nani?

Michiru blinked and laid the knife away. She crept deeper on the bed and wrapped the blanket around her freezing body while her hands observed the content. Letters. Letters. Even more letters. All written by a lawyer.

Nani?

It took Michiru a very long time to realize that it was Haruka's last will. And it took the sea goddess another eternity until she realized that there were only two persons mentioned in all those pages. Over and over again. A Kaioh Michiru and a Kaioh Tomoe Hotaru. She inherited them the big house, all the other flats she owned somewhere all over Japan, even all over the world to save taxes. She inherited them all her riches, all the money. On one page Yuri was mentioned, too. That she should get something, too. Something she really wanted. There was a sum named in the paper, but Michiru was sure that Yuri didn't want riches. She earned enough with her job and inherited enough money from her own parents. But surely Yuri wanted to have something special. That would remember her always of her niece. And maybe even of her late brother.

Oh, Ruka...

Michiru sniffed and searched for a handkerchief. She couldn't find one and so she wiped away her tears with the corner of her blanket.

It all was so formal. So impersonal. But there would be no doubt if anyone would say that this last will wasn't real.

The lawyer must have cost her a little fortune.

More tears ran over her pale cheeks. Tears she thought she had already cried. But somehow her eyes weren't dried yet. Somehow there were still tears in her. And as long as they burned in her eyes she simply let them fall.

My poor honey.

Suddenly she remembered what she had screamed at Haruka as the tall blonde took her bag and simply went through the door and never came back. That it all was hers. That she shouldn't be the one leaving, but Michiru. That even the violin belonged to the wild car racer.

Now not any longer.

Michiru swallowed hard and her hands trembled even more. Haruka really seemed to be worried about her. Again the sea goddess heard the low voice in her ears. Promising that she would always take care for her. That she would never have to suffer again the way she suffered in the orphanage. That she would never ever have to live in poverty again. That there was finally someone there who took care for her.

But I don't want your riches, Ruka. I want YOU!

Michiru pushed the papers away and stared for a long time at the closed letter. There was only one name written on it in a neat writing: Michi-chan.

Nani?

Her hands trembled even more as she took the small envelope in her hands. It was light. Too light for a letter. But too heavy to be empty.

Shall that be all to say good bye to me?

Suddenly anger filled her soul and her eyes sparkled angry.

Does she really think she'll get rid of me that easily? That I would be satisfied with such a small letter? When all I ever wanted was her? My little family!

She heard the appeasing rushes of the waves near the house. Could hear the laughing of the girls downstairs. Could hear her own fast heart beat in her ears.

One day you have to open it. Why not now?

Because she's not dead! She won't die! Not when I am around!

Nevertheless she couldn't take the envelope away. Nevertheless she stared at it for another hour. Nevertheless she finally ripped it open. And stared at the content in disbelieve. It seemed to be empty. She looked into it but there was no letter in it. Not even a card. Nothing.

Nani?

She frowned and put the envelope away. At that moment something fell into her lap. It sparkled in all lights of the rainbow in the dimmed moon's light.

Nani?

Michiru reached for it and it took her twice tries until she hold the small object in her shaking fingers.

Nani...

It was a ring. A small ring. A beautiful ring. It was made out of white gold and hold a blue jewel there.

Nani...

Michiru turned the ring over and over and more tears burned in her tired eyes. Her thoughts spun around and she simply couldn't think a clear thought. She hold the jewellery a little bit tighter and squinted as she wanted to read the letters inside the gold. There stood only one word. A single world. Only a word. A word that moved Michiru deeply.

Eternity.

The ring escaped her hands and she winced away as if she burned herself.

No, that can't be. That simply can't be. That can't...

But she knew that it was. It was not only a gift nor was it just a normal ring. As she got so many during those six years. As she got so many ear rings, so many necklaces. So many other jewellery. But this ring was special.

She wanted to ask me.

Michiru's eyes grew wide and she shook her head. Crept deeper into the blankets. Her body trembled uncontrollable and her sobbing increased.

She wanted to ask me to spend all my life with her...

The sea goddess gulped and buried her face in her icy hands.

When?

Where?

What date?

Why didn't I...?

So many questions. So few answers.

Do you know that I'd say hai? That it would have been the happiest moment in my whole life?

She pushed the blanket away and jumped suddenly out of the bed. Reeling with unsure steps over to the balcony door. Looking up to a cloudy autumn sky. Seeing the moon shinning through dark clouds.

Did you know that I want to become your wife, Ruka?

Michiru swallowed hard and leaned herself against the glass. Felt the nice cold on her burning skin. Felt how her tears wetted some strands of her sea green hairs. Of short hairs.

What have I done to myself?

Michiru looked for a long time at her reflection in the now dark glass.

What have I done to you, my love?

She wrapped her arms around her body. Again she remembered all the times she had been busy. With her music. Simply letting Haruka at home. With little, crying Hotaru. Again she saw the romantic atmosphere of their sixth anniversary. Of an anniversary she simply forgot. Of another important day she wasted playing her instrument. For the mass. For the audience. For people her playing wasn't meant for. She only wanted to play for her Ruka when she had been younger. She only wanted to see the tall blonde smiling. And accompanying her with her soft piano play.

What have I done to ourselves?

Michiru bit hard on her lower lip and bowed. She picked up the ring and watched it for a long time in silence. Her tears dried and a determined expression appeared on her the last weeks so tired face.

I have to do it. And even if I'll fail, then at least I tried it.

She thought about this possibility the whole last weeks. That there was indeed a slight chance to rescue Haruka. To wake her up. To show her the way back to life. But Michiru had hesitated. Because of Himme-chan. Because of her own fear. Because of all the nice friends needing her.

Do they really need me?

Michiru swallowed hard and slowly walked over to her big wardrobe. Thoughtful she opened the door and stared at the clothes in there. Clothes she never wanted to wear again. Because Haruka bought them for her. Not a long time ago. Only a few months. A few weeks that seemed to be now eternity. In another time. In a another life. Maybe even in another universe.

Himme-chan needs us. Both of us. I can't tell her stupid lies about her daddy.

Michiru touched her slim belly, still holding the ring tight in her hands.

Nor can I let it grow up without its daddy. It would be unfair for them. For our little children.

The sea goddess pulled some clothes out and her old back bag. And a small staff she thought she would never hold again. She would never raise again. She would never feel burning again in her icy hands.

And I need her. I can't live without her. Not the way I did the past weeks. Not with a ghost. Not with all our friends suffering.

Michiru wiped away some tears from her cheeks as she packed her back bag. Suddenly a thin smile laid on her lips. It expressed not only love and trust. But also hope. Hope and believe. That everything would be fine. That everything would turn alright. That there was still a happy end possible for them.

And if not? If you fail? If there's no chance anymore to bring her back?

Michiru swallowed hard and hold the ring tighter in her hands.

Then I tried all I could.

And if you're going to die, too?

I won't die. Nor will she die. I won't let this happen.

And if it'll happen?

Michiru ignored the inner voice yelling in her mind as she took an old leather jacket and simply left the light house by the sea. To call for a taxi. To get to the hospital. To rescue her love.

No matter what it costs.

I simply have to risk it.

dbdbdb

Michiru, that can't be your seriousness! I WON'T wear that dress. Even if it's my auntie's thirty fifth birthday. I WON'T... okay... but only for you... 

I like your playing, Michi-chan. 

I like you, Michi-chan. 

Come, drive with me on my bike. It's great. You'll enjoy it. Believe me. 

Do you believe me, Michi-chan? 

Do you trust me? 

Do you love me? The way I love you? 

Of course I do.

It was in the middle of the night. She sneaked into the hospital. No one seemed to have noticed her intrusion. No seemed to have noticed her at all.

Of course I do.

For a long time Michiru watched her lover under the thin blanket. There were now less machines standing around. Now controlling the heartbeat and the breathing. Haruka's body worked now again on itself. She achieved more in two months than her mother in all those five years. But she was still unconscious. A sleeping beauty in a golden castle.

Are the 100 years over now? Am I the prince on a white horse? In a shimmering armour?

I want you to stay with me. Please, never leave me again, Michi-chan. Please, stay with me. 

I love you, don't ya know? 

Michi-chan... 

... little witch... 

Michiru put the back bag down and reached inside it. She took the golden henshin out she got to know too well during the past years. During all those battles. During the hard, senseless fights.

I don't want this any longer, Michi-chan. I don't want to harm other people. I don't want to harm you! 

Once Haruka had thrown her henshin away. Simply into the wild waves and never wanted to see it again. But they found it the next day laying in the wet sand. Sparkling mysteriously. Showing them that it was their destiny. That there was no chance of ever escaping.

We faced destiny together.

Michiru stroke through blonde strands and kissed pale cheeks very, very carefully.

As we'll face it this time.

Then she put the henshin into a lifeless hand and squinted as the golden light suddenly filled the small room. A bright glow covered Haruka for some seconds and as it disappeared the tall blonde wore her familiar Sailor fuku again under the white blanket.

Neptune, I won't let anything happen to you. 

WATCH OUT, Neptune! There's another youma! 

I don't want to steal those heart crystals. 

But we have to do it to save the world, Neptune. I wish there was another way... 

Neptune! 

Stay where you are! Don't move! There're more arrows. There're... 

Neptune! Leave now! Run away! Forget me! Neptune! 

Neptune... 

Michi-chan... 

It is our destiny to fight. For the sake of the world. Of our friends. And of ourselves.

"I simply can't let you go like that, Ruka. Don't be angry about me." Whispered Michiru and stroke again through blonde strands. Then she turned around and took her own henshin. It felt familiar in her hands. But the same time completely different.

"We'll bring her back." She touched her lightly grown belly and smiled sadly at her unborn child. She knew what it would mean if she didn't have any success. Not the success she prayed so much for. If she'd die it would die, too. Without ever getting the chance to be born. To live. To fall in love one day, too. And to understand why its mother chose that way. The stony one.

Michiru looked again at closed eyes. Saw again them sparkling in her slowly fading memory. Heard again the low laughter. Heard again the teasing voice in her mind. Knowing that she was doing the right thing. The only possible thing. The only acceptable one.

"Neptune, make up!"

It was nothing but a shaky whisper. She closed her eyes as she felt the waves playing with her body. As she heard the rushing of the sea that now filled the room.

Then there was silence.

And darkness.

dbdbdb

Music filled the warm summer air. A soft violin melody. The thin girl stood next to the big window and the bright sun seemed to surround her. Wind played with her sea green hairs. Her eyes were closed. Only the music seemed to exist for her. In her own world she shared with no one. Not till then.

"You play very well."

Surprised she opened her eyes as she heard the clapping. She looked at the other girl who seemed to be her age. But she was taller than she. And she looked more self-considered.

"Oh... well..." The smaller girl frowned and blushed as she saw the grin on the other one's face. "I learned a little bit, but it's not as good as I want it to be."

"I liked it." The blonde observed the old violin and raised one eyebrow. "Isn't that...?"

The thin girl stepped a little bit back and tried to hide the violin behind her back. She blushed even more and her blue eyes looked desperately around.

"That's the music teacher's one, isn't it?" The taller girl laughed as the other girl nodded shyly and stretched her strong hand.

"I am Tenô Haruka. It's nice to meet you."

"Hello, Haruka." Deep blue eyes sparkled and now the tall blonde blushed, too. "I am Kaioh Michiru."

"Michiru, a nice name. Do you wanna be my friend?"

First there was confusion on a pale face. Then the soft lips curved in a bright smile.

"I'd like to, Haruka."

"Do you wanna play with me?"

She frowned and opened her eyes. And squinted in the bright sunlight. She heard the rushes of the near seas, could smell the salty air. Somewhere birds screamed and she laid on warm, soft sand.

Nani?

Michiru squinted again and the memories disappeared. Just like a dream did when she awoke after a long sleep.

Do you wanna be my friend? 

Again she heard the cheeky voice in her head. Again she felt how her hard started wildly to beat in her chest and how she wanted to jump around in joy. That she really found a friend on that bloody school no one seemed to like her at.

I needed almost one year to realized that I was the only one Haruka ever asked to be her friend...

"Do you wanna play with me?"

Michiru blinked and turned her head. And stared in disbelieve at the child standing over her. The blonde strands were moved by slight wind and dark green eyes shone with happiness.

Ruka?

But she saw that the child was a boy. A cute little boy. A boy that looked the way she imagined her Ruka had looked when she was young. When she had been five years old. When she had lost her parents.

"You wear funny clothes. But I like them." The little boy grinned and threw the red ball into the air. To catch it again. With a wicked grin on his face Michiru knew too well.

"Just the way I like you."

Slowly Michiru came to her feet and looked shortly at the familiar sailor fuku she was wearing. It always had been narrow and now it seemed to be even tighter. She was in the forth months now but when she wore normal clothes you could hardly see any difference.

These clothes aren't normal. They never had been.

Under the tight top everyone could see that her belly was grown. In a special way only becoming mothers did. Two weeks after Haruka's operation she stopped throwing up her food. She felt fine again and even stronger. Although she was earlier tired and slept longer than normal. When she found sleep. When no nightmares were haunting her down. When she simply refused to leave the small room in the huge hospital. There had never been any complications, no pain. So that she sometimes almost forgot that she was pregnant. Only the visits at her doctor remembered her at the little child. Everything was fine. It grew inside her belly. It felt fine there. It simply developed like a normal baby of now four months inside its mother's womb.

I never had the courage to ask if it's a boy or a girl.

The doctor asked her but she didn't want to know it. Not when her Ruka wasn't around to hear it, too. Not when Michiru wasn't able to tell her lover if Himme-chan would get a small brother or sister.

"Do you wanna play with me or not? Then I'll ask my older sis." The boy kept grinning and kicked the ball around on his knee. As he had just learned during the past weeks.

His sister?

Michiru's eyes grew wide as she recognized who the little boy was.

"Shinji...?" her voice was a silent whisper and automatically she grabbed the ball and hold it tight.

"Hai?" Dark green eyes looked loving up at her. "And who are you?"

"I am your sister's girlfriend." Answered Michiru honestly. Not caring what the little boy would think. For a moment there was a sad expression on the small face, then he turned around and pointed over to the beach.

"She's over there." He declared and pointed to a shadow sitting in the warm sand. Staring out to the moving waters. "Then you're like papa. He followed mama the same quickly." Tears sparkled in green eyes, then he simply took his ball and ran away.

Papa?

Mama?

Michiru swallowed hard. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to think. About this strange vision.

Is it only a vision?

Then her legs started to move. Into the shadow's direction. A shadow Michiru would recognize everywhere. Luck and happiness filled herself as she saw her Ruka sitting there. Watching over the wide sea. With open eyes. Without any hoses being connected to her body. A body that didn't look fragile any longer. It was strong again. Powerful. Nothing remembered of the illness she had suffered of so long weeks. Two months now. A tender smile laid on those lips. The once so pale skin was now redden and her arms weren't skinny any longer. Michiru could see familiar muscles.

Uranus.

The tall blonde wore the familiar fuku again. A fuku she had hated all her life. But maybe today it would safe her life. No matter how short the skirt was. No matter how tight the top. No matter how high the heels.

Ruka!

She wanted to scream it out loud. But somehow she couldn't. She only stumbled nearer and felt tears burning in her eyes. Now tears of joy, not of sorrow any longer.

Ruka, I am here! I won't leave you. I'll always be with you. Just as I promised you. Can you remember? Only five years ago.

Ruka...

Michiru stopped and watched her lover for a long time. Simply enjoying what she saw. Simply enjoying this moment in time. Her Ruka sitting there. As she had done for a lot of times near the light house by the sea.

I missed you so much, my darling.

Now tears wetted Michiru's cheeks and she couldn't hold back a sob any longer. Haruka winced slightly and turned around. And stared at her for some seconds that seemed to be eternity in surprise. Then a bright smile bloomed on her face. The next moment she was on her feet and by her girlfriend's side. Embraced her and swirled around with her.

"Michi-chan!"

Haruka laughed loudly and danced over the beach. Together with her lover in her strong arms. Michiru laughed, too, but still tears streamed over her cheeks.

"I missed you so much, Michi-chan." Haruka let her down and embraced her. Felt how Michiru clinched on her as if she was her only life line. The sobbing increased.

"I missed you, too, Ruka. And I won't let you go again."

Michi-chan...

Haruka hold her tight and her thoughts spun around in her head. When she first met Shinji she didn't remember anything at all. Not even who she actually was. But her memory came slowly back with her family. And now, seeing and feeling Michiru near her, she remembered everything that happened. Everything.

"How..." Haruka swallowed hard and squeezed her Michi-chan shortly before she slowly let her go. "How did you come here?" She shivered as she thought how her papa once followed her mama. "I told you that Himme-chan needs you. That you're able to live without me. Michi-chan, please, tell me that you didn't do the mistake I've almost done. Please..:"

More tears run over a pale cheeks and Michiru shook her head. Endless relieved sparkled in dark green eyes for a moment before they were filled with concern again.

"But how..." she managed to say and shook her head again. "But I felt in coma, right? Just like my mother once."

"Hai, you did." Michiru sobbed quietly and wiped away her tears. They were replaced by new ones. "But you want to live, Ruka. Your body wants to live. And so I decided to come to take you home."

"Nani?"

"I'll take you home, Ruka." Michiru stretched her arms towards her lover who stumbled some steps back. Suddenly tears burned in green eyes, too. "You belong to me, Ruka. To us. We simply can't let you go like that." Michiru touched the sailor fuku and smiled sadly. "We will never be able to defeat those new enemies without Sailor Uranus. So let's go, Ruka."

Haruka swallowed hard and felt wind messing her strands. Cold wind. Black wind. She had felt for so many times when she had been alive.

"I am sorry, Michi-chan..." she whispered and stepped again a little bit away. "But I can't go. I simply can't follow you. It's against the rules. It's against nature. It's against my illness."

Michiru shook her head and her hand grabbed into nothing as Haruka went again away.

"I am Sailor Neptune, I have supernatural powers. I don't care about your illness. I don't care about nature. You can leave this nightmare. You can wake up from coma. I know that, Ruka. Please, believe me. Just take my hand and we'll go. Believe me, Ruka. Please, believe me..."

Haruka saw all the pain in her lover's eyes. Knowing that she never wanted to see her girlfriend like that. That she tried all she could to prevent this situation. A situation her father had to face, too. Maybe not this way. Maybe not as a sailor senshi. But in his own personal nightmares he had to face it. And he decided. For his wife. Against life. Against his little girl.

No, Himme-chan needs her.

Haruka took a deep breath and lowered her head.

"I want so badly to follow you, Michi-chan." She whispered and clenched her fists. "But I simply can't."

Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw how her girlfriend opened silently her wings.

dbdbdb

"Michiru? Are you here?" Kei rubbed his tired eyes. It was past midnight and when he looked after his sister to ask if she needed anything he found the bed empty. Untouched. As if Michiru didn't sleep there the whole night. "Princess?"

He opened the door and looked into the small room. Saw the pale woman still laying in the bed. Breathing regularly. As if she was asleep. But the young man knew he wasn't.

"Princess? Are you..." Kei's voice died away as she saw the chair on the ground. A young woman was laying on the cold ground. Her eyes were closed. She breathed regularly, too. Holding a golden staff tight in her hands.

"Princess?"

Kei took his sister in his arms and shook her for some moments. As he didn't wake her up, he stumbled over to the corridor and yelled loud for the nurses. And Dr. Taka.

dbdbdb

"You can't stay here, Ruka. We all need you!" Michiru went over to her girlfriend and before Haruka could react she had grabbed some feathers. And pulled them out.

"Ouch!" The tall blonde whimpered and tried to escape. "What the hell..."

"Rip them off! Then you'll become a human again and then you'll be able to follow me, Ruka. So RIP THEM OFF!" Michiru screamed and hold more feathers in her hands. Haruka shook her head, then she took those hands and hold them determinedly tight.

"That won't change anything, Michi-chan. Please, be reasonable."

"I am, Ruka. I am!" Michiru sobbed and stared at the bloody feathers in her hands. "I am reasonable. The whole time. When I have to think of Himme-chan. Of what I shall tell her when you won't wake up again. And when I think of our own child, Ruka. I..." Michiru lowered her head and clenched her fists. Her head started to ache and she believed that it was going to explode. Was it all in vain? Couldn't she save her girlfriend? Was everything already too late? Was it all over?

"I can't carry it alone, Ruka. Hell, I am afraid of giving birth to it without you being around." Michiru raised her head again and stared in astonished green eyes. "I can't raise a little child that might look like you, Ruka. Without you being around. Without you being a proud daddy." Michiru threw away the feathers with a quick motion as if she burned herself on them. "I need you, Ruka. I can't bare all this alone. I simply can't..."

Haruka didn't answer. She only came nearer and placed two hands on the grown belly. A tender smile appeared on her face and some tears ran now over her cheeks, too.

"Our little one..." Again she remembered how much they had wished an own child after they decided to adopt Himme-chan. That the future senshi of death would have a brother or sister one day. But they both had known that it would be impossible. A dream for all times. Just a wish. A wish that seemed to become reality.

With me as daddy.

Haruka blinked and stroke over the soft skin under the narrow top.

Without me as daddy...

"I am so sorry, Michi-chan. I want to come with you. But I simply can't." Haruka moved her wings and suddenly two shadows appeared behind her. Michiru blinked and recognized the tall blonde's parents. Persons she had seen for a lot of times during the past weeks. In old photo albums. She watched together with auntie Yuri. Hearing all the stories Haruka never told her. About her childhood. About her mother's illness. About her father's suicide. About a life that should have been so happy – but hadn't been.

"Haru-chan now belongs in our world, little girl." Said Gendo and hold his happy smiling son in his strong arms. A son he was never able to hold when he had been alive. A son who died during his birth. A son who never breathed. Who sacrificed his life for his sister. "But we know your pain."

"Go back and care for your children. They need you." Smiled Angela and placed her hands on Haruka's shoulders. Wings appeared on her back, too.

Angels...

Michiru swallowed hard and shook her head again.

They're all angels. And my Ruka is an angel's child...

NO!

"No, Ruka, I won't let this happen! I simply won't let you stay here. I won't let you die like that. Without fighting. Without laughing at destiny and showing that it's able to carry on. " Michiru clenched her fists and anger filled her soul. And deep sorrow. "Did you already forget what Sailor Moon told us? That it's able to defeat every enemy when you simply try hard enough? That we can reach everything when we try it together? When we simply don't give up?" She screamed now, but she didn't dare about it any longer. "So don't you give up, Ruka. Don't you dare to give up life. It's too much worth than to simply throw it away like that. Think of Himme-chan and your unborn child. And, hell, Ruka, think of yourself. Do you really want to die? Do you really want to leave life before it really started? Do you really want to run away how you had done your whole childhood? To hide in your own world? And leaving the ones behind you love?"

Michiru reached under her top and hold a necklace in her trembling hands. Haruka winced wildly as she saw the ring sparkling in the sunlight. It was made out of white gold with a blue jewel that once had remembered her of the wide sea.

"Do you know my answer, Ruka?"

The tall blonde clenched her fists and simply didn't know how to react. She knew too well how excited she had been when she bought it. To ask her Michi-chan to become her wife. And how sad she had been when Michiru didn't come home before midnight. How desperate she had been when she got to know that there would never be a chance to see her as her bride.

"It's hai, Ruka. Hai..." Michiru burned her face in her icy hands and cried even more. "Come home, Ruka. Leave your own world. Share the real one with me..."

Haruka swallowed hard and her whole body started to tremble.

Haru-chan, what's wrong with you? Why did you beat your classmate? 

There's nothing wrong, auntie Yuri. 

Really? Do you want to talk about it, Haru-chan? 

No... 

Haruka felt her mother's hands still on her shoulders and took a deep breath.

I know why you want to be the fastest car racer, Ruka. 

And why, Michi-chan? Do you really think to read my thoughts like that? 

Because you want to be the best so that everyone admires you. So that people will love you. 

That's nonsense, Michi-chan. I like the speed, that's all. 

Don't you see that the persons around you already love you? That you don't have to fight for their love? 

Michiru raised her head again and Haruka looked for a long time in pleading blue eyes and her wings shivered slightly as she freed herself out of her mother's embracement. Silently she stepped over to her lover and took her simply into her arms. To hold her tight. To never let her go again. Although she knew too well that she had to.

And, did she like you, Ruka? 

Haha. Guess she thought I was a guy, Michi-chan. They're all stupid brats. 

Just like me? 

Hm... 

Come here, Ruka. There's no need of flirting any longer... 

Haruka lowered her head and kissed her Michi-chan. With all her love. With all her passion. With all her despair. Feeling the slightly grown belly against her slim one. Knowing that she would never see this small child. Although she loved to.

I love you, Ruka. 

I love you, too. 

"I am sorry, Michi-chan. But I can't. There's no way to break the rules. To change the destiny."

Michiru hold her tight as she wanted to go again.

"No..." she whispered and kissed her again. Knowing that it was probably the last kiss they'd share.

Promise me to never leave you, Michi-chan. Please, promise... 

Of course I promise, Ruka. 

"Do you remember, Ruka? What I once promised you? That I'll never leave you." Michiru smiled suddenly and stroke through blonde strands to mess them. "I'll keep that promise. Whatever it'll cost."

"Michi..."

"Hush, honey." Michiru nodded determinedly and watched over to the Tenô family. "If you aren't able to come with me, then I'll stay with you."

The sea goddess kept smiling as she stroke over salty cheeks. Then she spreat her wings, too.

dbdbdb

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep...

"Shit!" cursed Dr. Taka and looked desperately at the young woman. Shortly she observed the different monitors and swallowed hard. "We have flat line!" she screamed and her assistants and nurses ran around the bed. To get all the injections done. "How could that happen?" She looked again at a pale face, stroke with icy hands over sea green curls. "She didn't have that illness!"

She swallowed hard and closed her eyes.

Beep...

We have to do something or she'll die.

Beep...

As she opened them again she stared for some seconds at the slightly grown belly. Of course she had known that Kaioh Michiru was pregnant. She told her that it had been her and Tenô Haruka's greatest dream. That they went to a hospital in the states and returned pregnant. With their own child. Dr. Taka didn't know that medicine was actually ready to do such things today. But so she had been even more convinced that it was her task to safe Haruka, to let her wake up again some day. To look at her own child. A child she probably would have never been able to get one day, even when she didn't have fell into coma after the successful operation.

Beep...

We have to give her all we have to safe her life.

Dr. Taka swallowed hard and hated it to make such terrible decisions. Knowing that the young violinist would hate her when she'd wake up again.

If she'd wake up again.

We have to safe her life. Even if that means killing her child.

Beep...

"Flat line! You know what that means!" she screamed and ripped open the strange top the young woman wore. "Let's begin."

dbdbdb

No...

Haruka stared in blank horror at her girlfriend's wings. They weren't as big as her own ones. And they didn't consist of soft feathers. But of broken pieces. Of clothes. Maybe even of plates. Dark cloths touched the sand and Haruka could see bloody bones under them.

She's still alive and tries to spreat her angel's wings...

No...

"Michiru! Go back! RIGHT NOW!" she yelled and everything spun around herself. She saw how her girlfriend gasped hard for breath. She hold her belly and stared in disbelieve at the blood that ran down her naked feet. Forming a small lake in the sand. A red lake.

"Michiru! Get now back! You're killing your child! You're killing our child when you don't wake up again!" Haruka ran towards her and hold her as the sea goddess went on her knees. "And you're killing yourself!"

"Never, Ruka. Not without you." Fear shone in deep blue eyes. Death fear. Michiru gasped hard for breath and the pain in her body seemed to torn her apart. "Never..." It was nothing but a quiet sob and she feared to faint. The whole world turned into darkness and she heard a high noise. A noise she had heard once again. Stopped by a miracle. But she knew that there won't be another miracle. Not today. Maybe never.

"Never..."

She raised her head and saw her pale Ruka kneeling over her. The sand disappeared. Now they knelt on cold, hard stone. The sea dried and the sun simply set. The sky was now grey and icy wind ran through their sailor fuku.

"Go, Michi-chan. Think of yourself. Please."

"But not without you. Don't you know that I love you too much to live without you?"

Haruka shook her head and hold her lover tighter as Michiru gasped again for breath.

"Do you love me enough to live for our children?" It was a shaky whisper and Michiru's eyes grew wide as she saw the shadow suddenly standing behind her Ruka. Holding an object in its hands. It looked a little bit like a scythe.

Saturn?

But she didn't know. She didn't see any face nor eyes. Only the black dress the shadow was wearing. It didn't move in the wild storm.

Is this heaven or is it hell?

More pain flashed through her body and she felt how she simply gave up.

"No, Michiru! Please! Go back!" Haruka sobbed and tried to defend her from the bitter cold. Her breath froze and she rocked the bleeding person in her arms tenderly. The person that meant the most in her life.

Michi-chan...

"Please, think of yourself and go. I'll always love you, darling. And I'll never forget you, honey. Never." Haruka begged and now she heard the high noise, too. It sounded threatening. "We'll see again, Michi-chan. Alike how long it'll take. Just live. For our children. And for us..."

Michiru opened her eyes and smiled sadly through her tears. Wincing hard in pain.

"Live..."

dbdbdb

"Nani? WHAT happened?" Makoto took Kei's shoulder and shook him wildly. "And she's wearing a strange costume? Like a sailor?"

"Hai..."

Kei and Yuri exchanged glances. Then the older woman walked over to the excited girl and tried to embrace her. To comfort her.

"I know, that it's hard for you, Mako, but..."

"Shit! Can't you see what she's trying! She's trying to find Ruka as Neptune. Over the connection that was set between them million of years ago!" shouted Makoto and started to tremble. She ignored the sad expressions on the other's faces. Ignored the sympathy in blue and dark eyes.

Beep...

The noise came out of the operation room. Right behind the glass door to the left.

Beep...

"Shit! Flat line!" That was Dr. Taka's voice.

Dr. Taka-san?

Makoto's eyes almost dropped as she realized what was going on.

"Dammed!" she cursed herself and simply pushed the handy in Kei's hands. "Call Usagi and tell her that we need her help. That she has to transform! And that she has to be here, quickly! Michiru's and Haruka's life depends on that!"

Without saying one more word Makoto turned around and raised her own henshin.

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Beep...

"It's so damn sad. Forgive me, Kaioh-san. Forgive me..." Dr. Taka pushed the injection into the arm and sighed deeply. This medicine could rescue the young woman's life. Just like it would kill her child.

"Gomen.."

"NO!" The door was pushed open and the next moment a strong hand grabbed her arm and pulled the injection away. The clear fluid ran over the blankets and dried there.

"What the hell..." The doctor looked concerned at the girl. Brown hairs hang over her shoulders and she gasped exhausted for breath. As if she'd run a long way. She wore a similar uniform as the dying young woman.

Beep...

"Step aside, girl! I have to safe her life! You can't simply intrude into my operation room and..."

Beep...

The door flung again open and there stood another girl. Her blonde hairs almost touched the ground and she seemed to float as she came over to the bed. Shortly she looked at the lifeless young woman and tears burned in light blue eyes. She wore a white dress and somehow Dr. Taka thought of her as a princess. A beautiful princess. A powerful princess.

"She's the only one who can safe herself." Declared the girl and raised something that looked like a sceptre. "But we're the ones to show her that she has indeed this power."

A sign glowed on her forehead. It looked like a half moon.

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Sailor Pluto winced hard on the desk and several books fell down.

Then she closed her eyes and concentrated.

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Sailor Mercury embraced Sailor Venus and hold her tight.

Then they closed their eyes and concentrated.

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Tuxedo Mask took a shivering Sailor Chibimoon on his lap and stroke over pink hairs.

Then they closed their eyes and concentrated.

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Little Hotaru screamed in her small bed for her auntie Setsuna who was next room to read some books she brought from library today. A shadow stepped over to her bed and smiled tenderly down at the small girl. The sign appeared brightly on two foreheads.

Then Hotaru closed her eyes and concentrated.

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Three shadows awoke and stared at the ceiling. Asking silently if they'd really heard the help scream. Or if they only dreamed it.

Then they closed their eyes again. But they couldn't return into sleep. Instead they concentrated, too.

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"Go, Michi-chan. Go and forget me!"

Haruka hold her lover tighter, then she let go and stepped backwards. Knowing that the shadow stood right behind her. To take her away. Together with the black wind playing with her suddenly fragile body.

"Ruka..."

Michiru sobbed quietly and felt how the pain disappeared. A light shone in the darkness and a figure stepped outside. Several shadows followed her. Princess Serenity blinked and swallowed hard as she saw the wings. The tears. The sorrow.

"Let's go home, Neptune." She said and stepped before the crying senshi of the wide ocean. "Come home. We need you."

"But Ruka... I ..." Michiru raised her head and Serenity sighed deeply as she saw the pain in them. Once she had promised herself never to let her friends suffer again. The cruel way they had to suffer millions of years ago. Just to safe her. In a crazy mission they failed.

"We need Sailor Uranus. Don't worry. She'll be with you again." Serenity smiled but Michiru cried even more.

I want her NOW. Not in ten years. Not in thousand years. When we're reborn again. If we'll be reborn again. If we'll meet each other again.

"Neptune..." Serenity stroke through short sea green hairs as if the senshi was a small child. "Neptune, believe me. Will you?"

Michiru nodded hesitantly and sobbed again. She saw how Serenity stretched her hand, saw how the other senshi stepped in a protective circle around them. Excluded out Uranus. Haruka who wrapped her arms around her suddenly weak body. Reeling slightly. Thinking so many things at one. Remembering so many pictures at once. Wishing so badly to keep living. Together with her Michi-chan.

The dark shadow stepped nearer behind her and she felt the bitter cold.

I love you, Michi-chan. For all times.

Haruka blinked away some tears and sighed deeply. And saw how her girlfriend smiled an unsure smile towards their princess.

"Trust me, Neptune." Serenity kept smiling. "Trust in your soul mate. And trust in you." She closed her eyes as their hands touched. As Michiru took Serenity's and hold it tight. Several lights broke the darkness and the senshi stepped nearer. Closed the circle. To help her back.

Ruka...

Michiru closed her eyes, too. She knew it was her will that would take her away from that darkness. She knew if she'd cry for stop now, Serenity and the senshi would go without her. Then she remembered a happy laughing Hotaru. A growing belly showing the first signs of her unborn child.

Ruka, I love you. Please follow me.

Ruka...

Haruka turned away as her girlfriend disappeared. Together with Serenity. To keep living. To be there for her children. And for herself.

"And now?" she whispered and looked at the dark shadow. Saw the scythe shinning although there was no sun on the grey sky. No moon. "What happens now?" Her parents were gone. Just like her brother.

She didn't want to die. She wanted to live. So badly.

"And now..." It was only a whisper and she swallowed hard as she saw the scythe above. How it was swung. How it met her.

The pain flashed through her whole body and she screamed out loud as she went on her knees. Feathers swirled through he air. Light feathers. White feathers. Now covered with blood. Her wings broke and fell aside. On the cold stone. Her whole body started to ache and it simply refused to move any longer. She gasped hard for breath and fell down. With spreat arms. Something seemed to pierce her and there was a light shinning through the darkness. A soft voice whispering tender words. Words she couldn't understand. She needn't understand. They sounded like a welcome.

Nani?

Her throat was dry and she wanted to scream as more pain flashed through her body. But she was too weak for. Simply too tired.

Nani?

Am I dying now? Is that the end? Will I simply disappear into nothing?

"No, you won't."

She didn't hear the soft voice as she simply closed her eyes. Nor did she feel how the shadow laid the scythe aside and laid down next to her. To embrace her. To hold her tight. Even after her fuku disappeared. Even after she disappeared herself.

"You'll stay with us."

The shadow smiled satisfied and hugged a little bit tighter.

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Beep...

Sailor Moon went on her knees and gasped hard for breath. Still holding the sceptre tight in her trembling hands.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A happy smile appeared on her face. Now knowing that everything would be fine again.

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There was again that bright light. She groaned and finally it was taken away. She managed to open her eyes and groaned even more. The mattress was soft under her body, but she couldn't move her arms. Nor could she hardly bare the incredible pain.

Her view was blurred and it took her some moments until she focused the person standing next to her bed. In a small room she didn't know.

What happened?

Dr. Taka smiled at her and her eyes were slightly wet. She hold a tiny torch in her hands and the next moment Haruka felt soft hands stroking through her blonde hairs.

What happened?

She blinked and tried to smile back. But she couldn't. She could not move. Not talk. All she could do was to stay alive.

Alive...

Michi-chan...

Haruka closed her eyes.

How long have I been away? Have I been in coma? Or was the operation just some hours ago?

She didn't know. She couldn't ask. Her mind was dizzy and slowly. Her thoughts puzzled and she was suddenly very tired. Haruka simply enjoyed those soft touches. Like a mother's touch. Then she heard the silent voice above her. Teasing her. With a slight sob in it.

"I told you that twenty percent are a chance."

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A warm hand touched her own one. Raised it. She wanted to scream because of the pain flashing through her right arm. But she didn't. Not as she felt soft lips kissing her fingers.

Michi-chan?

She opened her eyes and looked right into sparkling blue ones. Saw tears shinning in them. Saw all the love that laid in that look. All the joy. All the gratitude.

Michi-chan...

"Good morning, my wild racer." Whispered Michiru and smiled tenderly into her lover's still tired face.

Morning?

She turned her head and looked outside the window. Saw the sun shinning through different trees. Coloured trees.

Is it autumn?

Haruka swallowed hard and looked again at her sea goddess. She wanted so badly to raise her hand to wipe away those tears that escaped her love's eyes. But she was still too weak to. Still.

"Dr. Taka-san calls you a miracle, darling. Just like all the nurses around. And even the newspaper." Michiru kissed again those fingers, felt how they moved slightly. Haruka was still connected to different drips. To different machines. But she was awake. All that counted. Dr. Taka spoke for a long time with her and told her that Haruka would need a long time to recover again. Maybe she would never be as strong as she had been before the operation. Maybe she would never become the world champion in the formula one again. Maybe she would hardly ever fight with them again as Sailor Uranus. But she was alive. She breathed. She looked at her. She smiled a thin smile. The most beautiful smile Michiru had ever seen. Haruka would be with her. In the future. With her and Himme-chan. And the little child.

"Don't you ever dare to terrify my again in such a way, Ruka." Michiru sighed deeply and squeezed the hand softly. "I love you, don't ya know?"

Haruka managed to smile and nodded slightly.

I love you, too, Michiru. I won't give up. Never. And I'll be with you. Just as I promised you.

She swallowed hard and wanted to talk. But only a undefinable sound escaped her soar throat.

"Hush, darling. Don't speak. Give your body a little bit more time until you're teasing me again." Whispered Michiru and leaned over the bed to kiss her. Lightly on the lips. Haruka closed her eyes for some seconds to enjoy that gently touch. As she opened them again they were full of tears, too.

I never wanted to leave you, Michi-chan. Never. Not you nor...

She lowered her gaze and looked for a long time at her lover's belly. She couldn't see much because Michiru wore a night dress. A white night dress. Just a similar one she wore herself.

Did she lay in hospital, too?

Haruka gulped and pictures came into her mind. Pictures of a crying Neptune who didn't want to let her go. Pictures of a screaming Neptune. Pictures of a bleeding Neptune.

Were they true? Or only a nightmare?

She didn't know. But Michiru seemed to understand as she saw the fear in dark green eyes. She had always understand Haruka with less words. The tall blonde didn't talk much, especially when they got to know each other.

"Don't worry, Ruka. Everything is alright with me. And with our little one." Michiru brought the now nice warm hand and placed it on her belly. Now Haruka could see that it was still grown under the shirt. That their child was still there. Sleeping tight in its mommy's womb. "And soon you'll be fine, too."

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	9. Chapter 5: Candlelight

Chapter five: Candlelight 

No need to cry and hide, it's a wonderful, wonderful life... 

The music filled the light room. Just like excited voices and happy laughter.

"Do you really want to eat that?" Big blue eyes looked sceptically in the bowl and tried to guess what it was.

"Well..." Haruka smiled at Usagi and her smile grew wider as Rei appeared behind the blonde.

"Don't you tell me that you want to let Haruka starve. You're soooo greedy, baka. I can't believe it!"

Usagi blushed and swirled around.

"I am not greedy. I am simply concerned, fool."

"Jerk!"

"Idiot!"

"Baka!"

"Ah!"

Suddenly they were haunting through the room and Makoto was suddenly very busy with the big basket she was wearing.

"This is for you. That you'll recover soon." She said and put the bowl with the hospital food carefully aside as if it was dangerous poison. "Do they want to poison you? That can't be good." She put different plates on the small table next to Haruka's bed and the tall blonde saw chocolate cake and chicken and other delicious meals she wasn't sure how to eat it. It was now over one month that she awoke from her coma but still she felt weak. Her throat was still sore where all the hoses had been. She did improve and Dr. Taka promised her that she would be able to return home before Christmas. But to eat so much, she had been fed over the drip for such a long time now that she wasn't sure if her stomach would bare it. But nevertheless she smiled friendly up to Makoto who seemed to spent the whole last night to prepare those meals.

"Oh, can I get a piece?" asked Usagi as she saw the chocolate cake.

"But that's for Haruka, you baka!"

"Oh, Rei!"

Again they haunted around and Haruka asked for the umpteenth time why they didn't stumble over something. The ground was covered with flowers and books and CDs. Each of them brought something to bright her sometimes very long days at hospital up. Of course they came more than just once a week and so Haruka already wondered where to put all those things at home.

Home...

She raised her head as she felt how Michiru took her left hand and simply hold it tight. Tears sparkled in deep blue eyes. The sea senshi smiled, too.

I just want to go home. With her.

"I still don't see why I shouldn't get a piece! It's too much for Haruka all alone."

"But it's HER cake!"

"Baka!"

"Greedy jerk!"

"Ah!"

Again more haunting. Makoto only grinned and put some bottles of orange juice out of the basket and placed it next to the plates.

My throat is too sore and the juices are too soar.

Nevertheless Haruka smiled.

"Arigato, Mako. Guess my Michi-chan would have starved without you."

"Just like my dear brother." Teased Michiru and giggled as Makoto blushed deeply. She mumbled something that sounded like okay and not a big deal and searched again in her basket.

Did she make anything more?

Haruka swallowed hard and felt how Michiru squeezed her hand gently. Still Haruka laid in bed. She was already allowed to leave it twice a day but it was very exhausting. The nerve in her left leg had been damaged during the operation and so she needed crutches to walk around. It took her some tries but slowly she understood how to use them. And she knew that she wouldn't use them forever. Just for the next time until her body would regain strength again.

She only did that for me?

Haruka watched how Makoto put some fruits out of her basket and blushed even more as Michiru talked about the delicious meals the thunder senshi prepared during the past weeks. And how greedy they all had eaten them. "Then it's time for me to come home." Chuckled Haruka and Makoto blushed even more.

"She can't eat it all alone..."

"Then ASK her, you baka!"

"But..."

"Don't tell me that you wanted to steal it!"

"No, but..."

It's a wonderful, wonderful life... 

The music even increased. Minako walked into the hospital room about one hour ago and put the CD player simply down. Since then she played one song after another. And of course she needed to sing along the songs. She stood there next to the now closed window on a chair and misused her hairbrush as micro. Loudly and a little bit wrong she sung but she seemed to have a lot of fun. Ami only blushed deeply and shook her head. To be doomed to sing two songs with her girlfriend. It were very popular and they ended how Ami wanted to escape and Minako simply held her tight and the both of them stumbled together from the chair towards the bed. Ami blushed even more while Haruka had to giggle. Minako only showed the hairbrush around and soon they all had to sing one or two lines. Now she was standing again alone on the chair and accompanied a man's voice. Singing how wonderful the life was. That there was no need for tears nor sorrow.

Hai, it's a wonderful life.

Minako winked at her girlfriend and Ami automatically stepped back and tried to hide behind Kei. But the love senshi didn't want to get her up to her personal stage again. Instead she grinned happily and winked at Haruka who winked back and giggled again as the blonde sung with more enthusiasm than before.

We're all relieved that she's recovering now. That she's awake. That she won't leave us.

Ami ducked again behind Kei's back but silently observed her girlfriend. Minako wasn't shocked anymore. Quickly she got her wildness back. And with every day Haruka got stronger and healthier again the love senshi got again crazier. Just like the others got normal again.

Ami glanced over to Setsuna who sat on a chair next to a singing Minako. A young man sat on her lap and from time to time when Minako didn't force them to sing along with her they shared a quick kiss. But their eyes betrayed that they wanted to share longer kisses.

She's not so pale anymore.

Setsuna simply gave up. She didn't want to eat any longer. Nor did she want to go out. She simply crept into her bed and didn't want to leave it again. She almost lost her job and they all agreed silently that the time senshi would have gone insane if there hadn't been Yaten around. He talked to her for hours and comforted her. He came to her to the hospital again and now he was there again. To see that the blonde who meant so much for his girlfriend slowly recovered. That there was nothing left to fear.

I am so glad that they're all here. My friends...

Haruka squeezed again Michiru's hand tenderly and smiled happily up to her.

... and my family.

Hotaru laid next to her under the blanket. She felt safe and secure in her daddy's embracement. Deeply she slept and didn't even hear her auntie Minako's crazy singing. All she ever wanted, all she ever needed was right by her side. She was simply content.

It's a wonderful, wonderful life... 

Haruka sighed slightly and pulled her sleeping daughter a little bit nearer. She loved such moments. When she could be together with the ones she loved. Even if such moments were still rare. Michiru still had to go home in the evening and the others were only allowed to stay for one hour. Or two if the nurses didn't pay attention. Just like today.

Hai, it is a wonderful life.

The tall blonde leaned over her daughter and kissed her tenderly on her forehead. Hotaru smiled in her child's dreams and grabbed the thumb she was holding in her tiny hands tighter.

And I never want to lose it again. Never.

No need to run and hide... 

At the moment as the song reached its climax and Minako stepped on the table next to the flowers the door was pushed open.

"What the hell..." Dr. Taka looked shocked at the chaos. And in disbelieved at the still rocking love senshi who actually didn't notice her. And at the meals Makoto tried to balance on the tiny table. And at all the flowers. And the CD player. And the books.

And a happy, but very tired smiling Haruka.

"Nani?" She simply stood in the frame until her colleague pushed her gently aside. Dr. Mizuno stepped into the room and one look into her daughter's blushed face told her more than any explanation.

It's a wonderful... 

Minako turned around to reach for her girlfriend's arm to swirl around with her and stared terrified into sparkling blue eyes. Eyes that were just like her love's. But the same time completely different. The hairbrush fell loudly on the ground as the song ended. The CD was over and suddenly silence evolved in the room.

A crowded room.

Dr. Mizuno frowned but she wasn't keen on counting. She knew that there were too many people in there. And she knew that the visiting hour was over. A long time ago.

"That's not the intensive care unit, young lady, but it's still the hospital!" said Dr. Taka with a very serious and angry voice and grabbed for the hairbrush. Minako jumped from the table and looked suddenly very guilty. Just like Makoto who tried to hide the food behind her back. Of course she tried it in vain.

"And I don't think that you should..." Dr. Taka's voice died away as she heard a high laughter she had never heard before. She turned around and stared at Michiru who held her grown belly and simply laughed. Tears ran over her redden cheeks. She looked up, saw again the confused expression on Minako's face and laughed even more. Her lover squeezed her hand and Haruka had to giggle, too.

"Guess there's no need to punish them." Said Dr. Mizuno and ran a friendly hand through her daughter's blue hairs. Ami just shrugged helplessly her shoulders, but she had to smile, too. It was a long time ago that they heard Michiru laugh. So happily.

"Hai, the patient is recovering." Dr. Taka looked at her watch and then again at a still giggling Haruka. Her eyes were red and she looked a little bit pale. "But nevertheless the visiting hour is over. Tenô-san needs her sleep and a little bit peace before you'll come back tomorrow." She sighed but there was a smile on her face, too. "Because I fear that there's nothing that will hinder you to come back again."

"Nope!" answered Minako and grabbed for her hairbrush. Then she tried to hide behind Ami's back and ducked as a hand reached for her blonde hairs. But Dr. Mizuno only stroke over her head. Then she turned towards her colleague and there was again that helpless expression on her face.

"Forgive my future daughter-in-law. She's simply wild." She teased and grinned as her daughter blushed deeply. Of course Dr. Mizuno knew that her daughter loved the wild blonde. But somehow she never found the courage to tell her. Maybe this evening would be a good time. She invited them for supper and afterwards to watch a good movie on TV.

Plenty time to talk.

"Just as wild as you had been at her age when I do remember."

They both smiled and had to giggle, too as Makoto turned around too quickly and stumbled over the table with all the food. Delicious food that landed now on the bed and partly on Haruka.

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Slowly everything is getting too narrow.

Michiru stood in front of her opened wardrobe and looked sceptically at a dress she had worn the last summer. She hold it against her body and frowned.

How could I ever fitted in that dress?

The sea goddess sighed slightly and threw it on the ground. Right to other clothes that now formed a small, fast growing hill.

It was already afternoon and they wanted to visit Haruka in the hospital. It was a nice sunny day outside and Michiru simply wanted to be beautiful for her love. But whatever she hold in her hands, it didn't fit any longer or she simply didn't like it.

Maybe I'll use my wide pullovers again.

She pushed another dress aside and sighed again. It was about ten minutes ago that she finished her shower but still she couldn't decide. Was the blue or the green pullover better? At least it was clear that it had too be wide. She was now in the fifth month. Everyone could see her state of body if she'd wore narrow clothes. So she decided for wide pullovers and thick jackets. That was no problem, it was slowly winter outside and it was getting colder. No one saw the difference. Especially not the reporters. Michiru didn't want them to write about her unborn child. Not now. Not when all she was caring about was Haruka. Her lover who had to recover. And not be concerned about what reporters might think.

They will get to know it soon enough.

Or a red one?

Michiru ran her hands through her wet hairs. They already touched her neck again and covered her ears completely. But still she didn't want to look into the mirror to see what she had done to herself. When she had been angry and all alone.

When I had been selfish and blind.

Still she didn't know why she hadn't seen the signs. Why she believed in Haruka's incredible words. Why she didn't hold her better back and asked her more determined. To get to know the truth.

I had my friends, Ruka had no one...

Michiru swallowed hard and swore to herself never to let her Ruka suffer again. Then she took the blue pullover that fitted perfectly to her eyes and stepped over to the bed. To get dressed. To get to the hospital together with Yuri, Makoto and Hotaru. Kei was in the city. He wanted to shop anything and so she didn't ask any more. He was old enough and Michiru knew that he didn't like Haruka very much. That he only came to the hospital to be nice to his sister. But that he didn't really care about the young car racer.

No wonder Kei hates her.

Michiru sighed slightly and looked again into the wardrobe. This time for fitting pants. Maternity clothes as they were called. They were wide and adjustable.

But as soon as he'll really get know her he'll surely like her. When he sees that she didn't want to hurt her. That she lived this hell just to pretend that I might suffer.

"Ganny Ui!" laughed Hotaru happily and walked with unsure steps into the sleeping room. Two hands hold her tiny arms and the little girl squeaked in pleasure as she simply went over to the bed. She grabbed for the thin blanket and pulled it over her head. Just to be searched again from the older woman. Dark eyes shone happily into sparkling blue ones. "Luv ya, ganny!" babbled Hotaru and stretched her tiny arms. To be taken into a loving embracement.

"Ganny?" asked Michiru and turned surprised around. She knew that her daughter couldn't say "r" properly right now and that it would take her another time to learn it. "Granny?"

"Well..." Yuri blushed and it was the first time that Michiru saw her blushing. Showing any fear or even doubt. Carefully the woman laid the girl down on the bed and Hotaru grabbed again for the blanket and pulled it over her head. She laughed happily and kicked with her tiny legs around.

"I never had time nor opportunity to have any own children." Explained Yuri while she tickled the little girl. Hotaru laughed in joy and kicked even wilder around. "After Gendo's death I raised Haru-chan as if she was my own daughter. So..." Yuri blushed even deeper and sighed slightly. "So Hotaru-chan is a kinda granddaughter for me." Shortly she looked up and Michiru saw into concerned blue eyes. There was a look in them which remembered her of her Haruka. When they searched for the talismans. When they almost sacrificed themselves. When they finally brought Hotaru home and weren't sure if they'd be the good parents the little baby needed so badly.

"Are you mad now, Michiru?"

It was a silent whisper and the young violinist automatically shook her head. A tender smile laid on her face as she came over to the woman she called auntie for the past five years. Who was a little bit like the mother she never really had. The family she always wanted to have and finally found in Haruka.

"Why should I?" asked Michiru very silently and opened her bathrobe. She took Yuri's hands and placed them carefully on her grown belly. Blue eyes grew wide and the woman stared in disbelieve at the young violinist. She hadn't seen the signs. But now as she looked at the naked skin she remembered Angela. How she had carried her twins with so much pride.

"You're pregnant?" she asked and looked shortly into sparkling eyes. Michiru's cheeks were redden and all she could do was to nod.

"You're..." It was only a stammer and Yuri felt how her thoughts started to spin around in her mind.

"I am now in the fifth month, auntie Yuri."

"But..." Shortly the older woman looked from a still laughing Hotaru being cradled in the thin blanket to the young violinist who loved her niece with all her heart. Who cared for her from the first time Haruka invited her for supper. Who was the first one who broke through the walls Haruka had established around her heart. The first one who really understood the wild car racer and gave her all what Yuri never really could: Safety.

"You'd never, would you?"

For a long time Michiru looked silently at her. Still the sea senshi felt those warm hands on her skin, felt how Yuri automatically stroke over her grown belly. As if she wanted to greet the tiny life that grew inside her body.

"I'd be proud if you want to be the granny of the little one, too." Said Michiru finally and put her hands over Yuri's one. She searched in blue eyes. But she didn't find hate as she had feared. Not even disgust. Only joy. And endless confusion.

"But..."

"Think whatever you want to think, auntie Yuri, but this child is mine. And Ruka's."

There was again a long time of silence. Yuri stroke over the skin and remembered how happy Haruka had been the past weeks at hospital whenever she saw the sea goddess.

She knows it. She knows that her girlfriend is pregnant.

They never talked about it in the presence of the others. But suddenly Yuri remembered how Haruka sometimes stared dreamily at her lover's body. How she stroke more than once over her belly under the wide pullovers. How they both had smiled so tenderly at each other.

Haru-chan knows it. And she is happy about this child. However Michiru managed to get pregnant.

Yuri shook her head. She didn't want to know it. She didn't want to know what they had done to get another child. An own child. Even if it would only have Michiru's genes.

Maybe it's better this way. Then it won't inherit Angela's illness...

Suddenly tears sparkled in blue eyes and Michiru was about to step away and to close her bathrobe again.

She's too shocked. Maybe it wasn't the best idea to...

The next moment she felt how Yuri simply took her into her arms and embraced her tenderly. Hold her loving tight as she had done so many times after the thin girl moved into their house. To make her sure that she was welcomed. To show her that she was family.

"My Haru-chan awoke from the coma and is laughing about her crazy friends." Whispered Yuri and felt tears burning in her eyes as well. "I've seen a bloody miracle the past weeks." She squeezed Michiru harder and felt how she hesitantly embraced her in return. "I'll believe in anything as long as you two are happy."

Michiru raised her head and looked through her tears up into auntie Yuri's face.

"We are, Yuri. We are."

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Haruka raised her head as someone knocked at the door. Slowly it was opened and Kei stepped into the room. For a long time they looked at each other in silence.

"Where are the others?" teased Haruka and raised one eyebrow as she saw the big book in the young man's arms. He hold it carefully tight. It seemed to be very important for him.

"I escaped them. Don't ask me how I managed that." He grinned but got serious again within the next moment. "I need to talk to you, Tenô Haruka." He explained and walked over to her bed. Haruka only nodded and put the manga away she just read. It was very crazy. About a boy turning into a girl and a boy turning into a duck. Minako gave it to her and so she had an excuse whenever the nurses smiled that she still read such things.

"That's good, Kei. I wanted to talk to you, too."

Kei sat down next to her on a chair and put the thick book carefully on her lap. He knew that the wound from the operation wasn't really healed yet and he didn't want to cause her any pain. Shortly he observed her arms, saw all the scars there from the drips and the injections. He swallowed but concentrated again on the young woman as Haruka stroke over the black leather.

"Open it!" he demanded and watched how she nodded and did as he told her.

"A photo album?" she asked surprised and looked asking at old black and white photos. They looked yellowed and a little bit pale.

Nani?

Haruka frowned and looked for a long time at a little boy of maybe three or four years. He hold a baby tight in his arms and smiled proudly into the camera.

Michi-chan?

"On that picture my princess was about a month old." Kei sighed slightly as Haruka turned the page. There were more yellowed pictures. Of that little boy changing nappies. Feeding his sister. Or telling her a good night story.

"Our mother didn't want us. We were..." he took a deep breath. "... accidents. Maybe she was happy when she got me and a boy, that's always something special. But when she did the same mistake and got pregnant again... she hated that child inside her. But she had been too afraid to abort it. So my princess was born. A little girl our mother hated. So I tried to care for her the best I could."

Haruka frowned and slowly raised her head. And looked directly into dark eyes.

She never told me about her mother. About her parents. About anything that was before I got to know her...

"Maybe you wondered why there's no resemblance between Michiru and me. That's because we have different fathers and somehow we inherited our appearance from our producers."

Haruka turned automatically the page and saw a little girl sitting on a dirty street and playing with an old toy bunny. It was dirty. Just like her clothes and her face.

"A neighbour took all the photos and gave them to me. Later. When everything was over..."

When everything was over?

Haruka turned again the page and gasped hard for breath as she saw the dark spots on the little girl's arms. And her naked legs. The grey eyes on the black and white photo looked sadly into the camera. Hopelessly.

"She beat her?" she asked quietly and stroke thoughtfully over the photo. Only seeing the little girl her lover once had been. A cute child. A beautiful child. A very, very desperate one.

"She didn't know it any better. Her parents beat her, too. Until she ran away from home and tried to get by on the street on her own." Kei sighed deeply but carried on in his memories. Again seeing how his little sister ran into their dirty children room and tried to hide behind his back. How he comforted her the whole night and promised her that everything would become better. Surely become better. That they would escape their mother one day and lead a better life. That she only had to be patient and nice. That had been a big mistake that almost cost his sister's life.

"She earned her money with..." The young man bit on his lower lip. "She was a whore." His voice was silent and insensible. Haruka swallowed hard but didn't dare to look up. Instead she turned the page and carefully unfolded the old newspaper articles.

"She was a whore and gave out the money she got for drugs. Not for food and especially not for her children. She never wanted us. But she had been too proud to go to the orphanage to get rid of us. Until authorities got to know about us. From a neighbour who called the police after she broke down again. Because she used too many drugs again and was high. They came and wanted to take us away from her."

Nani...

Haruka stared with open eyes at the old newspaper article.

Prostitute almost kills her children and commits suicide 

Nani...

Tears sparkled in dark green eyes and she stroke over the picture next to the lines. It showed an ambulance. How it carried away a little girl. A boy of maybe seven years stood next to the doctors and the police men and looked very shocked. And very angry.

"When they came our mother simply freaked out. She locked the doors and took the next knife. I tried desperately to protect my princess but..." Kei swallowed hard and finally looked away from the picture. It hurt too much. Still now. After so many years. "... but I had been too weak, Haruka. I simply couldn't help Michiru as mother pushed her into the bathroom and hurt her deeply with the knife..." Kei stared for some seconds out of the window and saw the naked branches moving in the winter's wind. "Finally the police simply broke into the apartment. They found mother dead in the tube. She took all drugs she still had and died because it had been too many."

"And Michi-chan?" whispered Haruka and suddenly remembered the scars on her lover's back. Once she had asked her and Michiru only winked and said that she once fell from the bike and fell right onto a broken bottle. That it had been a nasty mistake. But nothing Haruka should be worried about.

An accident...

"She had five stitches in her back. One was very deep and they all thought that she would die. They operated her quickly and she stayed for almost half a year in hospital. But she had been strong. Very strong. Stronger than me." Kei sighed again and Haruka turned again the page. Now the brother and the sister were older. They sat under a green tree on a yard Haruka recognized as the orphanage's yard. Michiru hold an old book in her hands while her brother simply embraced her.

"She survived and after that time we went into the orphanage. Our grandparents didn't want us and there was no other family left. Michiru was only four years old and they tried to give her to foster parents or even to people who wanted to adopt her. But no one wanted an ill child. For over a year Michiru needed special medicine and to go to the doctor twice a week. When she had been really recovered she had been too old for the adoption. So she was taken from one family to another one. And no one ever wanted her. Often she came back and cried. And I felt so miserable that I couldn't change this damn hell."

Kei looked again at the younger Michiru in his arms on the photo.

"I did the worst mistake in my life when I simply ran away and left her behind. While I was in jail she wrote me one letter. Only one, but it was very long. That she changed to a new school. That she got to know a real friend and that she lived there. That she finally found a new family and that she was now allowed to play the music she always wanted to create." Kei smiled in memory. Still he owned the letter. He would never throw it away. Because in the last lines Michiru promised that she would be forever his sister. And that she would be there whenever he needed her. That she trusted him and forgave him what he had done.

"And then I am finally released from jail and find her sobbing. She comes to welcome me but all she's able to do is to cry and to break down right in front of me."

Because of my stupidity.

Haruka turned again the page and saw her lover sitting in the grass. Setsuna laid lazy next to her and played with the sunglasses in her hands. Michiru looked very pale and tears shimmered in her blue eyes.

That's the day the youma attacked her and she was almost killed by that bloody truck...

"I know why you've done all this silly stuff, Haruka. Yuri told us a lot about your mother and your father. And about your illness." Kei leaned forward and grabbed carefully her collar. He wouldn't hurt her. But he wanted to make his point clear. "But the day the doctors told me that my princess would survive the dangerous stitches I swore myself never to let her suffer again. That I'll always protect her." Directly dark eyes looked into watery green ones. "And if you'll ever even try to hurt my princess I'll kick you right into your ass. Did you understand me, Haruka?"

The young car racer nodded. Turning her head away from him and staring again at her sad Michiru sitting in the grass. Still remembering the newspaper article. Of different doctors running over the dirty street. Of different police men watching concerned at a pale boy standing next to the vehicle. Of a lifeless person laying under the blankets inside the ambulance.

Michi-chan...

"I love her..." answered Haruka very quietly and closed the photo album with a deep sigh.

"I hope so!" There was a smile in Kei's voice and as the wind senshi raised her head she could see that he really grinned down at her. "Because we'll need someone to stand up in the middle of the night and to take care for the crying baby."

Haruka put the photo album away and leaned back against the pillow. She knew that she would need a lot of time to think over what she had got to know during the past hour but the nights could be very long in hospital. Damn long...

"I'll be glad to take that task. As long as they'll leave me out."

Kei grinned deeper and walked over to the table and observed all the delicious meals Makoto left there. Shortly he tried a piece of an apple pie and it was simply delicious.

"You're really a miracle, Haruka..." he declared chewing and giggled as he saw how she rolled her eyes. She had heard this word too much during the past weeks and still didn't know how to react.

Hai. I am a miracle. Just like the pyramids...

"And how do you get that crazy idea?"

Kei sat down on the soft mattress and grinned wickedly at her. Suddenly he enjoyed it to tease her around. And suddenly he knew why his sister loved that tomboy so much.

"Because I never thought that I'd get a sister-in-law."

Haruka had the politeness to blush deeply.

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"See ya tomorrow, honey." Michiru leaned over her lover and kissed her tenderly. Haruka wrapped her arms around Michiru's waist and tried to hold her back. It was late in the evening and she knew that Michiru had to go home. To care for Himme-chan and to get some rest for herself.

Don't go. Please!

Haruka knew that her wish was selfish. But the nights could be so dark and so long at hospital. And so lonely. She simply didn't want to sleep any longer on her own. She missed the warm body next to her. The regular breaths. The tender hand stroking her hairs until she felt asleep.

Please, don't go.

Nevertheless Haruka let her girlfriend go and looked for a moment with yearning into deep blue eyes.

"Have a good night." Whispered Michiru and gave her another short kiss. Then she turned around and left the room. Followed the others who waited already at the car. Shortly after Kei had showed Haruka the old photo album Michiru, Yuri, Makoto and Hotaru arrived. They stayed the whole afternoon and watched how she ate her dinner. Then they left. With the promise to return tomorrow.

Good night...

Sure!

Haruka sighed deeply after the door closed. Then she switched off the small lamp light and pulled her headphones over her ears. Soon soft violin music filled her mind. Michiru brought some of her CDs to the hospital and whenever Haruka couldn't sleep she listened to them. She often did. Because she seldom could really sleep. Too many things she had to think about. Too many fears that were still in her heart. To fell again into deep sleep without a chance of waking up again. Dr. Taka told her that this was impossible. That once she woke up after the operation she wouldn't fall into coma gain, but Haruka wasn't sure. But she knew that she never wanted to see her Michi-chan suffering like she had seen during her strange dream. Shortly before she woke up from coma.

Has it really been just a bloody dream?

Or a vision?

Or has it been reality?

She didn't dare to ask. She didn't want to know. She was still alive and Michiru was happy again. That was all that counted.

Haruka turned her head and stared outside the window. The trees were now naked and grey. It was the end of November and the sky looked like snow. Surely it would be another cold and stormy winter. Maybe even white Christmas.

It was summer when I broke down.

But it had been late autumn when she finally woke up again. Since that day she could see how winter took control. Haruka didn't care so much that two months were now missing in her life. But she cared a lot what happened during those months. Especially to her Michi-chan.

I want to get out!

Haruka clenched her fists and played with the string of her headphones. She only wanted to go home. To forget all this bullshit that happened the last months. Simply to start from the beginning again. Together with her Michi-chan and her Himme-chan. And their unborn child.

Shortly bright light covered her bed and she blinked. Then it died away as the door was closed again. A shadow headed towards her bed and she pulled her headphones down.

Nani?

The visiting hour was long ago. She already had her supper. And Dr. Taka didn't look at her at this time. She made sure that everything was fine with her most famous patient and left her sleep in peace for the rest of the night.

So who...

"Michi-chan?" she whispered surprised as she heard her lover's well known giggle. "What are you doing here? I thought you went home with the others..."

"Well, if you want me to go, I am pretty sure that I'll be able to get a taxi." Teased Michiru and wanted to take her jacket again she simply threw on a chair.

"No!" Haruka's response was quickly and she coughed as she felt how she blushed in the darkness. "No, Michi-chan, please, don't go if you don't have to."

"If you want me to stay..." Michiru's voice was soft and full of love.

"Of course I want, Michi-chan." Haruka took away the CD player and lifted her blanket a little bit. She felt how Michiru slipped right beside her under it and embraced her tenderly. Haruka swallowed as she felt the grown belly against her slim one.

"How could you..." she stammered and embraced her lover in return after she made sure that Michiru was completely covered with the warming blanket.

"I blackmailed the nurses with Makoto's chocolate cake and so they will simply oversee that I am here the whole night." Michiru giggled and leaned her head against Haruka's shoulder. "They only told me not to do any stupidities. I only showed on my belly and told them that I've already done that. You should have seen their faces before they burst out into laughter, Ruka."

Haruka nodded. Then she closed her eyes and simply enjoyed the presence of the other one. Feeling that there was still a future possible for them. Together. Michiru hold her Ruka tighter and sighed happily. It was such a damn feeling to know that her Ruka was still there. That the senshi of the wild wind wouldn't die during the next days, months or even years. That they had indeed the chance to grow old together. To raise their children and to see some day their grandchildren.

"Kei showed me some old pictures of your childhood." Said Haruka after a long time in pleasant silence and felt how Michiru winced beside her. Automatically the tall blonde hold her lover tighter and kissed her tenderly. To make her feel her love. Even after she got to know the truth.

She's seen all those bloody pictures? And surely Kei showed her all the old newspaper articles. Why did he do that?

But the same time Michiru knew her brother too well to deny an answer.

"Gomen Ruka, but I couldn't tell it to you." Michiru crept deeper into her lover's embracement and simply felt safe and secure there.

I want to stay this way forever.

"I simply couldn't tell you that I am the daughter of a whore who loved her drugs more than her own children. I..." Michiru took a deep breath and felt how her lover stroke through her sea green curls. To calm her down. To say in her silent way that she was there. That she would listen to her. No matter what she had to tell her.

"I was afraid that you'd run away from me after you've got to know the truth. That you wouldn't love me any longer and that your auntie would throw me out. So I kept silent and thought that it wouldn't be so important for us. For me it isn't that important any longer. My mother died a long time ago and I don't feel responsible for what she had done. It wasn't my fault. Nor Kei's..." Michiru took the stroking hand and hold it tight in her own one. "But I should have told you. Just to show you that I trust you. That I love you..."

Haruka squeezed the smaller hand gently and kissed her Michiru again loving on the shaking lips.

"You don't have to apologise, Michi-chan. I did the same mistake. I really thought that I could forget my illness as long as I denied it. That nothing would ever happen to me as long as no one knew about it." Haruka sighed deeply and freed her hand. She placed it on her lover's grown belly and started tenderly to caress it. "I've been a complete fool and panicked when Dr. Taka-san told me that they had to operate. I once promised my father never to let other suffer. But..." Suddenly tears sparkled in dark green eyes and Haruka lowered her head while she still felt the grown belly under her gentle fingers. "But I didn't realize how much I really let you suffer with my unconsidered behaviour."

Michiru hold her lover tighter and covered her face with tiny kisses. They tasted salty.

"It's okay, Ruka. Everything is fine."

The sea goddess raised her head and kissed her lover tenderly. Feeling how Haruka slowly relaxed. How the medicine she still got every evening from Dr. Taka did its job. Soon Michiru felt her girlfriend's regular breaths and heard the fast heartbeat next to her ear as she cuddled nearer to her Ruka.

"It's okay Ruka. I love you. No matter what happens, I love you." Michiru smiled tenderly, still feeling the other one's warm hand on her grown belly. As if Haruka wanted to greet the young life growing inside her lover's body. Sleeping safe and secure in its mother's womb.

For a long time Michiru watched her Haruka sleep. Simply watched her and enjoyed every second. Knowing that her lover was still alive. That she wouldn't leave her. That this bloody nightmare was over. At last.

Michiru stroke tenderly through messed blonde hairs and kisses her lover again on nice warm lips before she rested her head on those soft shoulders. To embrace her girlfriend. To simply hold her tight. And never let her go again.

You never wanted to let other suffer, Ruka. But all this time you had been the one who suffered most.

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There was a huge sign over the entrance door. It was written by different people and every letter looked unique and had another screaming colour. There were suns, stars, moons and rainbows all over it. It was the biggest kitsch Haruka had ever seen in her life but the same time it was the most beautiful sign someone ever made for it. In giant letters stood only two words. Two words that warmed her heart:

WELCOME HOME!

Haruka gulped and simply froze while Setsuna was busy to get her things out of her car's boot. For some seconds she stared at the still closed door and remembered all the mean things she said to her lover. As she went through that door and didn't return.

It's now over four months ago...

Haruka winced and turned her head as she felt the soft hand on her right arm. The arm that hold the crutches which still supported her walk. Dr. Taka examined her leg for a long time and finally said that it would take her a long time, maybe six months maybe even a full year before she was able again to walk as quickly as she had before the operation. Dr. Taka looked seriously at her and the results and said to her that she should be grateful that she was still alive. That it was a real miracle that she woke up again. Her girlfriend never gave up hope but all the other had known how to interpret the results. Haruka's chance of waking up had even been tinier than her chance during the operation.

Maybe I'll never be able to drive a formula one care again.

Dr. Taka knew how good the tall blonde had been. That she already won the world championship. But Haruka only answered in a silent voice that it was okay. That she achieved what she wanted to achieve. That it was now time to be there for her family. And simply to enjoy life.

Shortly dark green eyes looked sadly into shinning blue ones.

She's surely thinking at our argument.

"It's okay, Ruka. Just go in. And be aware of our friends." Michiru giggled and squeezed her arm a little bit tighter. Then she pointed over to the big sign and the shadows behind the door. There was excited whispering and one voice they knew too well shouted angrily:

"You baka!"

There was crying and suddenly the shadows were in action. Haruka heard how Setsuna giggled while she carried the bags. Michiru wrapped her jacket tighter around her freezing body and followed her. There were only a few weeks left till Christmas and yesterday it started to snow. Little flakes danced down from a grey sky. Still it didn't cover the streets or the sand. But the people on TV said that they expected a white Christmas this year. The first one after almost a decade.

"Baka!"

"You are sooo clumsy! I can't believe it!"

"You pushed me!"

"But you ruined the whole cake!"

"But... wahhhh!"

"Hush, they're coming."

Haruka had to grin as she heard the angry whisper behind the door. The light was switched off and the shadows really tried to be silent. Of course they failed.

"It took her the whole night to get it ready and you only stumble into it! I can't believe it!"

"Wahhhh!"

"Hush now!"

"Wahhh!"

"It's okay, I can fix it. Don't worry."

"Wahhh!"

Michiru opened the door with her keys and the lights were switched on again. They all stood there with big grins on their faces and silly party hats on their heads. They hold flowers in their hands and cheered up as Haruka entered the light house by the sea on her crutches.

"WELCOME HOME, Haruka!" they sang to a well known melody. They sang it very loudly and a little bit wrong but it was the most beautiful song Haruka had ever heard. She felt how her throat tightened and how some tears burned in her eyes. She turned her head a little bit and could see tears in deep blue eyes, too.

"Actually we wanted to give you a nice cake Makoto prepared for your..." started Rei as they finally finished singing and pointed over to Usagi who cried silently. "But that baka stumbled over the cake and so..." She pointed at Usagi's legs. They were covered with wiped cream and chocolate. The remaining of a big chocolate cake stood on the table in the middle of the entrance hall. Makoto was busy to rescue what she could still rescue.

"Wahhh!" Usagi only cried and was taken into Yuri's arms. The older woman giggled a little bit because she had never seen such a crazy party preparation.

"It's okay, Usagi, we'll make a new one." Tried Makoto to comfort her while she shrugged her shoulders and declared silently that it was senseless. The wiped cream laid on Usagi's legs and on the ground and it all looked really, really messy.

"Wahhh!"

Haruka giggled and hobbled over to the table. Shortly she tasted the messed cake and nodded.

"Well, you know my cooking, Odango." Haruka chuckled and smiled at a still crying Usagi. Even Rei looked a little bit depressed now. As if she regretted her words. Just as she always did. "And this cake is really delicious." She smiled and felt how her body started to tremble. She was still too weak to support her whole body on the crutch for more than a couple of minutes. But it would become better. The harder she worked with herself the faster she would be strong again.

Michiru saw it. Just like Makoto.

"Let's go over to the living room and listen to the music Mina-chan prepared." Giggled Setsuna and laughed out loud as Rei made a depressive face. They all knew Minako's big CD collection. And that she really found the best songs for each event. Or the worst songs...

"By the way, where is Minako?"

Setsuna only giggled and pointed over to the staircase. Two girls sit there. Close to each other. Very close. They had wrapped their arms around each other's waist. They didn't seem to notice what happened around them. Probably the didn't even see how Usagi stumbled over her own feet and landed right on the chocolate cake. Probably they didn't hear how they all song the well known song with the changed lyrics Minako tried them to learn with so much enthusiasm over the last two days. Surly they didn't notice the silence that fell around them. And the silent giggle. They only felt each other, hold each other tight. They kissed with passion.

"Ami? Minako? Didn't we want to celebrate that Haruka's coming home?" giggled Setsuna and they all grinned widely as the two girls looked finally up and blushed deeply.

Minako was the first one who managed to talk. She pointed over their heads and shrugged her shoulders.

"Mistletoe." She mumbled and blushed even more.

Soon they all went into the living room and sat down, or in Usagi and Rei's case, haunted each other through the whole house. Hotaru escaped Chibiusa's arms and ran with her unsure steps over to her beloved father.

"Daddy!" she stretched her tiny hands towards Haruka who simply went on her knees although that action hurt. She took her daughter in her suddenly trembling hands as the little girl stumbled and almost fell down.

I love you, Himme-chan.

She simply hold her daughter tight. Not caring any longer about an always arguing Rei haunting an always crying Usagi. Not caring about Makoto and Kei setting the table and talking about how they tried to get all things done for today. Not caring about Setsuna looking often at her watch and waiting that the door bell would rang and that her Yaten would stand outside. Hoping to get a kiss from his girlfriend - and maybe a piece of that delicious cake, too, Setsuna talked about the whole last evening. Not caring about Minako and Ami sitting on the couch - again very close to each other. Looking loving into each others eyes. Not caring about Chibiusa pleading that Mamoru would play cards with her - and let her win.

All Haruka cared about was the little girl in her arms. Her daughter she feared to have to leave four months ago. To have lost forever.

I love you so much, little Himme-chan.

She squeezed her harder and heard her daughter's happy laughter.

I'll never leave you again, little honey. I promise.

Michiru messed her blonde hairs and as Haruka looked up she saw the love in her lover's blue eyes.

I love you.

I love you, too.

"And now let's eat." Makoto put some more cakes on the table Usagi didn't stumble over. Then she searched for the two still arguing girls and simply pulled them with her. Makoto could be very determined and she was very strong. At the moment she was the strongest of all senshi and Rei and Usagi knew when they had lost. Although they still showed each other their tongues while they followed Makoto helplessly. They knew they had no other chance.

Soon they all ate with passion and talked a lot about the last days. What happened during the past days. Especially at school. Soon there would be the Christmas vacations and of course all teachers wanted to write some more tests and of course all teacher decided that at once – in each lesson. For the first time Ami didn't say that they needed to learn the whole next nights to get only best marks. She only glanced at Minako and Haruka was sure that the water senshi had other things in mind than math or Japanese culture.

Rei told them how busy it was right now in the temple with all the people praying for a good Christmas. Today her grandfather took the whole work so that she was able to sit here and drink coffee. Then they talked again over other topics. Like the coming Christmas. And that they wanted to celebrate it here, in the light house. Where there were no parents around and where they had enough space. Suddenly different pleading eyes looked at Haruka and Michiru and they agreed laughing. Makoto already dreamed of all the delicious meals she would create and Kei offered voluntarily to help her go shopping for all the food.

It was a real great afternoon and a funny evening. With them sitting around the table and playing different games. Usagi often pouted when she lost and Chibiusa danced more than once happily through the living room whenever she won. Haruka didn't care about the games. She simply hold Hotaru tight who sat on her lap and tried more than once to eat the cards. The little girl smiled happily and was simply cute. More than once Michiru had to stare at her and got lost in her thoughts and of course lost the game, too. But sitting next to her Ruka, seeing her being awake and alive, hearing her laughing and teasing Ami and Minako around that was more important to her than any game would ever be. Of course they sang karaoke, too. The love senshi danced over the whole couch and when the song reached it's ending she simply fell down and embraced her Ami who sat on the couch and blushed deeply. Makoto and Kei sang in duet and Setsuna stared in silence at Yaten who sang, too. First he didn't want to, but his girlfriend's admiring eyes convinced him. Rei and Usagi frowned, because they thought to know that voice. But they didn't know from somewhere. But they forgot as it was their turn. And of course it ended by them chasing after each other. All senshi burst out into laughter and even Yuri giggled. She loved the friends of her niece and suddenly she knew why Haruka never wanted to leave Tokyo. Even after she won the formula one championship travelled around a lot she didn't want to live somewhere else than in the light house by the sea she inherited from her parents.

They're a big, lively team.

Yuri smiled and asked Mamoru to sing with her as Usagi pushed the micro into her hands. Of course he agreed and of course Chibiusa joined them, too. Although Usagi blushed and looked really angrily at the pink haired girl who only showed her tongue in return.

They're a big, lively family. I am happy for her.

Mamoru took her hands and danced around with her while Chibiusa jumped over the carpet and repeated the chorus.

As I am happy for me.

Hai, it had been indeed a great welcome home party. They laughed a lot, talked about many things and played a lot of games. And ate Makoto's delicious food. But no one dared to talk about the past months. Of the hell they went through, of the fear they all felt while the wind senshi laid in coma. While the doctors told them that there was no chance for her to ever wake up again. While they sat helplessly at the bed and watched her slowly dying.

Only once Usagi leaned back on her armchair and watched how Haruka fed little Hotaru with apple pieces she dipped into chocolate cream. Love was written all over the tall blonde's face.

"I am happy that we're complete again." Usagi smiled and felt how her boyfriend took her hand to hold it tight. "I am very happy that we're all alive and together."

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It was silent in the hospital room. Tears sparkled in his eyes as he walked over to the bed. He saw the figure of his partner laying under the thin blanket. An ask on the other man's pale face helped him to breathe. There were no hairs left on his head and his eyes were closed. He was almost blind and he knew that he wouldn't survive the night. The doctors and the nurses didn't tell him, but he had felt it. How they treated him. His whole family had been here and they congratulated him for his great victory. For his last one.

Michiru leaned back on the couch and watched the movie on TV. Her eyes filled with tears while she watched how the Spanish looking man said goodbye to his love. How he carefully put the mask away and kissed softly those shaking lips. How he stroke tenderly over the sweaty face and only looked at his boyfriend. To be there for him when he had to go. Forever.

"It's almost eight. Don't you want to see the news?" Haruka sat down next to her and opened the paper to look if there was any interesting film this evening. Her crutches leaned against the wall and she hobbled over to the couch. She didn't like the crutches a lot but she needed them whenever she left the light house by the sea.

"What are you watching, Michi-chan?" she asked and groaned as she read that they wanted to send a reportage about the French cuisine. Surely Makoto would like to watch it.

"Michi-chan?" Haruka frowned as her lover didn't respond. She raised her head and a sad smile appeared on her face as she saw the tears running over her girlfriend's cheek. One look into the TV set was enough to recognize what film Michiru watched. Haruka knew the music too well, they both liked the soundtrack and the movie a lot. Especially the actor. And the content.

It's not the right film to watch after what happened the last months.

"Hey, honey." Haruka took her now sobbing Michiru softly in her arms and rocked her. "It's okay, this is only a movie." Michiru nodded and sobbed even harder. Feeling her lover's embracement. Hearing the sad song in her ears. Knowing that the actor in the movie just died and that all his family was at his funeral to remember what for a cute boy he had been. Knowing that this could have happened to her, too. If Haruka wouldn't have woke up the last month maybe they wouldn't have celebrated Christmas in about two weeks. But a funeral, too.

"Hey, darling. Everything's alright." Haruka embraced her tighter and kissed tenderly away those clear tears. "I won't leave you again, Michi-chan. You know that, don't you?" Michiru nodded again and wrapped her arms around the other one's waist. To hold her tight. To never let her go.

"It's only a bloody film, Michi-chan. I am here and I am alive. And I am going to annoy you the rest of your life." Haruka whispered and kissed softly on warm lips that shook a little bit. At that point Michiru giggled sadly and pushed her into the pillows. To kiss her in return. Haruka simply took the remote control, switched the TV set off and concentrated again on her lover's tender touches.

"I won't let you suffer, Michi-chan."

"I know, Ruka."

None of them saw Kei who stood in the frame. He wanted to call them for supper. Makoto declared that the noodles were ready and Hotaru looked very hungrily into her mash. But now he simply leaned against the frame and watched them in silence. A thoughtful expression laid on his face.

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"That was refreshing." Michiru brushed her wet hairs while she stepped out of the bathroom. She just took a shower. A nice warm shower. First Haruka wanted to join her, but still she wasn't strong enough to support her body on her right leg for too long. So they decided that she would take a nice bath Michiru didn't bare any longer. She used to take long, hot baths, too. But that had been before she got pregnant.

Pregnant...

Michiru put her hairbrush down and stepped naked before the mirror. For a long time she stared at her grown belly. Now she was in the sixth month and no one could deny that she carried a child. Especially not when she didn't wear any clothes at all – just like she did right now.

"Hey, little one, how are you feeling?" she teased and stroke carefully over the skin. She knew she had to hurry up. In about half an hour the others would arrive. They wanted to go to the cinema. Yaten and Setsuna offered to take care of Chibiusa and Hotaru while the others should have fun with a film they had already seen the last weekend.

What shall I wear?

Michiru sighed deeply but still she didn't want to turn away from the mirror. Her whole life she wanted to be a mother. But as she got to know and to love Haruka she had to see that this was impossible for her. Because she only wanted a child from Haruka. Not from someone else. Not from a stranger.

Our child...

Her watch beeped and she knew that she really needed to get dressed. Maybe the blue dress she bought the last Monday. It was made for pregnant women and as long as she wore her wide coat over it no one saw her state of body.

I am only in the sixth month. Why am I already feeling like a walrus?

She giggled and stroke again over the belly. Seeing and feeling the incredible miracle that had happened.

Our own child.

Still they didn't know if it was a girl or a boy. Michiru had been too afraid to ask while Haruka laid in coma and since that very day the tall blonde opened her eyes again the sea goddess hadn't have another appointment with the doctor.

Himme-chan's brother or sister.

"Michi-chan?"

She turned around as she heard the low voice. Haruka stood near the door. A towel was wrapped around her body and wet hairs hang into her blushed face. Her eyes sparkled as she looked at her lover's naked body. At the grown belly.

The tall blonde had known that her girlfriend was pregnant. She had felt it whenever she touched her belly. But to see her like that, it was a complete different view. It was as if she recognized right now what the word pregnant indeed meant.

She's so beautiful...

Haruka's throat tightened and she hobbled over to her lover. She laid the crutch away and simply embraced her Michi-chan and kissed her tenderly.

I love her so much.

"And how's it doing?" she teased and stroke over the soft skin. Still the baby didn't move inside its mother's belly but the doctor told Michiru once that she had to be patient. That the baby would start soon enough to kick around and to keep her busy.

"Sleeping." Smiled Michiru and kissed her again. For a long time. Until the bell ringing remembered them that they should get dressed. They separated and Michiru sighed deeply as she saw all the clothes that didn't fit any longer.

Maybe the red one? Or the blue pullover? Or...

"Hey, Ruka. You know we don't have time for flirting." Giggled the sea goddess as Haruka embraced her again from behind and hold her tight.

"You're my girlfriend and I am allowed to flirt with you whenever and wherever I want." Whispered Haruka and covered her neck with little, warm kisses. Again her hands stroke over the belly and for a second they both looked into the mirror. Seeing themselves as proud parents. Of a still unborn child.

"Today I talked to Dr. Taka-san and she and I agreed that it's time for you to start enjoying your pregnancy." Haruka declared and giggled as she saw how Michiru rolled her eyes.

"I shall enjoy being a walrus?" asked the sea goddess and leaned herself on her lover. A tender smile betrayed all her feelings. Of course she would enjoy every moment of her pregnancy. As long as Haruka was around and behaved like crazy. Just like a becoming daddy.

Her eyes grew wide as she saw the tickets that appeared suddenly in her lover's hands. Three tickets for a visit in Europe.

"Paris?" frowned Michiru and blushed happily. She had always wanted to visit that city. The city of love as they called it. Paris, France. Romantic and good vine. And the Louvre.

"Do you know a better place where you can enjoy your pregnancy?" Haruka smiled as she saw her lover's happy face. "It's the week between Christmas and New Year. Hope you still have time."

Michiru only nodded, turned around and kissed her lover again.

They almost missed the cinema.

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The light house was illuminated in the night's darkness. The snow sparkled in all colours of the rainbow. Some birds flew terrified away. Because of the loud music filling the air. Live music.

A door was opened and a girl stepped out of the balcony. She leaned against the handrail and her brown hairs covered her back while she raised her head to watch the stars shinning above in an endless sky. It was a perfect evening. A hectic one. A typical one with the Sailor team. And it was Christmas Eve. Of a white Christmas. Just as the people at TV had promised.

"Mako?" Kei followed her and closed the door behind himself to make it possible to talk with the tall girl. The music was incredibly loud. Especially with Minako singing. And the boys, too.

"They're crazy." Declared Makoto silently and shivered. Surprised she looked up as she felt the soft jacket around her shaking shoulders. Kei only smiled back.

"No one knew that Yaten is the youngest singer of the Three Lights and that they would really bring their instruments with them." He laughed and stroke comforting through her brown hairs.

"Oh, Sets surely knew it. But for her it's not important what money a person owns but what heart he has." She smiled and turned again to watch the stars. A sad expression laid on her face. The Christmas party was great and even Yuri enjoyed it. But not all where there. Three persons were missing. Three persons she really missed.

"Hope our three travellers are feeling well and that they have such a fantastic Christmas, too."

Kei stepped behind her and squeezed softly her shoulders.

"Our four travellers are surely enjoying their Christmas Eve." He whispered and smiled in memory how excited his sister had been when she showed him the tickets. That she would go with her Ruka and her Himme-chan to Paris. To have vacations. To forget all the things she experienced the past months. To regain strength and to get prepared for the little child she carried. A child she didn't care about when Haruka laid in coma. A small child she almost lost by rescuing Ruka from death. A child she already loved. Just the way she loved her Himme-chan. Her daughter.

"Just like I enjoy it. With that crazy girl and boys in there." Kei smiled and squeezed her shoulders again. "And with you, Mako-chan." For a while they watched the stars in silence. Finally Kei turned around to go again into the light house. Where it was louder but warmer. And a lot happier. "Come, Mako-chan, before you're getting a cold."

Makoto nodded and turned around.

"Kei?"

He frowned and looked asking into her smiling face.

"Arigato."

Makoto stepped on her tiptoes and quickly kissed his cheek.

"Arigato for all you've done for us. And for me."

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Pater noster, qui es in caelis,

sanctificetur nomen tuum,

adveniat regnum tuum,

fiat voluntas tua,

sicut in caelo, et in terra.

Panem nostrum supersubstantialem da nobis hodie,

et dimitte nobis debita nostra,

sicut et nos dimittimus debitoribus nostris,

et ne inducas nos in tentationem,

sed libera nos a Malo... 

"Why can't they speak Japanese or at least English?" whispered a low woman's voice and a high giggle answered. "I don't understand a lot of French."

"That's Latin, little baka, not French." Michiru giggled again as Haruka rolled her eyes and crept a little bit closer to her love. Carefully she embraced her lover and hold her tight. Then she raised her head and looked around in the big church. A very old church. About eight hundred years old. Maybe even a little bit older. Haruka had never been keen on history lessons nor in numbers. But she knew an interesting building whenever she saw it. And that church was indeed a special one. It was huge and mysteriously. It had been light outside when they entered the church but inside there was a strange semi darkness. The light was changed when it fell through the huge, coloured windows and danced around the whole place. The altar was huge and there was less gold in it but more stone. And figures made out of stone. Dangerously looking gargoyles and friendly smiling angels. Haruka blinked and tried to remember if the angel's wings hadn't been closed the last time she looked. Now they were wide open.

Notre Dame.

As if this church would have it's own character.

Michiru whispered "Amen" as the prayer ended and the nuns started a high, but very well sounding song. Soon all the people accompanied and they all song along with each other.

It's Christmas Eve.

Haruka squeezed her Michiru a little bit tighter and looked around at all the other peoples. The church was crowded and they all came here to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Here in Europe the festival seemed to mean a lot for the people. Especially for religious people. In Japan it was also a nice festival, but they simply celebrated it for fun. Not for a deeper meaning.

"Is that still Latin?" she whispered and smiled as Michiru giggled again.

"No, that's French again." She explained and moved her lips silently to the words. She knew that song. Everyone who normally had a lot of concerts at Christmas time knew that song. A typical Christmas song. That sounded a little bit more religious now.

Haruka turned her head and looked over to the huge organ as it started to play. Automatically she shivered slightly. Hotaru babbled next to her in her child's seat and played with her old teddy bear. She liked the music. Although it was very cold in the church she didn't freeze. She wore her thick winter clothes and a warm blanket covered her legs and her chest. Her cheeks were redden and happily she grinned up to her. Automatically Haruka grinned back and corrected the blanket. Then she leaned her head against Michiru's shoulder and closed her eyes. She wasn't so keen on the music like her girlfriend, but she simply enjoyed it to be there. Together with her family. To celebrated a Christmas she had feared never be able to celebrate.

Notre Dame.

They arrived in Paris the last evening. After a long fly. It lasted over twelve hours and afterwards they had been very exhausted. Only Hotaru was awake after she slept the whole fly. Michiru's back hurt and Haruka could barely balance her tired body on her crutches. So they only went to their hotel, ate a small dinner and went to bed. The whole morning they slept and when they finally left their bed it had been noon. They ate lunch at a noble restaurant at the Champs Elyseé and finally decided to celebrate Christmas in Notre Church.

A whole week. We have plenty of time to see more of the city.

So far they liked it very much. The French people were very nice and Hotaru fell in love with the pancake called Crêpe. She dirtied her pants with the sugar and grinned happily up to her parents with her gluing little mouth.

I love them so much.

Haruka smiled while the priest started again to talk. In a strange language Haruka hardly knew. She let her thoughts drift away and asked herself what the others did right now. Surely they were eating Makoto's delicious meals and teasing each other around.

Surely Rei's haunting Usagi again.

Haruka grinned at that thought and giggled a little bit. She felt how soft hands ran through her blonde hairs and she cuddled even nearer to her lover. She knew that they were in a church. In not just in any church, but in a very famous one. Notre Dame. She knew that there were many people around. And she knew how some of them might react when they'd find out that she was a woman, too. But she didn't care. She simply felt as great as she hadn't felt the last months. Here she felt free. Together with her Michi-chan. And her Himme-chan. Together with her family. Facing a wonderful future.

Her right hand slipped under the dark wide coat her girlfriend was wearing and stroke over the grown belly. As if she wanted to greet the little life that grew inside her lover's womb.

It's your first Christmas, little one.

Haruka's grin grew wider as she remembered how the others reacted when they finally said that they got a child. That Michiru was pregnant. The sea goddess didn't tell the others but Makoto and Kei and because she had always worn Haruka's wide pullovers they didn't see it. Especially not during those two months of despair and sorrow.

First there had been dead silence and everyone looked shocked and in disbelieve at the young violinist. Then a smiled had bloomed on Usagi's face and she was the first one who simply stretched her hands and touched the grown belly. Suddenly the two outer senshi were surrounded by laughing and teasing girls who all wanted to touch the belly. And to congratulate them. And to tell Haruka that she did a great job.

No one asked how they managed it. How they actually got a child. How Michiru got pregnant. They only congratulated her and declared giggling that they couldn't wait to be aunts to that child, too.

You'll surely love them. Your crazy aunts.

Haruka didn't know if this child would be senshi one day, too. That day was still a far away. Just like the day when Hotaru would hold again the scythe and turn into Sailor Saturn, the senshi of death. Haruka didn't want to think of this. Not today. Not at Christmas Eve. Not when she was so happy.

The service slowly ended and the people rose to left the big, mysterious church. To go home to their family. To celebrate Christmas with a delicious supper and a brightly shinning Christmas tree. And with curious children looking more than once at the still wrapped gifts.

"Better, we'll go, too." Whispered Michiru and rose, too. But she didn't turn towards the huge doors. Instead she stepped closer towards the altar and looked at the stone figures. At the gargoyles and the angels. And at the wonderful pictures that hold the windows. The glass was coloured and the light that shone through it formed a lake of light on the stony underground. Of soft light. Michiru stood right in the middle of that circle. Her now almost shoulder long hairs shimmered and her blue eyes sparkled.

She's so beautiful.

For a long time Haruka watched her in silence. Then she made sure that Hotaru was safe and stood up, too. To walk over to her. To enter the sea of light. Michiru's world. To be there for her. Forever.

Little Hotaru didn't care about that. She laughed happily and tried to pick the little glow worms suddenly filling the whole church. Not recognising that they were far away candles. Lightened up to fill the church with a soft, warm shine.

I love her so much!

Haruka embraced her lover and together they looked at the picture in the window. Slowly they rocked each other by a music only they could hear. In their minds. A tender melody they once wrote together. For a violin and a piano. It expressed their feelings for each other. The deep love. The trust. The knowing that the other one would be there. No matter what happened.

"I love you, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka quietly and wondered why her voice suddenly shook. The young violinist giggled and automatically took cold hands in her own ones to warm them.

"I love you, too, my Ruka." She answered and leaned her head against her girlfriend's chest. Now there were hardly any people left. Only the priest and the nuns. And some visitors. But they didn't notice them. All they felt was each other right by one's side.

"I want to stay forever with you." Carried Haruka on and they both watched how some dust flew through the mysterious light. Weightless. Simply dancing around.

"I know." Michiru's hands squeezed the cold ones tenderly and a soft smile appeared on her face. Her cheeks were redden and she was the most beautiful woman Haruka could ever imagine.

My girlfriend. My love.

She swallowed hard and kissed sea green hairs.

My soul mate.

"I want to raise our children with you. I want to grow old with you. I..." she took a deep breath but this time Michiru didn't interrupt her. She only closed her eyes and enjoyed the warm arms being wrapped around her waist. She knew that Haruka wouldn't be able to support their both bodies for a long time without her crutch but that little time she wanted to enjoy. She wanted to experience and simply keep into her mind. To remember it whenever she would have been parted from her Ruka. Even if it was only for some seconds.

"I want to marry you, Michi-chan." Haruka's voice was a very silent whisper next to Michiru's ears. The sea goddess opened her eyes in surprise as the tall blonde simply let her go. She went on her knees and for some seconds pain flashed over her face. Michiru wanted to bow to help her up, but Haruka only shook her head and suddenly she hold a blue rose in her hands. If Michiru would have been able to think a clear thought she would have asked if Haruka had used now the same methods with which Tuxedo Mask always threw his roses during the fights. But she couldn't think clearly any longer. Not when Haruka kneeled right in front of her with that typical grin on her face. Her dark green eyes sparkled and they were full of love. And a little bit of unsafeness. Although they both knew the answer of the question Haruka was about to ask.

"Michi-chan, do you want to become my wife?"

Suddenly tears sparkled in deep blue eyes and ran over redden cheeks. All Michiru was able to do was to nod before she started helplessly to sob.

Haruka was on her feet the next moment and took her carefully into her arms.

I am such a baka!

Michiru giggled under her tears and simply kissed her girlfriend with all the passions she felt. With all the luck. Of a moment she thought she would never be able to experience. Not after Haruka simply closed the door behind herself and walked away. Not after the strong senshi fell in coma after the operation. Not after her Ruka simply spreat her wings in the strange vision.

"Hai, Ruka, hai..." sobbed Michiru between two kisses and hold her lover tighter.

"Is it really so bad to have such a crazy girl like me as fiancée?" teased Haruka but there was a big lump in her throat as well. Too well she remembered how desperate she had been when she got to know the results of the shadow. That they had to operate. That she would never be able to lead a happy, a long life with her Michi-chan. That she bought that beautiful ring in vain. That she would never be able to ask her lover.

But now she had been. And Michiru really agreed.

Michiru giggled again and only kissed her. Kissed her passionately. While they stood in the light's shine. In a small lake. Between bright waves. In the middle of a sea of burning candles.

At that moment the bells of Notre Dame started to ring.

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Silently she hummed a sweet melody and covered her daughter with a soft blanket. The little girl slept deep and held the old teddy bear tight in her tiny arms. A smile laid in her face and she babbled something in her dreams. It had been her second Christmas Eve. Still the little girl didn't know its meaning, didn't know why she got all those nice gifts. She liked them. But not as much as her most favourite toy.

"I love you, little princess." Whispered Michiru and kissed the smallest senshi. Thoughtfully she stroke over her belly as she crossed the room of the hotel. Well, maybe not the smallest any longer.

They went a little bit through a Christmas Paris and ate in a very delicate restaurant for dinner. Hotaru soon covered her whole jacket with noodles and laughed happily up to them with her red mouth. They simply couldn't be angry with her..

It's so romantic here.

Michiru sighed and giggled as she remembered how Haruka ordered a horse coach for them to ride through the now empty streets of Paris. Most people were at home after the mess and unwrapped their gifts. They only sat there cuddled near each other with Hotaru in their arms and watched all the nice buildings Paris was famous for. The Tour d'Eiffel was really giant and there were light games all around the place. The fountains worked near it and the Champs Elysée was humiliated, too. Just like the d'Arc Triumphe. They took some photos and Michiru knew that Haruka only did it for her as she stepped near one of the white horses and let the horseman taken a photo of all of them.

She doesn't trust horses.

Michiru giggled again and hold her back. It ached a little bit. Just like it did the past weeks whenever she stood for a long time or walked a long way. Or simply had an exciting day.

An exciting but wonderful day.

She opened the door that connected the child's room to their sleeping room. They stayed in a nice hotel right in the middle of Paris. When she looked out of the window she could Notre Dame and behind that big church Sacre Coeur shinning on a hill over the city. Haruka chose it because they were the only ones who still offered whole suites shortly before New Year. Actually Kei chose it. Haruka only gave him her credit card and told him to book the journey. That had been at a time when she already walked around the hospital but hadn't been allowed to leave it.

Michiru smiled to herself and closed the door carefully behind her. She didn't want to wake her daughter up. At the beginning she had been afraid that Kei and Haruka would argue the whole time. First Kei looked really angry whenever they went to the hospital. He simply refused to talk to the tall blonde and Haruka herself looked as if she didn't trust her girlfriend's older brother. But suddenly, it seemed to happen from one day to another, they seemed to understand each other. They even seemed to like each other. Kei started to talk and Haruka smiled a little bit more often to the dark haired young man.

The sea goddess turned around and gasped for breath. The sleeping room had looked great when she brought her daughter to bed just half an hour ago. With the huge bed in the middle and the transparent curtains around. With the silk blankets and the big pillows. Just like Michiru liked them. But now it simply looked fantastic. The whole ground was covered with candles. They all burned in a warm shine. They had different colours and heights. Some simply stood on the thick carpet, others on the table or on the chairs. They looked like glow worms. Or like stars. Stars of heaven.

Am I dreaming?

Michiru blinked but the vision didn't disappear.

Nani?

She winced and then giggled as soft arms were suddenly wrapped around her waist. Tender hands slipped under her wide dress and caressed her grown belly. Warm lips kissed each inch of her neck and let her shiver.

"Ruka?"

"Don't you tell me that you expected someone else." Haruka laughed that low laughter Michiru loved so much and turned her carefully around. Dark green eyes sparkled as she looked down at her lover. At the grown belly her hands still laid on. At the swollen lips and into shinning blue eyes.

My fiancée...

Haruka simply leaned forward and kissed her Michi-chan. She felt how the sea senshi embraced her in return and answered her kiss. Soon it got more passionate and deeper. It lasted for a long time. Maybe minutes. Maybe even hours. They couldn't define as they finally separated.

"Dance with me." Requested Haruka suddenly and soft classic music started to play. Somewhere there was a CD player. Michiru didn't know where. And it didn't matter. She only looked into her lover's blushed face and nodded. Haruka leaded her over to a small circle where no candles stayed and took her again into her arms. Felt the grown belly against her slim one. Felt her lover right by her side. They didn't care about any rules as they simply started to dance in slow rhythm.

"And your leg?" whispered Michiru as she suddenly remembered that Haruka was surly in pain as the tall blonde stumbled and hobbled slightly.

"It's okay." Answered Haruka and chuckled. "As long as you don't want to dance Rock'n'Roll."

"With that?" answered Michiru and pointed giggling at her pregnant body. "I don't think that our little one will be happy to be swirled around."

They both smiled tenderly at each other and kissed again. Then they concentrated on the music and danced for another long time. Michiru laid her head against Haruka's shoulder and felt how Haruka stroke tenderly over her neck. She shivered as that soft hand slipped under her dress and caressed the naked skin of her back. The sea goddess smiled and closed her eyes. Simply let herself being taken away by the quiet music and the romantic atmosphere. And her Ruka being so close to her.

"Ruka?" she whispered after another long time they simply enjoyed the presence of each other.

"Hm?"

Again they only rocked to the slow rhythm and the candlelight seemed to surround them.

"I love you."

Haruka stopped to dance and bowed a little bit so that she could see directly into Michiru's now opened eyes. There were some tears sparkling in the deep blue that remembered her always of a clear mountain's lake. She always seemed to drown in.

"I love you, too." Answered Haruka and suddenly her voice was shaky.

I almost went away, left you forever.

Haruka simply leaned forward and kissed her lover again. With all her deep feelings. With all her longing. With all her love.

I almost lost you.

Michiru repeated the kiss and hold her Haruka tighter. Felt how the tall blonde trembled. Felt how she was a little bit exhausted, too.

Wordlessly Michiru took Haruka's hand and leaded her over to the huge bed. Caring that she didn't step on one of all those candles.

"Can't believe that you enlightened them all for me." She whispered and nodded thankfully as Haruka gave her a wine glass. But it was filled with apple juice instead of wine. Still Haruka had to take medicine that didn't work with alcohol. Michiru stopped herself drinking any alcohol at all when she found out about the little child she carried. Maybe it didn't fit to France, Paris. Maybe it didn't fit to such an evening. Maybe it didn't fit into the atmosphere. But as Michiru drank some gulps it was unimportant for her. It tasted and it was wonderful sweet. And she could drink it here. Together with her lover.

"Well, I had no other Christmas present, Michi-chan." Haruka grinned and took the apple juice away after they finished. "So I thought it would be okay for a special evening. After a special day."

"No Christmas present?" Michiru came on her feet and grabbed her lover's hands. Carefully she pushed Haruka down into the pillows and looked for a long time down in a blushed face. "You're here, Ruka. You're here. Alive and awake. That's the biggest present I ever got." Michiru bowed down and kissed her again. Pushing her girlfriend deeper into the soft blankets. She kneeled over her and simply kissed her. After a while she let go of Haruka's hands and felt how the tall blonde played with her sea green curls. How she ran a tender hand over her cheeks and wiped away some tears the sea goddess couldn't hold back any longer.

"But normal girls..." whispered Haruka and heard Michiru's high giggle.

"I've never been a normal girl, Tenô Haruka. Didn't you notice?" she laughed and opened Haruka's shirt and simply threw it on the ground. There was a short second before Haruka bowed quickly down and saved it to get burned. Michiru used her chance and tickled her girlfriend from behind. Haruka burst out into laughter and tried to turn around. But the laughter made her weak and Michiru simply didn't stop.

"Michi-chan!" laughed Haruka and tried to escape. Suddenly Michiru embraced her and simply hold her tight. Haruka could feel the grown belly against her back and smiled tenderly.

"You're evil, don't you know?"

"Just like you." Chuckled Michiru and stroke over her lover's slim belly. Feeling the scar. Where they had to operate quickly to safe the tall blonde's life. Where she almost lost her life and a little bit of her femininity. Haruka shivered as Michiru stroke over her skin in little circles and pulled her a little bit closer.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked and swallowed as she saw the still red line crossing her lover's belly. Haruka never complaint, only took her medicine as she was told and wore a wider jeans now. So that nothing would touch the scar. It was only two weeks that they could remove the seam.

"Not much." Answered Haruka and gasped as Michiru replaced her bra and tried to threw it on the ground, too. Haruka was suddenly very busy to catch it, too.

"Do you want to burn my clothes?" she asked with that typical tomboy grin on her face and turned around. Her lover's cheeks were redden and Michiru giggled.

"Maybe..." she smiled and simply pulled her lover with her. Tenderly she kissed her again and felt how Haruka now laid over her.

It feels so damn good.

Suddenly Haruka stiffed and rolled from her. Her dark green eyes were now a shade darker than normal. With concern she looked at her lover next to her.

"What's up, honey?" asked Michiru and it took her two tries to sit again. Her belly was really in her way and she wondered how hard it would get in about two or three months. When there were only a few days left until the birth.

"Ruka?"

Haruka swallowed hard and stretched her right arm to touch again the grown belly.

"Our child..." she whispered and swallowed again. "I mean... I...I don't want to hurt you nor our child." She blushed even deeper and was grateful about the candlelight that darkened the whole room.

"You won't." smiled Michiru and leaned again over to her. That Haruka cared so much for their child warmed her heart. "Just be softly."

"Hai..."

Again they kissed and Michiru giggled as she helped Haruka out of her pants. She hold them over her head and before Haruka could react they landed on the ground, too.

"Michi-chan..." giggled Haruka and rolled over to the rim. Just quick enough to rescue the poor clothes from the candle that stood right next to the bed. "... today you're a little fire devil." She put the pants carefully away and turned to take her lover again in her arms. And froze in motions. Her eyes grew wide and her chin dropped. For a long time she only stared at her Michi-chan in silence.

You're so beautiful...

The sea goddess kneeled next to her on the soft blanket. She didn't wear anything. Only a small necklace sparkled around her neck. Haruka gulped as she saw the silver ring between her lover's breast. They grew, too. During the whole pregnancy. Soon they would be filled with milk. And in about three months they would fed a little child. Their own child. Himme-chan's brother or sister.

"Michi-chan..." was all what Haruka could stammer. She saw how the smile grew wider on Michiru's face and how the sea goddess laid down next to her. They didn't say a word. They didn't need to. They simply embraced each other and hold each other tight.

Haruka gasped as she felt the naked skin on her own one, the grown belly on her slim one. With no clothes in between.

I love you so much.

Haruka looked for a long time into blue eyes. Her Michi-chan. Her guardian angel. Her saviour. Her fiancée...

I love you, too.

Michiru looked back into sparkling green eyes and smiled tenderly. Her Ruka. Her strong senshi. Her soul mate. Her fiancée...

They closed their eyes as their lips meet. In a deep, never ending kiss.

It lasted the whole night.

And even a little bit longer.

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"This is wonderful..."

Michiru stood at the rim and looked over at a lightened up Paris. At the sparkling Tour d'Eiffel, the shinning Sacre Coeur on its hill and the mysterious Notre Dame. Wind played with her sea green curls and a happy smile laid on her face. Too well she remembered the last week. Time seemed to rush by and she couldn't remember the last time she had laughed so often. When she had felt so happy.

We went to the Louvre.

Michiru giggled as she remembered how she pushed Haruka through the most famous art gallery of the world. How she stood for almost an hour in front of the Mona Lisa and explained more than one tourist why Leonardo da Vinci drew it and how. Haruka only sit down on a bank and played with Hotaru and the old teddy bear. She simply let her lover run around to watch all the drawings. Until Michiru remembered her and looked at her with that guilty smile on her face. Haruka only laughed and they left the museum hand in hand. While Hotaru tried to reach the glass pyramid. It hang upside down and the little girl was fascinated with the light that was reflected in the pure glass.

We went to the Tour d'Eiffel.

Michiru smiled tenderly as she remembered how Haruka simply stood there on the top and spreat her arms. How she leaned the crutch against the handrail and enjoyed with closed eyes the wind playing with her blonde hairs. How she simply enjoyed it still being alive. Hotaru hold her crêpe proudly in her tiny hands and Michiru simply raised her camera and took several pictures.

We went to Sacre Coeur.

Michiru loved the light cathedral. The strange architecture. The building was very young, only one hundred years. They listened to a silent prayer of a young nun and Hotaru babbled excited when she took a ride on the roundabout right in front of Sacre Coeur. Happily she smiled into the camera. Haruka who sat right behind her daughter to hold her tight laughed a little bit embarrassed. Because she was too old to sit on the roundabout and on the wooden horse. But for her daughter she would have done anything.

We went along the Champs Elysée.

Haruka bought them all a huge ice cream and teased them around with her really bad French. So she blushed embarrassed when a young woman asked her where she could go to the next subway station. Haruka stammered a lot until Michiru finally helped her. The young woman bowed and thanked them in perfect Japanese. That was the moment when the sea goddess burst out into laughter. Her girlfriend's confused look had been too good.

And now we're on the d'Arc Triumphe.

She took a deep breath and giggled happily. It was almost midnight and Hotaru already laid in her bed and slept deep and tight. There was a special service the hotel offered. There were nursemaids who would take care for the guest's children when they wanted to go out in the evening. Normally Haruka and Michiru took Hotaru to everywhere they went. Even into the old Opera where they listened to one of Beethoven's symphonies. Or to Notre Dame where they enjoyed one of Bach's most famous organ pieces. Hotaru was a nice little girl and hardly she screamed or was annoyed. But this night it was simply too late for the sixteen months old girl.

She's so beautiful...

Haruka watched her fiancée for a long time and felt as happy as she had never felt before in her whole life. The hell they went through the last months slowly disappeared. Just like a bad nightmare. Until nothing would remain than a bitter aftertaste.

"This is great!" whispered Michiru and shortly turned her head. Her eyes sparkled and a tender smile laid on her lips. They weren't alone on the old building. But they didn't care about the other people who counted loudly from ten till zero.

"Ten!"

Michiru and Haruka exchanged loving glances.

"Nine!"

I love you so much, Michi-chan.

"Eight!"

I love you, too, Ruka.

"Seven!"

I never want to leave you again.

"Six!"

I never want to lose you again.

"Five."

Suddenly tears sparkled in blue eyes and Michiru raised her hands to wipe them away.

"Four."

Tenderly the sea goddess smiled at her lover and watched how Ruka stepped slowly over to her.

"Three."

Haruka leaned her crutch against the rim and simply embraced her Michi-chan. She rested her head against the other one's.

"Two."

Together they looked into the cloudless sky. They could see the stars sparkling and the moon shinning.

"One."

Haruka hold her Michiru a little bit tighter and kissed softly her right ear. Michiru only giggled and leaned herself closer to her lover.

"Zero."

Jubilation started all around. People laughed happily and greeted each other. Strange people embraced each other and wished each other good luck. Light in all colours of the rainbow danced over the endless sky above Paris as the firework exploded. Like warm rain it fell down. In a golden shimmer. In a silver one. In a deep purple and a bright green one. In circles. As flowers. As rainbows. Like diamonds. Loud but hypnotising. Michiru shivered automatically and remembered all the New Year's she had experienced together with her Ruka. Knowing that a lot of other New Year's would follow.

"Wish you a happy new year, darling." Whispered Haruka in her ear and kissed her cheek. Michiru giggled and nodded.

"Happy new year, darling." She said in return and sighed slightly. Simply happily. She heard all the people singing around on the d'Arc Triumphe. Dancing along the Champs Elysée. Lighting up their own firework on and around the Tour d'Eiffel. The fountains looked like a waterfall of golden light. Of flames.

It's all so mysterious.

Over all the firework and the singing and shouting people suddenly the clocks started to ring. The low ones of Notre Dame and the higher ones of Sacre Coeur. And of all the other churches, too. Time seemed to stop for a moment and all people seemed to be content with themselves and the world. The cars stopped and more people danced on the street. Some took photos, some drank expensive or not so expensive wine. Some simply raised their hands and waved towards them on top of the famous building. Or up to all the balls still exploding between sparkling stars.

What a show.

Haruka giggled and suddenly remembered what great fireworks Minako always planned for themselves each year. Mostly it had been Ami who convinced her that a small one was more effective and that she didn't need fifty huge rockets.

I miss them a little bit.

But the wind senshi knew that they surely celebrated a great New Year. Just like them. That they now had to sing karaoke or to taste the drinks Makoto mixed.

"Love you." She whispered and felt the wind playing with her blonde hairs. Felt how her lover giggled and turned her head a little bit and simply kissed her. They both closed their eyes and kissed each other longingly while the sky exploded over Paris. The city of love.

Nani?

Oh...

Some tears ran over Michiru's redden cheeks as the kiss ended slowly. Her hands trembled as she took her lover's and looked deep into asking green ones.

"Everything all right, Michi-chan?" whispered Haruka and wondered why her fiancée's hands were suddenly so cold. Okay, it was New Year. And it was midnight. And they were outside. But they wore thick clothes and warmed each other.

Michiru only nodded and leaded Haruka's hands under the warm coat she wore. Carefully she placed them on her grown belly and waited in patience.

"Can you feel it?" she asked silently and more tears sparkled in her eyes. Haruka frowned. Then a bright smile bloomed on her face as she felt the light prickle under her fingertips. It was like being kicked. By a small being. By their child...

"Michi-chan..." stammered Haruka and nodded finally. Her hands stroke carefully, almost respectable over the soft skin and again she felt the feeling. It was incredible. It moved her heart and tightened her throat. She closed her eyes for some moments and as she opened them again tears were running down her cheeks as well.

"Michi-chan..."

She was so proud of her. She loved her so much. She only wanted to hold her tight and never let her go. And she wanted so badly to tell her all the crazy thoughts that spun now around in her suddenly dizzy mind. But she simply wasn't able to open her mouth and to say anything at all. Not as long as she felt how the little life moved inside her fiancée's belly.

Michiru didn't need any words. One look into Haruka's blushed was enough to let her understand. She turned around, still feeling Haruka's hands on her belly. Still feeling the prickle inside her body.

"Michi-chan..."

The sea goddess smiled and wrapped her arms around Haruka's neck. Then she stepped on her tiptoes and kissed her tenderly. Felt how Haruka's hands ran along her sides and her back until she embraced her, too. Brought her tighter to herself.

"I love you..."

More firework exploded and more and more people danced happily on the roads beneath. To celebrate a wonderful New Year. To congratulate each other. To wish each other luck. And to see into a new year. Into a bright shinning future. Into a surely happy one.

"I love you, too."

dbdbdb


	10. Chapter 6: Tears in heaven

Chapter six: Tears in heaven 

"I had to buy it."

Setsuna blushed deeply as she reached again into the huge back that stood next to the soft couch. Yaten next to her giggled as she pulled out another baby pyjama. That one was white. With tiny suns covering the tiny arms and the tiny legs.

"Well, and I simply couldn't leave this one in the department store." The next moment the oldest senshi hold another pyjama in her hands. Now the colour was dark green. Simply dark green. It looked very soft. And very expensive.

"Arigato. But that wasn't necessary." Michiru who sat opposite in the armchair looked at all the clothes that now covered the table of the living room.

"You didn't see the baby shoes she bought." Giggled Yaten and raised protectively his arms as Setsuna looked shortly at him. Her eyes sparkled and it looked as if she wanted to say: traitor! "And you should see all the toys. Somewhere there must be a baby swimsuit. In case that it's a girl." He leaned forward to reach into the huge back, too. Setsuna used her chance and knocked him with the pyjama she was holding on his head. Yaten only grinned and giggled even more.

The whole day they spent in different shops in the inner city of Tokyo. Setsuna behaved like crazy and simply bought whatever she saw. Her shouting like cute and nice and simply fantastic filled the whole shops. Yaten had never seen his girlfriend so happy. And so crazy. It was the total opposite from how she had behaved when one of her best friend had laid in coma.

I love her for who she is. For how she is.

Yaten's grin grew wider as he simply embraced his girlfriend and kissed her. To ask her silently for cease-fire – until they were at home and alone...

All shop assistance who saw them this afternoon thought that they were becoming parents. That Setsuna was pregnant and that they looked for clothes for their future child. First Yaten had been embarrassed as a nice young woman who sold tiny baby shoes asked him how long it would take till the birth and if they already knew its gender and the name. But slowly he changed his mind and at the end of the day he liked the idea. Of course Sejya would went insane and Tahiki would be very shocked when he declared them one day that he wanted to stay on earth – together with his Sessy-chan. Of course the mission was more important right now. They had to find their princess and to defeat Galaxia. But when everything would be over he would stay. He wouldn't return back to their home planet. He would ask Setsuna to become his wife and he would simply stay on earth. With her. His one and only love.

"And the blue swim ring she bought..." Yaten burst out into laughter as Setsuna tickled him. Some baby pyjamas fell on the soft carpet as she held her boyfriend tight and tickled him – without any mercy. But the tender smile on her redden face betrayed all her deep feelings.

"Arigato." Giggled Michiru and hold the tiny shoes in her hands. She loved such moments. When her friends showed her that they were crazy about the baby. Almost as crazy as Haruka and Hotaru. And almost as crazy as she was it herself.

Little one...

She giggled again and put the baby shoes on her huge belly.

"What do you think, little darling, is that the right seize?" she whispered and giggled again. The next moment she gasped for breath as the baby answered. It simply kicked and the shoes shivered on her belly.

"Guess you like it." Michiru smiled loving and laid her hands on her belly to feel the growing life insider her body. She was now in the eighth months and now she really felt like a walrus. She only wore wide dresses and maternity pants and white shirts she stole from her girlfriend. Haruka only smiled when she saw her the first time in those clothes. Now it was almost impossible for her to do many things that used to be normal just a few weeks ago: Closing her own shoes, bowing to pick up something she lost and taking a bath in the tube. Even raising from the bed could be difficult and Michiru was thankful whenever Haruka helped her. Sometimes she felt like a burden and more than once she started to cry because of the slightest argument. When Haruka disagreed that it wouldn't rain in the evening as Michiru suspected, the sea senshi simply started to cry. And so suddenly how it started it stopped again. Hotaru was too tiny to see it and Haruka was very patient. She simply took her girlfriend each time in her arms and comforted her until she felt better.

She's really a crazy becoming daddy.

Michiru smiled and stroke over her belly. Still she felt the kicking and giggled again.

The room they prepared for the child was now full. With baby furniture and thousands of toys. Just like Hotaru's room. Whenever Haruka saw a toy shop she had to buy two huge toys. One for the little one and one for her Himme-chan. She spent some nights in the garage and made a rocking horse for the little one. It took her a lot of time, a lot of curses and a lot of plaster but finally it was ready. Hotaru already had her own one. A little race car she could sit in and rock wildly. What the little girl did a lot during the past weeks. She grew with every day and the day she learned how great it was to walk faster, to RUN, she was a real devil. But a devil they both loved with all their heart. For the little one Haruka made a special rocking horse. It was deep blue and looked like a huge dolphin. The fins held the balance and on the back was a tiny saddle. Haruka wanted that the little one could grab something, just like Hotaru had her steering wheel, and so the dolphin had big ears now. Just like an elephant. Michiru laughed for almost an hour when she saw the rocking animal the first time. Haruka made a depressive face and wanted to put it away, but Michiru embraced her and declared her that she loved it very much. And that she couldn't await to see the little one rocking on it.

"Don't forget to show her all the caps you bought, Sessy-chan..." Yaten tried to escape his Setsuna, but she only tickled him even faster and he laughed even louder. "And all the..." he gasped. "... the sockets... Sessy-chan..."

Michiru closed her eyes and enjoyed the kicking inside her belly. It was a strange feeling and sometimes it could hurt. But it was the most fantastic feeling she had ever felt. Especially after all what happened the past weeks. There had been a lot of funny times. But also a moment of shock and unsafeness. Of fear.

The sea senshi sighed and kept stroking her belly.

It was about two weeks after they returned from Paris when she woke up in the morning. Incredible pain filled her body and she could hardly speak. She only gasped some words and the next hour she was in hospital. Later on she got to know that Makoto stayed at home to care for Hotaru while Kei and Haruka brought her to the doctor. She couldn't remember the drive to the hospital but Kei told her later that Haruka showed him that morning that she was indeed a car racer and that she could use a car very well, even if she laid for over two months in coma and still needed one of her crutches to walk.

That morning Michiru got to know what labour pains meant. Ten weeks too early. In the sixth month. She had been very scared to loose her child and one look into Haruka's pale face told her that the other senshi shared her fears. But Dr. Taka was able to stop them. For over two weeks after that morning she laid in hospital. They controlled her whole body and gave her medicine. And made sure that it wouldn't happen again. Haruka and Hotaru visited her every day and somehow it was strange. As if they changed the roles. This time Michiru was the patient and Haruka the visitor. After those endless two weeks the sea senshi was allowed to return home. Dr. Taka told her that she wanted to see her twice a week to control if everything was alright and that she should have a lot of rest. That she should avoid every kind of stress and hectic. So they didn't went out any longer. They ordered what they wanted to eat from the restaurants whenever Makoto and Kei wanted to go out with the others. They stopped making love and only held each other tight in the night. Or at day. Michiru suddenly felt the great desire to have her Ruka around the whole day and Haruka simply took her into her arm – whenever Hotaru gave her a little bit time and didn't discover another plate of their good dishes.

Every day they walked for a short time along the beach and Michiru enjoyed those times very much. It was now

February and it was the hottest they experienced the last ten years. The trees showed the first signs of an early spring and it was warmer outside with every day. The first birds returned from south and Michiru couldn't wait to see the cherry trees blooming again.

Everything is fine.

Michiru giggled as she heard again Yaten's laughter and his gasped words. Silently she wondered how many bags Setsuna really bought and how they all fitted in her little car.

Everything is fine.

There were four weeks left until the birth and although Michiru was afraid of it she couldn't await to hold their child in her arms. Setsuna brought them many book from the library about the birth and Haruka looked very pale after she read them all. Michiru only smiled and declared her that she was a strong senshi and that she would handle it. But deep inside herself she was scared of what might happen. She had felt the pain shortly after Sylvester and she knew that it had been tiny in comparison with the pain she would feel in about four weeks. But she knew that it would be worth it.

We went to all those appointments.

Michiru giggled again and remembered how excited Haruka had been when they first went to that course. Where they explained them how to breath regularly. How to sit and to lay. How to concentrate and to count the labour pains. Haruka looked very seriously and tried to keep it all in mind while Michiru simply enjoyed it to lay there on the soft ground and to see how her lover cared for her and for their child. Often she teased her and the fast senshi only laughed tenderly. First all the couples there had thought that Haruka was a man. That she was Michiru's husband. Until they had one course in the swimming hall. Michiru had enjoyed those hours the most. To swim in warm water where she was weightless and where her belly wasn't in her way any longer. There had been death silence when Haruka followed her into the nice water – in a swimsuit. But soon they had been over the shock and behaved the way they did before. Some of them even started to tease Haruka around. That she behaved like a becoming daddy of her first child. If she really wanted to give out cigarettes and alcohol when it would be born. Haruka only laughed and declared them that she already promised to give a big party – but with lemonade and a big chocolate cake she already wished from Makoto – with big, pleading eyes. The thunder senshi only laughed and declared that she would make all cakes Haruka wanted her to make as long as the little one was healthy and as long as she was allowed to see it.

Everything is fine.

Michiru opened her eyes again and looked at all the clothes covering the table. Still Setsuna and Yaten were fighting and now they both laughed. More baby clothes were in huge bags and they had all colours. Red and pink for a girl. Blue for a boy. Green, white, yellow for both genders. Because still they didn't know if it was a girl or a boy Michiru carried. In the first months of her pregnancy she wasn't very keen to know it. Then she simply had been busy and too tired to ask while her lover laid in coma. And all those times Dr. Taka looked into her belly with the ultrasound after her labour pains she couldn't tell them. First the baby showed them its back. Then it had wrapped its umbilical cord around its legs. So they decided now to wait until the birth and to be surprised by its gender. It was alike to them if it was a boy or a girl. As long as it was healthy. Only Hotaru declared determined that she wanted a baby brother. It took them some days to explain little Hotaru that she would get a brother or a sister but when the little girl understood what was happening she looked very happy and babbled with the few vocabulary she already about a girl.

Everything is fine.

Michiru didn't remember a time when she had been that happy. She would spent the rest of her life with her Ruka and her Himme-chan. With the little one – their child.

She laid the tiny shoes carefully on the table and wanted to stand up. After two tries she rolled her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Do you want something, beauty? Can I help you?" asked Setsuna and forgot that she actually tickled her boyfriend. Yaten used his chance and gasped for breath. But he stayed in his girlfriend's arms and looked satisfied.

"Something to drink would be nice. If you don't..."

"Of course I don't mind." Setsuna stood up and Yaten almost fell on the carpet. He grinned and started to empty the next bag. Quickly the hill of clothes on the table grew while the senshi of time walked over to the kitchen. Makoto and Kei weren't at home. The thunder senshi wanted to meet the others to learn for an important grammar test and Kei went shopping with Yuri.

Hope they don't buy any more clothes.

Michiru thanked as Setsuna gave her the glass and drank some gulps. The apple juice was wonderful fresh and she hold the glass in her hands. Again she had to grin as she remembered the day about two months ago when she ate her first chocolate eyes with wiped cream and sour cucumber. Never in her life she would forget Haruka's shocked face again. If Michiru would have had a camera in her hands she would have been able to make the picture of her life.

"Aim faster!" screamed a high voice and the sea senshi smiled as she heard the unsure steps running through the corridor. "Faster!" little Hotaru laughed happily and jumped over the threshold and ran through the whole living room. There she stopped and clapped excited in her small hands. "Daddy!" she shouted and jumped around laughing. "Aim first!"

Her daddy leaned the crutch against the door and hobbled through the room. To chase her daughter. The smallest senshi laughed and tried to escape. She ran around the couch and through Yaten's legs who stood up to collect some more clothes.

"Gomen, singer, but I need to win this race." Told him Haruka as she pushed him carefully on the couch. Setsuna embraced her boyfriend and they all giggled as they watched how the tall blonde hobbled after her daughter. Little Hotaru laughed even more and jumped more than she ran.

"Guess it's helpless. Dangerous racer Hotaru is simply too fast for this world." Declared Haruka and sighed dramatically. Hotaru only laughed even louder and ran around the armchair Michiru was sitting in. The sea senshi giggled, too and shortly she looked into Haruka's blushed face. They both smiled, then Haruka concentrated again on the little girl. Little Hotaru decided that this race got boring and turned around and ran towards her daddy.

"Aim first and you last!" she laughed and ran directly into Haruka's open arms. The tall blonde swirled the little girl around and the smallest senshi laughed even louder. She spreat her arms and tried to imitate a plane. With all noises.

I love you, Himme-chan.

Haruka swirled her around for some more times, until the plane seemed to crash and landed directly on Michiru's knees.

"Hello mommy. Hello sister." Declared the little senshi and smiled happily. "I won!" she looked very proud and touched the huge belly. "I am fastest!"

"Hai, you are, little darling." Haruka smiled and went on her knees before her sea goddess. Shortly she kissed her and blinked as she saw all the clothes. "Do we get twins or even triplets and no one told me?" she asked and raised her eyebrows. She leaned forward and took one of the soft clothes in her hands. Slightly she gulped as she saw the tiny pyjama in her big hands.

So small. So fragile...

"No. Only auntie Setsuna went shopping with uncle Yaten." Giggled Michiru. "And I guess they thought of Chibiusa who will be born in about three or four years and maybe they thought of their own child, too."

Haruka raised her head and saw how the couple blushed deeply and grinned.

"Arigato. They're wonderful." She said and pulled the baby shoes over her fingers. They were tiny, too. Then she winked with them at Michiru. "And how was the last concert, Yaten? Did Sejya argue again with you?"

Yaten only rolled his eyes and Michiru giggled again. She could remember too well the first time the lead singer of the Three Lights and Haruka met. They almost beat each other and looked really angry. Because Sejya did the big mistake of talking with Michiru about the child. And he dared to touch her belly to feel the child. Just like they all did. But somehow Haruka misunderstood Sejya's intention and was madly jealous. She pushed him aside and because Sejya had the same hot temper they screamed soon at each other and showed each other their fists. And almost used them. But Michiru and Usagi had been faster. They stepped between them and called them fools and kids.

"Well..." grinned Yaten wolfish and Michiru frowned as she saw the same dangerous grin on her lover's face.

"And, did it work?"

Work?

Setsuna and Michiru exchanged knowing glances. Knowing that something happened that should better not have happened.

"Of course it did. He got all the water right into his face. It was ice cold and you should have heard him scream!" laughed Yaten and he looked suddenly satisfied. Haruka looked suddenly like a real devil.

Water?

Ice cold?

"Tenô Haruka?" asked Michiru and Haruka's devil grin turned from one second to the other one into an angel's smile.

"Hai, my beloved Michi-chan?"

Michiru leaned forward and stroke through blonde strands to mess them. Then she sighed and shrugged her shoulders. She couldn't change her lover's mind and maybe in one or two years she would like that Sejya or she would argue with him forever. Michiru remembered how the tall blonde had laid helplessly in the bed. Being connected to different machines. With a pale face and closed eyes. To see her like that, like a sweet devil of revenge, it was simply wonderful and Michiru forgave her.

"Nothing, dear. Nothing."

Hotaru climbed from her lap and stumbled over to her daddy.

"Wanna ride!" she declared and pulled at blonde strands. "Wanna ride!"

Haruka blushed and took the little girl in her arms. Carefully she sat her on her shoulders and made a face as little hands grabbed her blonde strands and pulled happily at them.

"Guess I have to ride into the wide western land now." She declared and blushed even more as Michiru giggled.

"When will you return, my little horse?"

"I'll be back right at supper time. I already ordered the pizza. Do you want some, too?"

Yaten nodded hungrily while Setsuna took another huge bag out of the couch's shadow. She looked a little bit guilty but everything was forgotten as Michiru saw the huge rabbit toy.

"Is already Eastern?" teased Yaten and soon he laid again laughing under his girlfriend who tickled him. Haruka bowed shortly to kiss her lover again before her daughter declared her loudly that she was her pony and that she had to ride with her to the mountains.

Michiru smiled loving and watched them how they disappeared to the staircase. She could hear them all through the corridor. With a happy smile she leaned back in the armchair and laid again her hands on her huge belly. To feel the child inside her body.

Hai. Everything is fine.

dbdbdb

Free birds screamed high above her. Wild waves rushed besides her. A little girl ran with unsure steps before her. Black hairs was moved by warm wind and tiny hands were stretched towards a cloudless sky. To reach and to catch the birds. To fly with them. A happy smile laid on a small face and automatically she smiled back.

My child.

She felt the sand under her shoes, felt the wind playing with her wide dress. Felt the kicking inside her body. Automatically she smiled and put her hand carefully on her grown belly.

Our children...

"Everything alright, Michi-chan?"

She raised her head and looked into concerned green eyes. Her girlfriend, no, her fiancée stopped and supported her still weak leg on the crutch. Still she had to use one but she could be fast again. Especially when she tried to haunt her daughter who ran through the light house by the sea laughing.

"It kicked." Smiled Michiru and stroke a curly strand behind her ears. Her hair grew quickly and it almost reached her shoulders again. Maybe one, maybe two more years and it would be as long again as it had been just half a year ago.

Half a year ago...

Silently the sea senshi observed how her lover stepped nearer and stroke carefully over her grown belly. Now it was almost impossible to hide it anymore. Even under the wide coats she wore whenever they left the house to go for a while along the beach. For the first months it had been possible to hide her pregnancy but it had only been a matter of time until the journalists found out. They took some pictures and soon the newspaper were covered with them. Yuri was very angry and talked to her lawyer, but Michiru didn't care about it. As long as she didn't have to give any comments to them and as long as they didn't dare to come to her house and to ring the bell, it was alike to her what they wrote down in the newspaper. Just once she called them up and told them that Kei was her brother and not the father of her child. But she didn't say them, who the father was. Of course they suspected soon the famous formula one racer Tenô Haruka and now Haruka got suddenly fan mail with all advises people thought she had to know as a becoming daddy.

Becoming daddy...

Michiru smiled and raised her hands. Tenderly she stroke through blonde strands and pulled her lover closer to herself. Shortly she looked into sparkling green eyes. Then she simply kissed Haruka.

Hai, she's a becoming daddy.

"Daddy! Birds!" Hotaru squeaked and ran again through the soft sand. She stumbled and fell down. The next moment Haruka let go of Michiru with a short kiss and was by her daughter's side. But the smallest senshi didn't cry. She only giggled and pointed again towards the birds. And laughed delighted as her daddy simply took her on her shoulders and pretended to be a wild horse again.

She's a proud daddy.

"Yeah! Horsy!" screamed Hotaru and pulled at Haruka's strands. Michiru giggled and asked herself how many hairs the tomboy already lost. Haruka only grinned and winked with her crutch before she continued her hobbling over the sand.

My fiancée...

Michiru lowered her head and looked for a long time on the ring she wore now on her left hand. Still the others didn't know about their engagement. Only Yuri and Kei. Haruka's aunt only glanced at the ring after they returned from Paris and knew what happened. They didn't need to tell her. She only took Michiru in her arms and declared with a shaky voice that she had always been part of her family. And that she was happy that she finally decided to be her daughter, too. Forever.

First Kei didn't understand as Michiru showed him her ring with pride. He only asked if it was silver or gold and made a stupid face while his sister burst out into laughter. After he finally understood, he grabbed Haruka and pretended to beat her. But he only tickled her a bit and told her that she should make his princess happy. Or that he would be very, very angry if she wouldn't. That he wanted to see his sister only happy in the future. Just like his niece and the other child.

Haruka had looked very seriously as she shook his head and promised solemn that she would do everything she could to make Michiru the happiest women on earth.

Kei tickled her even more until she burst out into laughter, too, and teased her the whole evening around that he wanted to see her in a white dress. And that he already planned the most evil party. With a lot of rice to throw. With happy music and with a coach and white horses.

Haruka only replied laughing that the Three Lights, Usagi and especially Minako would take care that it would become the craziest wedding party the world had ever seen.

That's why we didn't tell the others yet.

Michiru took her hands on her hips to support her huge belly and looked up into the bright sky. It was one of the hottest February Japan had seen the past hundred years. First they wanted this child to be born. There were about three weeks left and Michiru needed her rest. They planned their wedding in summer, maybe in July, maybe in August. Maybe on their special day Michiru forgot the last year. The baby would be half a year old then and it would be easier with the party. Michiru would have regained her strength again after the birth and their lives would be normal again. Although Michiru never wanted them to be normal again. When normal meant not to be together with her Haruka. Not to be the mother of two lovely children. Not to be as happy as she was right now.

Guess Minako will get crazy. Just like Usagi.

Michiru giggled and saw herself already in the boutique to buy her wedding dress.

"What are you thinking?" asked suddenly Haruka by her side and the water senshi felt two arms being wrapped around her body. She leaned back and sighed happily.

"About all those crazy aunts and uncles. And if she shall rent the huge town hall of Tokyo to celebrate our wedding. At least for Mina-chan's big firework." Michiru giggled and felt how Haruka kissed her ear and leaned her cheek against her one.

"You'll be the most beautiful bride, Michi-chan." Whispered the tall blonde after a long while they simply stood there and watched her daughter searching the whole sand of mussels.

You're the most beautiful woman I know.

The wind senshi hold her lover tighter. They had been problems during the past weeks and there had been moments of real fear. Haruka feared of losing the small child when the labour pains suddenly appeared. For the first time it had been her thinking about living a life without Michiru. Her whole life the tall blonde had lived with the knowledge of her illness. That she could be the one who would be forced to leave. She, not Michiru. But the doctors could help her and now everything was fine again.

"I love you." Whispered Haruka and heard Michiru's loving giggle.

It made Haruka happy to see her sea goddess laughing. Although she complaint sometimes that she felt like a walrus, although she threw her narrow clothes more than once out of the window with an angry face, although she was unsure whenever they went to the doctor's appointments, Haruka had never seen her that happy before. Whenever the water senshi stroke over her belly, whenever she talked to the unborn life in her belly while she thought that there was no one around, whenever she stood up in the middle of the night and stood in the new child's room in silence, Haruka knew that this had been a real miracle. Everything that happened in the past year seemed to be a real miracle. Not only that she awoke again. That she got a second chance. That she was allowed to live, to grow old. It was also an incredibly fantastic feeling of the little one kicking against her hands on her lover's belly. It was the real miracle that happened to them. That they would have their own child. That Hotaru would get her own sister or brother.

"I love you, too, my wild racer." Smiled Michiru and they both closed their eyes as they kissed again. Hotaru who discovered a nice mussel hold it up in the air and laughed happily. It shimmered in all colours of the rainbow and it was still wet. Hotaru turned around to show her treasure with pride and stopped. Her eyes grew wide as she saw the shadow. Right behind her parents. She didn't know what it meant. Nor did she already knew what good and evil was. But she felt that it wasn't right. That it was dangerous. That it could harm her parents.

"Daddy!"

Hotaru let go of the mussel and stumbled over to the persons who meant the most to her in her tiny life.

"Mommy!"

Her parents separated and looked asking at her. Her daddy's smile froze as she saw Hotaru's terrified expression. She turned around and saw the youma standing there. Pointing with his big paws at her and growling something in a deep voice, showing ugly, green teeth.

"I wanna your heart crystals!" it screamed and rose. It was about two heads taller than Haruka and the wind senshi gulped. "Pure heart crystals!"

Hotaru stumbled and fell hard on her knees. Automatically she started desperately to cry. But it was not because of the pain but of the fear in her tiny heart.

"Michi-chan! Take care of Himme-chan!" Haruka commanded and raised her henshin. It took her only two seconds to transform. Her thoughts spun around in her mind and she cursed herself that she forgot to take her phone with them. To call up Usagi. Because she knew that she needed the help of Sailor Moon. Sailor Uranus used to be the strongest of all senshi. But that had been in another time. Before the operation. Before the coma. Now the youma was too powerful for her alone. Michiru was pregnant and wasn't allowed to transform any longer.

No stress! The doctor told you no more hectic!

Haruka gulped again and raised her henshin to throw her planet. Surely a very small planet, but maybe it was enough to give her more time. To let Michiru take Hotaru and ran away. Back to the house. To call the Sailor Team.

I have to fight it. I have to keep it occupied. To keep it busy until Sailor Moon is there.

"Earth Shaking!"

Hai, the planet is tiny.

Haruka watched how it evolved from her hands and sighed slightly as she felt how the power strained from her body. The golden ball hit the youma and it looked confused for some seconds. Then it started to laugh.

Laugh. Laugh, that's better than to fight!

Haruka held her henshin tighter and saw how Michiru took their daughter at her hand and walked slowly over to the road. The light house wasn't very far away, but it was still a long way for the pregnant senshi. There were tears running down the little girl's cheeks. But she made no sound. No sob. Her dark eyes were big with fear and Michiru was very pale. She reeled but tried to run. Her belly was in her way.

Of course it is! She's in the eighth months now!

The youma laughed again and raised his paws again. But it didn't attack the blonde woman in front of it. Instead it turned around and attacked the fleeing family. It slapped Michiru right into the face and she fell down on the sand. Protectively she wrapped her arms around Hotaru and tried to protect her with her own body.

Michi-chan!

Himme-chan!

Little one!

Haruka saw how the big paws raised again. To beat her lover again. Her fiancée. Her future.

"NO!"

The wind senshi knew that it was senseless to throw her planet again. She wasn't powerful enough any more and the youma wanted to get Michiru's pure heart crystal. That would have been deadly for the young woman - and certainly for the small child she carried.

"You bloody bastard!"

Haruka jumped between her family and the youma and raised her arms. If it wanted to kill them, it had to kill her first. It wouldn't get Michiru, nor Hotaru. Only over her dead body!

She's in the eighth month!

The tall blonde heard her daughter's terrified scream, heard how Michiru started to cry, heard how the youma laughed again that wicked laugh.

Then her world exploded in pain. She gasped and automatically held her belly as the youma hit her right into her stomach. With his big paws. It didn't want her heart, it wanted Michiru's. So it only wanted to kill the tall blonde to get to the pregnant woman.

"Shit..." Haruka gasped hard for breath and raised her henshin again. Her arms trembled and she could see the shadows waiting at the rims of her eyes. But she wouldn't faint. She wouldn't run away.

I'll never leave my family again behind!

"Earth Shaking..." It was nothing more than a whisper and she knew that it was senseless. She heard how Michiru screamed. How she threw sand and some stones at the youma. How Hotaru cried even louder and shouted bad words at the youma Haruka never taught her.

Surely Chibiusa...

Haruka smiled a painful smile and concentrated again on her henshin. Her whole body trembled and the pain was almost more than she could bare. She saw how the youma raised its paws again to hit her again. Surely for the last time...

"NO!" Michiru came on her feet and stumbled over to the youma. But she knew that she had no chance.

No...

"Star Serious Laser!"

"Star Gentral Utterance!"

"Star Sensitive Inferno!"

Suddenly the air was filled with shimmering stars. Haruka glanced at them and wondered if she was already unconscious. If this was a strange dream. But at that moment the youma started to scream and shook in front of her eyes. It lost one of his paws and green blood suddenly covered the sand. There were more and more stars and the youma didn't have a chance.

But how... and why...

Haruka let her henshin fell on the ground and held her belly again. With a silent groan she went on her knees and tried to ignore the pain that evolved inside her body. A pain she got to fear too well during the past half year. A pain that let her almost do the biggest mistake in her whole life. A pain that seemed to be the end then.

More and more stars and as Haruka raised her head she saw three shadows fighting with the youma. But they were no senshi. Or at least no senshi from their galaxy. She had never seen them before. Sailor Moon told them about those knew warriors some weeks ago, but somehow Haruka didn't believe her. Setsuna never heard of other senshi and if the senshi of time didn't know anything about them...

"Ruka..." she heard the shaky voice next to her and turned her head a little bit. Just enough to regret that motion. Her head ached and it seemed to explode. Michiru sat there next to her. In the dry sand. She hold a still crying Hotaru in her arms and looked very pale. And terrified. And concerned.

"Ruka..." More tears ran down pale cheeks and Michiru trembled even more. "Ruka..."

"Everything's fine, Michi-chan..." whispered Haruka and tried to breath regularly. Just like they learned in the course they took part the past weeks. "It was just the shock..." Haruka groaned and held her belly tighter. Then she glanced again over to the warriors. They were obviously female and their dark costumes were complete different from the sailor fuku.

"He will never do any more harm!" The tallest one with long brown hairs looked at the remaining of the youma - an old toy grizzly - and shook her head.

"But that wasn't any of our fights!" argued another one and stroke her dark hairs on her back. "Healer, really, I don't know why you were so excited! I almost crashed into another car and now... look at my shoes. They're full with sand and..." carried the dark haired woman on and looked really angry.

"Shut up!" sighed the smallest of them and went over to the kneeling couple. Her silver hairs shimmered in the sunlight and sparkling green eyes remembered Haruka of someone. But she couldn't tell whom.

"But you simply screamed and now everything is...!"

"Just once in a lifetime, shut up Fighter!" snapped the smallest and surely youngest of them and for a short time there was surprised silence. Before the dark haired woman started to complain again. The young woman only rolled her green eyes and went on her knees next to Haruka. For some seconds she looked at her with a thoughtful expression on her face.

Tenô Haruka.

The fast car racer.

Sessy-chan's friend.

Healer remembered too well how sad the tall woman had been. How desperate when the blonde racer laid in bed. Healer would never forget how she stumbled into the small hospital room and saw all the machines there. Standing around a bed. Trying to keep a fragile looking person alive. A person who was almost dead. Who was in coma.

Setsuna almost gave herself up. It took Healer endless nights to convince the green haired woman that it wasn't her fault. That it had been simply destiny. And that no one could control destiny. Even with the key to the time's portal.

She survived it. And woke up again.

Too well Healer remembered the great welcome home party. How they sung karaoke. How they laughed a lot and how Setsuna smiled the whole evening. How crazy she was about her unborn niece or nephew. How she walked into every shop and had to buy baby clothes.

That youma hit her rudely.

Healer swallowed hard and placed her hand carefully on Haruka's shoulder.

"Everything alright, Haruka? Can we do something for you? Shall we bring you to hospital? Our car is right over there and it won't take us..."

"Healer!"

The silver haired woman ignored her partner's warning voice.

"Nani?" Haruka raised her head and frowned.

Shall I trust her?

"Everything okay, Haruka? Say a word, you had a complicate operation and it simply kicked into your belly. That's not a joke. And you know that."

She knows about my operation?

Healer sighed and laid her personal henshin aside. She heard how her partner gasped and felt the prickling that always ran through her body when she transformed. Her clothes changed into a worn out jeans and a wide t-shirt. And her body turned from female into male.

"Yaten?" whispered Haruka surprised and let Yaten help her up. She nodded thankfully as he gave her back her crutch. But he didn't let her arm go. His light green eyes were still concerned and he tried to figure out if she was really feeling okay or if she only wanted to be a hero. And very stupid.

"Healer!" Fighter walked over to the youngest member of the Star Lights and shook his head in disbelieve. His face was dark red and suddenly Haruka knew that this woman was Sejya. It was suddenly very hard for her not to burst out into terrible laughter. Her belly still hurt but to imagine male and cool Sejya as a girl, it was a really funny thought.

"Or shall I say Yaten?" Fighter blushed even deeper as she saw the hidden grin on the tall blonde's face. "What do you think you're doing? To tell them who you are! Are you nuts!" Fighter looked as if she wanted to beat the smaller young man but sparkling green eyes hold him back. Just like Maker.

"Really, that wasn't necessary." He sighed and walked over to Michiru. To help her and her daughter up. And to handle her a handkerchief. Even if their mission was in danger, that was no reason to be rude. Michiru only mumbled a small arigato and stepped nearer to her Haruka. Automatically she took the blonde's free hand and held it determinedly tight. Shortly they exchanged glances and Haruka only nodded. She was already feeling better.

Surely it only had been the shock of being hit by the youma.

"What will your girlfriend think about that?" argued Fighter and took her personal henshin aside. Soon Sejya stood next to Yaten and looked really rude. "What will your nice Setsuna think when she gets to know that her cute boyfriend is also a girl?"

Yaten blushed deeply and Haruka felt how he started to tremble.

Okay, that's enough!

The tall blonde wanted to say some rude words to the grinning pop singer as she heard the silent voice next to her.

"She already knows it."

"NANI?" Sejya's scream could be heard all over the beach. "She knows that you have both genders and still she's with you? What the hell is she for a per..."

"Think of what you're saying!" answered Yaten with a warning look and supported Haruka determinedly who didn't need so much help any longer. She already felt better and was grateful that nothing worse happened.

"We loved each other and that's all that counts. If you have any problems, then go!" Yaten's eyes sparkled. This time because of the tears. He grew up with Sejya and his behaviour hurt him somehow.

"Okay, guys, let's bring those two home before they get a cold and then we'll sit down and discuss it like civilized people. Okay?" suggested Maker and transformed into Tahiki.

"Civilized people?" asked Haruka with a wolfish grin on her face and looked over to a still blushed Sejya. Yaten calmed down and giggled while he guided her over to their car. There she sat down, took a still trembling Hotaru on her lap and cradled her carefully until the little girl calmed down. Until she fell asleep on her chest. Michiru sat next to her and only took her into her arms. Her face told Haruka that she was very relieved that everything was fine again. That they survived that attack. That they didn't awake of that wonderful dream they shared during the past weeks.

Normally the drive home only lasted five minutes. But the Three Lights needed over half an our to decide who was allowed to drive the car this time.

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"They're still discussing?"

Michiru yawned and rubbed her tired eyes. She remembered that she laid on the soft couch. Next to her Ruka. The tall blonde read a book about the wonder of birth while Michiru watched a romantic movie about a couple being separated over thousands of miles but never forgets each other. Hotaru had been already in her bed and some when after midnight Michiru fell asleep. Of course right before the happy ending.

Surely they got each other. It was an American movie after all.

"Hai." said Makoto and giggled as Kei stole her a roll. She was about to prepare something to eat for the people sitting in one of the guest rooms and talking for hours. There were only six persons but they talked and talked and talked. The Three Lights, Usagi, Mamoru and Setsuna discussed sometimes quietly, sometimes loudly about their missions, their pasts and their tasks.

"Surely Usagi will save the boys from killing each other." Answered Makoto and shrugged her shoulders. Of course she was interested, too, what they would decide, but six persons were almost too much for such an important meeting. And she trusted her future queen completely. Just like Ami, Minako and Rei did.

"Did you see Haruka somewhere?" yawned Michiru and felt very tired with a sudden. Her back hurt and all she wanted was to lay down and let Haruka massage her shoulders.

"Your beloved car racer went upstairs to take a bath." Teased Kei and put the other half of the roll into his mouth, too. Makoto only rolled her eyes, but giggled again. "That was about an hour ago. She had a book in her hand. Guess it'll take a little bit longer."

"A book? Do you mean she's still reading Wonder of birth ?" asked Makoto surprised and opened the fridge to get the butter. As she turned around another roll was missing.

"Sometimes I think she's the one getting the child, not you, princess." Teased Kei and walked over to her. He took the roll secretly into his pocket and stroke carefully over her grown belly. "How are you feeling, princess? Can I do anything for you?"

"She has her Haruka! And you already promised me to make the rolls and the coffee." Said Makoto and looked suddenly very busy.

"Of course I'll help you, my Mako-chan." Giggled Kei and messed brown hairs.

Mako-chan?

For a moment Michiru watched them in silence. How they teased each other around. With red cheeks. With sparkling eyes. With a tender smile on their faces.

Are they really...?

The sea goddess yawned again and wrapped her arms around her suddenly freezing body.

Maybe not now. But I am happy if they'll ever discover their love for each other.

"No, everything's fine. Arigato, Kei."

"Are you sure?" Now it was the thunder senshi who looked concerned.

"Hai, everything's alright. And now, make your rolls that they won't eat each other." Michiru giggled and went over to the corridor. Supporting her belly with both hands. "I'll be upstairs to find someone who wants a walrus like me." She giggled and heard how Makoto and Kei chased each other through the whole kitchen and the near living room. Just like two children. Or two teenagers in love. Their first real love.

Walrus... hai, that's the real expression!

Michiru sighed deeply. Then she climbed the steps of the staircase. Although Haruka wanted them to sleep in one of the guest rooms downstairs Michiru intended to stay upstairs. There was the better light and she wanted to woke up in the morning with nothing above than pure glass.

I must have been made when I made that decision!

Michiru groaned slightly and sweat covered her face as she reached the top. Finally. After ten minutes.

New record, girlie!

She sighed again and walked over to their sleeping room. Haruka's clothes laid overall on the carpet and Michiru grinned as she saw them. Now it was Haruka's task to pick them up again after her bath. Because the sea senshi was too exhausted and her belly too big to pick them up by herself.

I can't even close my shoes properly.

The water was working. Steam came from the half open door and Michiru frowned. Didn't Kei tell her that Haruka went upstairs over almost an hour ago? Or did she read the book and forgot her bath?

That would be typical her.

Michiru smiled and walked slowly over to the bathroom. Still supporting her belly with her hands. Still yawning. Wishing herself a nice bath, too. And a soft mattress. And her lover's tender hands.

"Ruka?" Michiru giggled as she opened the door. "Do you really think that it's necessary to know everything about the human birth that they wrote..." The sea goddess's voice got more and more silent until it died away. There was no book and the tube was empty. The water ran down the white marble and right into the drain. The mirror were covered and the whole scene looked wrong.

"Ruka?"

Her lover kneeled there. On the white carpet. Right in front of the tube. She only wore her yellow bathrobe. Her naked body trembled under it. Surely icy hands hold a grown belly tight.

"Ruka!"

Michiru was by her lover's side within the next second. She gasped hard for breath as she saw how Haruka tried to get on her feet. How blood ran over her legs and covered the white carpet with a small red lake. Dark green eyes were wide and full of fear.

"RUKA!" Michiru grabbed her as the tall blonde stumbled and went on her knees again. She choked and groaned slightly.

"Michi-chan..." it was nothing more than a whimper. It remembered Michiru of a scene she experienced just half a year ago. In a small apartment. A scene she thought she would never have to live again.

No!

NO!

"Ruka! What's up! Ruka! Tell me what's wrong! Ruka!"

The tall blonde was very pale and seemed to faint the next moment. She raised her head again and blonde strands fell into a sweaty forehead. Bloody hands held her belly tighter and she trembled even more.

"Help me, Michi-chan..." whispered Haruka and felt her lover's arms being wrapped around her shoulders. Felt the grown belly against her aching body. "It hurts so much..."

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She opened her eyes and looked expressionless at the white ceiling.

Again that bloody ceiling!

She had seen it for too many times in her young life. And she was fed up with it. She never wanted to see it again. She never wanted to return. She never wanted to experience this hell again. And now she was laying there. Simply there. Without the slightest chance of escape.

Shit!

She could hardly remember how she got here. First she had kneeled on that soft carpet and thought that the world was going to end. The pain was incredible and she thought she would die. Then there had been the high, the strange noise outside. And suddenly the small room had been filled with people. Different people. In white coats. They all talked friendly to her and gave her some medicine. Connected her to a drip. Carried her away.

Michi-chan!

Haruka wanted to sit up. To leave this bed. To walk over to the nurses and to ask for her lover. She remembered too well the sea goddess's pale face, the frightened expression on her face as they rolled her away to the ambulance. The drive hadn't been too long and Haruka was sure that the driver did a very good job. It was just a few seconds that they carried her into that room and connected more drips to her aching arms she only wanted to wrap around her suddenly grown belly.

Surely it hurts.

But somehow she couldn't feel any pain right now. Only a dizzy feeling in her head and a strange knocking inside her belly.

Surely they gave me some pain killers.

Haruka sighed deeply as the door was pushed again open. Energetically.

Again...

"Tenô-san!" Dr. Taka breathed deeply and looked directly into dark green eyes. Looking terrified up to her. Then she pulled the white blanket and the bathrobe the tall blonde was still wearing aside and gasped hard for breath. Haruka only closed her eyes and did what she didn't do during a long time: She started to pray.

Please, let everything be fine. Please!

But the silence that evolved told her something different.

"What happened?" asked Dr. Taka in a strange calm voice and stroke over the grown belly. Haruka looked now like she had looked shortly before her operation. Even worse.

"You wouldn't believe me." Said Haruka and wanted to scream as the pain flashed suddenly again through her belly. She turned her head and saw how Dr. Taka felt her belly and made a very, very serious face. More and more pain filled her world and Haruka laid her head again on the pillow. Suddenly she felt simply tired and exhausted.

Please, let me live. I wanna see Michi-chan and Himme-chan happy. And the little one...

"What happened, Tenô-san!" demanded the older woman and her voice was suddenly sharp. "I need to know all information for the operation!"

Operation?

Haruka gasped hard for breath and wanted to sit up. It took her all her powers and suddenly the whole world spun around herself.

"Someone kicked me right into my belly." Gasped Haruka and looked down at her body. Saw the old scar that was still very red. Of an operation she almost died of just half a year ago.

No... Michi-chan...

"Kicked..." gasped Dr. Taka and hold her tight as she couldn't control her body any longer. As she simply fell and almost fell out of the bed. "Kicked?" The older woman stroke through blonde strands and looked into a very pale, very painful face.

"Accident..." whispered Haruka and choked. Suddenly blood was running down her chin and Dr. Taka gasped again hard for breath. She pushed the rest of the blanket aside and saw that the whole bed was red. From the blood. That still ran down her patient's legs.

"Don't worry, Ruka. Everything will be fine." She said and held the young woman tighter who fainted with a singe whisper.

"Michi-chan..."

Shit! Who can do such things to her? To an innocent woman?

Who?

"We need to operate! Right now!" screamed Dr. Taka and suddenly the room was full with people. The older doctor grabbed a nurse and looked with wild eyes at her. "And we need a fucking big amount of blood!"

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It rained outside. The drops were crashing against the window pane. Automatically she wrapped her arms around her body and tried to control the shaking . She tried it in vain.

It was dark outside. There were only some street lamps shinning. And the lamps in the waiting room. She could see her pale face looking back at her. With terrified eyes. With a tired expression.

Not again. Please, not again!

Michiru sobbed quietly and two tears ran down her sunken cheeks.

There was again the well known feeling inside her huge belly. The child moved slightly.

OUR child...

She sobbed even harder and held her belly tighter. Ignoring the growing pain. Inside her body. But she couldn't ignore the pain in her heart.

Please, not again. I can't stand this all again.

Helpless Michiru had to watch how they brought Haruka to the ambulance. How it drove away. With all lights and all noises. Simply driving away and taking her the most important person in her life. Makoto volunteered to take care for Hotaru while Kei and Yuri drove her to hospital. Yuri was walking around the hospital like a ghost and Kei drank one coffee after another.

I am feeling so damn helpless!

Michiru cursed herself and more tears sparkled in her eyes, ran over her pale cheeks. Again she remembered how happy she had been just a few hours ago.

Just a few hours? Can luck be over? So quickly? So suddenly?

Again she remembered how Haruka went on her knees in Notre Dame to ask her to become her wife. Again she saw how happy Haruka had been on the Tour d'Eiffel. How she was on the roundabout with Himme-chan. How they stood on the d'Arc Triumphe on New Year and felt the first motions of their child.

It can't be over. Not so soon. Not now!

Michiru lowered her head and stared at her grown belly. She knew that there was no chance this time. This time she couldn't go into Haruka's dreamland to take her back. This time Sailor Moon wouldn't be able to safe them if Michiru would die there. This time everything would be real. And final...

"Princess?" she felt how her brother took her into his strong arms. But this time his embracement couldn't calm her down. As it had done all those time in her childhood. Although he was there she felt suddenly all alone. Left behind.

"They started to operate ten minutes ago." Whispered Kei and swallowed hard. "The nurse told me that Dr. Taka-san does everything to save her."

That bloody youma!

But Ruka told me that she's feeling fine...

The sea senshi saw again all the blood on the carpet, saw again Haruka's painful expression. Saw again how Dr. Taka ran through the whole corridor just a few minutes ago. How she shouted around angrily.

Please...

Michiru covered her face with her icy hands and started desperately to sob.

And Ruka's illness?

"Everything will be fine, Michi-chan. Just believe in us, okay?" Kei held her tighter and tried to comfort her. Although he knew that it was senseless this time. All they could do know was to wait and hope.  
And pray that Dr. Taka really had the power to help her.

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Shit!

There was blood. Only blood. A red hell. All she could see was the red fluid that seemed to be everywhere.

Shit!

Dr. Taka stared for some seconds in disbelieve at her patient. One second ago she opened the belly, opened the old scar again. Now she stood there, holding her surgical instruments tight in her hands and looking with big eyes in disbelieve at the damage. The belly was filled with blood and she couldn't see any organs any longer. It all seemed to be only one mash. A red, ugly mash. A deadly mash...

Shit!

"That's too much. The drip's too slowly to..."

"We need..."

"More..."

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Dr. Taka blinked and tried to concentrate again on her work. The nurses and the other doctors were all around. They tried to get away the blood from the belly and to push new into the veins of the arms. But it was senseless and she knew it. It was already too late.

NO!

Dr. Taka took her scalpel tighter in her hands and bowed again over the battlefield. Still she only saw blood and more blood. It seemed to fill the whole belly and slowly and dirtied their green blankets. Now she had to do what she tried to hinder in the first operation. To take Haruka any chance to have her own children one day.

If she'll awake again after the anaesthesia.

Dr. Taka gulped and tried to do the next important cut.

If she'll survive this operation...

The older woman worked quickly and professional while she tried to ignore the signs. They couldn't stop the bleeding and all tries to get away the red fluid from the open belly failed.

She'll bleed to death...

Suddenly Dr. Taka felt incredible angry about the person who dared it to kick her patient into the belly. A tall woman who survived a dangerous operation just half a year ago. Very tight. Who woke up after two months in coma and was a miracle for the whole hospital. Who had a pregnant girlfriend and a little daughter who needed her. Who simply wasn't allowed to go. Not yet!

Shit!

"I can't find the..."

"There's too much blood!"

"I want..."

"But..."

They all tried their best. They all knew that it was in vein. But they would have never given up. Not until...

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Beep...

Shit!

Dr. Taka raised her head and looked terrified at the screen. Knowing that she had lost.

Shit!

Beep...

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The didn't change during the months. It was the same beautiful. The same quiet. The same calming.

I love this place.

She walked along the sand and felt the sun burning on her face. She raised her head and smiled.

But I won't stay here. Not this time.

"Haru-chan!" She winced as someone jumped into her arms. A wide smile bloomed on her face as she saw the little boy. His blonde hairs were messed and his face was dirty. He hold a ball in his arms and showed it to her.

"Do you wanna play?"

She held him tight for some seconds and felt how tears burned in her eyes. The same green eyes like his ones.

I love you so much.

She wanted to cry it out loud. She didn't want to leave him. She wanted to stay with him forever. Her little brother she missed her whole life. But she knew that it was impossible. She didn't belong here. In heaven. Not yet.

"Do you wanna play with me?"

"I want, Shinji. But not now." Explained Haruka and put him carefully down again on the ground. But she simply couldn't let him go. She kneeled down before him in the soft sand and took him again into her arms to hold him tight. "I love you, don't you know?" she sobbed and now the tears were running down her cheeks.

"Hai." giggled the boy and stroke over her cheeks. To wipe away her tears.

"But I can't stay here with you. Not now."

I love you, my little brother!

Suddenly the boy looked very serious and nodded silently.

"I know." He whispered, still holding his ball tight. "You belong to Michiru and the child." He whispered and smiled again.

"We're only angels, but you have the chance to be a real human, Haru-chan."

Haruka winced wildly as soft arms were wrapped around her body. She looked up and saw directly into shinning green eyes. Her mother held her tighter and kissed loving her cheeks.

"Mommy..." cried Haruka and remembered her childhood. How that wonderful woman had laid in the big bed. How she had been so pale and so lifeless. And how much she had loved her. "I... please..." More and more tears ran down her cheeks. The pain was almost unbearable and she wanted never to let go. But the same time she wanted to stand up and to return. To her Michi-chan. To her Himme-chan. To the little one.

I want so badly to live.

"You will love, my darling. Just believe in yourself." Her mother wiped tenderly away her tears and smiled loving down at her daughter. "Don't cry, honey. We're in heaven. And tears aren't necessary here." She kissed lightly on shaking lips and Haruka knew that she would never forget this kiss. Never.

I love you. You're my family.

But Michi-chan's also my family...

Haruka watched how her mother took her brother into her arms and went over to her father. They all smiled friendly and understanding. And a little bit proud.

"We love you, Haru-chan. Never forget that. Never!" said her father and embraced her mother. Shinji laughed and threw the ball high into the air and caught it again. They looked like the perfect family. A family Haruka wanted so badly to have, too.

With my Michi-chan...

"We'll always watch over you. As long as you live, Haru-chan, we're near you. We'll never leave you alone, because we're angels." Smiled her mother and stroke through Shinji's blonde strands. "We're you're guardian angel's, Haru-chan. Yours and the ones of your family."

Haruka came hard on her feet and wiped away her tears. Then she nodded and felt again the pain deep inside her heart. It was so easy. She only had to go over to them. To embrace them. To go with them over to the mountains and to stay there. With the family she lost over fifteen years ago.

Daddy! Look! 

Wanna fly, daddy! 

Again Haruka saw the little girl in her arms, felt tiny hands grabbing for her blonde strands and sitting not very patient on her shoulders.

I am feeling like a walrus, Ruka. 

Don't laugh, Ruka! That's not fair! 

What's wrong with chocolate ice cream and ham? That's delicious... YOU don't have to eat it! 

Haruka gulped and saw again her lover sitting next to her. Smiling at her. Embracing her.

I love you, Ruka. 

Kissing her.

I love you, too, Michi-chan.

Haruka sighed deeply and looked towards the wild sea. She could see the shadow standing in the flat water. Stretching her hand out. The tall blonde recognized the sailor fuku and knew that there was no time left for her. To be together with her parents. To tell them how much she loved them. To tell them that she was thankful that they decided for her over twenty years ago. That they gave her her life.

I love you.

But she knew that she had to use her chance to say goodbye.

"I have to go now." She whispered and felt again those tears burning in her eyes. Knowing that the pain would never disappear at all. But it would be more bearable. Now that she knew that her parents were safe. That they were happy. That they were together with Shinji.

"... guess it's time to say goodbye."

"Not to say goodbye. Not forever." Grinned Shinji. "You wanted to play with me, remember?" he threw again the ball and grinned even cheekier.

"We'll wait for you, honey. A lifetime isn't more than a week here." Said her father and Haruka nodded. There was a big gulp in her throat and there weren't any thoughts left she could tell them.

"Just go."

Haruka looked for another moment in her mother's smiling face. Then she smiled back and wiped again away her tears.

"Arigato, mommy." She whispered and turned around. And took the warm hand that would lead her home.

Home.

To her Michi-chan.

dbdbdb

Beep...

Shit!

Dr. Taka tried to operate while the first nurses already gave up. They looked with sad eyes at the machines, the flat line and their doctor.

Shit!

NO!

More and more blood poured out of the fragile body that stopped to breath some seconds ago. Or had it been minutes? It seemed to be eternity for Dr. Taka who simply didn't want to give up. Because giving up would have meant to let the tall blonde died. And that would have meant to look into sad blue eyes. To tell a pregnant young woman that her girlfriend didn't survive the operation.

Dr. Taka would have rather killed herself than facing Kaioh Michiru. Not after they had been able to wake up the formula one racer after she laid over two months in coma. After everyone gave her up and simply let the expensive machines do its job.

It had been a miracle.

Dr. Taka looked at all the blood that now covered her transparent gloves as well. It was impossible for her to operate or even to stop the bleeding.

Beep...

Just a miracle. All I ask for is one bloody miracle!

Dr. Taka swore loudly and all the nurses froze. Unsure what to do. Unsure if they should carry on. To take care for an already dead woman.

I can't let her die like that. Please, just this miracle!

Be...

Suddenly time seemed to stop. All noises died away. The air seemed to stand and even the light didn't flicker any longer. There was nothing around. Not even the slightest breeze. Not even the quietest cough. Not even a single scent. Of blood. Of sweat. Of fear. Nothing. Not even silence.

Nani?

Dr. Taka raised her head as she saw the bright light. She blinked and watched in silence the shadow stepping nearer. She wore a strange uniform. Just like the uniform Dr. Taka's daughter had to wore at school. Shinning eyes looked for some seconds at her, then the shadow smiled. She walked over to the pale blonde and stroke loving through messed strands. Then she bowed over the fragile body and disappeared within the next moment.

Nani?

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Nani?

For some seconds Dr. Taka stood there like in trance. She stared at her patient, but the shadow was gone. Just like the light.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

No more flat line?

Dr. Taka lowered her look and gasped hard for breath as she saw that all the blood disappeared. It simply disappeared into nowhere. For some seconds the woman hesitated. Then she started again to work. She had seen the damaged veins and now she knew what she had to do to save the tall blonde's life.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

A miracle...

Tears sparkled in her eyes while the nurses did their job.

Arigato.

dbdbdb

She felt terrible. Her whole body trembled and the pain was almost more than she could bare. She felt sick and choked a lot the past two hours. More than once she went to toilette and threw up. Until her stomach was empty. Until there was nothing left she could have thrown up. Kei was by her side and tried to help her. But he was the same weak and helpless as she.

Please...

Tears burned in her blue eyes and she hold her belly tighter as the door was opened. The door that closed about three hours ago behind her lover.

Please, let her live!

Michiru choked again and almost fell on the ground as she saw how Dr. Taka went over to them. She looked exhausted and tired. Her white dress was covered with a red fluid. With blood.

Ruka's blood...

Kei held her tight and she took a deep breath. Silently she shook her head and he let her hesitantly go. To be there if she needed him. Again.

For some seconds that seemed to be last longer than eternity Dr. Taka looked into terrified blue eyes. Michiru held her breath. Not able to ask. Not able to scream. Not even able to whimper.

"And, Dr. Taka-san? How is Haru-chan doing?" asked Yuri who was able to break the silence that evolved between them.

Dr. Taka took a deep breath and smiled a tiny smile. But it was the most beautiful smile Michiru had ever seen in her whole life.

"She'll never be able to give birth of her own child, Tenô-san." Shortly Dr. Taka glanced at Michiru's grown belly and knew that this wasn't important any longer. The both women already full filled their dream of their own child and the older woman remembered too well the love she had seen in green eyes whenever Haruka looked at a little girl with dark hairs.

"We could stop the bleeding and repair what the accident damaged. She'll has to stay for a long time in bed and this time I won't let her out earlier - alike how much she or you..." she pointed at Michiru with a tender smile on her face "... will beg me. This time she won't leave the hospital until she isn't fully recovered."

Kei took a deep breath and sighed relieved.

"She didn't fall into coma like the last time?" asked Yuri who wanted to be sure. She kneaded her handbag and looked really nervous.

"No. Still the anaesthesia works and she'll sleep until tomorrow and wake up with a really bad head ache, but we controlled her and all she's doing now is sleeping. And recovering." Dr. Taka smiled and walked over to Michiru. The pregnant woman only stood there, holding her belly and watching her with big eyes. It didn't look as if she really understood what was going on.

"She's a real miracle, Kaioh-san. Take care of her."

"She's alive?" Michiru's voice was nothing but a whisper and slowly, very slowly she seemed to wake up from her personal nightmares. "My Ruka's still alive?"

"Hai, she is." Smiled Dr. Taka. "There're some things she won't ever be able to do again, just like racing with her formula one car, but she'll live. And if she'll take care of herself she can get a hundred years old."

She's alive.

Ruka will live.

She'll grow old with me.

She'll raise Himme-chan, too.

I won't be alone the rest of my life.

I'll be happy again.

There's still a chance of a future - together.

Michiru looked down at her grown belly, feeling again the pain in her body. She gasped hard for breath and groaned as it grew.

She'll be able to see and to love the little one...

With a slight slob Michiru fainted.

dbdbdb

Different nurses ran through the small room. She felt the soft underground, heard excited voices around her. The pain increased inside her belly and she groaned again. Someone was taking her hand and stroking over her shaking fingers.

"Princess?"

She turned her head and looked into big dark eyes. Her brother was very pale and looked very concerned although he tried desperately to hide it.

"K..." It was hard for her to speak. "Kei..." she bit on her lower lip as a nurse gave her an injection.

What's going on?

She gulped and felt how Kei stroke her sweaty strands out of her forehead.

"Soon you'll be a mother, princess." Whispered Kei and kept stroking. "You have your labour pains again and this time they can't stop them. The little one didn't turn around yet and so they have to do a caesarean."

More stroking.

Caesarean? No! That's three weeks too early!

Michiru wanted to get up. To walk away.

Where's Ruka?

To search for her lover and to find her. She had imagined the birth of their child in another way. She wanted to experience it. To feel how a new life would be born. With her Ruka by her side. And now she wouldn't experience anything at all.

No, please, not...

But she was too tired, too exhausted to get up. To escape. To run away.

"But don't worry, princess. Everything will be fine." He smiled and stroke again through her strands. Michiru nodded. Suddenly very sleepy. She wondered what the nurse gave her but she couldn't ask. Couldn't move any longer. Couldn't do than laying here and waiting helplessly for her destiny to happen.

"Everything will be fine with you and with the baby." Smiled Kei and looked suddenly even paler. "It's a strong baby from a strong mama."

Michiru smiled sadly and closed her eyes. Her eyelids were suddenly very heavy and all she wanted was to sleep. Just to sleep and to wake up in a better world. To wake up from this horrible nightmare she simply couldn't believe any longer.

"I'll be here, princess. Just as I promised you a long time ago. Can you remember, princess? I'll never leave you nor your family. As long as I live." The soft voice accompanied her while she sank deeper into her dreamless sleep. Into the darkness she couldn't bright up again. Not by her own.

"Let's say hello to your child, princess..."

Hello.

Child.

Princess.

Michiru smiled as the medicine started to work and the sleep overtook her.

I only wanted to have a family. With my Ruka...

dbdbdb

Big tears were streaming down a redden cheek. Blonde hairs covered the back and the girl simply sat down as the nurse walked away.

"Michiru's child..." sobbed Usagi, not knowing why exactly she cried.

Maybe Rei's right and I am a real baka.

"Haruka's child..." now she had to cry even harder. She felt how her boyfriend took her into her arms and rocked her gently. He understood his girlfriend's feelings. They all had felt the same fear. Until now.

"Let's call the other up." He whispered and squeezed her loving. "And tell them that we have one more senshi in our big family."

The future queen of crystal Tokyo only nodded.

dbdbdb

White curtains covered the windows. But she knew that it was light day outside. She didn't know why but she knew it. And she knew that she slept the whole last night.

No, not the whole...

Slowly her memories returned and she wanted to sit up. To leave the soft bed she was laying in. To run out of the small hospital room she didn't seem to have to share with someone else. To ask the nurses where her Ruka laid. To visit the wind senshi. To tell her how much she loved her. To tell her that they really got a second chance.

But she couldn't jump out of the bed. She couldn't even sit up. Her whole body hurt and her head seemed to be an exploding bomb. She was very hot and thirsty. And she wanted to talk to someone.

Ruka...

"Princess?"

The voice was happy. Michiru could hear her brother smiling before she turned her head and looked at him. "Kei?"

"I am so proud of you, princess." He stammered and took her left hand again in his ones and held it tight. Tears burned in his eyes, too. Suddenly Michiru was grateful to have such a brother. Even if that had meant to walk through hell in their childhood. It had been worth. He had been worth all this pain.

"I am so damn proud of you..." now tears ran down his cheeks and he wiped them away with his free hand as if he was ashamed of them. "So proud..."

"Is my child okay?"

Child... still I don't know if we have a daughter or a son.

"Hai." whispered Kei with a slight sob. "Healthy and beautiful. The most beautiful child I've ever seen, princess. You child."

Our child...

"And Ruka?"

"She's still sleeping. But she's okay, too. Dr. Taka is very confident."

She'll live.

Michiru smiled happily and closed her eyes. To open them again as she heard the soft voice from the other side of the bed. Yuri's voice.

"Michiru?"

She turned her head and looked at the woman who was the mother she always wanted to have. Looked into blue eyes and saw the tender smile on a grandmother's face. Stared at the bundle she hold in her tender arms. Michiru's mouth was now even drier and she felt how tears burned in her blue eyes.

"Auntie..." Michiru wanted to ask so many things at once. Her thoughts spun around but all she could do was to observe Yuri with big eyes. To watch how the woman put the tiny blanket away and showed her the tiny child. The most beautiful child Michiru had ever seen before.

Our child...

Fluffy blonde hairs covered a tiny head. But they weren't as bright as Haruka's. They were darker at the ends and some strands were unambiguous red.

Red? Just like Yuri's hairs? Just like Haruka's father's hairs?

Michiru gulped and stretched her arms automatically towards the baby. Still one arm was connected to a drip but she didn't see it. All she saw was their child. Her little one.

She gulped again and tears simply streamed over her face as she felt the warm bundle being carefully put into her trembling arms. Michiru stroke over the tiny face, counted the fingers.

Ten.

Counted the ears.

Two.

She couldn't take an eye from the little child. It was small and it came a little bit to early to the world. But it looked strong and it was a little fighter.

Just like its daddy...

Michiru leaned forwards and kissed a tiny forehead. The baby smelled so nice, so sweet. She never wanted to let it go again.

I love you, little one.

At that moment it opened its eyes a little bit and looked tiredly at her. Deep blue eyes blinked, then it settled again into sleep after it yawned. It was the cutest picture Michiru could ever imagine. She only held the little child tight and simply felt happy.

"Do you already know what it is, Michiru?" asked Yuri and giggled as she looked into startled blue eyes.

No, she didn't care about the gender. She only wanted a healthy child.

"It's a little girl, Michiru. Haru-chan and you have a little baby girl. And Hotaru-chan has a little baby sister." Said Yuri and stroke through sea green strands.

"And I am the happiest granny one can imagine."

Michiru lowered her head and watched again the sleeping child for a long time. Suddenly the pain that was still inside her belly didn't matter any longer. Suddenly it wasn't any important to her that she laid in hospital and that she would spend her next days and nights here. Suddenly everything else was less important to her. All that counted was this child. And the knowledge that it would grow up in its family. With mommy, daddy and crazy bigger sister.

A girl.

Michiru kissed the little baby again and giggled as she frowned disturbed.

My daughter.

She took the tiny hand into her own one and hold it tight. Counted again and again the fingers. Wondering that they were really so tiny. Wondering that this beautiful being had really been inside her belly. Growing with all the love she could give her.

Our daughter...

Michiru leaned back on the bed and felt her daughter by her side. Satisfied she closed her eyes. Satisfied and still very tired.

We all love you, little one. Don't you know?

Michiru smiled as she felt how tiny hands squeezed automatically her big one. It was a very weak, a very slight touch but it was the most gentlest touch the sea senshi had ever felt in her whole life.

Hai, you know it, little one.

dbdbdb

Her green eyes sparkled while she watched the tiny girl in her arms. Not as strong as they had been just a few weeks ago but the doctor told her that she would regain most of her strength again.

Little devil.

She smiled and rocked the baby gently.

You're so tiny and you already hold my heart in your tiny hands.

"Wanna see her, too!" demanded Hotaru and climbed on the bed next to her daddy. A grin grew on her little face while she looked down at her sister. "Love sis." She declared and her innocent words expressed what they all felt.

Still Haruka had to lay in bed. Even three weeks after the operation. They were less people allowed to visit her. Mostly only her family and maybe Kei or Makoto. But the rest, especially Minako, weren't allowed to visit her yet. Dr. Taka was very strict this time. She knew that a third miracle wouldn't happen and this time she wanted to be really sure that her patient was recovered. Still they did some tests because they feared that Haruka's heart got some damage while she almost died during the operation. Still they weren't sure and even if Haruka had to take medicine for the rest of her life, even if she had to take care of herself and to avoid stress and hectic, she knew that it was worth it. Life was worth it. Her family was worth it. To give up her sport and her formula one races. To lead a calmer life. To give up being Sailor Uranus - or at least to give up fighting against youmas.

There were more important things in her life now.

Haruka played with her daughter's hands and felt how Hotaru simply embraced her right arm and held it tight. The little girl had been very concerned. Although she was only eighteen months old she understood what it meant to be a bigger sister. And she knew what it meant that her daddy wasn't at home. That she was at hospital. For nights she had terrible nightmares but her mommy could calm her down. She brought her with her to the hospital and as Hotaru could see that her daddy was fine and that she would return home soon, she felt better. The nightmares disappeared and Hotaru enjoyed it more and more with every day to be a big sister.

Michiru sat down on the other side of the bed and kissed her fiancée on the left cheek. Shortly they exchanged glances and smiled tenderly at each other.

I love you.

I love you, too.

They didn't need to say it loud. They knew what the other one thought.

"Setsuna's still so crazy?" asked Haruka and smiled as she heard Michiru's happy giggle. The sea goddess was allowed to leave the hospital three days ago - together with her new born daughter. Since that day the girls returned from school to look after her - and the little girl. Hotaru was happy, because each time she got a little gift, too. She never got so many gifts in so less time. Setsuna was the worst of them all. She bought even more baby clothes and even a baby phone. And she already signed in for baby sitting in the case that Haruka was out of hospital and they wanted to go out. Yaten only grinned and took his girlfriend in his arms. He knew what it would be like when Setsuna would be a mother one day. Somehow he seemed to like her that way a lot.

"Not as crazy as Minako." Michiru giggled again and stroke over fluffy blonde hairs. The next moment Hotaru climbed over the pillow and laid the next moment in her arms. Michiru smiled tenderly at her older daughter and started to stroke her dark hairs, too. "Yesterday she discovered what the ring I wear really means. Now she's already planning our wedding, Ruka."

Haruka groaned and looked to the ceiling. Knowing that there was no supernatural power to help them. But the smile on her face betrayed her feelings.

"Did she already order the food?" she asked and laughed as she heard Michiru's answer.

"Hai. And the flowers. But I told them that I want to wait to buy the wedding dress before you aren't out of the hospital."

"Hai, hope that's soon. It's boring here." Haruka cradled her new born daughter and made some silly faces. The little girl didn't understand them but she started to laugh as Michiru and Hotaru giggled.

Last week Yuri insisted of doing some tests with the little girl, too. First Michiru had been very afraid. She had known what the tests meant. What if had meant for her and Haruka if they had been positive. But they had been positive. The little girl didn't inherited the bad illness that almost cost Haruka's life. Not only once.

The little child obviously got those genes from her mother. She was healthy and although she was only three weeks old she had the ability to get what she wanted. Just with a wink with her blue eyes and everyone was crazy about her. Just as they all already were crazy about Hotaru.

Guess it'll be hard for Chibiusa when she'll be born again. Especially with Usagi as mother.

It was now dawn and surely they all already sat at the light house by the sea and waited impatiently to come home. Kei would drive her home. He wanted to come in about an hour. Enough time for her to spend some time on her own with her lover. And some time for Usagi and the others to do their homework before they would continue to play the best role of their lives: Being aunts.

Michiru giggled again and leaned over to her lover to kiss her again. Deep they looked each other into the eyes and simply felt happy.

The past year seemed to fade away. Like a nightmare. All that would remain was a bitter sweet aftertaste. Until it would be gone one day, too.

Haruka watch her daughters sleeping for a long time. The little girl slept in her arms, Hotaru fell asleep in Michiru's. They both looked cute and the tall blonde loved them with all her heart. Suddenly she didn't know how she ever got the strange idea to leave them. Simply to give up and to give in her illness. To run away and not to stay. Not to fight. For them every fight was worth it. Whatever happened, they were worth every fight, every battle, every nightmare.

"My family..." whispered Haruka and kissed redden cheeks. Michiru smiled tenderly and messed Haruka's blonde hairs. Again she remembered her sad childhood. How desperate she had been when her mother yelled at her that she didn't love her. That she never wanted her. That it would have been better for her to die. Again Michiru saw the knife in her mother's hands and knew that this time was over. Forever. Now she had her Ruka. And their daughters. Kei was happy and the longer Makoto teased him around Michiru was sure that he would stay in Tokyo. That he would finish school, find a job and one day to live together with the funny, always laughing and brilliant cook.

"Hai. Our family."

dbdbdb

This night three stars sparkled brighter than ever in an endless heaven.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	11. Epilogue: Stay with me

**Epilogue: Stay with me**

The place around the Arc d'Eiffel was crowded. There were thousands of people standing around singing or humming to well known songs. Yelling to a singer and musician they all liked a lot. The people came from everywhere. Not only from France. But also from Germany, Italy, England, America, Australia. Even from Japan. To see one of their most favourite musicians. A musician they thought would give up the music forever. It was now over a year ago that she gave her last concert. That she sung a very strange, a very loud and raging song and simply said goodbye. Simply walked away and left her fans all alone.

But now she returned. With a new album. With new songs. With happy songs. About eternal love. And about the joys of being mother. Of course they all knew about the little girl she gave birth to in February. Cute pictures covered the magazines and the newspapers all around the world. And shortly after the birth she wrote her first song of her new album. The most favourite song she ever wrote. About eternal love. About a person who loves another person as much that she would never let her go.

This concert was one of her few concerts. First she wanted to wait for another year. That her daughter would be older and she would have regained more strength again after the complicate birth. But Paris was a special place for her and the magazines already assumed that there would be soon a wedding. In Paris. In Notre Dame. Probably with Tenô Haruka. The father of the cute child.

" If this world is wearing thin

And you're thinking of escape "

The fans yelled as they recognized their most favourite song. They all knew it by heart. But as the singer sang on they all silenced and simply listened to her. That song was something special for her and they all knew it somehow.

" I'll go anywhere with you

I'll do anything it takes

But if you try to go alone

Don't think I'll understand "

She stood there at the rim, the micro in her hands. Her expensive violin laid on the ground that was covered with a soft carpet. She was barefoot, as always. Warm summer wind played with her shoulder long green hairs and the dark blue dress she was wearing. Her eyes were closed and a tender smile laid on her redden face.

Most of her songs were written for a violin. But this one was written for a piano. It stood behind her on the old building of Paris. A person sat behind the black instrument and her fingers flew over the keys as if it was the easiest things she had ever done. As if she was born to play that song. Here. With her love.

" Stay with me, stay with me."

The fans yelled again as they heard the piano play. As they saw on the big screens which hang all along the Champs Elysée Tenô Haruka in her white tuxedo. The world of motor sport had been very disappointed that she gave up her career as a formula one racer. That she simply declared that winning the world's championship for more than once was enough. That other tasks waited for her. That she still wanted to help and to support young talents but that she didn't want to race by herself any longer.

" In the silence of your room

In the darkness of your schemes

You must only think of me

I'll visit all your dreams

When pride is on the floor

I'll make you beg for more

Stay with me, stay with me. "

There were some girls standing in the first row. A girl with blonde hairs had grabbed a girl with shoulder long hairs and danced around with her. The smaller girl blushed deeply but laughed, too. Two boys stood there with sunglasses and hoped that no one would recognize them. Just the third boy with silver hairs kissed his girlfriend and pointed up to the singing goddess. They whispered something and nodded agreeing. Another young man with dark hairs held a little girl with pink hairs on her shoulders. Another girl with two blonde plaids looked a little bit jealous but laughed as her boyfriend handled her a balloon she wanted so badly to have. A little girl with sparkling dark eyes waved up to the singer and laughed happily as the famous musician winked back. She sat on her uncle's shoulder and pulled this time at his hairs, not at her daddy's. A girl with a huge basket that contained sandwiches stood next to him. Holding his free hand determinedly tight.

They all looked up to the singer and enjoyed the show. Only a little girl slept deep and tight in her pram. She didn't hear the voice nor did she understand the words. But she felt that she was loved. Especially by her granny who cradled the pram and smiled tenderly up to her children.

" You'd better hope and pray

That you'll be safe

In your own world

You'd better hope and pray

That you're gonna awake

Back in your own world.

Stay with me, stay with me. "

The fans yelled even louder and big posters were hold up into the air. They showed the singer how much the people loved her. Her and her music. How much they liked to listen to her songs. And that they wanted to hear more. Much more.

The singer smiled and her sea green hairs sparkled in the bright sun light. The young woman in the white tuxedo left her piano and came over to her. She took her into her arms and the next moment the singer was holding a big bunch of white roses in her hands. Surprised she looked at the roses. Then at her lover. And smiled loving. The fans yelled even more and especially the girls in the first row used all their powers to congratulate them.

"You know I'll stay with you, Michi-chan." Whispered Haruka and simply couldn't let go of her fiancée. Although she knew that the concert wasn't over yet and that they wanted to celebrate some more songs. Michiru giggled and simply kissed her. Not caring any longer that thousands of people watched them. She loved her Ruka and the whole world should see their love.

"I know." She giggled. "And I am very happy."

End

Okay, guess there're some more disclaimers necessary.

The prayer the priest says in Notre Dame is the Latin version of "The Lord's Prayer". If you need the English or the German translation, just ask me. Or you can read it in the bible, Secundum Matthaeum, 6,9 - 6,13.

The song "Stay with me" belongs to Shakespears Sister. It had been the best song they ever wrote and since 1992 I was looking for a suitable situation and story. Guess I finally found it.

First of all, arigato for all people who really read all those pages. There're about 150 pages on my programme and I guess I freaked out a little bit. First I only wanted to write until the end of chapter four, but that would have been boring, wouldn't it? Without the Paris trip and the last shock of the operation and the little one's birth.

I simply couldn't stop writing and 150 pages are a personal record of a short story (a short story, not a book). Guess Adri-chan, you're right. Now it's not a short story any longer, but a novelette. Whatever that is, it sounds nice. And it is a shorter novel by now -.

I know that the topic is a very serious one but winter is a time when I am a little bit depressed. It's earlier dark outside, it's cold and mostly all people are really crazy around Christmas. I discovered "Temple of love" again and while listening to the lyric the story simply evolved in my mind.

I thought a lot about this topic before I started this story and it took me about three months to write it down. Not only because I had less time.

I am not a doctor and I can't name the illness I describe in my story. I never had a real dangerous illness (only once as child but that doesn't count, I was too small to see that I could have died that night) and I have no idea how I would react if I were Michiru. The story simply didn't get out of my head again and so I simply wrote it down.

Arigato again for reading all this stuff. That makes me happy.

April Eagle

18th January. – 07th July.2001


End file.
